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NPC:Dr. Singh

The Evolving Item Report for 2013.


04 EI Report: Stinger!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Stinger! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jan 04, 2013 4:37 pm

Happy Friday, EI fans! This week's report has a lot to do with sneaking around, which is unfortunately something I've been doing a lot of lately, since my mom has been staying over since the holidays and she's a very light sleeper. She's pretty old, bless her heart, but she seems to sleep about 21 hours a day and at the slightest creak she'll sit up and shout, "They're coming in heavy from the side!" or, "We're going to need knives!" but it's like, come on mom, you were never in a war. You worked at a buffet, sheesh. Oh hey, items!


Stinger - The Horned Beetle soldier enters the grand foyer of the Honey Bee Clan's fortress. It's an impressive room under normal circumstances, but today the eerie silence makes it feel lonely and neglected.

The soldier skirts around the perimeter heading towards the largest of the doors but is stopped by debris littering the room... no, this is not debris. These are the broken shards of the Beetle Clan's laurel horns worn only on the days of battle. Looks like some of his other clan members had the same idea but were met with resistance.

He must hurry now... it's important that he be the one to steal Stinger first, for some of his clan members are so heartless and savage that to have them win the leadership would spell certain death for the entire Horned Beetle Clan.

So exciting! Speaking of exciting, when I get off work tonight I'm going to try to rappel in through the bathroom window so as not to freak anybody out. Vote in the weekly EI poll! See you next week!

11 EI Report: Stinger!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Stinger! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jan 11, 2013 4:13 pm

Good afternoon, EI fans! We're having an office party today in the lab, and someone ordered one of those extremely long sub sandwiches. It's got to be at least 30 feet long. It's so big that we can't get it all the way inside, so we've got the front door open and part of it is sticking out into the parking lot. We can't leave until we eat enough of it to pull what's left of the sandwich inside. I've eaten probably 4 feet of this thing already and my eyes feel like they're swelling shut from all the bologna. Everyone's sweating and groaning. Ugh, we'll keep going, though. Oh yeah, items!


Stinger - The Horned Beetle soldier stealthily slips from room to room through the silent Honey Bee clan lair. The large hallway coming off the foyer has been gently sloping downward in a large spiral for the last mile. Instinct tells him he has chosen the correct path. On either side, spacious rooms and smaller hallways branch out into an endless maze.

Unexpectedly, a young girl enters from one of the side passages. She is crossing the large hallway when she spots him and freezes, dropping the tray of drinks she was carrying. Here in front of him is the sworn enemy-- one of the nefarious Honey Bee Clan, responsible for the death of his leader and years of chaos back home. She stands surprised and weaponless. It would be so easy to run her through with his sword and exact revenge. He feels rage running through his arms as he raises the sword above her head, but look of innocence and fear in her eyes stopped him, and he knocked her out cold with a blow from the blunt end. She was no warrior... just a young girl, perhaps a servant, and he was not as ruthless as he believed himself to be.

What a great update to Stinger! But augh, so much sandwich. I need to go eat more. Go cast your vote in the weekly EI poll, please! Ah, don't worry Baby Sub! Mama's comin'!

18 EI Report: Stinger!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Stinger! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jan 18, 2013 4:23 pm

Are you ready for some science? You'd better be, because science is ready for you. And if science catches you unprepared, buddy, you're going to get electrocuted or irradiated or jettisoned into the vacuum of space with a comical FOOMP sound! Ahem. My apologies; I'm a little riled up from thinking about weird bugs. Which brings us to this week's EI update:


In this week's Stinger evolution, the hallway spirals tighter as the Horned Beetle soldier descends further down. Finally around the next corner he reaches the end! A large doorway stands open revealing a huge throne room, so large that the walls disappear into the darkness. Inside he can barely make out the shapes of a large throne and masses flitting in the air. All that doesn't matter because what really catches his eye is Stinger embedded in the middle of the room, an unnatural glow shining off it's blade. Here is his prize but first he must dispatch the pair of Honey Bee guards flying towards him.

NOW are you ready for science? Good. You can grab Stinger-- and plenty of other great items, of course-- in the Gaia Cash Shop. Also, remember to stop by and share your opinions in our weekly EI poll. Have a great weekend, EI fans!

25 EI Report: Finale of Stinger!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Finale of Stinger! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jan 25, 2013 4:02 pm

Happy Friday, EI mavens! We've gotten so much work done around the office this week! Our building's landlords came in for their yearly inspection and brought a black light to check for stains. To make a long story short, the half of the building we'd used as a raccoon house to keep them away from the experiments has now been cordoned off and deemed a biohazard. Now that we don't have to mop twice a day and check Big Momma for ticks, we're getting loads of stuff done! Oh, right, the items!


Stinger - The Horned Beetle soldier takes down the two bodyguards and strides into the throne room, coming to a stop a few feet away from the Honey Bee queen. Between them lies the legendary sword, Stinger, deeply embedded in the earth. "We've been expecting you beetle," she hisses. "I've already met your friends."

She points a long spindly arm towards her left where a pile of horned beetle soldiers lie dead. "They weren't one for words," she continues "They came in and began to slaughter all my children so we had to... well... put a stop to that. I tried to keep order but I'm afraid I lost control and my entire army flew off to kill the rest of your savage clan." The soldier's face contorts to one of horror.

"Or maybe you're different from your brethren. You did, after all, spare my daughter." The queen gestures with her other arm and a young girl with bandages on her head and an angry expression comes forward. It is the "serving girl" he ran into earlier.

The soldier understands what he has to do now. He takes the last few steps forward and grips Stinger's hilt.

"Take it. I will not stop you... or both our clans will perish," the Queen says, "For it was I who wielded Stinger on that grim day many years ago, and used it to cut the head off of your leader. I have lived with the guilt all these years and now my clan is paying for it. Claim Stinger and run me through! My head will be the revenge you've been seeking."

The soldier pulls Stinger out of the ground in one fluid motion. He raises the point towards the Queen who stands resignedly in the same spot, showing neither signs of fear or uncertainty. But instead, he lowers the blade and starts walking out. At the entrance, the soldier turns around and yells back, "I will use Stinger! I will use it to bring back peace." He turns around once more and runs out to find the two clans.

Ah, it's so great! I'd love to have a Stinger to swing around, but I try to play with sharp things after what happened to the bounce castle we rented for the company party last year. Oh hey, go vote in the weekly EI poll, and I'll see you next week!

29 New REI: Song of Amour!Edit

  • Topic New REI: Song of Amour! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Tue Jan 29, 2013 7:17 pm

EI fans, something's happening! We've discovered a new REI inspired by soft and meaningful music, and it's already looking mighty nice at this early stage, if you don't mind my opinionating. Meet Song of Amour!


Song of Amour - A sweet song whispers among the winds. The sounds are beautiful, yet somehow sad. It attracts many patrons, young and old, but its sweet song was only made for one.

Ah, it's so good! Admittedly, my personal taste in music usually falls more on the Thrash Metal end of the spectrum, but I'm really feeling this. See you tomorrow for your usual EI Report!


01 EI Report: Song of Amour!Edit

  • Icon announceAnnouncement EI Report: Song of Amour! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Feb 01, 2013 5:25 pm

Hey, EI fans! The fantastic new Song of Amour is wasting no time-- it's already evolved! I've been unable to put down the piles and piles of paperwork generated by this new item. It's such a fascinating one to study! I'm even taking the file cabinet home in my car this weekend. The whole thing... well, OK, there's a real reason I'm doing that. I accidentally filed some parking tickets I'd been meaning to pay in the wrong file cabinet and I need to find them as soon as possible. Don't judge! Oh, hey, items!


Song of Amour - Faith is a well known singer, and her fans pay huge sums of money and travel around the world just for the chance to hear her voice. Her boss, however, is extremely strict and protective, and maintains a rigid schedule to protect her. He's worried that her beautiful voice will lure the most unwanted of people.

Oh, it's so beautiful! Hey, wait, what time is it? Oh gosh, my parking meter's about to run out. I need to go! Hey, be sure to vote in the weekly EI poll! See you next week!

08 EI Report: Song of Amour!Edit

  • Icon announceAnnouncement EI Report: Song of Amour! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Feb 08, 2013 4:07 pm

Happy Friday, EI aficionados! We've been hard at work analyzing the latest evolution of Song of Amour and it's been a lot of long nights. Some of us have been pulling all-nighters, and in fact, this morning around sunrise I actually saw one of the lab techs fall out of his chair and continue sleeping on the floor. At first I thought he'd been making wine in the toilet tank again, but nope, it was just sleep deprivation. All the hard work has been worth it though, this baby is GORGEOUS! Have a look:


Song of Amour - Despite all the protection Faith’s boss has given her. It was only a matter of time before a mysterious figure arrives with intent to take Faith away.

See? Beautiful! Oh, and don't forget to vote in the weekly EI poll! I'm so sleepy. Now if you'll pardon me, I'm going to put my head down on this desk right here and close my eyes just for a few moments. I promise I won't fall asl

15 EI Report: Song of Amour!Edit

  • Icon announceAnnouncement EI Report: Song of Amour! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Feb 15, 2013 5:15 pm

Happy Friday, EI fans! Song of Amour is getting pretty serious, and I'm getting pretty serious too-- about people taking hour-long breaks in the bathroom! See, a couple of the less-inspired lab guys like to go play games on their phone and hang out in there for long periods of time. I probably never would've noticed, but the plumber said that someone had stored a huge plastic sack full of gummy worms in the toilet tank that had ruptured and gummed up all the pipes. We had to pay a huge bill! What a mess. Oh yeah, items!


Song of Amour - Faith is becoming restless with her singing role, but her boss is very persistent, since it is her voice that is making him rich.

Ah, so nice! Don't forget to vote in the weekly EI poll to give your feedback! Now that that's over, I've got an appointment with a gummed-up drain and 300 slimy sugary worms. See you next week!

22 EI Report: Song of Amour and Paramour's Break!Edit

  • Icon announceAnnouncement EI Report: Song of Amour and Paramour's Break! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Feb 22, 2013 2:35 pm

Another week of exciting advancements in the field of Evolving Item science! Not only do we have a thrilling update to an existing EI, we've got a brand-new Rapid EI making its debut. Let's have a look:


New! Paramour's Break Knox clasped Vera's hand and gave it a light squeeze. "We're in this together then..?" Vera gazed into Knox's eyes and nodded solemnly. "Together." He brushed her hair back and linked a delicate chain around her neck. The pendant was that of their team emblem. She smiled at him and they took a deep breath.

At once, they burst out the door, guns blazing and swords flying. Nothing would get in their way to escape the syndicate. They would live their dream to escape to a better life...but that would not come without one final trial...

This week in the Song of Amour: the stranger appears before Faith again. She notices his sheath and becomes nervous as he approaches her. Before he can say a word, her boss intrudes and vows to have the stranger killed by his men if he approaches Faith again. Though she usually looks shamefully downward, Faith can't resist looking up to see this mysterious man.

Their eyes meet, and suddenly she remembers everything. Her so-called “boss” is really her kidnapper! Long ago, she was stolen away from her lover for her beautiful voice. Fidel has come to take her back. The boss, realizing who this man is was, grabs of Faith and drags her back into corridors, leaving his men behind to finish off Fidel.

My, my! All this melodrama has set my heart aflutter-- or maybe this weird thumping feeling in my chest is because I ate that delicious egg labeled "ALIEN EGG - ABSOLUTELY DO NOT EAT" from the research team's biohazard ice chest. I guess I'll find out soon enough! If you'd like one of these hot items for your personal collection, you can grab them now in the Cash Shop. Be sure to stop by the weekly EI poll and vote for your favorite!


01 EI Report: Paramour's Break and Song of Amour!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Paramour's Break and Song of Amour! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Mar 01, 2013 5:32 pm

Hey there, EI fans! Exciting updates this week with both Song of Amour and Paramour's Break! Almost as exciting as what happened to me last weekend. I was at the mall minding my own business and fell asleep inside the smoothie shop at the food court. (Seems that 64 oz. of mango smoothie knocks you right out!) You'd think there would be plenty of smoothies to drink while waiting to be let out the next morning, but they emptied the big vats and the blenders before they left for the day, so I made my own smoothie out of both of my socks and one of my shoes. It tasted awful but it kept me alive until they unlocked the doors 45 minutes later. Oh yeah, the items!


Paramour's Break - After clearing out the area, the lovers quickly ran across to their next destination. Vera's heels clacked against the pavement as they made their way for new cover. They knew all too well that more of their former brethren would soon infiltrate. Although they were a skewed type of family, the members were loyal to only one man and they would receive no assistance. The syndicate's cardinal rule was that once a member was initiated, they could not leave-- not unless they had a death wish.

As expected, another wave of henchmen came upon them. As projectiles began to fly in their direction, Knox emptied his clip and quickly pulled out two smaller pistols from his jacket and continued to fire until they all went down.

In a darkened surveillance room, a mysterious man sighed and ran his fingers through his silvery hair in annoyance as he watched the two move on... "If this keeps up, things will have to get serious."

Song of Amour - Fidel fights through the kidnapper’s men and reaches the end of the corridor. He opens the door and is surprised to find Faith locked away in a cage. With only the kidnapper now between them, he lunges upon the man and runs his sword through him. He frees Faith and the two make their exit before being caught by the kidnapper's men-- smiling and looking into each other's eyes, they leap out of an open window.

The kidnapper's men run up and look out the window at the ground below expecting to see two bodies, but finding nothing as two love birds fly out to the horizon. The soul mates are finally reunited again.

So amazing! Please remember to vote in the weekly EI poll. Time to go sock shopping, see you next time!

08 EI Report: Paramour's Break!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Paramour's Break! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Mar 08, 2013 6:19 pm

Hey, EI fans! This week, Paramour's Break takes an exciting turn when the pair is faced with a shadowy figure. Same thing happened to me a couple days ago-- some old guy came to the lab thinking we were a vacuum cleaner repair place. Before we realized what was going on he had lugged the thing in and started explaining that it wouldn't turn on, then plugged it in and it burst into flames! We put it out really quickly, but the whole lab smelled like burning rubber and plastic so I took everyone out for froyo for a few hours while the room aired out. Everything turned out just fine, and we got sweet, delicious froyo. It was so cold and sweet and good... I wonder if there are any appliances around the lab that could catch fire for a few seconds? Nothing drastic, just a small fire so we can go get some m-- Oh, items!


Paramour's Break - Vera stood up and looked across the compound. "We need to keep moving!" Knox grinned at her, wiping the sweat from his forehead with the back of his sleeve. "You look nice tonight," he teased. Vera blushed and furrowed her brows at him. "This isn't the time, Knox! We have to focus!"

A loud booming sound and smoke and fire filled the range. Coughing, they watched as the shadow of a familiar figure emerged. Knox growled, "Slater."

The man smirked. "Please tell me why my favorite duo is trying to leave our happy home? I must hand it to you both, you now have my undivided attention..." With determination, they looked on at the man. This would be it-- the final battle...

Isn't it getting really good? Better than froyo, even! Better than its sweet, addictive taste that'll make me do anything to get my hands on it. I don't need a cup, just put it right in my hands. Give give give give... Oh, vote in the weekly EI poll! See you next frozen yogurt!

15 EI Report: Bunnihilation and the finale of Paramour's Break!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Bunnihilation and the finale of Paramour's Break! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Mar 15, 2013 3:06 pm

Hey, EI fans! It's been a long week around here, but we've got some amazing news! The finale of Paramour's Break has arrived, as well as an update from Bunnihilation, which we haven't seen in a little while! Seeing things you haven't laid eyes on in a little while can be a strange feeling, like when the plumber came to my apartment last week and pulled my retainer out of the shower drain. I'd been looking everywhere for that thing! Oh yeah, items!


Bunnihilation - Some green bunny-like creature sporting a red tie once told me that the bunnies' favorite color is green, so it must be true. That means that St. Patrick's Day must be their favorite holiday!

Paramour's Break - As smoke dissipated behind Slater, more figures emerged from every direction. Slater's special forces had come to back him. Immediately, they initiated combat with the two as Slater calmly watched on.

Alongside each other, the duo skillfully did away with the goons. Slater's eyes widened with shock and anger as he watched his men dropped one by one. As fear caught up with him, he turned to run in the midst of battle. Knox quickly took notice and put a bullet in his leg, hindering his escape. Slowly, they approached the fallen man. "You may end my life, but you will never live a life of normalcy! Never!," he screamed. Vera grimaced and then closed her eyes, striking down the coup de grâce... Exhausted, they walked away.

After glancing back in reminiscence, two mounted Knox's motorbike. Vera hugged Knox from behind and nestled her head against his back, their hair blowing in the wind as they drove away from the wreckage.

When they got into the city, they went above a building top and overlooked the night around them. "This is all ours, Vera," Knox whispered. Vera smiled and embraced her lover. Finally, they could put away their weapons and live their life in peace...

Everything looks so good! Almost makes me forget that my bathroom at home doesn't work and that I'll need to take sponge baths in department store bathrooms for the foreseeable future. Oh, don't forget to vote in the weekly EI poll, and I'll see you next week!

19 New REI: Parcel PostEdit

  • Topic New REI: Parcel Post - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:54 pm

Hey gang! It's only Tuesday but there's something amazing happening! A new REI has been discovered that's first-class in more ways than one-- each evolution is a letter from a friend sending a care package from a far-off place! You know, speaking of the post office, I can't go by there anymore. Someone mailed me a cake during the holidays that got all soggy and gross and began leaking out of its box. They won't deliver to my apartment anymore! Now I have to pretend I live next door! Oh yeah, the new REI!


Parcel Post - "Hi---ii!

Wow, can you believe I packed everything in time to make my flight?! I think I might have left a bowl of soup on the TV, but I DID remember to bring Miupii!! Phew! I'll send you some cool stuff and a picture with Miupii when I land! Cheers~!"

How cool! You can grab Parcel Post from the Cash Shop right now! See you on Friday for your usual EI report!

22 EI Report: Parcel Post!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Parcel Post! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Mar 22, 2013 6:17 pm

Hey, EI fans! Big week around here, Parcel Post is a brand new REI that's already putting its stamp on the world of Evolving Item science! Get it, "stamp"? Because it's about writing letters. Okay, I'm really sorry about this. Hey, the items!


Parcel Post - "Hi--ii!! Uwaaa, my flight was sooo long! It was almost bedtime when we landed-- or morning the previous day?? I'm so jetlagged! We're staying at a traditional hot spring resort, though, so I got to have a hot soak that night. I've sent you a souvenir towel and a robe?? I think?? Maybe you shouldn't bathe with it, though, it was pretty expensive!! Byeeee!"

Let me apologize for that awful stamp joke. I was in traffic this morning and everything on the radio was awful-- in fact, a commercial came on that had lots of police siren sounds and I screamed and slapped my radio to turn it off, then I got lost in thought and came up with the stamp joke. It sounded good at the time! Oh, remember to go vote in the weekly EI poll, too! Anyway, yeah, I'll burn myself some CDs so this never happens again. Bye!

29 EI Report: Parcel Post!Edit

  • Icon announceAnnouncement EI Report: Parcel Post! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Mar 29, 2013 4:54 pm

Hey, EI fans! This week's Parcel Post comes to us from the old kingdom, and it seems your friend is really enjoying the trip! The last time I traveled abroad, I picked up all sorts of diseases that my immune system wasn't prepared for-- Hog Fever, Green Lung, Sticky Scalp Syndrome, Laughing Cough, Boruff's Malady, Fiddler's Passion, and Shrinky Leg. Most of that stuff went away pretty easily, but I still have nightmares about my head sticking to my pillow. Oh yeah, items!


Parcel Post "Hii---ii!! Wow, I'm writing to you from a tea shop, touristy much?? lololol. Time to unwind after Fashion Weekend-- I heard the new Queen was in attendance, but I couldn't get into the Cherry Nakamura show!! >o< Still I got you this cool Cherry reversible tee and a wig I scored from a designer friend backstage. Dry clean only, duh!!"

So neat! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to apply a series of ointments to various parts of my body. Go vote in the weekly EI poll, and I'll see you next week!


05 EI Report: Cafe Miam and Parcel Post!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Cafe Miam and Parcel Post! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Apr 05, 2013 4:11 pm

EI fans, hello! Parcel Post has a new development this week, and there's a whole new REI in the form of Cafe Miam! It's great stuff, I think it'll generate lots of "viral" "buzz" around Gaia! Truly, we're "engaging" in "new media paradigms" and "building the EI report brand" over here. Our "social reach" is through the roof and I can't find my "car keys" because I'm in a "daze" after a 4-hour "webinar" filled with "social media buzzwords" and I can't remember my "middle name" and, oh yeah, the items!


Cafe Miam - Cariana has been flitting from one job to the next, never able to hold one down for more than a few days. As hard as she tries she hasn't been able to find her true calling in life.

One day she receives a letter and out falls an elaborately decorated key. "Dear Ms. Cariana", it begins, "We have been impressed with your work experience and would love to offer you the job of barista at Cafe Miam starting tomorrow. Please arrive promptly in the morning and let yourself in with the enclosed key. Our manager will provide you with training and you'll be making high-quality coffee in no time!"

Cariana doesn't remember applying for a job at Cafe Miam much less the cafe itself. This whole thing seems strange but she's always wanted to make coffee and she does need a job.

Parcel Post - "Hi---ii!! Boy, luxury cruises sure are tiring! I'm staying with a friend over Spring Break, she goes to a really prestigious all-jellymaid academy near Ghisguth's Trench. Have you tried crystalfish sashimi?? Probably not, it's soooo rare! Too bad. Anyway, I'm sending along an academy uniform and some genuine 100% tentacle extensions, just fyi, no heat styling!! Ciaoooo~"

I love it! The new REI is so cool, and Parcel Post is taking a new and exciting turn! Please go vote in the weekly EI poll while I go call my mom and ask her where I live! I can't remember! See you next week!

12 EI Report: Cafe Miam & Parcel PostEdit

  • Icon announceAnnouncement EI Report: Cafe Miam & Parcel Post - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Apr 12, 2013 3:44 pm

Happy Friday, sciencenauts! It’s been another exciting week at the EI lab, packed with science laughs and science tears, the giddy thrill of discovery and the agony of failed experiments. Well, maybe not all that stuff, but we did get a new eye wash station! We had to stop using the old one because everyone was letting their dogs drink out of it, which was pretty gross. To tell you the truth, though, we’ve been letting dogs drink out of the new one, too-- we just can’t say no to those little cuties! Oh, right-- we have some new EIs to talk about, too, including a thrilling finale!


Cariana finally finds Cafe Miam nestled in the back of a quiet cobblestoned street. Aaaa~ the cafe looks so cute and cozy! She enters with the key and looks around, not really sure what to do until the manager arrives. Finally the door jingles open and in walks— A DOG?! He strolls behind the bar and hands you an apron. This must be the cafe's manager, Tarquin Barnaby II.

In the finale of Parcel Post, your friend's tall tale has risen to stratospheric heights...

"Hi--ii!! Wow, vacation flew by! I know I said I'd be coming home at the end of the month, but guess what?! I'm orbiting the planet aboard Paradise 5, and I've applied to become a Galactic Angel!! I know, right? It's very exclusive. I guess I'll have to fight some interstellar bad dudes and get some cyberoptic implants, but mostly I'll be singing karaoke!! lolololol~~ Anyway, it's space station policy to discard all worldly goods, so I'm sending you my international Miupii collection. The Galactic Angel Miupii has real star fragments! They're kinda sharp and glowy, be careful! Byeeee~ ~ ~ ~!"

Wow, these look great! Another fine week for science. You can get these cute items and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop. Oh, and don’t forget to stop by our weekly poll and vote for your favorite! Whoops, I have to go-- Bernice is bathing her ferrets in the new eyewash again... this I gotta see!

19 EI Report: Cafe Miam!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Cafe Miam! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Apr 19, 2013 6:23 pm

Hey, EI fans! We've got an update this week from Cafe Miam that's full of sweet drinks! Speaking of sweet drinks, I tried a new energy drink the other day that had me positively bouncing off the walls. I ended up running 6 miles, then I came home and crashed hard and had the weirdest dreams! I was practicing kissing a pumpkin and it was my secret shame, but at some point I turned the pumpkin around and there was a weird bearded face on the other side wearing sunglasses that said, "Give me a nice kiss," and I woke up in a cold sweat. Oh yeah, the items!


Cafe Miam - As Cariana sets up Cafe Miam for the day (with the help of Tarquin of course), the first customers start to slowly stream in. She's a little nervous but luckily the first orders are easy. A straight up large mug of coffee, a coffee and milk with donut special... no problem! But then someone comes in and orders an extra large cappuccino with extra foam and cinnamon... oh no! Tarquin lets out a bark and starts pointing his muzzle at the equipment. Amazingly Cariana is able to understand his instructions as Tarquin points and barks through the steps. WOAH this cappuccino is as big as her head and it smells delicious. This is fun~

Ah! I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so... super excited! Check out Cafe Miam in the Cash Shop right now, and be sure to vote in the weekly EI poll! See you later!

23 New REI: Dark Heart!Edit

  • Topic New REI: Dark Heart! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Tue Apr 23, 2013 3:29 pm

Hey, gang! Something amazing happened in the lab today-- one of the techs kickflipped over a refrigerator that was on its side! See, some litterbug dumped their old refrigerator behind our building so we've been spending the last couple days out there sitting on it and hanging out and stuff, and here he comes full speed on his board and WOOOOSH! Oh yeah, and there's a new REI, Dark Heart!


Dark Heart - Desmona the Dark was loathed and feared by the people of Elwynne. Her younger sister, Annise the Light, was greatly beloved for her fair visage and pure mien. With jealousy in her heart, she sought to overthrow Annise and control the denizens of Elwynne.

Desmona flit through her Book of Shadows, searching for the perfect spell to cast on her fair sister. As she gathered ingredients to place in her magical cauldron, she wondered- whatever would she conjure? Perhaps a poisonous apple, the classic potion, or something much more sinister?

After repeating a chant three times, a hilt rose to the surface as a voice spoke out to her. "To overcome your dreary plight, you must carve out the heart of Annise the Light..."

Wow, okay, that's so much cooler than a kickflip over an old appliance! Check it out in the Cash Shop, and I'll see you Friday for your usual EI report!

26 EI Report: CCafe Miam and Dark HeartEdit

  • Topic EI Report: Cafe Miam and Dark Heart - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Apr 26, 2013 2:50 pm

Happy Friday, science friends! What a fine day for some evolution: the sun is shining, the science is sweet and the relentless march of progress proceeds despite the sometimes unbearable human cost! Let's see what our talented technicians have cooked up this week: looks like an update to our newest EI and a delicious finale for another!


Cafe Miam - Cariana has so much fun working as a barista at Cafe Miam that closing time completely sneaks up on her. Tarquin runs to the back room and reappears with a fancy looking certificate in his mouth. What's this? Looks like he must of really liked her work because she's being promoted to Assistant Manager!

Cariana is about to head out but Tarquin is giving her some major puppy eyes. She then spots a doggie bed behind the counter and realizes Tarquin doesn't have a place to stay except the cafe. Even though she's only known him a day, she's too much of a softie and can't say no to that face. She invites him to live with her. Besides, she has a good feeling she'll be at Cafe Miam for a long time.

Dark Heart - From out of the bubbling cauldron a hilt arose. Desmona took hold of the magical blade and felt a rush of great power. "Yes, this will do nicely..." Desmona walked over to her grand wardrobe and tapped her chin. Whatever would she wear for such an occasion?

Intrigued? Scientifically stimulated? Stop by the Cash Shop to grab these items today! After you do, don't forget to stop by our weekly EI poll to let us know which items you like the best. Till next time!


03 EI Report: Dark HeartEdit

  • Topic EI Report: Dark Heart - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri May 03, 2013 5:27 pm

As we boldly crest the edge of another weekend, let's pause for a moment to ponder the glory of science! Science: it's what computers and birds are made of. Every time you start your car, that's science; whenever a bowling ball falls on a man's sandwich from the 30th floor window, that's science. And, of course, you can thank science whenever our newest evolving item reaches new levels of darkness and depravity:


This week in the Dark Heart: Desmona combed her ebony locks and topped her crown with her favorite hat. As she admired herself in the mirror, the mysterious voice repeated itself in her head. She knew not to whom the voice belonged, only that it gave her exhilarating power.

Throwing on her luxurious overcoat, she smiled at her reflection. "After today, the people of Elwynne shall bow down to me. Perhaps... I shall even become their queen!" She glanced over at her blade and began to ponder how she would carry out her cruel deed. Her lips curled into a grin as the images of Annise's imminent death danced through her head. She giggled to herself. She would find great joy in this.

Thrilled? Intrigued? Hungry? Well, we can help you out with the first two: just swing by the Cash Shop to pick up Dark Heart today, or one of the many other wonderful items we've got for sale. One more thing: don't forget to stop by the weekly poll to vote for your favorite EIs!

10 EI Report: Dark HeartEdit

  • Topic EI Report: Dark Heart - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri May 10, 2013 4:00 pm

Hello, EI fans! Friday is here again, and you know what that means: it's time for science! In addition to our usual update on the newest item evolutions, I've also prepared a brief lecture on the fourth dimension. Here it is. Ahem. The fourth dimension is where ghosts live. Cubes are twice as big there, and they look absolutely stupid. One day, man will reach the fourth dimension, but he will instantly explode when he gets there. Thank you. Anyway, here's the latest evolution from Dark Heart!


This week in the Dark Heart: Annise sat in the heart of the magic forest, humming a peaceful tune. She favored the halcyon ambience of the woods and the elusive creatures within.

A sudden snapping of branches and crunching of foliage beneath treading feet disrupted her thoughts. "Who might lurk yonder," Annise inquired.

A dull light grew brighter as Desmona emerged from the shadows, holding a magical flame within her palm. Annise's eyes lit up with surprise. "Dearest sister..."

Do you dare take part in this chilling little tale? Just visit the friendly stardust twins at the Gaia Cash Shop to pick up a Dark Heart of your own-- and tell them a little about the fourth dimension while you're there! They love that stuff! Oh, and make sure to vote in our weekly EI poll on your way. Till next time!

17 EI Report: Dark Heart & Art of EspionageEdit

  • Topic EI Report: Dark Heart & Art of Espionage - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu May 16, 2013 4:28 pm

Are you ready for some Frience? You see, “Frience” was my attempt to combine the words “Friday” and “Science” into one catchy, branded buzzword. I don’t think it’s working. It looks misspelled, and it shorts out the part of your brain responsible for pronouncing stuff. In science, it was what we call “an experiment,” and it was a terrible failure. Look, I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. To divert your attention to more pleasant matters, I’ve got some great Frience news: not only do we have a fantastic finale, we’ve got a brand new Rapid Evolving Item!


New! Introducing the Art of Espionage: You stumble upon an imperial fan in your quarters; it bears the mark of royalty. A note falls out:

“After careful review of your application, we feel that you are qualified to serve the country. Starting at break of dawn, you are to attend the academy for intensive training.”

As you don the uniform left behind by your ancestors, you feel the adrenaline pumping into your veins. The time has finally come to prove yourself.

In the chilling finale of the Dark Heart: Desmona's eyes hardened as she dismissed her flame and drew her blade. "Ah, Annise. I lack the time for chatter, for your end is nigh!"

Annise beheld her sister with despair and shook her head. "Desmona, you have a darkness in your heart, but it does not have to be this way."

She stood, brushing leaves from her dress, and held out her hand towards her turbulent sister. "Please Desmona, you are beautiful and loved. Come with me. Show the people that you are not as cruel as they believe...”

Desmona hesitated for a moment before gathering her senses. "No!" she screamed, and lunged for Annise with her blade thrust. Before the edge could pierce her heart, Annise suddenly dispersed in a glittering display into the form of a gilded bird.

Desmona fell forwards and looked up as the bird hovered momentarily. "You mustn't listen to this dark man," Annise uttered wistfully before flying away.

Back at her lair, Desmona contemplated her bitter failure. Her eyes glazed over with tears as she recalled Annise's kind words, and her heart began to ache at the thought of being reunited with her sister.

"Do not waste thoughts on absurd propositions, Desmona. You have failed in your quest. Do you really think this land of halfwits could love you so easily? You are as cruel and twisted as I."

Desmona straightened herself up. "Please...tell me...who are you?" A sudden sharp pang shot throughout Desmona; she watched in horror as her heart was torn from her chest. As Desmona fell limp to the ground, a shadowy figure emerged from the fog of the cauldron, holding the still-beating heart. "My dear, you may call me...Mephiste."

Dear me! And here I was holding out for a happy ending. You can grab these wonderful items now in the Gaia Cash Shop-- and don’t forget to stop by our weekly EI poll to let us know which ones you like best!

22 New EI: Emerald DreamEdit

  • Topic New EI: Emerald Dream - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Wed May 22, 2013 3:50 pm

Incredible news, ladies and gentlemen: by popular demand, we've got ourselves a new full-fledged EI! The fantastical Emerald Dream brings a fashionable update to a beloved tale of a girl, a dog, and a strange world of witches and wizards:


Emerald Dream: Life was so simple in The Dreamer's black-and-white world. She spent her days doing chores on her family's farm, her faithful pup Milo always by her side. But one day, she and her little dog found themselves whisked away to a magical, brightly-colored kingdom...

Want to get in on the ground floor? Head to the Cash Shop now to be among the first to grab this glorious new EI.

24 EI Report: Art of Espionage & Emerald DreamEdit

  • Topic EI Report: Art of Espionage & Emerald Dream - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri May 24, 2013 4:51 pm

How’s your Friday, young scientists? I’m guessing it’s great, now that your favorite science program host is here to fill you in on all the incredible news in the world of evolution. This week, we’re reminding you of our latest big EI, plus checking the progress of your espionage training:


New! In case you missed our announcement earlier in the week, there’s a new full-fledged EI on the market: Emerald Dream will whisk you away from your monochrome existence and transport you to a strange new world of magic and color.

This week in the Art of Espionage: your first week of training has been tough, but you’re determined to rise to the challenge. It’s hard enough just keeping yourself warm and protected, but giving up is simply not an option.

That’s all for now, science pals. Join us next Friday for the next batch of updates; till then, you can keep yourself busy by voting in our weekly EI poll, or browsing the Cash Shop for some new EIs. See you soon!

31 EI Report: The Art of EspionageEdit

  • Topic EI Report: The Art of Espionage - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri May 31, 2013 5:16 pm

It's everyone's favorite part of the week, and not just because we're about to begin our two-day bender of weekend excess: it's EI time! In this edition, we've got a thrilling new update to our latest REI:


It's now the second week of your training in the Art of Espionage, things just keep getting harder. But you won't let that stop you-- your eyes are lit with fire and passion as you leap through every obstacle they throw at you. You know this is where you were always meant to be.

That's all for this week, friends. Head over to the weekly EI poll to let us know which items you like best, or head to the Cash Shop to grab some EIs. See you next time!


04 New REI: Ruined SoulsEdit

  • Topic New REI: Ruined Souls - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Tue Jun 04, 2013 2:23 pm

Big midweek science news, friends: we've just received word of a new Rapid Evolving Item hitting the shops today, and it seems to be leading us into the realm of the macabre...


Ruined Souls Her name was Charise, and she was Daegal’s one hope. Oh, the memories he kept of her-- she was the light that chased away the darkness, her cheerful demeanor as fragrant as the incense that flooded her tomb. They were young and in love once, blinded by happiness, without a care in the world. But nature can be cruel to its most fragile creatures; those least deserving of death are overtaken by it, while the strong are left to suffer the loss. Still, Daegal wondered why Charise had been taken from him. The years after her passing were full of grief, turning his heart black with bitterness, sadness and a desperation deep enough to lead a man to consider unspeakable things...

Truly a chilling prelude to what will certainly be quite an interesting new REI. If you'd like to follow its progress-- in the form of great items, of course-- you can pick up Ruined Souls in the Gaia Cash Shop now.

07 EI Report: Art of Espionage, Ruined Souls & BunnihilationEdit

  • Topic EI Report: Art of Espionage, Ruined Souls & Bunnihilation - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jun 07, 2013 3:28 pm

It’s a big week at the Evolving Item lab! We’ve got three items updating this week, so all of our technicians are running at full steam, twisting knobs and adjusting dials late into the night-- for my part, I’ve helped keep them awake using a technique I learned during my school days: what we do is get a big funnel with a tube attached, then put the tube in someone’s mouth, hold the funnel above their head and pour in a few gallons of lukewarm coffee. It peps them up every time! A few irregular heartbeats here and there, but that’s the price of progress...


This week in Ruined Souls, our latest REI: Daegal considered the unthinkable: could the dead be raised to life, and if so, how? He tirelessly studied various forms of black magic, hoping to find the answer, but there was none. Was he the only one in the world to ask such a thing, Daegal wondered, or was it really so taboo that no one dared to investigate? Daegal cursed in frustration, but his cry would not go unheard. From beyond the outskirts of town, deep within the forest, across the stones of an unnamed ruin and beneath its gleaming waters, a voice called back.

Your commitment to learning the Art of Espionage continues. After a long session of weapons training, you find a hairpin mounted on the door. The pin is the symbol that you’re now ready for the final test... and her majesty will be in attendance!

This time around, Bunnihilation gets its stylistic influence from the far east. I hear they have things over there called Bunny Cafes, where for a small fee you can pet bunnies till your hands go numb. Dang, that sounds like fun!

That’s all for now, friends. Remember to stop by our weekly EI poll to let us know what you like best this week. If you’d like to pick up one of these items for yourself or a friend, you can stop by the Cash Shop.

14 EI Report: Art of Espionage, Ruined Souls & Emerald DreamEdit

  • Topic EI Report: Art of Espionage, Ruined Souls & Emerald Dream - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jun 14, 2013 5:48 pm

It's been another busy week at the EI lab. During last week's experimentation with high-dosage coffee delivery methods, several members of the research staff were sidelined with racking jitters, and still more were hospitalized with caffeine-crash comas. Luckily, we've found a new way to take the edge off: we've supplemented our coffee intake with 24oz cans of 4HOBO, a high-potency malt liquor energy drink. It was pulled from the shelves a few years ago because a bunch of college kids started weeping blood, but we've managed to get it reclassified as a research chemical. It's doing wonders for our productivity-- we've managed to discover new evolutions for three different items, including one amazing finale!


The empress has arrived to witness your final test in the Art of Espionage: you must battle your way through an elaborate and deadly obstacle course. She's hypnotized at your expert footwork as you overshadow one opponent after another. Declared the final winner, you kneel before the empress and recite solemn vows to serve your country. She smiles at you and thanks you for your dedication, knowing that you'll become one of her empire's most valuable assets.

This week in Ruined Souls: "Come," the voice beckoned. It was faint as a whisper, ethereal in the way it echoed, but definite enough for Daegal to know that it was not his imagination. The voice lead him into the thick of the forest, far from town, until finally he emerged on the plateau of the mysterious ruins.

"Come," it encouraged, drawing him closer to the edge of what was once a well. The waters were alive with souls that reached up as if to overtake him; it was clear to Daegal that this place was likely a gateway between this world and the next.

"You wish to bring back what is lost, but such power does not come without a high price. Offer yourself as a sacrifice, to be used as a channel for spirits, and in return possess the power to awaken the dead and command their souls."

Overwhelmed, Daegal fell to his knees. He knew the price would be great, but who or what would he become in exchange? In his moment of weakness, the spirits conjured an image of his beloved Charise, tempting him with memories and the promise of seeing her again...

In this week's Emerald Dream, the Dreamer awakens in a strange new world of color, surrounded by tiny villagers buzzing around excitedly. She turns to see the source of their joy-- it's her house, smashed into the ground, a pair of fuchsia slippers wedged beneath! The Bunnykins thank her profusely for stomping out the evil witch, but the Dreamer weeps and wails to go home. A beautiful woman appears in a burst of light, introducing herself as L'grand Couturier. She promises to help the Dreamer return home, beckoning her toward a brightly-colored road...

That's it for this week, friends. Remember to stop by the weekly EI poll to vote for your favorites, or stop by the Cash Shop to grab some EIs for yourself. See you next week!

21 EI Report: Ruined SoulsEdit

  • Topic EI Report: Ruined Souls - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jun 21, 2013 7:24 pm

Ready for your weekly EI update, science friends? Good, because that's exactly what you're about to get. I'm a great mood for it, too-- morale at the EI lab is at an all-time high! We were a little anxious earlier because some technicians told us that an underground vat of strong narcotic research chemicals had leaked into our water supply and AC vents, but then all of our concerns melted away, for some reason, and were replaced by a curious feeling of well-being, euphoria, dizziness and sleepiness. Anyway, we've got a great new update to Ruined Souls:


This week in Ruined Souls: The spirits chased away Daegal’s doubt, flooding his mind with images of what he could be: A man of great power, a revered Witch Doctor, unlimited in knowledge and capable of doing what was once thought impossible... and all he needed to do was willingly submit. Tempted by the promises of these visions, blackness began to corrupt Daegal. But as this darkness threatened to overtake him, a white mist began to pour in, engulfing the area with the calming spell of incense, a fragrance that Daegal recognized from Cherise’s tomb...

SNRK! Huh? What? Sorry, I dozed off there for a second, and had the most wonderful dream of deep black oblivion. Maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a second... but first, be sure to share your EI opinions in this week's poll. Stop by the Cash Shop to grab some EIs for your own collection!

28 EI Report: Ruined SoulsEdit

  • Topic EI Report: Ruined Souls - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jun 28, 2013 6:22 pm

Not so fast! I see you slinking off to enjoy your weekend, but I can't let you slip past without a brief harangue about the miracle of science. We've only got one Evolving Item getting an update this week, but it's certainly worth a look: it's the conclusion to the macabre tale of Ruined Souls! What's to become of poor Daegal?


This week, it's the finale of Ruined Souls: the soft sound of a single person’s footsteps could be heard, circling the mists around him. What was this-- some divine intervention, trying to stop him from making this choice now that he was committed to making this sacrifice? Angered, Daegal searched the mists, demanding that whoever it was to show themselves.

The mist began slowly to fade, just enough to reveal the silhouette of a woman, walking towards him. She dangled the incense chamber at her side, which carried the calming fragrance. Daegal waited—frozen in place as her features became plain to him…it was Charise.

Just as the years had changed Daegal, so she also changed in spirit: beautiful, like a goddess walking on air. Her presence left him speechless. Had she returned to him? Yearning to touch her, he reached out to lay a hand upon her cheek but felt nothing but a cold sensation.

"No power is worth selling your soul for,” she told him, “and not even these spirits can promise you a power great enough to raise me from the dead as I was...” Her smile softened the pain in his eyes, as she took his hand in her own. “You’re tired... suffer no more, join me and rest.”

Her words were short, sweet, and calming... Daegal could not argue. When the mist cleared—they were gone, and well restored and purified as all the entities that had polluted the place had gone.

You can grab this item now in the Cash Shop. Also, remember to stop by our weekly poll to tell us which items you like best. See you next week, friends!


05 EI Report: Hoarfrost Pass & Emerald DreamEdit

  • Topic EI Report: Hoarfrost Pass & Emerald Dream - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Wed Jul 03, 2013 4:48 pm

Ready for a just-below-fatal dose of science, EI fans? As always, I'm happy to oblige. Say, why is everyone buzzing around the EI Lab so excitedly? This can only mean one thing: a new Rapid Evolving Item has been discovered! Judging by everyone's unbridled excitement, I'd say there's something mighty special about it, too. Meanwhile, one of our lavish full-fledged EIs is getting another dreamy update.


This week in Emerald Dream: Following L'grand Couturier's directions, The Dreamer and Milo walk for many miles along a bright golden road. They arrive at a large swath of wheat fields. In the center they find a strange man surrounded by crows. He calls himself the Superficialist, and he tells the Dreamer his sad tale: he lacks anything behind his mask and is unable to keep his fields clear. The Dreamer offers to take her new friend along, for at the end of the road, L'grand Couturier has promised they'd meet a powerful wizard who would solve all of their problems.

New! When you first enter Hoarfrost Pass, you can choose between the intertwined tales of two warriors, each with their own deadly methods:

Hoarfrost Pass: Centurion - Cicero is a centurion of the Empire, far south of the wastelands. Bade by the emperor to rescue his youngest daughter, kidnapped by a mysterious enemy, he finds himself struggling survive the uncharted wastes. At the infamous pass, he is challenged by a nomadic northern warrior, a barbarian. Cicero's sophisticated techniques best his opponent, but only just; Cicero is startled and impressed by the warrior's raw passion and strength. Although all he knows about the northmen indicate that they can't be trusted, he takes a risk and proposes a bargain: he'll spare his life if he'll help him navigate the land and find the princess.

Hoarfrost Pass: Northman - Stieg "the Wretched" has mastered survival in the wasteland. He was once known and feared for his "blood rage" in battle; eventually his ability became so consuming that he lost himself, attacking even his own comrades. His own people believed he was a devil and felt no empathy, and exiled him. One day he cast his runes and read that he would meet a stranger from a warm land who could change his fate. He finally meets him at the Pass, a warrior from the south empire; Stieg challenges him, believing his fate will change through battle, as it always has. However, his opponent's calm and controlled fighting style is new to him, and he finds he's unable to invoke his blood rage against it. Upon defeat, he agrees to the man's terms... with no intent to follow through. He vows to cut his throat at the soonest chance.

You can grab these exciting EIs in the Gaia Cash Shop now! We'd also love it if you'd stop by the weekly poll and let us know which Evolving Items are your favorites. See you next week, friends!

12 EI Report: Hoarfrost PassEdit

  • Topic EI Report: Hoarfrost Pass - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jul 12, 2013 6:17 pm

It's another week packed with thrilling discoveries, science fans: at their very best, Evolving Items give us stirring glimpses into fantastical worlds. We're definitely getting one this week from Hoarfrost Pass, our newest REI. I can't wait to see what wonders it'll lay before our inquisitive eyes this week:


This week, in the twin tales of Hoarfrost Pass: the warriors travel further into the wasteland, hunting for signs of the stolen girl. Each man keeps a vigilant eye on the other, watching for threats or openings. Since they study little else but their companion, they inevitably notice small details.

Cicero observes the way Stieg finds fish under the ice, the practical way he carves animals and cures hide, how he tracks signs across the ice and snow. He realizes the Northman is not barbaric, merely better adapted to the land than to polite society. Cicero begins to wonder how this stranger would react to his homeland in the south, the great empire with its grand stone temples and shining gold sculptures, the likes of which have never been seen by northern men.

Stieg, determined to betray his companion, begins to spy on Cicero during his training exercises. He is again impressed by his controlled technique, noticing his scarless body (compared to his own, scarred a dozen times) and recalling the ease of his defeat. He's suddenly no longer ashamed to have been beaten by this warrior, who has obviously seen battle yet never taken a wound.

On the twelfth night into their journey, Stieg realizes somewhat uneasily that he doesn't want to kill the Centurion. Meanwhile, Cicero imagines showing Stieg his faraway city, all the while knowing the Northman could never set foot there, where he would be viewed by those less observant as a barbarian, lower than a dog, and executed...

I can't wait to see where this rugged tale of brawny, masculine companionship takes us next! For a firsthand view, you can pick one up today in the Cash Shop. That's all for this week, friends; remember to stop by our weekly poll to let us know which items you like best. Till next time!

19 EI Report: Hoarfrost Pass & PandaistaEdit

  • Topic EI Report: Hoarfrost Pass & Pandaista - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jul 19, 2013 3:49 pm

Is it Friday already? This week really raced by due to the swift pace of scientific discoveries in the EI Lab. For example, we discovered that catnip doesn't work on people, even if we trick Dr. Rick into eating nearly six pounds of it! But we also have plenty of EI news that's nearly as exciting as that. We continue the tale of Hoarfrost Pass, and we're thrilled to introduce a new Rapid Evolving Item: Pandaista! Let's take a look, shall we?


This week in Hoarfrost Pass: Far into the wasteland, Stieg and Cicero find tracks leading to an abandoned fortress on the ice. They split up to search, only to discover the fortress is not deserted...

Cicero finds the princess in a high tower. She begs him to stay with her in the Northlands, away from her overbearing father. He refuses, determined to fulfill his duty to the emperor. The Princess' eyes grow empty...

Stieg finds the princess in a low dungeon, readying her sword. She smiles darkly and says, "Two brave warriors... Two Princesses. One of us is real, possessed. The other..." She giggles. "My double is with the Centurion now. The Princess is a strong warrior... We have probably already killed him!"

With a roar, Stieg launches himself at the woman, and steel meets steel. She's strong, stronger than him, but she's from the same school of combat as Cicero, and so Stieg knows her techniques. Until suddenly, the second Princess appears, face twisted, and Stieg is overpowered, his axe knocked from his hand. The Princesses raise their swords together for the killing strike...

At that moment, Cicero bursts from the shadows and intercepts the blow, taking a near fatal wound to protect his friend. Stieg sees the blood, and slips into his berserker state. The Princesses are taken aback, not expecting this display of passion from the lone warrior. The pair suddenly find themselves at his mercy, and just as Stieg raises his axe to slay them both, he hesitates. At that moment, he realizes he can control the blood rage that he had been helpless against before. He chooses then to strike down the Princess with the shifting face, and leaves the other unharmed. She gasps and collapses, relief and gladness returning to her eyes. The Princess is saved!

Stieg agrees then to help the Princess and the wounded Cicero return to the southern warmlands. He binds the wounds carefully and they begin the journey back to the Pass, where they will part ways.

On the last night, they have a large fire, and the Princess takes leave early to rest. In the early hours of morning, she imagines she hears soft whispering over the crackling of the fire...

New REI! Introducing Pandaista: The city of Akihabeara, epicenter of all ursine matters, is holding their annual Panda Convention! Thousands from across the world make their way to the bustling district to get a piece of the action, and self-proclaimed Pandaistas Qin and Ling are among them.

Though the two are strangers, their like-mindedness lands them both at the same starting point. What better way to begin their long and exciting day than to start from the basics? There's only one store that fits the muzzle: Bear Essentials!

While Ling busies herself in the fitting room, trying on an array of cute panda undergarments, Qin takes pictures of mannequins with his cellphone. When he finds a pair of boxers he likes, he makes his way to the fitting room and bumps into Ling just as she's leaving. Surprised, his finger hits the phone's camera shutter... and in the confusion, she mistakes him for a peeping tom! Qin apologizes profusely and declares his innocence, summing up the whole thing as a huge misunderstanding. Ling, still suspicious, decides to forgive him ...only after he further apologizes with some small gifts: a pair of bangles with a cheap ring.

A week of high drama in the EI world! You can get in on all the action yourself by picking up these items in the Cash Shop. Oh, and don't forget to stop by the weekly poll to let us know which items you like best. See you next week!

22 New EI: Aria DannataEdit

  • Topic New EI: Aria Dannata - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Mon Jul 22, 2013 4:07 pm

There's no greater thrill than starting the week with a new EI! The hardworking researchers at the EI Lab have stumbled upon a wonderful new breakthrough, packed with operatic drama and artistic torment...


Aria Dannata: A struggling playwright chances upon an unfinished opera one night. She finds the play so moving and beautiful that she decides to finish it, though it gives her an ominous and chilling feeling. Her pen scribbles across the paper feverishly and it consumes her entirely. The play is sad and dark, full of deceit and death, but with a beautiful mourning tone.

And that's just the start of this strange tale... as time goes on, Aria Dannata will continue to flourish in unexpected directions. Intrigued? You can buy it today in the Gaia Cash Shop, along with plenty of other great EIs! Why not stop by and have a look around?

26 EI Report: Aria, Hoarfrost, Pandaista & Emerald DreamEdit

  • Topic EI Report: Aria, Hoarfrost, Pandaista & Emerald Dream - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Jul 25, 2013 6:06 pm

Friday is here at last, eager science lovers! It's been utter pandemonium in the lab this week: beakers flying everywhere, mostly at me; heavy objects nearly falling on me; near-fatal forklift accidents involving me. Oh, wait a second... I just realized my research staff might be a little angry that I've been making them work 22 hours days. But the results speak for themselves: we have a jam-packed report this week, with evolutions from four great items:


You still have a chance to get Aria Dannata, our newest EI, before its first evolution! This operatic item is sure to build to an incredible crescendo, so make sure you're in on the ground floor.

It's an eventful week for Pandaista! Qin walks down one of the streets and happens upon a crowd in front of a flashy store. Curious, he makes his way to the front and finds that Furinge Salon is having a promotional deal! Buy a headpiece of your choice and one of their talented hair stylists will style your hair to match for free. Pawsome! Not caring if this will end up as a bad hair day, he darts into the store. Moments later, spots a neat beanie mounted on a mannequin’s head. Happy with his choice, he makes his purchase and takes the receipt to the connected salon.

Ling patiently looks around the station while she waits for the stylist to come back. Noticing someone has taken the seat beside her, she peeks over and spots an adorable beanie. “Cuteee!” She squeals gleefully and asks, “Is that your item?” “Yeah,” a male voice responds, “Spiffy, isn’t i—AH!” A look of surprise passes Ling’s face, a similar expression mirrored by the boy sitting next to her. Without thought, she exclaims, “It’s you! Peeping Tom!” And just as quickly, he counters, “I'm not!”

Regret at her sudden outburst shames Ling into silence. He really wasn’t, the association had just slipped out. Twiddling the lensless glasses in her hands, she occasionally glances at the boy occupying the next seat over before muttering a small apology. “It’s okay,” Qin comments, “It’s just embarrassing,” “Pfft,” Ling snorts, “EmBEARassing.” Catching her pun, he bursts into laughter, causing her to do so too. The two hair stylist returns to a pair of customers in a giggling fit. Looking at one another, they shrug and smile in amusement as they begin working their magic on the now happily conversing pair.

Emerald Dream - As the Dreamer and the Superficialist make their way along the yellow road they soon come upon a loud clanging sound. A man dressed in all shiny metals stands along the road preening, quiet proud of his fabulous collection of clothing. He has no heart and no time to appreciate anything but himself, so the pair offer to take him along.

Hoarfrost Pass - Upon his return to the city, Cicero is offered the Princess in marriage for returning her safely. He tells the emperor, "We still don't understand the enemy which took her. I would rather have permission to travel north again, to investigate further threats to the empire." The emperor is reluctant to lose the hero, and deliberates for several weeks. At last, he agrees.

Meanwhile, Stieg travels west to his homelands. His people recognize that he is no longer enslaved to his blood rage and allow him to live among them again. Now he carries a different weight on his shoulders. One day, an eagle finds him, carrying the latest of many letters. It contains an oath, promising the sender will meet him at the pass before the month ends. Stieg reads runes before he sets out on his journey, and sees the quiet pattern of the dawn stars.

Long after Cicero has left his city, a whisper spreads. A shaken servant, a woman responsible for dressing and bathing the girl since she was small, tells it one evening to her close friends. She speaks of a small girl with a birthmark shaped like a cornflower, and a woman who returned from the Northlands who had no birthmark. She speaks of a darkness in the Princess' eyes that others do not notice. The next morning, the servant is gone.

Far in the north in a frozen fortress, a woman's body lies, the flower mark on her skin buried and secret with her, beneath the ice and snow.


That's all for this week, friends! Tune in next time for more scientific news. In the meantime, you can keep yourself busy by voting in our weekly EI poll, or head over to the Cash Shop to stock up on all the finest items. Here's wishing you all an unusually fond and misty farewell!

30 New REI: Moira's Fashion FlashbackEdit

  • Topic New REI: Moira's Fashion Flashback! - Posted: [NPC] Moira Mon Jul 29, 2013 5:48 pm

When you look as good as I do, you get a lot of questions. "Where'd you get those boots?" "You ever cut yourself on those studs?" "Is that a bug in your hair?" The short answer is usually just to send 'em by the Durem Depot, where I've got everything a style-conscious person with a taste for the grimshadowy could want. But there's one question with a longer answer: in a world with infinite fashion choices, how did I decide on this look?

You see, I wasn't always skull-and-crossbones Moira with an attitude the color of an inkwell. I used to be a-- well, a goody two shoes. Early to bed, early to rise. Straight A's. Teacher's pet. But all the studying that my parents made me do backfired. I saw all the amazing things-- wild, crazy, delicious things-- people had done throughout history and I wanted a taste of it. So I started experimenting, not knowing where I would wind up...


Moira's Fashion Flashback - Here you see young Moira the bookworm, dressed to disappear at the library. Little does she know what a journey she is about to begin.

Normally I'd be telling you to come by my store, but this week you should take a trip to the Cash Shop to get my special REI. Of course, we know how the story turns out-- I wind up looking awesome-- but there are more than a few twists along the way!

31 EI Report: Aria Dannata Is Now On SaleEdit

  • Topic Aria Dannata Is Now On Sale - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Tue Jul 30, 2013 4:31 pm

Some people say that evolution is a natural, directionless, unavoidable phenomenon. Some say that it happens because dwarves rearrange our body parts a tiny bit each night. And yet I must now put forward a third theory: that it can happen as the result of a concentrated outpouring of interest from the Gaia community.

One of my assistants has observed a curious instability in the Aria Dannata EI, one that is causing it to go on sale before it morphs into its second generation evolution this Friday. For a limited time you can get the first gen for only 699 Gaia Cash, saving you a hefty 300 GC! My hypothesis is that the sale and impending evolution are the result of Gains' powerful desire for evolving items, but it will take years of research before my team can come to a conclusion.


In the mean time, head by the Cash Shop and scoop up your Aria Dannata before the sale ends!


02 EI Report: Aria, Pandaista, & Moira's Fashion Flashback!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Aria, Pandaista, & Moira's Fashion Flashback! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Aug 02, 2013 6:56 pm

Friday is finally here, and not a moment too soon! It's been a busy week in the EI lab, and some of the students have been upset and less than eager to help out with research. Some of the experiments seem to have escaped, though I use the term escaped loosely. Clearly, the experiments are still lurking about the lab, so technically, it is not a real escape, is it? I don't know why they are so upset about this "incident". One thing they are not upset about, however, is the fact that Aria Dannata, Pandaista, & Moira's Fashion Flashback have made some fabulous evolutions this week!


Aria Dannata moves along at a chilling pace: Nearly a year has passed and the mysterious opera is finished. The cast has been hand picked by our Playwright and audiences flock to the opening night. The city has been abuzz with whispers and rumors about the budding young writer and her tragic masterpiece.

The curtain rises on a chilling scene. The lone Count Fantasme, heir to a great unknown treasure stands alone. His expression is that of terror and sadness, he is stricken with an unknowable grief. The audience gasps! A silhouette moves in the shadows of the theater, making it's way to the unexacting Count.

A loud cymbal crash, a flash of crimson. A scarlet cloth falls from the Count's hand as his assassin stabs him, only once. He falls with a loud crash, blood welling on his lips. A pool forms beneath him, and the actors scream.

The prop knife clatters to the ground slick with blood, not a prop at all. Our Playwright rushes to the stage as chaos breaks out in the theater. She clutches the Count close, whispering to him words of love as he dies. The actor's body goes still, he was her fiancé in truth.

Pandaista continues to follow the adventures of the fashionably cute and quirky Qin and Ling! Qin and Ling leave the salon together, ecstatic about their new dos. However, once outside, Ling realises a problem with their recent change in appearance. "Hey," she says, "Don't you think we're a little--" "Incomplete?" Qin grins cheekily as he finishes her sentence before adding, "You know what this means." She pumps her fists excitedly and throws them into the air, screaming, "SHOPPING!"

The two hop from one store to the next, picking up trinkets and clothing, yet unable to find what they are looking for. "What an epandamic," Ling sighs. "Fur real," Qin concurs. They slump against one another, expelling deep twin sighs. Just then, an idea hits Qin. "Since we can't seem to find something for ourselves--" Ling intercepts, completing his sentence, "Why don't we shop for each other?! That's a great idea!"

Unsurprisingly, both end up at Pandora, a spiffy store that specializes in all things pandaface. The two meet up in front of the fitting rooms and hand over their finds, anticipation building as they try on the clothes. "Pandastic!" Ling squees, bursting from her stall first and twirls in the dress and necklace upon her body. Qin follows quickly after, laughing in his sweater and tri colored scarf, only to stop abruptly when he sees her. An odd feeling of familiarity flits across his memory, but he can't quite place it. Ignoring it, the two then decide to continue browsing the store.

Moira's Fashion Flashback gives us all a little more intimate understanding of our fiesty and fabulous Moira! Moira pulls out a large history book of fashion throughout the ages and the first thing that strikes her is the bold style of rockabilly from the 1950s. This is where rock and roll really took off and it excites her! Moira loves the strong feeling these women evoke but they style might be a tad too feminine to her so it's time to experiment some more.

Wow, that is a lot of activity for one week - how exciting I can't wait to see how they continue to evolve! At any rate, you can grab these exciting EIs in the Gaia Cash Shop now! We'd also love it if you'd stop by the weekly poll and let us know which Evolving Items are your favorites. See you next week, friends!

09 EI Report: Pandaista and Moira's Fashion Flashback!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Pandaista and Moira's Fashion Flashback! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Aug 08, 2013 8:31 pm

Goodness, can you believe it's Friday already? I thought today would never come! Especially after we had that unexpected incident in the lab that turned half the interns a rather fetching shade of tangerine. I tried to convince them that it was a cosmetic improvement, but not everyone appreciates the color orange like I do. Nonetheless, scientific progress marches on! We have some magnificent evolutions to report on today, with Moira's Fashion Flashback continuing its remarkable journey through the most fashionable decades, and the stunning conclusion to the "panda"monium of Pandaista:


This week in Moira's Fashion Flashback our heroine's exploration of the worlds of fashion, music, and culture throughout the decades takes her to the mid-1960s! But after a week of what she calls the "Three Fundamentals of Hippiedom" -- flowers, feathers and fringe -- she grows weary of the happy-free lifestyle and quickly realizes she wants something with a harder edge.

It's only natural that Moira moves on with the times and finds herself drawn to punk movement of the mid-1970s. Now this is more like it! A definite 360 from her bookworm days. Moira feels like she's heading in the right direction, but punk music tends to be a little loud and aggressive. Besides, Moira isn't sure she's ready to shave her hair into a mohawk and get hundreds of piercings. Time to explore the decades a little more!

And on Pandaista, the day is drawing to an end as Qin and Ling slowly stroll down a busy street, almost unaware of the people breezing past them. The pair find themselves surprisingly content in the comfortable silence of one another's company as they head towards the grand finale of the convention: the Pandaista Fashion Show. Suddenly, Ling’s cellphone lets out a shrill noise that shatters the quiet moment. She quickly glances at her phone and Qin can't help but notice her face instantly pale. “Something the matter?” he asks, concerned. Bearly able to conceal the urgency in her voice, Ling blurts out, “I’m late!" She then grabs his hand and makes a mad dash towards the stage, towing a very befuddled Qin behind her.

Ling guides them both backstage, leaving Qin in a deeper state of confusion. What were they doing behind the scenes of the fashion show? After a moment of wide-eyed staring, Qin realizes why his new companion had seemed so familiar earlier. “You’re Ling, Bear Nation’s mauldol, number one in the panda department! I’ve been bamboozled!” Ling giggles at his surprised reaction. “Don’t feel so bad! It’s the contacts”, she explains while taking out a small case. Extending her free hand, Ling continues, “We never did introduce ourselves. Hello, I’m Ling. Nice to meet you.” Flabbergasted, Qin takes a moment before folding his hand around hers, a sheepish grin on his face. “Hey, name’s Qin. The pleasure is all mine.”

With the little deceit now behind them, the fashion show goes on without a hitch. Qin sits in the front row and watches in astonishment as Ling struts down the catwalk in Bear Nation's adorable new line of unreleased casual wear. As soon as the show is over, Qin meets Ling backstage and is handed a bag. “What’s this?” he asks, surprised. “It’s a secret,” Ling responds with a sly wink. The pair of panda fanatics exchange phone numbers and take a quick photo together to help commemorate their fun and fashion-filled day. Eventually the two reluctantly bid one another farewell and promise to keep in touch. Qin peeks into the bag after Ling departs and finds a pair of new contacts in the exact color she wears. What a strange gift!

Such a bittersweet ending to Pandaista! At least, I assume it's bittersweet -- I accidentally numbed my taste buds hours ago during a routine SuperChocolate flavor test. In other news, it definitely doesn't knock you unconscious anymore. That's all for the EI report this week, but be sure to join us next Friday as we observe more fascinating evolutions! Until then, you can head to the Cash Shop to claim these spectacular items as your very own. And don't forget to vote in our weekly EI poll! See you all next time!

Also be sure to check out this amazing artwork made by the artist of Pandaista. What a way to end a fantastic REI!


16 EI Report: Aria, Emerald Dream, Fashion Flashback & Peyokon!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Aria, Emerald Dream, Fashion Flashback & Peyokon! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Aug 16, 2013 5:07 pm

Friday is here! And you know what that means, don’t you? Experimental elective surgery! But on a vastly more exciting and less incriminating note, it also means that today we’re looking at all of our amazing Evolving Items! I can’t believe we’ve got so many to cover today: Aria Dannata, Emerald Dream, and Moria’s Fashion Flashback have all added some incredible evolutions to their lineup this week, but that’s not even the end of it! A new REI has emerged today, full of wonder and mystery! What will the verdant Peyokon have in store for us?


Aria Dannata: A week has passed since the tragic opening night of the Playwright’s opera. The assassin remains at large, and she is stricken with maddening grief. The Playwright locks herself away in her home, unable to eat or sleep, as she desperately pores over the pages of the play. She repeats the last lines her fiance ever spoke, and flips forward to where the play should have continued on.

Lady Rozabella is absolutely bereft at the loss of the Count. While she is now next in line to inherit her brother’s massive fortune, money does little to comfort the sweet girl. Instead she tends to her precious roses to distract herself from her sadness. One chilly evening, a loud scream pierces the silence. A servant rushes outside to find the source of the sound, only to discover a body twisted among the rose bushes. He realizes that it is Rozabella, broken and bent from her four story fall. The flowers surround her corpse almost like a perfumed halo, blood dripping from her thorn-pricked skin to stain their once white petals a ghastly crimson. The servant’s eyes flick upwards just in time to see an unfamiliar silhouette dart away from from the window.

The Playwright is hunched over her script when a sudden sharp knock at her door pulls her out of her feverish reading. After a few seconds an envelope is slipped under the crack of the door. The Playwright reluctantly sets the script aside and tears open the wax seal of the envelope. As she reads the letter her entire body starts to shake. Although she can barely believe it’s true, the actress playing Rozabella -- the one that she had personally picked! -- has met a gruesome end whilst attending a party on Rose Avenue, having plummeted to her death after a balcony collapsed beneath her.

Emerald Dream: The trio’s journey on the Golden Road has been long, but their adventure is far from over. As they wander along the path they come across a figure dressed in exquisite red silks, trembling in terror at the side of the road. He seems utterly terrified by the approach of the Dreamer and her new friends, but once it is clear that the three strangers mean him no harm the frightened man introduces himself as the Waif. Sympathetic towards his plight, the Dreamer pleads with the Superficialist and the Connoisseur to allow the Waif to travel with them. Eventually they relent, and so the Waif joins the others as they make their way down the Golden Road. As they travel the Dreamer questions the Waif about his past, but finds him reluctant to answer any of her queries. Still, given the elaborate finery that the Waif is enrobed in, she can only assume he is some sort wealthy noble or royal runaway...

Moira's Fashion Flashback: After her brief stint in the world of punk, Moira decides to jump right into the neon-colored fun of the 80s, when new wave was all the rage! But Moira feels as if all the cheer and synthesizers aren’t allowing her to express her true, angsty feelings. It isn’t long before she discovers goth culture, and soon enough Moira is rocking fashionably dark looks with the best of them! Still, as stylish as she feels, Moira realizes that she misses all the bright colors and enthusiasm from before. It seems like she has no choice but to keep exploring to find that happy medium!

Peyokon: The Peyokon is an extremely rare plant creature, known for its obstinate nature and tendency towards laziness. As a result it’s tricky to cultivate, but with lots of love and attention they’ve been known to blossom! Can you give the Peyokon the care it needs to grow into a true companion?

Wasn’t that exciting? I believe I might even have the vapors! Or perhaps I’ve inhaled too many chemicals again. Who knows? Who cares?! I can’t wait to see more out of all these fascinating EIs, so be sure to head to the Cash Shop to pick up these amazing items today! And don't forget to vote in this week's Evolving Item poll while we wait for more developments!

23 EI Report: Peyokon and Moira's Fashion FlashbackEdit

  • Topic EI Report: Peyokon and Moira's Fashion Flashback - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Aug 22, 2013 5:06 pm

Well, another week has passed without the ever-grinding gears of natural selection tossing us in the can, so let's celebrate with an Evolving Item report! This week the leafy Peyokon grows into its adult form but struggles to wake up and Moira's Fashion Flashback reaches its flashy conclusion.


The rare Peyokon plant has has finally grown into its mature form, but hold on-- it's still sleeping! Only patience and care can make the peyokon open its eyes, so I guess we will just keep waiting until this sleepy little plant is ready!

Moira's Fashion Flashback - After exploring tons of styles from the 50s onward, Moira finally comes to a fashion decision! She's worn bright colors, donned somber shades, cut her hair several times and even gotten a wicked tattoo. After looking at the pros and cons... this is it... she's found her place: dressed in black with a pop of a bright color, Moira enters the ranks of the scenesters. No matter what happens, she's never going back-- they can pry her LiveJournal password from her cold, dead, leather-gloved hands. And as part of her newfound purpose, Moira decides to share it with the rest of Gaia by opening her own boutique: Durem Depot.

It's been a few years since Moira first became a scene girl and she finally decides to give her hair a more updated look with some fresh angles and bright accents. Along with that, she's got a new top with her favorite symbol!

Before you celebrate your temporary respite from the world of work, drop by our EI Poll and let us know which items you like the most! OK, thanks for reading-- now go do all the things!

27 New REI: Deen's PotionEdit

  • Topic New REI: Deen's Potion - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Tue Aug 27, 2013 3:22 pm

I’ve got incredibly exciting news, Gaians! After months of intensive research and experimentation, the REI Lab is finally ready to unveil its latest, greatest offering: Deen’s Potion!


Deen's Potion tells the story of the angelic imp Deen as he attends Ster Academy, hoping to graduate as an Imp Knight in training. The only problem is Deen has some… interesting tendencies that seem to ruffle some feathers! Can Deen overcome his natural desire to be naked as a jaybird and excel at the Academy?

Poor, poor Deen -- I know almost too well the struggles of being a student with unusual habits. Nobody at my college really seemed to appreciate my love of making pudding in the bathtubs, but I digress! Be sure to break out the pompoms and help support Deen by picking up this amazing new REI at the Gaia Cash Shop!

30 EI Report: Deen's Potion, Peyokon, and Aria Dannata!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Deen's Potion, Peyokon, and Aria Dannata! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Aug 29, 2013 7:38 pm

Happy Friday, Gaians! I have to be honest, I’m feeling a little under the weather today. Apparently you aren’t supposed to directly inhale noxious green fumes, no matter how wispy or enticing their sweet, sweet tendrils may seem. Still, I’ve got a heaping dose of science’s best medicine here to help me feel better: evolving items! We’ve got evolutions from Deen’s Potion, Peyokon, and Aria Dannata to put under the microscope, so let’s get right to it!


Our favorite angel imp’s difficulties at Ster Academy are only just beginning this week in Deen's Potion! Deen decides to greet the sunrise the only way he knows how: by stripping off his uncomfortable pajamas and standing out on the balcony to enjoy the breeze. Unsurprisingly, the Dean and the professors of Ster Academy are less than thrilled with his morning routine. After catching Deen in the act several times, they warn him to keep his clothes on or else face expulsion. Alas, poor Deen seems to be learning all his lessons the hard way.

Peyokon: Even after all this time, the lazy Peyokon sprout is still asleep! We're pretty sure it's breathing -- or at least photosynthesizing. It might seem like a strange idea, but maybe if we dressed up like a Peyokon, he'd think we're throwing a party in his honor and wake up to join us! Who knows? It just might work.

Aria Dannata: The mourning Playwright remains secluded in her home. Obsession has consumed her since the bizarre and sudden death of the play’s sweetheart, the lovely actress who portrayed the young Rozabella. Piecing together past and current events, the Playwright is overcome with deep regret and guilt for having ever found the cursed story in the first place. She now realizes that each member of the cast and crew has died in the order of their characters’ death in the play. Unable to stay quiet about her epiphany any longer, she seeks out the handsome actor portraying the Count's secret admirer and lover. She recounts the passage of the play as she ventures to find him, thinking of the pitiful and tragic end of Cesare Destino.

"Returning to the large empty castle should have been a joyous occasion full of warmth and long anticipated greetings. After years apart, separated by a long war and the great distance of the Western Ocean, Cesare had returned to the home of his heart's desire, only to discover his untimely and gruesome murder. Stricken with grief, Cesare roamed the halls of the Count's estate, trying to cling to any last remnant of his memory. The rooms hold a desolate cold that begins to seep into and wither the Soldier's heart and hope. Desperate and mad with longing, poor Cesare can bear it no longer. He walks into the sea, allowing the waves to sweep over him. The tide brushes away his tears, captures his last breath, and sweeps his body into the ocean's depths."

The Playwright is overjoyed when she finds Cesare's actor nursing a bottle of wine outside a tavern. In a nervous panic she recounts the story of the play and the mysterious deaths surrounding its cast. The actor drunkenly scoffs at the Playwright’s caution, too far gone to give it any serious consideration. In a livid fury the Playwright leaves and rushes back to her home, crushed by his lack of belief. She feels trapped, isolated, and lost. What if the play isn’t cursed? There is a chance it is only in her mind, and that all the deaths are just a series of random tragedies with no connection whatsoever. She convinces herself it was all conjecture, simply an attempt for her mind to deal with the loss of her fiance...

After drinking himself into a sullen stupor, the actor wanders home to his Riverside apartment. The paving stones along the path are wet with dew -- suddenly, he slips and cracks his skull, his unconscious body falling into the soupy murk of the riverbed. In the still morning hours of dawn the corpse of Cesare's actor is discovered on the banks of the river. Blue lipped and glassy eyed, he is somehow still as beautiful as the Drowned Suitor he portrayed.

Thank goodness, I’m feeling better already! Studying all these fascinating evolutions never fails to put a spring in my step, although admittedly one of the known side effects of Noxious Green Fume-related poisoning is extra springiness… Oh dear. Well, provided you’re feeling up to it, why not visit the Cash Shop to see all these great evolutions in person? And while you’re at it, be sure to cast your vote in our weekly EI poll. See you next week!


06 EI Report: Deen's Potion, Emerald Dream, and Peyokon!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Deen's Potion, Emerald Dream, and Peyokon! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Sep 06, 2013 11:30 am

Happy Friday, eager scientists! We here at the EI labs have been toiling night and day, working through our meal breaks (even second breakfast and fourth dinner) to make sure we bring you the latest and greatest in evolving item research. It may have resulted in a few cases of scurvy, but I’m proud to report that today’s lineup was well worth the jaundice! We’ve got evolutions from Deen’s Potion, Emerald Dream, and Peyokon to look at today, so let’s dive right into some truly incredible science!


Deen's Potion: Deen’s favorite class at Ster Academy so far is Physical Education. It’s the only class that doesn’t force him to wear his itchy uniform, and if he gets sweaty enough he even has an excuse to take off his shirt! Of course, Deen sometimes gets so carried away that he ends up removing everything, which generally ends with him streaking across the field, much to the dismay of the shrieking female students and the panicked instructors. Eventually, Deen’s quest for complete freedom results in a severe punishment: he needs to remain fully clothed while in PE.

Still, Deen is determined to see his year at Ster Academy through! He’s given a little respite when Winter Break starts, allowing him the chance to return home and be as naked as he pleases. Although Deen couldn’t be happier to spend some quality pants-free time, our favorite angel imp is also eager to return to Ster and keep studying to achieve his goals. Only one more semester to go!

Emerald Dream: The Dreamer and her friends plod onward along the winding bends of the Golden Road. The foursome (and Milo) have been traveling for what feels like ages, hoping to catch some glimpse of the powerful wizard L’grand Couturier told them would be at the end of the path. Even after all this time, though, it feels like the end is nowhere in sight. The Dreamer clutches Milo to her chest, her feet starting to ache terribly in her fuchsia slippers, and begins to wonder aloud whether she’ll ever be able to return home. Before she can even finish her sentence, however, a resounding crack all but shatters the travelers’ eardrums. A cloud of thick black smoke suddenly envelops them, leaving the Dreamer and her companions gasping as the smell of brimstone assaults their senses. As the smoke starts to thin out, a beautiful woman clad in black and green silks moves to block their path, her eyes narrowed in distaste.

“I am L’enfant Terrible. And I believe you have my shoes.”

Peyokon: Even after all your careful attention and loving care, the Peyokon remains stubbornly snoozing. Why hasn't it woken up yet? You've spent so much time with the lazy little plant that you've even got a sprout growing out of your head now!

Wasn’t that incredible, friends? It almost brings a tear to my eye! Or maybe that’s because I just squirted some juice from this orange the doctor is making me eat into my eyeball. Either way, it stings horribly! That’s all for the EI report this week, so make sure you vote in this week’s Evolving Item poll to tell us which one you liked the best! And if you want to take a look at these scientific marvels, drop by the Cash Shop! We’ll see you next Friday!

10 New REI: Firefly's FlameEdit

  • Topic New REI: Firefly's Flame - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Tue Sep 10, 2013 4:09 pm

Zounds, Gaians! It looks like those months our unpaid interns spent toiling in the science caves have paid off, as we here at the EI Labs are finally able to reveal a brand new REI: Firefly’s Flame!


Firefly's Flame: Her Royal Highness Princess Firefly of Radiant Forest (heretofore referred to as H.R.H Princess Firefly) hereby proclaims that, due to overwhelming demand, there has been a change to the application process for the permanent position of personal suitor to H.R.H Princess Firefly. The Princess states that she has finally liberated herself of the old tomes and wizened scholars who helped prepare H.R.H Princess Firefly for her glorious rule; while the Princess considers herself more than capable and perfectly willling to to take over as Queen once “dear old daddy toddles off to that airy marshland in the sky”, the Princess would also like to take advantage of her temporary freedom and have a bit of fun. Any applicants must now submit a list of their qualifications along with one (1) "the rarest flame" of their choosing. Applicants will be judged based on these submissions by the Princess herself to determine the most suitable applicant for the position.


Wow! Talk about pressure. I’m not even sure what my rarest flame would be! Perhaps that bunsen burner I once nicked from the Thomas Edison museum… Well, never mind that. If you think you have what it takes to please Princess Firefly, be sure to stop by the Cash Shop and pick up this fantastic REI!

13 EI Report: Firefly's Flame, Aria, Deen's Potion, and PeyokonEdit

  • Topic EI Report: Firefly's Flame, Aria, Deen's Potion, and Peyokon - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Sep 13, 2013 12:16 pm

Happy Friday, my little bunsen burners! Did you know that Friday the 13th is scientifically the most unlucky day of the year? It’s true! In the interest of scientific inquiry, I tested this theory by walking underneath about a dozen ladders and crossing paths with at least sixteen black cats. I managed to escape unscathed, but the builders who were on top of those ladders weren’t so lucky! I had no idea cats were so adept at climbing ladders and so very angry at the people on top of them. Well, to counteract the bad luck, I’m here to give you a massive dose of the good! We’ve got evolutions from Firefly's Flame, Aria Dannata, Deen’s Potion, and the amazing finale of Peyokon to observe today!


Firefly's Flame: Princess Firefly sends her message of deepest sympathy to the friends and loved ones of Mr. Dragonfly, who died valiantly in search of his version of "the rarest flame." He was considered by all to be one of the fastest and most agile aviators around, and his spectacular aerial acrobatics will be missed by his many fans. Unfortunately, Mr. Dragonfly’s abilities led him to believe that the fast moving light from the headlamp of a sleek automobile was the best representation of "the rarest flame" to him. Witnesses say that they never saw him fly with more speed or courage than he did that night. Mr. Dragonfly will always be remembered for this final performance -- his sleek exoskeleton blazing red, gold glinting in his eyes, and the awe-inspiring blur of his wings as he sped toward the advancing motor car. The shattered mess of the splatter that remains shall be promptly forgotten.

Aria Dannata: The untimely end of the lead actors has stalled the grand reopening of the opera for weeks, while the Playwright herself seems utterly obsessed with her witch hunt for the mysterious person or force behind the deaths. But the Opera House cannot stay empty for much longer, and the owners are growing increasingly impatient. Still, the Playwright is eager to save whomever she can. The next victim in the play was the lecherous and lascivious Lady Lush. Lush lived a life of hollow luxury, flitting from one wealthy lover to next, but as the cousin of the Count she was next to inherit the man’s fortune. She immediately rushes to the city and spends extravagantly, drinking absinthe and lounging in expensive hotels until her bank account nearly empties. After meeting with the Count’s stern lawyer, Lush goes back to her hotel to contemplate her new opulent lifestyle. She makes herself a drink, dripping cool water over delicate sugar cubes that turns the bright absinthe a milky green. Within moments Lush meets a violent end, poisoned on her bed of fine silks and furs. Despite her fate, she is grinning in death.

Desperate to make sure she is well, the Playwright rushes to the actresses home, only to find her safe and sound. In an explosion of relief and troubled nerves, the Playwright confesses the truth about the box with the beautiful and sad play inside, how it had no ending and she foolishly finished it and placed all these terrors on everyone. She blames herself for the play’s downfall and the subsequent deaths. The actress comforts her, assuring her it is most likely a conjecture from her troubled mind. Her sweet words reassure the Playwright, and the actress kindly offers to take her home. They share a small cup of tea together as the night fades into a still morning. They doze off together to the sounds of cheerfully chirping birds. When the Playwrigh she sees that the fire has gone out, but the actress is still in her home, sleeping soundly.

The Playwright stands, her cup falling from her lap with a loud crash. Still, the actress does not stir. The Playwright moves towards her, a chill filling the pit of her stomach. She gingerly reaches out, gripping the woman’s shoulder -- still nothing. She gives a slight shake. Nothing. FInally she reaches out, a scream perched in her throat ready to release, as she strokes the actresses cheek ever so gently. She is cool to the touch, but her expression is serene. The empty teacup still clutched by cold fingers.

Deen's Potion: Winter Break is over and that means it’s Spring Semester at Ster Academy! The warm weather brings with it a bit of relief for Deen: the spring uniform. Its shorter sleeves and knee-high pants are much more comfortable for him to keep on that the stuffy winter uniform! Besides, Deen worked out some of his pent up nudist urges while safe at home. All in all, Deen’s been doing so well he’s set to graduate by the end of the semester!

Ster Academy isn’t all studying and itchy uniforms, though. All year long, the Academy’s students had been looking forward to the big Spring Formal -- and it’s coming up soon! Deen’s noticed that one female Imp in particular has been really friendly with him. She even started to give him lunches every day! One balmy morning, Deen received a love letter to meet his anonymous admirer in the Great Hall that very night. Unsurprisingly, it was that friendly Imp! She confessed her feelings for Deen and asked him to be her date for the dance. However, there was one condition: he had to promise not to strip at the Formal. With a smile, Deen flat out rejected the poor lovelorn Imp. The thought of being unable to strip off his clothes and party at any time was preposterous. Besides, Deen was already planning to go all out nude with his friends after the dance anyways!

Peyokon: After what felt like an eternity of waiting, the little sprout’s eyelids start to flutter. You can only stare at it, wide-eyed, as the Peyokon finally yawns and hops out of its little pot, groggy but awake. It coos happily at you before settling down to sit by your side. Your tender care and attention have managed to wake the sleepy plant, and now you have a lifelong companion. Congratulations!

That's all for this week boys and girls, but be sure to drop by next week for further EI education! To get a look at all these fine specimens up close, head on over to the Cash Shop. And don't forget to vote in our weekly EI poll! See you next time!

To celebrate the end of Peyokon’s eons-long nap, we’ve got an adorable wallpaper for you! Click the image for the larger version.


20 EI Report: Firefly's Flame and Deen's Potion!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Firefly's Flame and Deen's Potion! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Sep 19, 2013 3:29 pm

Greetings, Gaians! Today’s report is so jam-packed full of evolutionary goodness, I’ve had to create an entirely new method of packing jam! As a result my fingers are a bit sticky, so I don’t suggest shaking my hand any time soon unless you want your fingers covered in the squashed remains of raspberries. While I go find some napkins to clean up with, I recommend you look over some of our amazing evolutions from this week: Firefly’s Flame continues to dazzle, and Deen’s Potion has its triumphant finale!


Firefly's Flame: Princess Firefly sends her message of deepest sympathies to the friends and loved ones of the young Mr. Moth Jr. Moth was a senior at the prestigious Lepidoptera University, where he enjoyed attending every possible social gathering and avoiding his studies. He was present at the National College Arthropod Association’s Football Championships when the Lepidopteran Scalewings won the final game. Overjoyed by their hard-earned win, the proud students of LU promptly set fire to various articles of public property to create a celebratory bonfire. As the whole thing was instigated by the star of the winning team, and the night was graced by a glorious full moon (Moth's friends admitted that he had a dizzying love of moonshine), Moth declared this bonfire of victory and learning to be "the rarest flame" and while flying right into it, vowed to bring it to the princess. A memorial service will be held at the site of the bonfire, as no one has been able to distinguish Moth’s ashes from those of the various books and pieces of furniture that were used to create the blaze.

Deen's Potion: It’s finally the day of the graduation ceremony! After four long years of itchy uniforms and boring lectures on what constitutes “inappropriate”, Deen has somehow made it to the very end. Our favorite angel imp can barely contain his excitement, as after graduating he will finally begin his training at the Royal Imp Knight Academy!

The ceremony is an austere affair, with the students wearing ceremonial robes and everyone else wearing formal attire. When Deen hears his name called he proudly leaps to his feet, strides across the stage, and promptly proceeds to disrobe in front of his family, friends, and professors. Needless to say, his diploma is withheld. After completing a one week course on proper public etiquette, Deen finally receives his diploma early that summer. That means he still has a few more weeks to spend with his friends, and to enjoy various clothing-optional events before Imp Knight training begins in the fall! Hopefully Deen has learned his lesson and will keep his clothes on there as well.

But we’re not so sure he will.

Wasn’t that lovely, Gaians? I must say, Deen’s graduation has inspired me to look over my old high school yearbook. See that picture? That’s me! I was voted “Most Likely to Annihilate the Entire Human Species with a Tragic Scientific Accident”. My peers certainly had a lot of confidence in me! Anyway, that’s all from the EI report this week. Make sure you visit La Victoire if you want to see these glorious new evolutions up close, and don’t forget to vote in this week’s EI Poll. See you next week!

Oh, and to celebrate Deen’s miraculous graduation from Ster Academy, we’ve got another adorable wallpaper for you! Click the image for the larger version.


24 New REI: Haute ModenaEdit

  • Topic New REI: Haute Modena - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Tue Sep 24, 2013 4:29 pm

Greetings, boys and girls! Dr. Singh here with another fascinating scientific breakthrough. One of the lab assista -- I mean, I’ve discovered a remarkable new REI, practically glittering with untapped potential! Let’s take a closer look at the fashionable new Haute Modena!


Haute Modena: Meilland was often called the luckiest man in town! He was married to Etoile, a model of unparalleled beauty who was the desire of every man she met. She smelled like the burgundy roses she favored so much, and her runway walk was a fierce, inimitable stomp that practically put all the other models around her to shame. As her husband and business partner, Meilland believed they were virtually unstoppable. Their relationship was perfect -- or so they thought…

Ooh! I love when these REIs are so mysterious and ominous. What sort of couture chaos will Haute Modena unleash? Only one way to find out! Claim yours from the Cash Shop today and let’s see where this crazy ride takes us!

27 EI Report: Haute Modena, Aria Dannata, and Firefly's FlameEdit

  • Topic EI Report: Haute Modena, Aria Dannata, and Firefly's Flame - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Sep 27, 2013 3:07 pm

At long last, Friday is finally here! I’ve been anticipating today’s report so much that I’ve barely been able to focus on my duties as head of the EI Lab! As a result I’ve mostly been holed up in my office, staring at the calendar and willing the hours to go by. Remarkably, the Labs still ran pretty well without me! I think it had something about our assistants being “less terrified” to come to work? I don’t know, I just skimmed the papers in the suggestion box. Honestly, I never pay that much attention to them! That’s probably because I’m too busy marveling at the items on today’s report. We’ve got evolutions from Haute Modena, Aria Dannata, and Firefly’s Flame to analyze, so let’s hop to it!


Haute Modena: Meilland truly believed he had everything. He was extremely successful, since managing his wife’s career was quite lucrative, and his wife was the star of the fashion world. Designers claimed she was their muse, and they practically stumbled over one another in an attempt to book Etoile for their shows. But Etoile was more than just a beautiful model: she was also kind and very generous. Meilland, however, didn't appreciate her -- for he was proud man, and very egotistical…

Aria Dannata: The Playwright is practically beside herself with terror. The murderer has been inside her home, has violated her only sanctuary! Hysterical, she flees her home, desperate to get away from the cold, stiff body of the kindly actress. Where can she go? Her home is no longer safe, and she doesn’t even want to think about the corpse in her parlor, let alone reporting it to the proper authorities. Eventually the Playwright chooses a small cafe, eager for a cup of tea to soothe her shattered nerves. Besides, all these people, all these witnesses -- what was the likelihood that her tormentor could attack here? She orders her tea and takes a few gulping, calming breaths. The opera wasn’t over yet, after all; the story still had more victims to claim. As the tea cools by her elbow, the Playwright mentally reviews the story of the next victim...

He was the former head chef of the Count’s estate, a noted saucier and an absolute wonder in the kitchen. Still, despite his many talents, the chef had few allies -- he was known for his extreme temper, his cruel perfectionism. The chef was also notoriously greedy, and it was whispered amongst the servants that he had taken to stealing from the Count’s kitchen, selling the expensive ingredients for profit. Of course, the Count found out about the chef’s misdeeds, and the man had been seen arguing heatedly with the chef shortly before his death. Needless to say, some of the servants began to find the chef rather suspicious. Rumors quickly circulated through the estate, with people claiming that the angry chef had to be the one behind the murders. Eventually, the servants could no longer contain their suspicions. They contacted the authorities, and a group of the boldest servants moved to confront him. As they approached the kitchen, however, they heard sounds of a heated struggle. One servant cautiously took a look inside only to find the chef brawling with a mysterious man. Terrified, he yelled for the other servants to flee. And they did, right into a gaggle of the authorities. A hurried explanation followed, and the authorities stormed the kitchen -- only to find the chef sprawled on the floor of his kitchen, his throat opened from ear to ear. Blood dribbled from his gaping wound, staining the fabric of his chef’s apron, while the chef stared with sightless eyes at the ceiling above. In his hand he clenched his favorite, sharpest knife, the blade flecked and reddened with bloody spatter. After a thorough investigation, the authorities ruled it a suicide -- but the rumor amongst the servants was that he was murdered, and his assailant was still at large.

The Playwright sighs and sips her tea. She feels so utterly exhausted, so drained. How much more of this can she take before she descends completely into paranoia and madness? Still, the tea has soothed her somewhat, and the pleasant murmur of conversation all around her makes her feel safe. Her eyes flick around the cafe, taking comfort in the people surrounding her, when her gaze pauses on a man reading the morning’s paper. The Playwright has little interest in him, but the headline? Unthinking, she staggers from her table over to the man and snatches his paper. Ignoring his complaints, the Playwright reads the front page article with increasing horror, her hands shaking as they clench the paper. The actor who had played the chef had been found -- or at least, his corpse had. He’d been stabbed repeatedly, violently, and his valuable belongings had been ripped from his bloodied hands. He died not long after, alone in a darkened alley, just in time for the newspapers to report it.

Firefly's Flame: Princess Firefly sends her message of deepest sympathies to the friends and loved ones of his Most Noble Beetle, the Duke of Alexandrite. Alexandrite was attending a ball being held by a high-ranking peer when he spotted the famous Imperial Star Diamond (148.348202502 carat colorless pear brilliant) being worn by the wife of a high-ranking dignitary. He was apparently attracted by the sparkle of this peerless gem, and the Duke quickly determined that it would satisfy the princess' requirement for "the rarest flame." Alexandrite flew up to the lady and politely asked if he could borrow the gem for an evening, at her convenience, with the promise that he would provide any assurance she required for its safe return. The lady, upon seeing his beautiful emerald shell on her necklace, rudely screamed and swooned in response. Alexandrite's remains are now disgracefully displayed on a pin and under glass in the private collection of some lower-ranking noble. Our thoughts are also with the families of those who have gone missing in the quest to give this noble insect the final rest he deserves.

Wasn’t that spectacular, science lovers? I tell you, evolutions like these make me proud I got into the EI research business. Well, no more moping around my office! I’m going to work extra hard to make next week’s report even more incredbile! While you’re waiting for next Friday, why not drop by our Weekly EI Poll and let us know what you think? And remember, you can see all these marvelous items up close at La Victoire!


04 EI Report: Emerald Dream, Haute Modena, and Firefly's Flame!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Emerald Dream, Haute Modena, and Firefly's Flame! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Oct 04, 2013 5:02 pm

Good Friday, budding scientists! October is here at long last, and we here at the EI Labs have been indulging in our favorite autumnal traditions! Coffees flavored with pumpkin spice, watching the leaves change color, wearing coats and scarves, picking apples… Of course, we didn’t expect the apples to scream in pain when we plucked them! When I find the lab assistant who engineered them with tiny mouths I’ll be sure to give him quite a lecture, the lovable little scamp! But now it’s time for my other favorite fall tradition: the EI report! This week we’ve got evolutions from Emerald Dream, Haute Modena, and the incredible finale of Firefly’s Flame. I’m so excited to get started!


Emerald Dream: The Dreamer and her friends are frozen in terror as the L’enfant Terrible stares at them expectantly. The terrifying witch takes a step forward, her hands reaching for the Dreamer, when Milo suddenly leaps from her arms. Much to the surprise of everyone, the heroic pooch barks furiously at L’Enfant Terrible. With a furious hiss, the witch recoils. “You and your silly little dog -- I’ll be back!” she warns, before disappearing in a swirl of silks and black smoke. The travelers stare at one another, stunned, as Milo happily trots back towards the Dreamer. She scoops him up into a ferociously grateful hug, and the group returns to walking along the Golden Road, albeit it somewhat shaken.

Remarkably, the foursome make it to the end of the Golden Road without further incident. Before them stands the breathtaking city of Emeraude, with its towering spires of brilliant green. The Dreamer and her friends make their way through the gates and ask for an audience with the wizard. After hours of waiting their names are finally called and they are led into a massive room, facing a strange man outfitted in a massive fur coat.

“I am the Showmaster, and I know why you have come.” he says, a cold smile spreading across his lips. “But first, I need you to do something for me.”

The Showmaster tasks the Dreamer, the Superficialist, the Connoisseur, and the Waif to kill L’enfant Terrible in her castle. Having no other choice, the four of them set out to face the witch and destroy her. As they travel through a desolate forest, the group suddenly find themselves choking on another cloud of black smoke. L’enfant Terrible appears before them, her eyes practically aglow with malice. With a terrifying shriek, she lunges for the Dreamer, her clawed hands outstretched and reaching for the girl’s throat. The Dreamer tumbles backwards and instinctively kicks a leg up -- and the heel of her fuschia slippers pierces into the heart of the witch. Much to everyone’s surprise, L’enfant Terrible crumbles into dust around them.

The Dreamer is too stunned to react until she feels Milo lick her hand. She releases a breath she didn’t even realize she was holding, and allows her companions to help her to her feet. The Dreamer and her friends then turn back to return to the city of Emeraude, eager to report their confusing success to the Showmaster.

Haute Modena: One day a new protégée model appeared. Her name was Elina, and Meilland instantly became infatuated with her beauty and grace. Etoile soon faded into a distant second in his mind, and Meilland was certain his heart now only belonged to Elina. However, his career seemed permanently tied to Etoile’s success -- everyone assumed they were the perfect couple! If the two separated it’d no doubt be a complete disaster for his career.

Firefly's Flame: All are cordially invited to the wedding of Princess Firefly of Radiant Forest and Prince Lightning Bug of Luminous Meadow. Firefly and Lightning were both in attendance at last month’s ball for the benefit of orphan larvae, where they found they were both drawn to each other. Upon much conversation, and a fair amount of gazing into each other’s eyes, they found that their views of rulership and social events were a perfect match. Princess Firefly proclaimed that the combined fire ignited in both of their hearts was the “Rarest Flame” she had sought. She would also like to note that she never told anyone that they would have to risk (or lose) their lives in this quest, and that obviously it wasn’t as hard as everyone was making it out to be, so there.

Incredible! Another victory for Evolving Item-related science! I’m sure you’re going to want to see these beauties up close, so I suggest heading over to La Victoire and giving them a spin! And don’t forget to vote in this week’s EI Poll! We’ll see you next week!

08 New REI: MonstrosityEdit

  • Topic New REI: Monstrosity - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Tue Oct 08, 2013 4:50 pm

You know, Gaians, I think science is kind of a misunderstood field. “Mad scientist” and “horrifying, unholy abomination” and “oh god, we’re all gonna die” are phrases I feel I hear far too often at the EI Labs. That’s the sort of defeatist attitude that I simply can’t tolerate! What’s the point of experimenting if you’re not going to break a few ethical and moral codes in the process? You gotta crack a few eggs to make an omelette, and you have to expose a few interns to unknown chemicals without their permission (or knowledge) to have scientific progress! That’s why this new REI is so near and dear to my heart. Monstrosity is all about the science, friends. And that’s what’s most important!


Monstrosity: Police find the apartment abandoned, coated with the dust of several months, its tenant vanished. Among the clutter and strewn papers they discover the journal, many pages missing or shredded, the only clue to the whereabouts of its author. On the inside cover, faint and smudged, it reads, "This journal shall serve as documentation for my theories, experiments, and discoveries, which will push the boundaries of modern science, and shake the foundations of human understanding."

Written beneath was a name, but it has been scratched out.

The journal continues…

Wow! I absolutely can’t wait to see how this all turns out. This guy sounds like a man after my own heart! So if you wanna see this fascinating new experiment up close, check it out at La Victoire. I’ll still be here, postulating and hypothesizing in the meantime!

To celebrate this amazing new REI, we’ve included this rather cryptic illustration for you to enjoy. Click the image for an even larger, more unsettling version...


11 EI Report: Monstrosity, Haute Modena, and Aria Dannata!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Monstrosity, Haute Modena, and Aria Dannata! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Oct 11, 2013 12:51 pm

Hello, Gaians, and a very happy Friday to you all! We here at the EI Labs are celebrating our favorite day of the week with a little party! As head of the Labs it’s up to me to play the perfect host, and I think I’ve done an excellent job. I’ve set out pizza, brownies, little festive hats, and punch that I made especially for the little shindig. But I’m never one to let an opportunity for SCIENCE pass me by, so I’ve dosed all the food with a variety of highly volatile medicines we’re currently testing, and I’ll be studying the reactions of all the party-goers as the night goes on! Haha! Kidding! It’s all normal food and drink that I definitely haven’t tampered with in any shape or form! At least, that’s what I wrote on the poster. Anyway! This week we’re celebrating the evolutions of Monstrosity, Haute Modena, and Aria Dannata, so let’s take a closer look!


Monstrosity: Many of the journal's early pages are gone or illegible, ink washed out with strong chemicals, pages pasted together with dried blood. At last, far along in the book, a set of pages has been preserved, some lines and words laboriously blacked out. It begins…

"Today I have made a grand breakthrough. My research into ██████████ has revealed a key process which has not yet been tested. I have kept it carefully hidden from my colleagues at ██████ ███████, and have decided to set up research in my own attic. Some of the methods I will have to employ are of questionable moral implication, but necessary, if I am to be successful.

"Perhaps if I had pursued medicine over medical research, if I were less of a scientist, I would not have the stomach to do what is required. But as a man of science, given the opportunity to know the unknowable... I am resolved."

Haute Modena: Meilland had to have Elina at any cost! During a private rehearsal on the runway with Etoile, Meilland walked side by side next to his beautiful wife. At the edge of the runway, Meilland leaned over Etoile and whispered gently into her ear, “I always get what I want, sweetheart. But you’re in my way.” Smirking, Meilland gave Etoile a rough shove that sent her tumbling off the runway. Her head cracked against the floor with a sickening thud, her body limp and twisted. It was over: Etoile’s neck had snapped, and she had died instantly. Meilland claimed that it was an unfortunate accident during rehearsal and played the part of the bereft husband perfectly. The public mourned, but no one even remotely suspected foul play. Thinking he was in the clear, Meilland decided enough time had passed and he returned to work -- this time as Elina’s manager. Things seemed to be going well, until he started hearing voices during work… “Revenge! Revenge!” The voice was a haunting wail, and Meilland instantly screamed in terror in the dressing room. Elina ran in to comfort him, thinking he was overcome with grief over having lost Etoile. After a few months, however, Meilland stopped hearing voices. He successfully managed to woo Elina and take her as his new business partner and lover, and things seemed to be proceeding as he had planned. Meilland was pleased that everything had worked out so perfectly.

Aria Dannata: A breaking point has been met as far as the Playwright’s sanity is concerned. She cannot return home, cannot go to the authorities, and her love, her poor, dear fiance has now been dead for over a month's time. The terror and anger is ebbing, replaced by a sense of emptiness and woe. She makes her way to a large cathedral near the theater. Walking the deserted rows of pews she feels a sense of calm settle over her. What is there to fear now? The play is almost ended, and only she knows the truth, the real ending of the story. Her eye is caught by the flickering of a single candle flame. As she approaches the flame changes and seems almost ghost-like. Before she can go any closer, however, a large burst of light blinds her. She steps back, raising an arm to her eyes to shield herself. The light is almost painful, and she can feel a distinct heat on her skin.

With the death of the Count’s kin and all close acquaintances his great estate rests in a state of limbo. His lawyer, a man plagued with greed, is working hard to manipulate the will and court to his favor. He takes it upon himself to explore the Count’s home at night, examining the riches that may soon be his. Still, the lawyer can’t help but feel somewhat uneasy. With so much death and tragedy surrounding the home, some have began to whisper that the house, along with the Count’s belongings, are cursed. Still, the call of the Count’s fortune is too strong to ignore. The lawyer decides to enjoy a glass of fine wine in one of the lower rooms where he’s lit a large fire for himself. The fire crackles as his eyes drift closed.

The lawyer awakes to an odd dripping sound. He opens his eyes to see a puddle on the floor before him and the distinct shape of wet footprints across the floor. All the candles have gone out, but the fire still burns happily. Suddenly, he hears the sound of a match being lit. The lawyer jumps in his skin, screaming into the darkness that silly parlor tricks won’t work on him. Slowly a figure comes into view. A pale blue flame halos a gloved hand. The figure, instead of being illuminated by the ghostly light, is shrouded in darkness. It moves closer and closer to the terrified man, raising the match to light a silver candelabra held in the figure’s adjacent hand. Drawing ever closer to the light of the fire, the lawyer can see pale feet soaked in water, thin legs, a slight build leading to the mangled mess of hair and the dead staring eyes of the Count’s late lover who had drowned himself weeks ago.

The Playwright jumps away from a loud explosion to her right. Suddenly she is surrounded by flames. The entire church---no, not the church, the opera house is ablaze. Not knowing how or why she is here she begins to rush away from the burning rafters, screaming in terror for her own life. She’s in the main hall, near the stage, near the place she had not been in so long, not since her love was lost here. She rushes towards the exit, frantic to free herself and grabs at the doorknob without a care. The hot metal burns her hands, but her fear forces her to pull, to get the doors open. She coughs and wheezes, banging on the door for help when she hears a cackle of laughter rise above the roar of the flames. She looks behind her and sees a tall figure standing there with a large candelabra. Somehow she feels a connection to the specter -- it’s not the lover from the play, looks nothing like the actor. The specter may be male, may be female, their hair is similar in color to hers, their face like a mirror all but for the sickening expression on their face. There is no terror there, never was, only humor and violence. She can no longer stand to stare at them, and ripping her gaze away she gives the door a sudden push with all her might. The door gives finally, and she spills out into the street, gasping and coughing as the Opera burns to dust behind her. The faint sound of laughter rises from the smoke and billowing flame.

Wasn’t that great, science fans? But unfortunately, I have to run! The party is about to start and -- oh, I’m really, really looking forward to it. Especially seeing that intern Donny stuff himself full of “Dr. Singh’s Speciality” pizza. I can’t wait to see that smug, smug smile wiped off his face… Well then! If you’d like to see these beautiful evolutions up close, be sure to visit La Victoire and give them a good once-over! And don’t forget to vote in the Weekly EI Poll! See you all next Friday!

18 EI Report: Monstrosity and Haute Modena!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Monstrosity and Haute Modena! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Oct 18, 2013 2:52 pm

Friday is here, and this week has been an absolute landmark in the world of safety in science! We managed to only have fifteen minor explosions in the Labs, only nine of which were unplanned. I’d like to personally thank Donny the Intern for all his hard work in promoting safety here at the Evolving Item Labs, and wish him tons of luck in his newly assigned position as the only intern on the Experimental Methods to Increase Intern Efficiency and Subservience team! Good luck there, buddy. Anyway, this week has also seen amazing progress in the world of Evolving Items! Monstrosity is continuing to impress me with its totally ethical approach to science, and Haute Modena has reached its stunning conclusion!


Monstrosity: A large section of the journal is blacked out. Scribbles and bits of text to the sides reveal it may have been a set of equations and schematics. The next entry is dated several weeks after.

"At last, I have my equipment running, ██████████ ████ ████████ and the subject of my experiment is ready. ████████████████ ████████ ████ ██ █████ ████████. ██ ████ █████ and collecting the components proved to be the most difficult; the ████████ assembly itself was straightforward, even enjoyable in a strange way. I suppose it is improper to admit so in my documentation, but I trust that those of you who have read this far are like-minded scientists, and you can understand the pleasure of seeing through a grand idea.

And such a grand idea! Such a miracle I will perform, in only a few short days, a miracle on par with the work of God himself! Mankind will rejoice when this discovery is known, when this, the greatest enemy of man, is defeated, and soon all worship will be turned to science and knowledge and truth! Oh imagine, the day in history when death itself was no more...

Ah, but I get ahead of myself... First, yes first, the experiment must succeed. It, HE, must awaken."

Haute Modena: The fashion world had been absolutely abuzz with excitement over the upcoming runway show. Not only was it to feature the most incredible haute couture of the season, but the models walking the runway were simply the best in the world! Meilland was hardly surprised that his darling Elina was chosen to be among the select few. On the day of the fashion show, Meilland took his coveted front row seat at the side of the runway and watched as Elina appeared from behind the scrim. The beautiful model gracefully wafted past him as Meilland stared, smug in his newfound success, when Elina suddenly froze at the end of the runway. A chill crawled up his spine as the sweet scent of burgundy roses drifted in the air. His eyes widened as he realized that walking towards Elina was none other than Etoile. Everyone stared in awe as she calmly made her way down the runway, the audience seemingly entranced by her beauty. A jealous sneer crossed Elina’s face as Etoile moved to stand beside her, and Meilland could take no more.

“No! I killed you!” he screamed, enraged. Etoile simply smiled as she took a step back, her back to the edge of the runway, and fell. Her head struck the ground with a thud identical to the first time Meilland had pushed her. Panting and shivering, Meilland suddenly realized he was no longer in his chair -- rather, he was standing above Etoile’s crumpled body. Only it wasn’t Etoile anymore: his beautiful Elina now laid at his feet, broken and bleeding and utterly lifeless. The audience was screaming, everyone was in a panic. “You pushed her! You pushed them both!” Meilland heard someone yell. And at that moment, Meilland felt a chill flow out of his body, the familiar perfume of roses slowly starting to fade. All he heard was Etoile’s laugh, sweet and yet somehow mocking, ringing in his ears.

Wasn’t that spectacular, kids? It’s sad to see Haute Modena go, but I think that finale was totally worth it. And who knows what next week will bring? I certainly won’t until I get that stupid time machine up and running. But nevertheless, be sure to take a good look at all these beauties over at La Victoire, and don’t forget to vote in this week’s EI Poll! See you next Friday!

25 EI Report: Seven Day Love, Monstrosity, and Aria Dannata!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Seven Day Love, Monstrosity, and Aria Dannata! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Oct 25, 2013 2:36 pm

Greetings, Gaians! Are you ready for a report packed to the gills with fantastic evolutions? Oh, I forgot to mention: I’ve modified our weekly EI reports to have gills now. I’m hoping to reach out to the Atlantean demographic, you see. No one else believes me when I insist that the city of Atlantis does exist, but I’ll show them! I’ll show them all! And then the Atlanteans will name me their mighty queen, QUEEN OF ALL ATLANTIS, and from there I will conduct all sorts of amazing research because there are no laws under the ocean, and even if there were laws I am queen and I will change them, and -- ahem. Well, I suppose that’s not really relevant. Yet. Now then! We’ve got a lot to cover today, so we better get started. We’ve got a brand new REI called Seven Day Love to begin taking notes on, Monstrosity’s fascinating story of a completely sane scientist continues, and we’ve got the spectacular finale of Aria Dannata to look at!


Seven Day Love: This Monday I fell in love with the school president. He’s a model student, but he’s also completely out of my reach! I decided to watch him from afar, my heart beating a tattoo onto my chest. He worked tirelessly and I realized then love was not a priority of his...

Monstrosity: The writing has become an erratic scrawl, describing at first the construction of additional machines, waxing poetic about the miracle of the human body, much of it redacted. Suddenly, the text becomes vicious and dark, the paper indented from the strength of the man holding the quill, the ink too heavily applied, smeared and run.

"I have failed," it writes.

"Everything went as expected. ██ ███ ██ ████ and all equipment functioned as it should. According to ████████, there should be a new life lying on the table before me. My creation, my child... Lifeless, still.

Perhaps, there is truly something unknowable about the creation of life, something that is truly only for Man's creators, for whatever beings might exist on a grander plane than ours. Perhaps man can bring all the components together, but still, we cannot bestow the most vital piece. Is there truth to the concept of the soul?

If there is truth to it, then... my God... into what territory have I trespassed?"

"What... what have I done?"

The next several pages are blank.

Aria Dannata: The smoke begins to clear as the Opera house continues to burn down. The Playwright stares with terror as a crowd begins to form around her, a group of faceless specters who gawk and point. One person begins to laugh, and eventually another starts to clap -- soon the whole crowd is in an uproar. It slowly dawns on the Playwright that the faces in the crowd are distorted representations of the audience who attended her opera. Painted faces and crooked smiles, glazed eyes that hold no expression. They clap and cheer and a few of them are recognizable as twisted versions of the characters from the play she'd worked tirelessly on and eventually lost everything to.

The Playwright screams, finally losing all remnants of sanity. The night closes in around her as her ears ring with thunderous applause and the roar of the flames. She closes her eyes and covers her ears, starting to sob as the noise threatens to deafen her. Suddenly, the cacophony is silenced. The Playwright looks up, face soaked with tears, her eyes wide with panic. Everyone is gone. She's inside the Opera house now and the flames have subsided, though scorch marks char the building’s beauty. Her eyes quickly flick down and the Playwright lets out a surprised gasp. How can this be? She's wearing a beautiful gown of the finest ruffled silks, her hair has been combed and refined into the most delicate curls. Confused, she looks around the empty stage, stares out into the audience to see a lone man.

He begins to clap, a hollow loud sound that reverberates through the entire space. With each hard solid clap the Playwright can feel her body lurch, a sudden pain in her, a pain in her throat like suffocation, the crushing feeling of her body being broken. When he stops, the pain vanishes and he begins to speak. "I was there with you in the pits of your despair. I was witness to your grief and I reveled in your death." The lone man stands, revealing the small box in his hands. He places a last sheet of paper in to the box. As the Playwright watches she knows that it is the true ending, the ending that no one was ever intended to see because in truth --

"It is your ending, dear Playwright.”

Applause ripples through the Opera hall again, a neverending ovation. The pain continues, a sharp stab of a knife, the tight clutch of a noose, the crushing pain of bones shattering on hard ground. Despite the pain she smiles, and with tears in her eyes the Playwright takes her final bow.

I can’t believe it’s time to say goodbye to Aria Dannata! Was anyone else as engrossed in the story as I was? I can really sympathize with the Playwright’s plight of a beloved creation eventually stooping to hideous betrayal. Ah, but now isn’t the time to linger on failed attempts at creating real life Pokèmon. It’s time to vote in the Weekly EI Poll instead! Be sure you visit La Victoire to see all these beautiful items up close, and tune in next week for more exciting evolutions!

November Edit

01 EI Report: Seven Day Love, Monstrosity, and Emerald Dream!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Seven Day Love, Monstrosity, and Emerald Dream! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Nov 01, 2013 4:00 pm

Happy Halloween, Gaians! Look, I know what you’re thinking. “Dr. Singh!” I hear you cry. “Halloween was yesterday, you silly goose! You must be the worst scientist ever.” Well, first off: I’m only one-fourth goose after that unfortunate splicing incident, and I’d really rather you not bring it up, thank you. Secondly, I was far too busy passing out candy to costumed children to write up a proper report yesterday! Originally I had wanted to emulate one of my personal childhood idols and hand out candy that taught children lessons about their selfish and impetuous natures, but unfortunately my attempts at modifying chocolate to inflate children into massive blueberry-like spheres were unsuccessful. So, I just handed out normal candy bars while dressed in a gorilla costume. Overall? Not a bad Halloween. But scientific progress slows its march for no holiday, no matter how spooky, and we’ve got some incredible evolutions to look at today! Seven Day Love has evolved, and both Monstrosity and Emerald Dream have their spectacular finales today!


Seven Day Love: On Tuesday I fell in love with the school idol, a frivolous flirt who spewed words of love. I tried to approach him, but he was constantly surrounded by a group of adoring fans and I realized his heart would never belong to only me.

On Wednesday I fell in love with the school baseball star, a serious athlete with a righteous streak. I cheered for him from the sidelines, but while I tried again and again to connect our hearts, his attention never left the field.

Monstrosity: At last, on the final page, there are the last few lines of text, written in the same hand, albeit far more calmly. The policeman reading discerns that it must have been written after the redactions and destruction of the book, before it was abandoned on the floor.

"I must make one final confession. I have destroyed as much of my research as I could, to make this right, to make it so it will never be repeated, before I go. I was not able to bring myself to deconstruct my creation... I have left it on the table in the attic. Do with it what you will, it will no longer matter to me.

"I confess... In my former documentation, I lied about how I procured the... components. I had tested the procedure on animals before, and found that it was ineffective once the bodies were more than 12 hours old. I was eager... prideful... so sure... I could not wait for the bodies to appear in the morgue on their own. The odds of enough people compatible with the experiment all dying within a few hours of each other were astronomical. And so…

"I have listed the names of four men and one woman below.

"Let it be known... I meant well.


"The Doctor."

The police strip the apartment, and the attic above, and find traces of a paralytic toxin. Later, the doctor's shoes will be found on a nearby riverbank, and police will conclude that he took the poison and walked into the water, driven by the guilt and horror at what he had done. They will also find evidence that despite his attempts, some of his machinery had continued to run long after he left it, and finally surged and burned out.

However, this is all the police find. The abomination mentioned in the journal, the construct that never woke, had vanished, just as its father did.

Many years later, the journal will disappear from police evidence, and never be missed.

Emerald Dream: The Dreamer and her travel companions arrive back in the city of Emeraude, where they are greeted with surprising warmth by the Showmaster. A great ceremony in their honor is held in the center of the glittering city of Emeraude. The Dreamer, the Superficialist, the Connoisseur, the Waif, and even little Milo all stand on an elevated platform surrounded by cheering citizens. They scream all the more loudly as the Showmaster appears from behind a curtain, but he motions for their silence.

“Denizens of Emeraude! Today, we congratulate this brave group of heroes for their triumph over the wicked L’Enfant Terrible, who so frequently used her powers to torment us. The witch is dead!” The crowd erupts into resounding applause, and the Showmaster waits for the thunderous sound to die down before continuing. He turns towards the Dreamer and her friends with a crooked half-smile. “Such gallantry deserves a reward, of course. I know what your hearts truly desire, friends -- and I can help.”

To the Superficialist, the Showmaster gives the gift of Intelligence, represented by a pair of thick spectacles settled on his nose. The Connoisseur receives the gift of Passion, stitched as a bright red heart across his chest. For the Waif, the Showmaster presents the gift of Heroism, with a shield to match his newfound warrior’s spirit. The three seem delighted with their gifts, but as the Showmaster approaches the Dreamer, his expression is far more serious. He settles a hand lightly on her shoulder before turning his back to the crowd to speak solely to her.

“I have a confession to make: I’m like you. I’m from your world. I stayed here because I don’t know how to return home either. I can’t give you your wish.” His tone sounds genuinely apologetic, but the Dreamer gives a slight shake of her head. A smile illuminates her face as she picks up Milo and moves to stand closer to her new friends, each one now a familiar, beloved face. The color, the warmth and vivid brightness of it all, the magic and wonder -- compared to what she used to know, it was all too beautiful and perfect. No, the Dreamer is resolved. She knows what her heart truly desires now.

“That’s because I already have it. I want to stay here. After all, there’s no place like home…”

What a fantastic week this was for Evolving Items! Can you believe we had two finales at the same time? Science is truly a glorious thing. Know what else is glorious? Looking at these marvels up close in La Victoire! Please don’t forget to vote in this week’s EI Poll while you’re out and about! See you all next Friday, if you’re not too busy being sick from the Candy Pox! Please don’t ask what the Candy Pox is. Sometimes not knowing is the better alternative.

08 EI Report: Seven Day Love, and introducing Volant Reverie!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Seven Day Love, and introducing Volant Reverie! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:11 pm

I have simply astonishing news regarding all future Evolving Items, Gaians! Are you all seated? I recommend you pull up a chair, or perhaps a couch to swoon dramatically upon. I'll give you all a moment. Prepared? All right, here goes nothing! After what seems like a dozen sleepless nights fueled by nothing but coffee and an unhealthy love of science, I've made an amazing new discovery in the world of Evolving Items! You see, we've had a wide range of Evolving Item schedules in the past -- from daily updates to month-long stretches between evolutions, it truly feels like we've seen it all! But from this point on, all new Evolving Items will reveal their fabulous new poses to us every Friday! This is still experimental, of course, but I was so excited I had to share the news with someone besides Donny the Intern. And I've got even bigger news to commemorate this fantastic discovery: not only is Seven Day Love evolving this week, but we've got a brand new EI to introduce! Everyone, say hello to Volant Reverie!


Seven Day Love: On Thursday I fell in love with the school angel, his innocent smile coaxing me into a sense of security. We became fast friends, but I noticed his gaze constantly following another. Defeated by his longing expression, I cheered him on instead.

On Friday I fell in love with the school delinquent, a bad boy who secretly fed stray cats when he thought no one was looking. I lent him my umbrella one rainy evening, but he coldly declined and told me to leave him alone.

Volant Reverie: Life in the caravan was hard for Babette. Even though her family had owned the touring circus for generations, poor Babette was rarely exempt from chores! It felt as if she'd spent her whole life combing the tangles out of the lion's mane, or helping the trapeze artists apply their makeup, or reassuring the Strongman that he looked most handsome -- even if he had gotten a little pudgier around his middle. Circus life no longer thrilled the young girl like it had once had, and Babette couldn't help but wonder if, perhaps, she didn't belong under the Big Top at all. Was there somewhere else out there where Babette could truly belong? And if so, how would she ever find it?

My goodness! I can hardly take all the excitement! Science truly is a wonderful puzzle. I highly suggest looking at these gorgeous new evolutions up close in La Victoire. Don't forget to vote in the weekly EI poll to let us know which Evolving Item you hold most near and dear to your heart! See you next Friday, Gaians!

15 EI Report: Volant Reverie and Seven Day Love!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Volant Reverie and Seven Day Love! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Nov 15, 2013 2:47 pm

Friday is already here, science lovers! Why, it feels like only just yesterday that I was scraping gunk out of the petri dishes when one of them spoke to me, claiming to be an old god reborn as a colony of greenish bacteria! Funny story: that was yesterday! And after I had thoroughly sanitized this "old god" into submission, I realized that the Labs were probably having a gas leak. I've only just been released from the hospital! Isn't science fun, kids? Now that I'm at least 75% not likely to die, I'm happy to report that we've got some pretty big happenings going on here at the EI Lab! Not only is Volant Reverie experiencing another fantastic evolution, but today is Seven Day Love's finale! Will it be a bittersweet spectacle? I certainly hope so, because I think the concept of love and romance is scientifically stupid and I'm not at all angry about having been single the past ten years! But let's take a look, shall we?


Volant Reverie: Babette finally realized that the circus life no longer suited her. She wanted something exciting and new! There was a whole world out there waiting to be discovered, and she'd never experience any of it if she stayed with the caravan her entire life. And so one night Babette crept into her parents' room, kissed their sleeping faces goodbye, and tiptoed out of her family's wagon. She reached for a gigantic helium balloon and closed her eyes, waiting to drift upwards. The sensation of the tips of her toes trailing over the grass was ever so ticklish and strange, but Babette refused to open her eyes. It wasn't until she was drifting hundreds of feet in the air that she finally opened them, watching the lights and colored banners of the life she had once known -- and even loved, at one time -- fade away below her.

Seven Day Love: On Saturday I fell in love with my homeroom teacher, a strict man who genuinely cared for the well-being of his students. I sat beside my mother during a home visit and as I listened to them discuss my future, I realized how futile pursuing this love would be.

On Sunday I fell in love with my neighbor, a childhood friend who has always looked out for me. I became aware that he continuously held my wavering heart, tending to the cracks when it broke. Gathering enough courage, I poured my feelings into a love letter and confessed ❤.

Psh! Romance! Dreams and aspirations! Such utter poppycock. What's that? N-no! I just have something in my eye! It's a side effect from the gas exposure! AHEM! Let's wrap this up quick, shall we? I believe someone might be cutting onions nearby. That's all for this week, but be sure to visit La Victoire to look at these beautiful items in person! And, as always, please vote in this week's EI Poll! See you all next week!

22 EI Report: Volant Reverie, and introducing Wandering MaestroEdit

  • Topic EI Report: Volant Reverie, and introducing Wandering Maestro - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Nov 22, 2013 1:47 pm

Friday has come at last, science fans! Can you believe it's only been a week since our last EI Report? It feels like so much has happened in the past seven days! Did you know that this is the first week in three (or possibly five, or six, or maybe seven) years that we've had absolutely no catastrophic incidents here at the Evolving Item Labs? I feel like we scientists deserve a hearty round of applause! Congratulations, all of you! You've managed to become almost competent! I've never been so proud. But that's not all the good news we have this week, Gaians: we've discovered a brand new EI that I'm sure will absolutely knock your socks off, should you be wearing any! And you absolutely should be, by the way. It's very dangerous to wander around an active laboratory without besocked feet. All righty then, let's take a look at Volant Reverie and the captivating Wandering Maestro up close!


Volant Reverie: Babette's balloon first took her to a strange world covered with a sheet of shimmering, prismatic ice. The snow stretched as far as the eye could see, but despite the freezing temperatures the world was beautiful and peaceful. Such a relief from the usual cacophony of the circus life! But Babette's sense of wonder soon faded, and she realized this icy planet was too cold and desolate. Saddened but not defeated, Babette reinflated her balloon and let it carry her over somewhere new.

Wandering Maestro: The Bard had seen a great many wonderful things in all his travels. He’d marveled at massive ivory castles with their colored banners snapping in the wind, crept through dense forests full of flowering trees that rained delicate pink petals on his head. The Bard had climbed the intimidating gray mountains of the North, whose peaks pierced into the heavens themselves, and crossed eastern rivers so still and clear that his face was perfectly reflected in the waters. All along his journey he had brought his viola, his dearest companion, and with it he plied his trade to whomever would give him an ear. The Bard had played for grand kings and their magnificent courts, all silken finery and polite decorum, but he’d also played in taverns with watery ale and cheerfully raucous patrons. He’d practiced in fields of wheat and barley for an audience of old farm dogs, and he’d composed ballads alone in a cave with little save a patch of glowing moss to illuminate his page. He had been there and done that, but so long as he got to play his music the Bard was happy.

He’d lived like this for a very long time. So many beautiful sights, and yet now the only thing the Bard longed to see was a familiar face. He came from a long line of musicians; they had all been scattered to the winds, like he had, playing for whatever audience they could find. But the Bard had located them, one by one. After all this time away from his family, after everything he’d accomplished, everything he had just learned… He had to see them all again. And so the Bard took up his viola and donned his cloak once more, the wind at his back as he started his journey.

Ah, new EIs. Funny how they always kind of smell like the interior of a new car! Or perhaps freshly baked warm cookies. A pine forest? Wait, no, now I smell burnt rubber. Huh. Wait a second... Is there a leak in the Scent Lab again? All those explosive gases... oh no. My beautiful accident-free week! I have to run and seal off an entire wing of the Labs, but thanks for tuning in, science lovers! Don't forget to vote in this week's EI Poll! I'm off to find myself a gas mask and a few brave interns. See you next week!

Get Your Evolving Items

29 EI Report: Wandering Maestro and Volant Reverie!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Wandering Maestro and Volant Reverie! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Wed Nov 27, 2013 3:17 pm

Hello, Gaians! I trust you all had a great Thanksgiving? We here at the Labs celebrated in style, which is to say we taped a couple of dead leaves to the windows and then got right back to work. Festive! Sure, I heard a lot of interns and assistants grumbling about being "hungry" or "wanting to see their families" or "Dr. Singh I've got chemicals in my eyes it burns" and other such nonsense, but that's no excuse to abandon your post! Science never sleeps, friends, and neither will we so long as there are things to discover! Anyway, we here at the Evolving Item Labs worked tirelessly throughout the entire holiday to bring you this week's report. Was it worth it? I certainly seem to think so! We've got more evolutions from Wandering Maestro and Volant Reverie to take a look at, so let's get started!


Wandering Maestro: It had surprised the Bard to learn that his mother and father were in a village only a day's walk from where he started his journey. He found them playing in an inn together, the sound of their music a familiar comfort to his heart. At first the Bard chose to simply stand out of sight, appreciating the delicate chords his mother plucked from her lute and the strong, brassy notes his father played on his trumpet. But it wasn't long before a nostalgic melody reached his ears; a lullaby his parents had sung to him as a child. Smiling, the Bard took up his viola and began to play a harmony as he made his way towards them, his heart pounding a matching rhythm in his chest.

The song gradually drew to a close and the Bard suddenly found himself wrapped in his parents' arms, hugging him so hard he felt as if he couldn't breathe. The love in their voices hadn't faded one bit, but his parents -- well, they looked different. The lines in his mother's face had furrowed themselves deeper, and her hands trembled a bit when she wasn't playing. Had his father's hair always been that gray? The Bard had come here to tell them everything he had learned recently, but he realized he simply... couldn't. Instead the Bard raised his viola and invited his parents to play once more.

So they did. All night they played and sang, until their arms were tired and their throats were sore. And in the morning the Bard put on his cloak and left the inn, his journey far from over.

Volant Reverie: Babette clung to her balloon as she drifted over countless worlds, eventually choosing one at random to make her descent. She landed in a field full of flowers of all colors and shapes, the sweet scent almost as intoxicating as this new world's beauty. She was greeted by the tiny, pixie-like inhabitants of the world who called themselves the Arnanthe. These strange natives immediately adored Babette, and she soon loved them in return. The Arnanthe took to calling Babette their beloved princess, and every day they gathered the freshest, most fragrant flowers into extravagant bouquets to present to her. But it wasn't long before Babette began to feel sick; her body was so weak, and her heart grew heavy with a terrible sadness. It seemed as if the pollen from the Arnanthe's world of flowers was toxic to her, causing Babette to fall very ill. Although Babette loved the Arnanthe and their perfumed world, she knew she could no longer stay. And so Babette inflated her balloon once more and allowed herself to be carried away, waving a tearful goodbye to the people who had been so kind to her.

Wow! That was certainly something, wouldn't you say? I know I'm a bit late, but if there's one thing I'm thankful for it's Evolving Items like these! Wanna show your gratitude? Then head on over to our Weekly EI Poll and tell us which item was your favorite! And don't forget to visit La Victoire if you want to study this week's evolutions up close. See you next time, science fans!

December Edit

06 EI Report: Wandering Maestro and Volant Reverie!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Wandering Maestro and Volant Reverie! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Dec 06, 2013 1:02 pm

Happy Friday, one and all! It's our first December update of 2013, and I figured we ought to celebrate by getting into a wintry spirit! I've made a snow machine that is currently pumping out tons of artificial snow in the Evolving Items Labs and everything is looking pretty darn festive! 'Course, it wasn't without a few hiccups. One of the assistants attempted to catch a snowflake on her tongue and I've heard she might be in the hospital for heavy metal poisoning. Which makes no sense to me, honestly! Our artificial snow slurry may have plenty of cadmium, but it has nothing to do with heavy metal bands. I don't even like that kind of music! Well, either way, there's still important work to be done. What better way to celebrate December's arrival than with a report? There simply isn't one! So let's dive right in and take a look at Wandering Maestro and Volant Reverie.


Wandering Maestro: The Bard wandered the road for several days before finally arriving at an old fort. Though its crumbling walls were unfamiliar to the Bard, the knight guarding the entrance was not. Even the Bard could see how his face split into a giant grin as the pair locked eyes, and almost immediately the knight fell out of his stiff soldier's posture.

"Brother!" he called, and with a cacophony of clanking mail the knight abandoned his post, instead moving to pull the Bard into a bone crushingly tight hug.

It wasn't long before the two of them were reminiscing over a growing collection of empty ale mugs. Their conversation was cheerful, complete with the mild teasing his brother had always needled him with, but the knight could sense that something was weighing heavily on the Bard's mind. Their happy dialogue grew far more serious as the Bard finally revealed his reasons for seeking out his family, his brother's brow furrowing deeper and deeper as he listened. But to the Bard's own surprise, the words just kept spilling out. It had always been easy to talk to his brother, but now the Bard found himself talking about his concerns, his fears. This trip was so important to him, but the next visit was one that terrified him most. After the Bard had finished, a long silence stretched between the two. Eventually, however, his brother sighed.

"Well," the knight began, and the Bard could practically hear the concern straining his brother's voice, "I think you're doing the right thing." He lifted a hand to settle it heavily on the Bard's shoulder, giving him a slight shake. "She's older now, brother. She was so young when the incident happened, there was no way she could... Well, she was too young to understand then. But she might be more forgiving now. Go see her and tell her what you told me. It'll all work out for the better, you'll see."

Even the Bard had to smile at that. After a few more cups of ale his brother demanded he play a song "for old time's sake" and so the Bard lifted his viola to his chin and played a merry air. His brother pulled out his harmonica, dented and tarnished from age, and the two performed together as if they were once again children.

Volant Reverie: Babette's balloon carried her far, far away. It felt as if she'd been traveling for ages before she was finally dropped off in a world that looked remarkably like her own. After a few days exploring this new place, Babette realized it was absolutely perfect! There was no famine, no wars, and no diseases. Everyone lived in opulent homes, spending their time eating fine foods and going to fancy balls every night. Babette settled in quickly, eager to join in the luxury of this new lifestyle. She soon grew to love dressing herself in extravagantly beautiful clothing and dancing till the early hours. After a few months, however, Babette found herself growing weary of her new "perfect" life. She had dozens of acquaintances but no close friends, and the loneliness was beginning to weigh heavily on her heart. The people of this planet were all superficial and never forged close relationships. All they talked about was where they got their clothing, or what ball they were at last night and what ball they planed to attend the following night. Children Babette's age were a rare sight, as they were considered to be far too unruly and took too much time away from going to balls. Babette saw the truth that this seemingly perfect world was slowly dying and so regretfully, slowly floated away again.

Fascinating, isn't it? Such great evolutions! I need to head out to study these amazing findings even more closely, but if you're interested in helping out then please research these items more thoroughly in La Victoire! And, as always, don't forget to vote in this week's EI Poll. See you next Friday, science fans!

13 EI Report: Wandering Maestro and Volant Reverie!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Wandering Maestro and Volant Reverie! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Dec 13, 2013 12:22 pm

Friday! The most glorious day here on Gaia! It's true! I conducted an experiment and discovered that Friday is by far the most scientifically superior day of the week. You can read all about it when I publish my findings in the upcoming issue of "This Is Not a Real Science Journal" monthly. Now, let's get down to brass tacks. We've got a great evolution from Wandering Maestro to cover, and the stunning finale of Volant Reverie so let's take a gander, shall we?


Wandering Maestro: The melancholic sounds of the songstresses' zither filled the practice room. The Bard wove his way past an excited group of dedicated fans waiting outside and entered just as the young performer's clear, bell-like voice began the notes to a charming song, forming a harmonizing rhythm with her skilled string technique. For a moment the Bard allowed his eyes to close, swept up in a song that was so familiar it made his heart ache. He'd come here to see her but this... It was a mistake.

The Bard turned, intent on slipping out before his presence was noticed, when he suddenly tumbled to his knees. He'd tripped over a music stand, but he could have sworn it hadn't been there earlier... Had he simply just not noticed?

The zither music stopped. "Papa?"

Wincing, embarrassed, terrified, the Bard pushed himself to his feet. His lips quirked into a nervous smile. "You... look just as beautiful as your mother. Although, I think she would have preferred something a little more... modest." His first real encounter with his daughter in years, and that was all he could think to say? That didn't bode well.

"How dare you even speak about her. After what you did?" The songstresses' sweet voice turned bitter, and a deep frown creased his daughter's delicate face. "She's gone because of you!"

"Please, won't you let me -- " the Bard began, desperate.

But his pleas fell on deaf ears. "Get out! Just leave and never come back. I never want to see you again!"

The Bard's mind raced, desperate to apologize, to beg forgiveness, but the aching pang in his chest stole his words. He sucked in a sharp breath and instead, he lowered his head and nodded his assent in heavy silence. Within minutes the Bard was on his way again, heading down a familiar road.

Not every reunion could end happily.

Volant Reverie: Babette floated aimlessly for a while, too heartbroken to even think of landing anywhere, when she had an epiphany. The reason why none of these other planets had felt right was because they weren't her home! Armed with her new realization, Babette steered her balloon homeward.

But so much time had already passed. The caravan had no doubt moved on by now, since part of the circus life was never staying in one place for too long. Babette worried herself sick as her balloon slowly drifted down, terrified she would never see her family again. To her surprise and delight, however, the caravan was exactly where she left it! The moment she landed she was surrounded by friends and family, all of them desperate to embrace her and ask her questions. They'd waited for months, refusing to leave until their sweet little Babette came home. Everyone had been so worried! The strongman even cried a little, although he refused to admit it.

Babette had never been so relieved or so happy. She loved the circus, she loved her friends, and she loved her family! And so Babette worked harder than ever, content and secure in the knowledge that she truly, finally, found the place she belonged.

Wasn't that something, guys? I'm sad to see Volant Reverie finish its amazing evolution, but I'd say that spectacular finale was well worth it! What do you guys think? Give us your opinions in the Weekly EI Poll and let us know! And be sure to tune in next week. Same evolving network, same evolving time!

20 EI Report: Wandering Maestro, and the new Tale of Clarion!Edit

  • Topic EI Report: Wandering Maestro, and the new Tale of Clarion! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Dec 19, 2013 2:48 pm

Friday is here, my scientific chums! Can you believe how quickly this month is going by? Of course you can! Because I just told you it was! And you should believe everything I tell you, no matter how bizarre or potentially incriminating. And let me tell you this: we've got an amazing report lined up for you today! Wandering Maestro has evolved once more, and we've got a brand new Evolving Item to look at called Tale of Clarion! Let's dive right in, shall we?


Wandering Maestro: The Bard had never expected to arrive at his home in such a state. No longer full of warmth and music, the cottage now smelled of old wood and earth, yet nothing had changed. He knew his way around very naturally, having navigated through it in the dead of night countless times in the past with ease. Everything was just where he had left it. The kitchen with its rusting pots and pans, his bedroom full of her silken clothes he hadn't the heart to throw away, and a painting of a talented songwriter and her beloved husband hanging next to an antique piano over by the window, where she used to play and enjoy the sun together with their young daughter.

The Bard carefully touched the surface of the polished wooden instrument, finding the piano covered in a layer of dust that had settled in his absence. He seated himself on the bench as his hands carefully arranged themselves on the keyboard. Despite its age and lack of care, the first note he struck sounded as pure and clear as when his wife had last played it. His eyes closed as his fingers drifted lightly over the keys, remembering their cool ivory touch, and instinctively he began to play. His wife had always enjoyed playing the joyful songs: the rousing marches, the heroic ballads with their happily ever afters. But the Bard knew, when she thought no one else was in the cottage, that the music she chose to play was soft and sad; a quiet serenade of loss. Sitting at this piano, surrounded by memories decaying into nothing, he understood why.

Hours later and the Bard was standing on the hill that his cottage overlooked, the breeze rippling the grass and flowers around his feet. Out here the air smelled of honey and vanilla; sweet and familiar. It smelled like her.

Tale of Clarion: Once upon a time, two young heroes discovered a mysterious magical artifact while they were out exploring: the Clarion. The Clarion was a bell prophesied to lead those who found it to an unknown land full of adventure and wonder. The two heroes had heard of this prophecy, and upon finding the Clarion knew at once that their lives were forever changed.

That's all for today, but be sure to tune in next week for more science-y goodness! You can check out this great items at La Victoire, where I'm sure Jet and Cygnus are taking very good care of them. Oh, and don't forget to vote in this week's EI Poll! See you next Friday!

27 EI Report: Tale of Clarion and Wandering MaestroEdit

  • Topic EI Report: Tale of Clarion and Wandering Maestro - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Tue Dec 24, 2013 12:56 pm

It's the last Evolving Item report of the year, my little scientists! We've had such amazing evolutions to study all year that I have no idea how we're going to manage to top ourselves in 2014, honestly. Perhaps we'll only be able to match it! But I suspect that we'll come up with something even more amazing. After all, my resolution is to conduct even more recklessly dangerous experiments next year! I will say that I couldn't be happier to be finishing up our year with these two amazing EIs, however. Tale of Clarion is still impressing us with new evolutions, and Wandering Maestro's beautiful story ends today!


Tale of Clarion: The two heroes followed the Clarion until they arrived in a misty meadow. As they stared around in wonder, the pair realized that they had been given a remarkable skill: the gift of sight. Although it allowed them to see further and more clearly than they ever had before, neither of them understood why they had been given such a boon -- at least not yet.

Wandering Maestro: The Bard remained on that peaceful hillside for what felt like ages. He couldn't help but reminisce about how he used to watch the sunset with his wife and daughter from this very spot. They played together, singing happy songs until the sun dipped just below the horizon. But the Bard never expected those words the Songwriter had uttered, shattering the facade of their carefree days with the news of an illness she had been hiding. The Bard had cared for her as best as he could, but he knew without a proper healer, there wasn't a chance. On that hillside, feeling the wind against his skin, he felt nothing but gratitude towards his brother, who had watched over his family as the Bard rushed to the nearest town. Desperate to find a cleric willing to provide their services for only a musician's meager gold, the Bard eventually managed to secure the aid of a kindly old healer. But by the time he returned, the Songwriter had already passed -- slipped away from them all in her sleep. Gone in an instant, without a chance to even say farewell.

The Bard vowed never to return to the hillside where they scattered her ashes. And yet, with just one last chance to see it, he knew this was where he had to be. The sun was setting before him, and the Bard could only make out a sky smeared with orange and pink hues. He slowly sank into the soft grass, surrounded by the scent of his wife's familiar perfume.


A heavy heart filled with regret lifted its weight from the Bard's chest as he took in a deep breath. The scene before him that had haunted his memories was suddenly peaceful. There was no response to his words, save the quiet twittering of a few birds as the world faded into a blur, but the Bard knew she had heard. He just had to say it aloud. The Bard closed his eyes, holding the image of that quiet hilltop, with its bright green grass and pale yellow flowers, in his mind. His eyes slowly opened and he exhaled, head turned up to feel the warmth of the setting sun on his face. He could no longer see its beauty, or appreciate the splendid color of a sunset, but he could feel it. That feeling, and the scene he had inscribed in his memory forever, would be enough. The grass quietly rustled around him as a breeze rippled through, almost like the sound of footfalls, as the Bard reached for his viola and began to play.

Wasn't that amazing, guys? What a way to go out with a bang! That's all for this week, but be sure to check in next Friday when we'll have more incredible evolutions to discover! You can see these beautiful items and lots more at La Victoire. And don't forget to vote in this week's EI Poll if you get the chance! See you all next year!

Our amazing artist has provided a lovely finale illustration for Wandering Maestro!