Luck & Health
- "This good-for-nothing sea has somehow found its way into our cargo hold. There's crabs down there, and lots of 'em."
"You should investigate... alone."
- => You don't find any crabs, but Louie does sneak up behind you and steals some more blood. He's very apologetic this time.
Crewmate's health decreases slightly.
- "Let us fly closer to that volcano. I yearn to peer into the fiery eye of the world itself!"
That might not be the "eye" of the world, if you know what I mean.
- => Everyone gets sick from exposure to volcanic ash. Great idea, Louie.
Your crew's health decreases significantly.
- "In retrospect, it was probably foolish of me to challenge you all to an arm wrestling match."
"Maybe next time we'll just play Old Maid."
- => Louie incapacitates the crew.
Your crew's health decreases significantly.
You lose # hours of travel.
Food & Loot
- "My superior sense of smell allowed me to hone in on a cache of food buried in the forest below."
"It also makes me wish you tended to your toilette more diligently."
- => Louie finds a pack of all-beef hot dogs buried under a log.
You gain ## lbs of food, minus what your crew already ate.
- "My hunger can no longer be contained."
"I must feed."
- => Louie manages to eat like 8 double cheeseburgers.
You lose ## lbs of food in addition to what your crew already ate.
- "In order to protect you from yourselves, I went through your food stores and threw out anything that looked too sugary or fattening."
- => You lose ## lbs of food in addition to what your crew already ate.
- "The forests are filled with treasure."
"You just need to know where to look."
- => Louie effortlessly moves a large boulder to reveal several cases of loot jutting out of the ground.
You gain ## loot.
- "You were too busy piloting the ship to notice, but I totally jumped to one of those nearby islands and found some useful treasure."
- => You gain ## loot.
- "I'm afraid I used some of your loot to purchase a new cape. I think we can all agree it was a wise investment."
- => You lose ## loot.
Speed & Time
"Let's say we work faster, or I start biting people?"
- => Louie's threat pays off.
Your ship's speed increases slightly. It will take you less time to cover the same distance.
- "I may have inadvertently steered us into a raging tempest."
"Brace for impact!"
- => Your speed slows as the crew struggles to survive the storm.
Your ship's speed decreases significantly. It will take you a lot more time to cover the same distance.
- "You should probably attend to the engine room. There's oil spraying everywhere."
"It's quite disgusting, really."
- => You manage to temporarily fix the oil leak, but your ship speed decreases.
Your ship's speed decreases significantly. It will take you a lot more time to cover the same distance.
- "We vampires have a preternatural understanding of the stars above. Navigation thus comes easy to us."
"So does knitting, but that's another story."
- => Louie grabs the steering wheel and makes a few minor course corrections.
You save # hours of travel.
- "I fear my bad navigation may have cost us a whole day. But you will not remember me telling you this."
"You will remember me telling you we gained hours because I am such a great guide."
- => According to Louie, who has a dreamy voice and enchanting eyes, you gained hours of progress! Wow, what a great guide!
You save # hours of travel.
- "Someone snuck aboard our ship and tampered with my blood supply."
"This is Edmund's work... I know it in my cold dead heart. Ugh... TOILET, NOW!"
- => You have to spend all your time dealing with the horrific consequences of Louie's explosive vampire diarrhea.
You lose # hours of travel.
Ammo & Creature
- "I sense a great deal of death in the area."
"We'd be fools not to investigate."
- => Louie leads the crew to a mass grave, where they're able to recover some ammo from the corpses.
You gain # ammo.
- "I went for a brief swim and scoured some ammo off the ocean floor."
"I might have accidentally kissed a merman while down there, but that's another story."
- => Louie hands you some ammo and immediately retires to his quarters.
You gain # ammo.
- "While taking count of our ammo reserves, a giant pelican mistook the bullets I had carefully laid out for food and ate them."
"I should have foreseen such a terrible thing."
- => You lost some ammo and helped breed a deadly super pelican.
You lose ## ammo.
Luck & Health
- "I found a golden fish trapped in a net and freed it to bring on board."
"I wanted to study it, but the darn thing slipped out of my fingers."
- => "As it swam away I heard a woman's voice singing the most beautiful song, and felt like things would get better. Strange."
Your luck increases slightly. Good things are now more likely to happen on your journey. Hooray!
- "I found a ship wrecked in the forest."
"Looked like it caught fire then crashed while the crew was suffering from bubonic plague and flesh-eating beetles."
- => "There was this weird statue in the debris. I'm sure it's not related to their horrific end. I kind of like it."
Your luck decreases slightly. Bad things are now much more likely to happen on your journey. Oh no!
- "Put a couple drops of this in the punch bowl for a good time." "What? No, it's a vitamin supplement to avoid scurvy."
- =>Your crew's health improves slightly.
- Edmund performs surprise dental surgery on Crewmate, forcibly implanting a set of crystal chompers.
They look sharp, pun intended.
- => As a test, Crewmate consumes a fistful of minerals.
Crewmate's health increases significantly.
- "Scorpions! Everywhere! AAAAHHH!"
Edmund goes on a scorpion-squashing rampage.
- => Amidst the carnage you find a shred of Louie's coat caught on a nail; apparently this was a prank to him. Crewmate slips on bug guts and falls.
Crewmate's health decreases slightly.
- "With all this water around us, we'll never have to drink our own urine again. Not that I was."
"Let's enjoy the bounty of the sea with a round of saltwater for everyone."
- => Before you can stop them, Edmund and Crewmate have downed their glasses of cold brine.
Crewmate's health decreases significantly.
- "I've always wondered what are the effects of altitude on genius."
"Now I know: occasional bursts of uncontrollable rage."
- => Edmund punches Fourth crewmate in the face.
Crewmate's health decreases significantly.
Food & Loot
- "If you think you can't synthesize food out of thin air, your education must have been lacking."
"As for myself, I know all the tricks."
- => Edmund throws a sparkling dust into the air and some food lands on the ground.
You gain ## lbs of food, minus what your crew already ate.
- "This robot I just made will do one of two things."
"Who wants to bet it doesn't destroy us all?"
- => Edmund wins the bet: the robot only runs off with some food to trade for new rims.
You lose ## lbs of food in addition to what your crew already ate.
- "I found this gadget in my pants."
"I think it's from an old hydroponic experiment."
- => Edmund's strange device is perfect for your mission.
You gain ## loot.
Speed & Time
- "The bark of this tree can be chewed as a mild stimulant."
"Don't worry, it's not toxic, addictive or illegal."
- => You're initially wary of this substance, but Edmund has allayed your fears.
Your ship's speed increases slightly. It will take you less time to cover the same distance.
- Edmund spies a ship captained by Louie and decides to prank him.
Edmund quickly brews up a laxative-laced batch of blood to sneak into Louie's food. :=> The cries of bathroom agony fill the air later in the day. The successful prank builds team spirit.
Your ship's speed increases significantly. It will take you a lot less time to cover the same distance.
- A giant squid attaches itself to the bottom of your ship, threatening to drag down to your doom.
Edmund hacks the squid apart.
- => The remnants of tentacles that remain suckered to your hull slow you down.
Your ship's speed decreases significantly. It will take you a lot more time to cover the same distance.
- While you are sleeping, Edmund somehow captures a huge sack of grunnies and ties them to your ship.
This should be fun.
- => The grunnies drag you at a break-neck speed through the forest before gnawing their way to freedom.
You save # hours of travel.
- "I've just distilled an elixir that will double our resistance to disease."
"Everyone take a sip."
- => The elixir reverses the gender of your crewmembers for a day. The first few hours are lost as you explore your bodies.
You lose # hours of travel.
- "This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to get crystal samples of such purity and size."
Text na
- => Edmund stops to gather crystals, delaying your journey.
You lose # hours of travel.
Ammo & Creature
- Edmund shows you something cool you can do with ammo: shoot it with more ammo.
It's even more fun than it sounds.
- => You waste ammo watching things explode.
You lose # ammo.
- "They say killing an albatross brings bad luck."
"The quickest way to test that hypothesis is to massacre a flock of them."
- => You convince Edmund that shooting clouds works just as well, thus avoiding a curse that would turn your crew to zombies, but wasting your ammo.
You lose ## ammo.
Luck & Health
- "Did you know rabbit's feet are considered lucky? Well, the same is true of grunny's feet. Except they're really, really super unlucky, and I have four of them. Bye bye now! Bye!"
- => Your luck decreases slightly. Bad things are now much more likely to happen on your journey. Oh no!
- "Did you know that all of your bad actions are accounted for and punished by the inscrutable consciousness of the universe? I thought I should tell you about it because I just ate a family of adorable bluebirds."
"Well, see you later!"
- => Diedrich's barbaric act has not gone unnoticed by the universe. Your luck is affected.
Your luck decreases significantly. Bad things are now much more likely to happen on your journey. Oh no!
- "Did you know we accidentally ran over an old ethnic woman last night and she came up to Crewmate and whispered 'thinner' and now Crewmate keeps losing a bunch of weight and it's worse than it sounds? Uh oh! So I guess I'd better go, so see you later!"
- => Crewmate's health decreases significantly.
- "Did you know prolonged exposure to grunnies leads to dizziness, heart palpitations and weeping skin lesions? Well, see you later! Bye!"
- => Your crew's health decreases significantly.
Food & Loot
- "Did you know that you can put a net at the front of the ship and then at the end of the day you can eat all the delicious moths and bees and butterflies that get caught? Yep, so bye!"
- => You gain ## lbs of food, minus what your crew already ate.
- "Bet you guys didn't know you can harvest sap from trees and it's pretty good to eat with a little vinegar and cinnamon!"
"Okay, bye bye! See you guys later. Bye."
- => Following Diedrich's expert advice, you increased your food supply.
You gain ## lbs of food, minus what your crew already ate.
- "Did you know that you can eat cactuseses? They are full of nutrients and sort of gross-tasting water, just like you and me. Uh huh, bye."
Text na
- => Text na
You gain ## lbs of food, minus what your crew already ate.
- "Did you know that seaweed is nature's grapes? Let's all grab a bunch of seaweed and eat it, because it is nature's grapes."
"OK, bye!"
- => Your crew harvests several pounds of smelly, slimy food.
You gain ## lbs of food, minus what your crew already ate.
- "Did you know that it is possible to make friends with bears? You just need to sing them a popular song and they will love you and want to be near you."
Text na
- => You befriend a number of bears, but their emotional intensity is too offputting. You lose some food bribing them to leave your ship.
You lose ## lbs of food in addition to what your crew already ate.
- "Did you know that I used to be employed as a slot machine at Gold Mountain? I got fired for embezzlement."
"OK, bye bye!"
- => Diedrich coughs up a moist ball of loot.
You gain ## loot.
- "Did you know that due to a series of successful real estate transactions, I have become independently wealthy? Well, the beauty of the forest has inspired me to contribute to this journey. OK, bye!"
- => You gain ## loot.
- "Did you know that Crewmate sometimes sleepwalks down to the hold and throws fistfuls of loot off the side of the ship? Ha ha, wow, what a thing to do, right?"
"Yeah, so I'll see you later!"
- => You notice some loot is missing.
You lose ## loot.
Speed & Time
- "Hey! "Did you know you can work faster if you whistle? It's true."
"Well, bye now. See you later!"
- => Your pace increases thanks to Diedrich's invaluable knowledge.
Your ship's speed increases slightly. It will take you less time to cover the same distance.
- "Did you know that you can lubricate the ship's moving parts by pouring sand in them? It works! Oh me, I swear that it works. And, also, bye!"
Text na
- => Text na
Your ship's speed increases slightly. It will take you less time to cover the same distance.
- "Did you know that snails have a very unusual way of mating? Here, let me demonstrate with Crewmate. See? That was very weird, right?"
"OK, so I'm going to go now! Bye!"
- => The crew is too grossed out to function at full capacity.
Your ship's speed decreases slightly. It will take you more time to cover the same distance.
- "Did you know that the closer you are to hot lava, the slower time goes? We could probably take it real, real easy for an afternoon and just relax and get some reading done."
"Oh, and goodbye forever! Bye!"
- => Diedrich's hypothesis proves incorrect. Lose hours you could have spent on dalliance and skylarking.
You lose # hours of travel.
- "Did you know I forgot to set our alarm clocks and we all slept in for over twenty-four hours? This is a bad problem."
"Anyway, bye bye."
- => Diedrich's mistake has gotten you rather lost.
You lose # hours of travel.
- "Did you know that more sand we put in the ship, the faster it will go? Get to work, everybody!"
Text na
- => Your crew spends some time arguing over who gets to strangle Diedrich instead of piloting the ship.
You lose # hours of travel.
- "Did you know-- achoo!-- "Did you know that when grunnies get a cold, it sometimes creates a tear in the fabric of time? Anyway, it's tomorrow now."
"Bye!"
- => You suddenly find yourself way ahead of schedule.
You save # hours of travel.
Ammo & Creature
- "Did you know I secretly hid a small cache of bullets just in case you got low? Well, I guess you might want them now, so here they are. Bye bye! See you later!"
- => You gain # ammo.
- "Did you know that I was once diagnosed as a hoarder? It is my secret shame. I have been hoarding bullets for several years, but perhaps you can take them away so I have more room to order useless items from television. Bye!"
- => You gain # ammo.
- "Did you know your ammo supply is lower than it should be? I think it's because I secretly traded the bullets for some eel jerky at the last stop, but I'm not sure. Anyway, have a nice day! Bye!"
- => You lose # ammo.
- "Did you know that soaking ammunition in saltwater makes it much deadlier? It's not true, oh me, it's just not true, but I cannot help but to speak in facts. Forgive me."
"Well, bye!"
- => Your crew fails to heed Diedrich's warnings and ruins several boxes of ammo.
You lose ## ammo.
- "Did you know that at this altitude, bullets become unlimited? I read it somewhere, maybe in a dream, and now it is a fact."
"OK, see you later. Bye."
- => Diedrich's assertion is incorrect. Your crew loses several bullets in a raucous ammo-wasting hootenanny.
You lose ## ammo.
Luck & Health
- "Hey, these aren't my boots!"
"I wonder who these belong to?"
- => Sam has found a lucky horse boot.
Your luck increases slightly. Good things are now more likely to happen on your journey. Hooray!
- "I really needed a replacement gear and suddenly one was right there! It's made of obsidian and stained in blood, but it works."
"I must be really lucky."
- => Sam could not be more wrong about this sinister charm.
Your luck decreases slightly. Bad things are now much more likely to happen on your journey. Oh no!
"Good thing I always keep a couple bottles of water around for when I'm sweating under the hood."
- => Sam passes out a refreshing round of ice water, revitalizing your crew.
Your crew's health improves significantly.
- Sam spends all day working in the engine room, breathing in toxic, mind-bending fumes.
Text na
- => You realize something's wrong when she tries to repair Crewmate with a hammer and pliers.
Crewmate's health decreases sightly.
- "I don't want to scare anyone, but I might have poured antifreeze into the soup."
"Probably not. But maybe."
- => Crewmate gets violently ill.
Crewmate's health decreases significantly.
Food & Loot
- Feeling pensive, Sam stares out to sea and throws bread to the sea gulls.
Everybody hurts, sometimes.
- => Sam throws a bunch of bread to the birds, but it does cheer her up.
You lose ## lbs of food in addition to what your crew already ate.
- "I was working in the rigging and these birds kept pestering me."
Text na
- => Sam prepares a variation on chicken nuggets for your next meal.
You lose ## lbs of food in addition to what your crew already ate.
- Sam convinces the crew to play hide-and-seek with her.
Despite the urgency of your mission, you join in the fun.
- => The frivolous pastime turns serious when Crewmate becomes stuck inside a rusted fridge. Sam notices some valuable components on the fridge.
You gain ## loot.
- Sam shows your crew how to dive for oysters.
Everyone jumps in the water.
- => The oysters prove inedible, but you find some pearls.
You gain ## loot.
- "This thing was floating in the water."
"I think I can get it running again with a little elbow grease."
- => After some tinkering, Sam reclaims a valuable artifact.
You gain ## loot.
- With her gift for solving mechanical problems, Sam realizes the perfect way to reinforce a mother bird's nest she spies from your ship.
She climbs down and weaves some of your loot into a structural weakness.
- => You briefly consider replacing the loot with something not quite so shiny and worth more than the airship costs, but decide you like living.
You lose ## loot.
Speed & Time
- "Wow, that clearing in the trees looks like a great shortcut!"
"I wonder why it's so open?"
- => A gang of monkeys calling themselves the Good Looking Guys ambushes you in their carefully laid trap. You beat them back but the damage to your ship slows you down.
Your ship's speed decreases slightly. It will take you more time to cover the same distance.
- "The red wire goes to the...green wire?"
Only one way to find out.
- => A small explosion answers her question. Your ship's speed slows.
Your ship's speed decreases slightly. It will take you more time to cover the same distance.
- "You know, I think I can make this ship run a lot smoother with just a minor adjustment."
"Funny I didn't think of it 'til now."
- => Sam flips a switch on the engine from "meh" to "better than good," increasing your speed.
Your ship's speed increases significantly. It will take you a lot less time to cover the same distance.
- "I've never piloted one of these things before."
"Let's see what it can do!"
- => Sam guns it, recklessly careening through the forest but saving you hours of travel.
You save # hours of travel.
- Sam works on the rigging while Crewmate mops the deck below.
You notice this classic set-up for painful physical comedy too late to stop it.
- => Sam drops her wrench on Crewmate's head, causing massive brain damage. Lose time teaching Crewmate to love again.
You lose # hours of travel.
- "Ug, bad drivers make me so mad!"
"Like this idiot up here, he's all over the place!"
- => You have to stop and wait while another airship, apparently piloted by Diedrich, weaves all over the sky.
You lose # hours of travel
- "Whoah. This is the best go-kart terrain I've ever seen."
Text na
- => Sam goes for a long joyride.
You lose # hours of travel.
- "Have you seen my hacksaw?"
"'Cause I think I might have left it...back...there."
- => Go back to find Sam's hacksaw.
You lose # hours of travel.
- "I like that ocean spire," Crewmate announces.
"If you like it so much," comes your sneering retort, "why don't you marry it?"
- => Planning the wedding takes a long time.
You lose ## hours of travel.
Ammo & Creature
- "I finally figured out what that annoying rattling noise was."
"You'll never guess!"
- => "Bullets in the ceiling! Crazy, huh?"
You gain # ammo.
- "Hey, look over there! A bunch of dolphins!"
"Let's go in for a closer look."
- => On closer inspection, what appeared to be a pod of dolphins is a collection of floating boxes. Inside you find ammo.
You gain ## ammo.
- "Hey, have you ever seen one of these?"
"It's called a geoduck and it's great to eat."
- => Crewmate misinterprets the situation and shoots the geoduck out of her hand.
You lose # ammo.
Luck & Health
- In a rare show of affection, Carl begins rubbing his hindquarters on the crew.
Now you all smell like an elk's hindquarters.
- => With spirits running high, your pace increases.
Your ship's speed increases slightly. It will take you less time to cover the same distance.
Crewmate's health decreases slightly.
- This time of year is the mating pre-season.
Carl needs to get in shape.
- => He practices head-butting Crewmate in the head and butt.
Crewmate's health decreases significantly.
Food & Loot
- While stopped for a break, Carl wanders away from the ship.
Trampled leaves and broken branches make him easy enough to follow.
- => Crewmate finds him chowing down on a patch of sassafras. You gather some and add it to your food.
You gain ## lbs of food, minus what your crew already ate.
- A passing fisherman marvels at an elk on an airship.
He seems amused out of all proportion to the event.
- => Having now seen everything, he is happy to give you his worldly wealth of loot.
You gain ## loot.
Speed & Time
- An angry Carl gets his antlers tangled up in the ship's steering wheel.
Carl hates it when you put steering wheels in his way.
- => Your pace slows as you veer from side to side.
Your ship's speed decreases significantly. It will take you a lot more time to cover the same distance.
- Carl's antlers get tangled up in the ship's sails and rigging.
He can't help it, he's an elk on an airship!
- => You try to untangle him without getting gored, but it's slow going.
You lose # hours of travel.
- Carl finds a nest of termites aboard the ship and eats them all, getting sick in the process.
They're coming out one way or the other.
- => Crewmate has no choice but to pump Carl's stomach, a procedure that wastes everyone's time.
You lose # hours of travel.
- Carl spends a lot of the day menacing your crew, preventing any work from getting done.
- => You lose # hours of travel.
Ammo & Creature
- After a long night in the crow's nest, you mistake Carl for a useful member of your crew and ask him to watch the deck for a minute.
Carl does not like being mistaken for others.
- => Carl throws a box of ammo overboard.
You lose ## ammo.
- Carl reveals a hidden talent: the ability to eat bullets.
Carl puts on a talent show for you.
- => Crewmate offers to sift through his leavings and retrieve the bullets, but you wisely intervene.
You lose ## ammo.
- A hungry Carl accidentally mistakes your ammo supply for food.
Just be glad he didn't mistake anyone for a potential mate.
- => Carl somehow ate some ammo. It also gave him gas.
You lose ## ammo.
- Carl spies a female bounding gracefully across the forest floor.
She disappears into the brush.
- => He lets out a dark, erotic bellow.
Misc
- The salt air turns Carl's fur into a tough, sticky mat.
It smells.
- => Carl licks himself profusely.
- Carl panics when your ship becomes cloaked in thick fog.
He gallops in circles around the deck until he wears himself out.
- => Carl takes a nap.
- Carl's eyes have started to glow more brightly.
You stay away from Carl.
- => Good choice.
- Waking suddenly from a nap, Carl is disoriented by the elevation.
Carl does not like being disoriented.
- => Crewmate strokes his neck to sooth him. Carl bites Nick, then remembers what's going on and calms down.
Misc
Crewmate wants to drink it. "Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!"
- => Crewmate rapidly devolves into a dinosaur, and then gets better later.
Crewmate's health decreases significantly.
Give it to Guide for safekeeping.
- => Guide keeps it safe for several miles before cannily trading it to some nomads for some emeralds and rubies they have no use for.
You gain ## loot.
- While scouting ahead, Guide finds an abandoned, rusty mecha suit.
Climb inside and check it out.
- => The suit seems to be non-functional, but there is a usable box of shells under the pilot's seat, apparently for use in emergencies.
You gain ## ammo.
Let Crewmate climb inside and check it out.
- => Crewmate accidentally presses the wrong joystick, and sprays the crew with a barrage of Z-Nega missiles.
Your crew's health decreases significantly.
- "Did you know that if you find a badger in the woods and wrestle it to the ground before it realizes what's going on, it must lead you to its pot of gold? Oh look, there's a badger right there! Uhhhhh, I gotta go now, bye!"
Tackle the badger.
- => Text na
Back away slowly.
- => Uhhhh, no thanks. Grunnies are allergic to badgers. Or allergic to dying. Definitely one of the two. Anyway, I have non-badger fighting things to do, gotta go, bye!"
Make Diedrich take down the fierce woodland creature.
- => Text na
- Carl bellows furiously as the sulfuric smoke blanketing the deck gets in his eyes. His eyes begin to glow a dark crimson.
Try to placate Carl.
- => Not one to tolerate your guff, even if your guff is"'not tolerating Carl's guff", Carl gores Crewmate as a show of displeasure.
Your crew's health decreases significantly.
Hide below deck.
- => Given free reign of the ship with no oversight, Carl maliciously spits into every container of food in the pantry.
You lose ## lbs of food in addition to what your crew already ate.
Threaten to pistolwhip Carl if he doesn't cool it.
- => Vaguely tolerant of your impotent threats, Carl snorts in amusement and walk away.
- Sensing you might have killed an elk while out hunting. Carl slaughters your entire crew in a fit of rave.
- => Your entire crew dies.