I apologize for my long absence, but I have been in what I scientifically refer to as a "science coma" after scientifically opening a door into my face accidentally. But now I return with more penetrating studies of the rich and famous! Yes!
This time, I have turned my eyes toward some of the most famous musicians in the world: Elvis Presley and Justin Timberlake. You can find some fantastic Elvis and Justin-inspired items in the Cash Shop, including Elvis's guitar and Justin's legendary fedora.
Rule the club with Justin Timberlake gear!
To claim these wonders for yourself, please visit my humble office.
Or continue reading onward for my full Celebrity Snare field report, coming up in the next post!
Subject A: Elvis Presley (and Justin Timberlake)
Elvis Presley is the most famous entertainer of all time, and is therefore a perfect subject for study. Unlike many of the celebrities I have stalked-- er, studied, Elvis was an easy man to find. Elvis is everywhere: in books and magazines, on TV and radio and all over the internet. Also, his house, Graceland in Memphis, is open to the public, so I didn't even have to bring my special "invitation kit" with the lockpicks and little hammers and whatnot.
Onward to Graceland! I shall meet the king and possibly take his stuff. My full report follows:
- 3:00 AM: After six days lost in the hostile Memphis deserts where I battled many poisonous asps and wicked sphinxes, the spirit of the king appears before me in a glimmering, jumpsuited rhinestone hallucination and kindly informs me that his palace is in Memphis, Tennessee, not Memphis, Ancient Egypt.
- 2:24 PM: After six more days lost in the hostile Memphis swamps where I battled many manatees and tapirs, the spirit of the king appears before me in a hovercraft and kindly informs me that there are shuttles that will take me directly to Graceland.
- 3:30 PM: I arrive! Before me are the gleaming white columns of the lost city of Graceland, home of the king of rock ‘n’ roll and his awe-inspiring collection of awards, cars, televisions and other spoils of his triumph in the world of entertainment. I am so enthralled with the lavishness that I accidentally open a door into my own face.
- 3:35 PM: My head still spinning, I step into The TV Room. The tour guide informs me that Elvis had three televisions and would watch them all at the same time. By my calculations, it would only have taken the king two hours of this revolutionary "info-triangulation" to become the smartest man in history.
- 3:40 PM: Though I've spend many years studying the fiercest animals in the most hostile jungles known to man, nothing could prepare me for the sheer sensory overload of the Jungle Room. I lay down on the floor to catch my bearings, but a ceramic monkey disturbs my interlude with a glassy, intimidating stare.
- 3:45 PM: I continue the tour along with other visitors who have made the ultimate rock ‘n’ roll pilgrimage. After witnessing the grandeur of Elvis’ unique, fashion-forward wardrobe, hearing some of his hit recordings and seeing in person the blinding brightness of his many gold records , I begin to feel faint, so overcome am I by the Rock ‘n’ Rollness... to steady my reeling mind, I carefully open a door into my face.
- 5:50 PM: I awake several hours later, back in the humid Memphis swamp. I swat the amorous tapir off my leg and attempt to regain my bearings-- what's this? Is that the rhinestoned spirit of the king winking at me from behind a tree, or is it just another facedoor hallucination? I get up to follow him, but stumble over a cardboard box draped in black leather and rhinestones... what luck! The king has left me a box of beautiful gifts: his electric guitar! The "Blue Suede Shoes" that he immortalized in song! Oh, bless you, Elvis!
- 11:24 PM: Upon arriving back at my office, I find two things waiting for me: first, an eviction notice, which I promptly tear up and eat, savoring the pulpy bouquet of the heavy legal paper stock. Second, a mysterious package: it seems that a new contender for the title of "The King" has sent me a tribute, hoping to outdo the generosity of Elvis! Inside, I find a host of fabulous souvenirs from Justin Timberlake, including an iconic broken disco ball and his trademark fedora. Also, a note asking me to fondly acknowledge him as one of the greatest entertainers alive. I find your generosity bizarre but flattering, Mr. Timberlake!