Liam's Quest is a Quest that was made available April 17 2008. It involved Gaians helping out Liam by asking other men about love so he could win back the affection of Sasha, Moira and Vanessa after going out with them all at the same time at Halloween 2k6.


The quest could be activated by visiting Liam at Crate & Apparel, where he would ask customers the following:

Hey pal, you got a minute? I need some advice.
Okay, here's the short version: I managed to get pretty much every girl in town mad at me. I was kinda secretly dating Sasha, Moira and Vanessa at the same time. They found out about it, and now I can't even go for a haircut without getting chased out of the salon with a straight razor.
Everything I try is hopeless. I've tried hitting on them, I've tried sending them letters explaining how awesome I am... I've even tried walking around with my shirt off. It's hopeless. These crazy chicks won't respond to logic or reason or washboard abs. Do you think you could help me out with this?

Visiting EdmundEdit

After accepting, Liam would say the following:

Okay, here's what I'm thinking: maybe I need to get some more perspectives on this situation. I need some advice, but I can't mess up my reputation by asking another dude about the ladies. Do you think you could be a pal and talk to some of the other dudes around here? Edmund is pretty... you know... old. He must have tons of experience with girls. Maybe you should start with him.
You can find him at his shop, as usual.

The Gaian would then go to H.R. Wesley, where Edmund would greet them with:

Hello there [username]! What's that? You need something from me?

After talking to him, Edmund would say:

You require information about attracting women? What do I look like, a public library?
Sorry, but secrets are for paying customers only. I'd kindly ask you to buy something or move along.

After purchasing something, Edmund would reveal his secrets.

Thank you for choosing H.R. Wesley! Now, I suppose you'll want me to tell you that secret now. In my experience, the way to a lass's heart is simple: sophistication. That's all there is to it. Tell your friend to look sharp and maintain his dignity at all times. Perhaps a monocle would help. Nothing says sophistication like a monocle!
Well, run along now. I've told you all there is to know about male charm. Return from whence you came!

The Gaian would then return to Crate & Apparel.

Visiting LoganEdit

Back at Crate & Apparel, Liam would be waiting and would ask:

Did you get any good info about the ladies from Edmund?

After telling him Edmund's information he would say:

Sophistication, eh? Perfect! I'm totally sophisticated. Maybe the ladies just don't notice I'm sophisticated because I'm so good looking. I should buy a monocle or something. Hmm, we need some more info...
Now, why not go talk to Logan? He's pretty grizzled, I bet the ladies really go for that. See if you can find out his secret.
He's probably at his shop, the Ole Fishing Hole.

After travelling there, Logan would greet his visitor with:

Ah, so this friend of yours needs a little help with the girlies, eh? Ye've come ta the right guy. I've seen it all. I've had dates with fat girls, skinny girls, ugly girls... did I already say fat girls? Anyway, you name it, I seen it. Maybe even one or two girls who weren't really... ya know... girls.

After talking to him, Logan would say:

Ya want my advice? I dunno, kid, I don't give out my advice to just anyone. You gotta show that yer rugged enough to take the advice of a real man.
Say, how about you bring me a fish? I can't respect another human being until they've caught a fish. Catch me a Blue Bass and I'll tell you tales about women the like you've never heard!

After successfully catching the required fish, Logan would say:

Ah, a fine fishy! Thanks bub, this is perfect. Okay, now let me show you how to win a lady's heart. You can fool some girls with yer flashy clothes and fancy poetry, but to really impress a girl, here's what ya need to know. Ready? Okay, watch close:
*URMPH* ... *BLARGH* ... *CHOMP*
Okay, ya see what I did there, bub? I just bit the head clean off'n that wriggling fish. See, a lady's gotta know that you're a real rugged character, or else she's never gonna respect ya.
You go tell your buddy that. That's the best advice yer ever gonna get.

The Gaian would then return to Crate & Apparel.

Visiting BludeauEdit

Back at Crate & Apparel, Liam would be waiting and would ask:

What did that salty old sea dog Logan have to say about women?

After telling him Logan's information he would say:

Rugged, huh? That's surprisingly good advice coming from a dude who smells like low tide. Yeah, he's probably right. I'd better work on getting a little more rugged. I'd better go find a fish...
Wow, this is great advice so far. Y'know who else you might wanna talk to? Bludeau. He's one of the robots at the Faktori. He's always talking about emotions and love and stuff. He seems like a pretty deep kinda guy.

After travelling there, Bludeau would ask:

You want to talk to me? Is this what is known as "friendship"?

After talking to him he would say:

Advice about... female love? Oh, you fleshy devil, you mock me so cruelly!
I cannot feel love, for I am but a box of brass and springs and electric gut stuff. I will never experience the things you humans take for granted: the touch of flesh, the joy of emotions, the exquisite pain of laying an egg.
Nonetheless, I have made many observations about this thing called love. I would happily share these insights with you, but I must ask a favor in return.
I want to feel the sensation of love! Please, find me three butterflies - a red, blue, and yellow one, so that I might enclose them in my chest cavity. Perhaps their fluttering will somehow trick me into feeling an emotion. Do this for me, and I will give you advice for your friend to process.
You must hurry! My robological clock is ticking!

After successfully catching the required bugs, Bludeau would say:

Ah! Butterflies! Let me just put them in here... *CLANK*
Alas, the butterflies had no effect, other than gumming up my SPEEechh Cirrrcut a little BBBBit. But yyyess, now I givvve ad-vice. To get hearts of female ladywoman, must express you heart! Time you write poem on lady. Give lady poem, feels love, lady love forever.
Hheere, I make poem for lady. TELL friend to use poem to lady:
O Lady,
So fine you lady.
O am enjoy in mine heart,
Taste of lady lick mine brain.
Lady give thee to me
O lady must be mine
Give love now me.
AH yes, this poetry give love in ANY lady. Give love words at friend?

The Gaian would then return to Crate & Apparel.

Visiting SashaEdit

Upon returning to Crate & Apparel, Liam would ask:

So, have you talked with Bludeau yet? That guy is all about love.

After telling Liam the poem, he would reply with:

Whoa, this poem is GREAT! That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Oh man, between the sophistication and the ruggedness and this amazing poem, the girls are definitely going to flip out about what an amazing guy I am.
Okay, I think I've got all the advice I need. Hey, could you do me one last favor? I need you to deliver these letters to Sasha, Vanessa and Moira. I wish I could see their faces when they look at these letters and realize that I'm, like, pretty much the deepest and most romantic dude of all time throughout history.
Start with Sasha... I'm pretty sure we had a moment once!

After travelling to Gambino Outfitters, Sasha would ask:

A letter from Liam? This had better be good, or I'm going to freak out...

After giving her the letter, she would respond with:

EEeeeEEEEwwww! That CREEP! Is this, like, his stupid idea of a joke?
You go tell that little dork Liam that if I ever see him again, I'll punch him in his stupid face!

The Gaian would then return to Crate & Apparel.

Visiting MoiraEdit

After returning to Crate & Apparel, Liam would say:

Oohoo, you look red in the face - I'm guessing Sasha was gushing right?

Before the Gaian would be able to deliver Sasha's message, Liam would say:

No, no, don't tell me yet! You still have a few letters to deliver...
Take that letter to Moira, post haste! (Get it? Post haste? Heh heh...) She always calls me a dog. She must think I'm as cute as a puppy!

After travelling to Durem Depot, Moira would ask:

What? A letter from Liam? Since when can he write? Okay, I guess I'll check it out, if only to satisfy my morbid curiosity...

After giving her the letter, she would respond with:

Yeah, real funny, Liam. What a jerk. He already humiliated me, now he wants to taunt me about it, too?
Go tell Liam I'll see him real soon, and when I do, I'll be wearing my ass-kicking cleats.

The Gaian would then return to Crate & Apparel.

Visiting VanessaEdit

After returning to Crate & Apparel, Liam would say:

Oh wow, you're sweating! I hope Moira didn't give you some of the lovin' that was meant for me. *wink wink*

Before the Gaian would be able to deliver Moira's full message, Liam would interrupt mid-sentence and say:

Say no more! She's going to be visiting me soon? Dude, Logan was spot-on with the fish munching action! Only one girl left...
Okay buddy, you've been a big help so far! Just one more letter to go, to the lovely Vanessa. She's into some crazy stuff, I hope she's not put off by my romantic gesture!

After travelling to Salon Durem, Vanessa would ask:

Oh, so Liam sent you? Normally I'd tell you to get the hell out of here, but these hairspray fumes have put me in a good mood. Let's see this letter of his.

After giving her the letter, she would respond with:

Ooh... kinky. I like. You go tell Liam to meet me at... hey! Wait a minute! Who the hell is "Vasessena?" That little weasel spelled my name wrong!
Go tell your little buddy Liam that if he ever gets near me again, I'll tie him in a knot he won't soon forget - and not in the good way, either.

The Gaian would then return to Crate & Apparel.



Upon returning to Crate & Apparel, Liam would say:

Aha, just the guy I was hoping to see. You delivered all the letters! I want to know in detail what happened, word for word!

After the Gaian would explain what happened, Liam would reply with:

What? They didn't like the letter? That's insane! Those chicks are crazy! I just can't win. I guess I'll have to live the rest of my life as a hermit or something.
Nah, don't worry, I'll get this thing figured out somehow. Maybe I'll ask for your advice again sometime.
Anyway, thanks for trying to help, at least. What am I going to do with all these photos of me? I had a ton of them printed! You might as well keep one of these stupid pictures, since nobody else seems to want them.


As a thank you for helping him, Liam would give the quester Liam's Letter, a copy of the poem and photo he sent.

External LinksEdit

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