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The Evolving Item Report (EIR) started November 12 2007, featuring Dr. Singh and Timmy. Together, they deliver news of updates occurring with Evolving Items to the Gaia population. The report also serves as a stage for a kind of evolving item sub-plot, which centers around a chain of unfortunate events which befall Timmy, starting with Dr. Singh sealing him up inside a barrel of toxic waste.

Gaia Storyline: EI Reports

Evolving Item Reports 2007

These are reports from 2007. Starting at November and ending at December. This introduces Dr. Singh, Timmy, and the concept of Evolving Items.

The EI Report show began with Dr. Singh talking a bit about her studies on Evolving items, as her enthusiastic co-host (and sidekick) Timmy talks after her, showing his eagerness to know more about the Evolving items.

On November 21, Timmy talks about being so excited that he can hardly contain himself. Dr. Singh quips that there is a sure way to contain him, pointing out that she brought a 55-gallon steel drum and a welding torch. Timmy took this as a joke and urged her to talk more about the Evolving items. On November 26, Dr. Singh threatens to weld Timmy into the barrel. When November 30 arrives, Dr. Singh has carried out her threat, and by the 6th of December, the barrel begins to warp. On December 13, Timmy is released from the barrel and appeared rather sickly. By December 27, Timmy's hair was falling out due to his toxic barrel bath.


Evolving Item Reports 2008

These are reports from 2008, a full year. Continuing with Timmy's mutation.

Timmy gradually mutates and ends up biting Dr. Singh and attaching himself to her arm, possessing her body as well as her mind. On April 10, Labtech Gene shows up and analyzes the situation and confirms that he can successfully seperate the two. On May 9, the two have successfully been separated and recovered. Labtech Gene explains that their ordeal may not be fully over, since whatever he separated from Timmy has scurried away.

On May 22, a sound was coming from Timmy's room, Dr. Singh goes to check and hears Timmy screaming about some creature about to get him. On May 29, Timmy appears on the EI Report show and is rather shaken up and mumbles about doom and death.

On June 12, Dr. Singh tells the viewers that she sent Timmy to see a therapist. On June 19, a man named Dr. Schadenkind appears and talks about Timmy's mental state. When Dr. Singh uncovers that Dr. Schadenkind speaks with a fake accent, he gets very upset but continues to stay to talk about Timmy. On July 2, Timmy was placed in a straitjacket, and was still very shaken up and getting worse. On July 10, Timmy is no where to be seen, and Dr. Schadenkind's personality is in full force, completely disregarding Timmy's well being and being rude to Dr. Singh.

On July 24, Timmy returned and Labtech Gene was with them, though something was clearly out of place. The two were sporting beards and speaking rather oddly.

From July 31 to September 12, Timmy and Gene had practically taken over the show and introduced the viewers to the Smooth Jazz Countdown. Although it appeared that Dr. Singh was a part of the change, she was actually pretending, in an attempt to figure out what was going on. Though by the 12th, Timmy mentions that he would be getting his own place.

On September 18, Timmy and Gene are gone, leaving Dr. Singh to do the report herself and informing the viewers that Gro-Gain was the likely culprit behind Timmy and Gene's changes. So from September 25 to December 19, Dr. Singh was looking for a new co-host, there were a number of guests, but none seemed to truly fit the spot. On December 22, the reports end with Dr. Singh by herself.

Evolving Item Reports 2009

These are reports from 2009, a full year. With the continuation and conclusion of Timmy's personality change.

On January 2, Gene and Timmy do their own EI Report. Labtech Gene is covered head to toe in black scraggly hair, while Timmy has maintained a sleek appearance. On January 9, the report goes back to Dr. Singh, who is now standing with Edmund. They discuss the changes to Timmy and Gene and the connection to Gro-Gain, and though Dr. Singh points out its negative affects, Edmund assures her that even though the product is unpredictable for mass consumption, it is certainly not something that is pure evil. Edmund concludes that the Gro-Gain must have gotten contaminated somehow, he then took it upon himself to find out what happened and find a way to return Timmy to normal.

On January 16, Edmund has found out that a vat of Gro-Gaian that Gene had been working on contained pure evil. Dr. Singh thinks back to the time about the toxic barrel, the separation, and Gene's ominous warning. Edmund scolds Dr. Singh and her carelessness, but quickly moves to an idea that could save Timmy, though he states that there was no hope for Labtech Gene to return to normal.

On January 22, Dr. Singh has managed to get Timmy to come to the show. Edmund is there with a large contraption that he called the Suitomatic VII. Making claims that the machine was for suit maintenance. Timmy liked the idea of this and was strapped onto the machine. As it quickly revolved around, it caused Timmy to be split into two people; one being the original Timmy and the other being Evil Timmy.

As the two Timmy's stood dazed, Edmund asked for a shovel so he could kill the Evil Timmy. Dr. Singh called that idea barbaric. So Edmund told her that he will instead place Evil Timmy under house arrest until there is a way to deal with him, but in telling her this he warns that if Evil Timmy escaped there could be consequences.


Evolving Item Reports 2009: Return of Timmy

On February 25, Dr. Singh and Timmy discussed Timmy's age. Using the power of deduction Timmy says that he must be twelve years old. On March 13, Timmy talks about not getting enough sleep and that his knees hurt. Dr. Singh relates this to growing pains, so Timmy excitedly talks about growing up.

On March 20, Timmy discovers that he has a pimple, the first visible sign of puberty. On March 27, Timmy had more pimples and his appearance was described as "greasy". From April 03 to May 1, Timmy's puberty had caused him to gain more pimples, become more greasy and become taller. He was also disrespectful to Dr. Singh and was rather angry a part of the time. During the time in May, Edmund stopped by to see Timmy and to try and figure out his rapid growth spurt.

Edmund came up with the term "Megapuberty" to describe what Timmy was going through. He said that treating this will take drastic medical measures.

By May 8, Timmy had the appearance of a young tween. He acted rather emotional and listened to music by a man named Borrissey. On May 14, Borrissey himself showed up on the set, Timmy was shocked and happy about this. As it turns out, Borrissey showed up because he believed Timmy to be a dying child. Dr. Singh had called the Final Wish Foundation to book him on the EI Report show, finding that trying to contact him the correct way was difficult.

Even though Borrissey was upset about this, Dr. Singh tried to convince him that what Timmy was going through was a medical condition and a very important moment was coming up that would change Timmy; in that should he remain a child or become an adult. Though in the end Borrissey was of no true help in this matter.


Evolving Item Reports 2009: Adult Timmy

On May 21, Edmund had returned and there was a special announcement to decided Timmy's fate as he went through Megapuberty. On May 29, Edmund came back to the set with a contraption called the PubeCellerator, since the decision was decided to turn Timmy into an adult. Timmy was placed in this machine and Dr. Singh and viewers waited.

On June 5, Adult Timmy was the result of the PubeCellerator. He appeared wearing his signature white shirt and brown khakis, though they were clearly too small for him to wear comfortably. From June 12 to September 24, a number of things happened to Timmy. He was harassed by a Strange Woman, bought a mini car, got arrested two times, resulting in being locked up in prison, and while he was in prison he was friends with a man named Crazy Murderer Keith. At the time, Dr. Singh was working on ways to get Timmy out of jail, she met with a lawyer named Hugo Lane, Esq, who gladly took on the cause pro bono, but for some reason Dr. Singh just didn't like him and forced him to leave.

After being released from prison on October 1, Timmy talked about what happened, telling viewers that he was stabbed by Keith on his release day, and due to Dr. Singh not picking him up from prison; had to walk 15 miles back home. Dr. Singh gave no real care to Timmy's condition, and hosted the show regardless. On October 9, Timmy began to question his life after experiencing so many rough patches even stating that Dr. Singh was being mean to him. Dr. Singh told him that her meanness was just "tough love", but as the report wound down, Timmy talked about wanting to leave and doing Reports from the road.

On October 16, Timmy is solo and got his wish to do EI Reports on the road, in doing this he was also on a Spiritual Journey to sort out his life and new body. From October 22 to November 20, Timmy got a traveling companion named Old Pete, who Timmy mistook as a Spiritual Adviser. Though by November 25, Timmy had since grown annoyed with Pete and had found out that he was just a traveling hobo, so he got away from him. During the 25th Dr. Singh sent Timmy a care package.

On December 11, Timmy's journey brought him to a holy man named Pastor Gork. Though it turns out Pastor Gork had no true encouraging words for Timmy, and even coming to the conclusion that Timmy didn't have a soul. So from December 18 to December 29, Timmy continued his journey and wished everyone a Happy New Year.


Evolving Item Reports 2010

These are reports from 2010. With the continuation of adult Timmy on his spiritual journey and final fulfillment.

On January 8, Timmy met a man named Rick outside a bus station, Rick is a man from the Barton Institute for Crystal Dolphin Knowledge, who is an Enlightened Master that liked to talk about crystals and dolphins. Timmy thought Rick would be able to help him understand the meaning of life and whatnot, but as it turns out Rick wasn't very clear with his responses, so Timmy walked away. On January 14, still determined to know about spirituality and enlightenment, Timmy met an interesting man named Telos 5 who was from the Universal Transcendent Spirit Collective. Telos was glad to have found Timmy and explain to him about the celestial event that would be happening. He urged Timmy to join him and his fellow believers on a trip to a paradise of ultimate spiritual bliss in outer space. This trip would be carried out by beings called the Core People. So even though Timmy seemed interested in leaving the planet on a tremendous golden spaceship, he wanted to use the bathroom first and was quite adamant about it. So Telos, frustrated with Timmy's stalling, left to be with his believers by use of a delicious fruity concoction.

On January 22, Timmy tried to get Telos back the following week to see if his offer for that fruity beverage still stood, but he wasn't answering his phone. But there was a celebrity guest on the show, Ron Bruise, who Timmy is a big fan of. Timmy decided to ask Ron about spiritual enlightenment, to which Ron talked about spiritual fulfillment which comes in the form of a little meter that cost 350,000 Gold. Although Timmy was interested in buying this meter, with a gold allowance of 25 gold, he simply didn't have enough to obtain it. Ron Bruise did some math on that, and told Timmy that it would take him 14,000 weeks for a G-Meter treatment. Despite the long wait, Ron left Timmy with some encouraging words.

On January 29, Timmy met a monk named Brother Swimp, who is a member of the Sacred Order of the Mountain Monks. Brother Swimp gave Timmy some knowledge of his beliefs and practices, and offered Timmy a chance to journey to the top of Mountain to meet The Master, even stating that this journey is quite rigorous. Timmy found this interesting and accepted the offer. In continuation with January, on February 5, Timmy and Brother Swimp had begun their mountain climb, a six day journey put them seven thousand feet from the summit.

On February 12, Timmy and Brother Swimp made it up the mountain. Swimp prepped Timmy on how to act toward the Master, and as Timmy went to greet the holy figure, it turned out to be Old Pete. While Timmy was shocked by this, Brother Swimp acted humble in front of Pete, even accepting the task of getting Pete an old ham sandwich. When Timmy explained that Pete was just a crazy old hobo, Swimp was perplexed by this discovery. But as Pete began to ramble, it dawned on Swimp that Pete was indeed a crazy old hobo. As Swimp took this all in Timmy lost his temper and called the situation horsehockey. When Timmy was about to give up on the whole "finding himself" thing and deciding to go back to Dr. Singh, Old Pete spoke up about a Giant Holy Head on the other side of a rock that brought him brass polish once. With his interests in spirituality revived, Timmy prepared to go on the other side of the rock.

On February 19, Timmy made it to the other side of the rock and met face to (literally) face with the "Giant Holy Head" of the mountain. The Giant Holy Head knew why Timmy came to see him and took pity on Timmy and his unfortunate life. Although Timmy tried to defend Dr.Singh, the Giant Holy Head spoke of her negligence and selfishness when it came to being a caretaker.

Upon reviewing Timmy's life, the being found him to be not at fault and that he would be compensated to right the injustices that happened upon him. He presented Timmy with three choices: 1) Becoming a child again and be delivered to a more suitable guardian; in which he will live a normal and happy childhood, never suffering further traumatic mutations or comic mishaps, 2) To shed his mortal form and be transformed into the thing he loves the best: an Evolving Item, or 3) Dr. Singh facing divine punishment for her mistreatment's.

Timmy pondered the choices: he found that being a kid again would be great, but being an evolving item would be a great honor, and part of him did want to see the Dr.Singh get a tiny bit of comeuppance for all the things she put him through. When the Giant Holy Head asked him what his choice would be, Timmy asked if the being could make all three happen, but the Giant Holy Head explained that his arbitrary options was an important step in spiritual growth. Timmy than decided to give the viewers the chance to choose for him.


Evolving Item Reports 2010: Adult Timmy's Spiritual Fulfillment

On February 26, the final decision had come and the choice was for Timmy to become an Evolving Item. Before the change he gave a final report on two EIs and even did a plug for himself in preparation of becoming an item.

The Giant Holy Head told Timmy that he may experience some slight discomfort being converted into an inanimate object. When Timmy questioned the converting and compared it to being killed, the Giant Holy Head said it would be nothing like that, and that Timmy would be immortalized as an item, not killed. That he would be on higher plane of existence, thousands of places at once, enjoying the company of all the fans who purchase him, and living thousands of joyous lives at once. Although Timmy found that kind of scary, he somehow felt a profound sense of calm and relief and spiritual fulfillment, as if he'd finally discovered the true purpose of his life...like some sort of religious ecstasy.

The Giant Holy Head asked if he had any last words, Timmy did and spoke that he wanted to thank all the great people out there who tuned in every week and showed so much support for him, even when he turned into an awful mutant and started eating Dr. Singh's arm. And even though Dr. Singh was mean sometimes, all the fans out there always had his best interests at heart, and that he's always going to remember that. He couldn't wait to hang out with Gaians as an item and he hoped to be real valuable in the Marketplace. And that Dr. Singh has always been his favorite person, even when she did mean things.

Ending on that note, Timmy had a last minute thought and questioned about Evil Timmy still being around, but his words got cut off as he was zapped by the Giant Holy Head and turned into an Evolving Item called "Timmy".

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