06 Gary's Island Adventure, Daughter of SnowsEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Gary's Island Adventure, Daughter of Snows - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jan 06, 2012 5:32 pm
I hope you all had fun over the holidays, but now it’s time to put those science muscles back to work-- and what better way to get your brains back in shape than with an EI report? This week we have an update on Gary's Island Adventure and a spiffy new Rapid EI:
Gary's Island Adventure continues! This week, Gary builds a crude raft (his first and only escape attempt) which promptly sinks... is he doomed to forever languish in his paradise prison?
Daughter of Snows: In the Northern Kingdom, the people are accustomed to long harsh winters followed by brilliant bursts of spring. However, winter has lasted for years with no end in sight and there are no clues as to where spring has gone. When word reaches the kingdom that the answer lies further north in the jagged mountains, the king sends a contingent with his daughter, Princess Sashenka, in charge. Not only is she the beloved heir to the throne, but she is also the kingdom's most brilliant mind.
Boy, how I do love Fridays! You can pick up Daughter of Snows at the Cash Shop, and don’t forget to vote in the weekly EI poll for your top picks!
13 EI Report: Prince of the Sea,Gary's Island,Daughter of SnowsEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Prince of the Sea,Gary's Island,Daughter of Snows - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jan 13, 2012 5:05 pm
I hope you're hungry for some science, because we’re serving up a big hunk of data! Three of our Evolving Items have gone through some interesting developments. I think you’ll be quite surprised:
The Prince of the Sea and his men finally managed to land on the mysterious island without any more ill occurrences. They searched for clues of the prince's father until one of the men spotted a stone slab on a cliff. They rushed to the slab, only to be heartbroken by their discovery. His father's name was faintly inscribed on the stone-- they were too late. Other graves were soon discovered one after another as they walked down the flowery trail. After they mourned the loss of their captain and fellow friends, the crew returned to the ship to prepare for their journey home. The prince retired to his quarter and stared at the locket that his father had left him. There must be a reason why his father led him to this island.
"What they seek was not on the island, but underneath it..." echoed in his mind.
Gary's Island Adventure: This week, a mix of island ingenuity and grim medical misfortune. Gary makes himself a nice hat, and then contracts a mild roundworm infection. Ha ha, make sure it cooks all the way through next time, Gary!
Daughter of Snows: Sashenka has been traveling north for days, adding layers of fur as the weather gets colder and colder. One day she spots another group of travelers and is surprised to find her cousin Dima among them. He has been leading a hunting party and was on his way back to the palace. When he learns of her quest, he insists on going with her. Sashenka finds her young cousin to be brash and conceited, but cannot deny his hunting skills so she allows him to join.
Satisfied with this EI fix? I know I am! If any of these beauties catch your eye, then stop by the Cash Shop, and remember to vote for your favorites in the weekly EI poll. Have a wonderful weekend!
20 EI Report: Gary's Island Adventure and Daughter of SnowsEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Gary's Island Adventure and Daughter of Snows - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jan 20, 2012 4:00 pm
Happy Friday, friends! Two very different items have fresh new evolutions this week. Take a gander!
Gary's Island Adventure continues with two classy new poses, both foretold in the ancient texts by Old Pete: "Looks, uh, looks like Gary got hisself a new pair of coconut pants and a sea bird peckin' on his face." Well said, Old Pete! Nothing will fancy-up your wardrobe quite like an unruly gull attack or dazzling coconut pants.
Daughter of Snows forges on in the face of a perpetual deep freeze. Temperatures continue to drop as Sashenka and Dima go further north towards the mountains. Up here it's obvious the extent of the damage that years of winter have done to the land and its peoples. One morning, the pair spots a pure white stag among the snowdrifts. It stares back with intelligent eyes. Dima sees the chance for a gorgeous new trophy on his wall and draws his sword, but the stag bolts. Dima sets off after it, and Sashenka comes along-- not for a trophy, but because she thinks it may know something.
Get Gary's Island Adventure at The Treehouse, and Daughter of Snows at the Cash Shop. What do you think about the Evolving Items this week? Hot? Not? Click fun buttons and share your opinion with the weekly EI poll! See you next time!
27 EI Report: Daughter of Snows, Zodiacal, Gary's Island Adventure!Edit
- Announcement EI: Daughter of Snows, Zodiacal, Gary's Island Adventure! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jan 27, 2012 6:05 pm
Hello, my studious friends-- you're just in time for some science! This week, we're observing some very interesting new evolutions on three items, including two high-profile finales. Have a look:
Gary's Island Adventure continues, but it gets lonely out there on that island. Thanks to his new hairstyle, Gary's met a new local love interest! She's a bit hard-headed but sweet on the inside, and Gary's nuts for her.
Daughter of Snows 2nd Gen. reaches its final stage of evolution with two gorgeous new forms! After giving chase to a mysterious white deer, Sashenka and Dima finally corner the intelligent beast at the base of the mountain. Dima moves in to make the kill, but Sashenka wrestles the sword away from him. Sitting on the ground, exhausted and in tears, the great stag approaches her and stares directly into her eyes. Its enormous, bright blue eyes with magnificent swirling tendrils throughout its irises stared deeply. Without warning, and as if the thought weren't her own, Sashenka now knew the secret of the endless winter. Her parents, desperate for a child, had prayed for and received a daughter made of snow-- the winter had been necessary to keep her alive since her birth. With a final thought and a tear, Sashenka asks the animal to return the seasons to normal. It nods, and Sashenka and Dima begin the walk home for a final farewell.
Zodiacal 13th Gen. reaches its final stages as the astrolabe completes its yearly cycle. It lifts and glows with a radiant energy, its final form taking flight and granting the owner with one final gift from each of its signs.
So exciting! Remember, Daughter of Snows and Zodiacal are available from the Cash Shop, but Gary's Island Adventure is only available through The Treehouse! What do you think of this week's updates? Use your influence as a voter and help guide the hand of evolution with just a couple clicks over at our weekly EI poll!
03 EI Report: Prince of the Sea and Gary's Island Adventure!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Prince of the Sea and Gary's Island Adventure! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Feb 03, 2012 2:51 pm
Happy Friday, and welcome to the Evolving Item Report! We're examining some exciting new evolutions this week. Two of my very favorite items have produced new forms, come take a look!
With no rescue in sight, nobody to talk to, and no concept of what day it is or how long he's been marooned, Gary is hitting the makeshift tropical runway for the First Annual Gary's Island Adventure Sea Terrors Fashion Show! Meticulously assembled from living sea creatures are a gorgeous octo-wig, fashionable fish sandals, and a school of lobsters hanging off any available loose piece of skin. Those with an appreciation for the craft will be interested to know this entire look was constructed by Gary in complete silence-- aside from the occasional guttural squeal of discomfort when a lobster pinches a tender area, Gary hasn't used his voice in over a month!
Prince of the Sea 9th Gen. continues evovling around a legend of an enormous, disfigured beast living deep underwater. Its origin isn't known, but tales of such a monster lurking beneath the surface have circulated since the earliest sea voyages across Gaia. It is said to be a merman, vile and twisted, who had tasted the flesh of his own kind. Growing stronger, annihilating and consuming entire clans, and flying into fits of rage when its preferred source of strength-- his own kind-- became scarce. The story goes on to suggest that many sailing ships carrying Gaians were also lost to the great beast, though that's never been confirmed by any credible source. It is now said to lie in wait under an abandoned island once populated by the merpeople, anticipating the day an errant descendant of those he consumed would come in search of answers.
Remember-- Prince of the Sea is available in the Cash Shop, but Gary's Island Adventure is only available in The Treehouse! Love 'em? Hate 'em? Really love 'em? Really, REALLY love 'em? Indifferent? Voice your opinion over at our weekly EI poll!
10 EI Report: Gary's Island Adventure and Timmy!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Gary's Island Adventure and Timmy! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Feb 10, 2012 2:40 pm
Good day, Gaians! This week, we're checking out some new evolutions from far-off and lonely deserted islands, and watching a young man blossom before our very eyes. Believe it!
Gary's Island Adventure continues, featuring more looks from his First Annual Sea Terrors Fashion Show! Next up on the runway-- a titillating sand dollar bikini, made with hand-smoothed dollars that won't chafe or irritate sensitive skin. Also making a showing is Gary's seagull bride, whose powerful beak and encouraging squawks were instrumental in forging Gary's new crab-based swimwear. Its durable shell protects Gary from errant fish nibbles and really brings out his eyes!
Timmy 5th Gen also evolved this week, and brings with him a newfound sense of confidence! When we last left Timmy, he was in the midst of a horrifying hyperpuberty. He's still a bit gangly and awkward, but Edmund's put him on the fast track to adulthood with three new poses. For the first time, you can enjoy his vintage Borrissey tee!
Remember, Timmy is for sale in the Cash Shop, but Gary's Island Adventure is only available at The Treehouse! What'd you think about this week's evolutions? Wait, before you shout your answer at the screen, you should go check out our weekly EI poll!
17 EI Report: Gary, Prince of the Sea, and the new Rosamund's Revenge!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Gary, Prince of the Sea, and the new Rosamund's Revenge! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Feb 17, 2012 6:12 pm
Happy Friday, science friends! The team's buzzing with activity over a new Rapid Evolving Item that's just been discovered, as well as amazing evolutions of two other items! Come look!
New this week: Rosamund's Revenge is the tale of Princess Rosamund following her beloved Ciel's selfless death. She returned home to grieve, but palace life no longer held her interest. The rigidity of court protocol, the princess' ridiculous, constricting garments... That life was gone, and in its place a thirst for revenge grew ever stronger.
Prince of the Sea evolved to its final stage this week! It's been over a year since the Prince had rescued the merpeople's Princess from the Mermaid Eater. She and the Prince have formed a unique bond as they sailed the vast Gaian oceans. The Prince has taken her hand in marriage, and the pair continues their quest, looking for survivors scattered across the seas.
Gary's Island Adventure evolved dramatically this week after Gary noticed that the local government appeared to consist mainly of birds and rocks. Following a brief show of how far he can throw pebbles and how fast he can run, most of the birds flew off, leaving Gary in charge as the island's undisputed king-deity. Show respect for his glorious rule by donning this crown of bottles, seaweed cape, and fishbone scepter!
Remember, Rosamund's Revenge and Prince of the Sea are available at the Cash Shop, but Gary's Island Adventure is only available from The Treehouse! What do you think? Are this week's developments très chic or way weak? Vote with your heart over at the weekly EI poll!
24 EI Report: Rosamund's Revenge, Timmy, and Gary!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Rosamund's Revenge, Timmy, and Gary! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Feb 24, 2012 5:38 pm
Happy Friday, Gaians! We're examining three items that have had exciting new developments this week, and it looks like one of our favorites has evolved for the last time. Come take a look, it's exciting stuff!
Rosamund's Revenge continued evolving this week, with Rosamund fed up with her royal obligations and desperate to avenge Ciel's death. She cast off her mourning collar and powdered wig, revealing ruby red curls-- once her greatest vanity, trimmed short in tribute to her beloved. Rosamund fled the palace and stole away into the night, her dark cloak concealing a mysterious and mystical artifact...
Timmy has finally made it into adulthood, and he's very... well, he's Timmy-like, but bigger. This was a dark stage in Timmy's life, as his dirtbag-like adult appearance seemed to attract constant attention from law enforcement. Stay strong, Timmy!
Gary's Island Adventure has evolved for the last time this week! Judging by the signage, tools, and rudimentary monuments to himself, It looks like Gary survived on the island for a great many years, but we may never know how he met his end. Perhaps he passed away peacefully in his sleep, or valiantly in battle with a pelican. It could have also had something to do with the wasp nest he used as a pillow. Whatever the case, we'll miss you, old friend!
Remember, Rosamund's Revenge and Timmy are available in the Cash Shop, but Gary's Island Adventure can only be purchased at The Treehouse! What do you think about this week's update? Go vote in our weekly EI poll, it'll make you feel cool!
02 EI Report: Rosamund's Revenge!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Rosamund's Revenge! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Mar 02, 2012 3:34 pm
Hey, EI Fans! Big week here, with an exciting update to our newest Rapid Evolving Item! So much new data to pore over, and the new poses are so beautiful! Ah, I'm overstimulated! I'm going to need a nap after this!
Rosamund's Revenge: With home far behind her, Rosamund steeled herself for the inevitable confrontation with Mephiste. Even in the darkness she could see his castle looming on the horizon, emanating an eerie red light, almost as if it desired to be found. Rosamund pressed on, knowing her fate lie in that dark lair. She had cast off her royal trappings and donned the garb of a hunter, draped all in shadows-- she would not back down. As she reached the castle, the silver moon emerged from behind a veil of cloud, glittering against Rosamund's ancient rose pin…
Awesome! You can get your own Rosamund's Revenge from the Cash Shop. What did you think about today's update? Go congregate with the other science buffs at the weekly EI poll!
09 EI Report: Rosamund's Revenge and Timmy!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Rosamund's Revenge and Timmy! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Mar 09, 2012 3:10 pm
Good afternoon, Gaians! It's a big day over at EI headquarters: my old pal Timmy is reliving the legal troubles that plagued his short adult life, and our newest Rapid EI has reached its thrilling climax!
Timmy was taken downtown by an officer citing an obscure and rarely-enforced section of the local penal code which states:
449.3: A person whose facial hair appears grotesque, ragged, excessively filthy, irregularly kept, otherworldly, or otherwise unpleasant shall be guilty of moustache mayhem and will be imprisoned for a length of time corresponding to the grievousness of the offense.
Luckily, Timmy didn't have to spend much time in D-Block, as your intrepid host had enough in her savings account to bail him out and get him cleaned up. He didn't walk away from the experience empty-handed, though! A nice lady wearing lots of makeup gave him a cool jacket that belonged to her boyfriend, Crazy Murderer Keith.
Rosamund's Revenge concludes this week with the final confrontation between the vengeful princess and that mysterious fiend who killed her beloved Ciel:
Wow! On one hand, recalling Timmy's plight brought back some shameful memories, but Rosamund's closure definitely makes up for it! Overall, I'm more than satisfied! What about you? Let us know through the weekly EI poll!
16 EI Report: The Case of PietroEdit
- Announcement EI Report: The Case of Pietro - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Mar 16, 2012 7:03 pm
Good day, my science-minded friends! I've got just the thing to turn your Friday frown upside down, and if you're not frowning at all, you'll certainly maintain your pleasant attitude! An old favorite evolved this week for the last time, let's have a look:
The Case of Pietro - After the Detective was forced to cease his investigation following the mysterious disappearance of the Case, and all of the evidence of Pietro's murder, life goes on. The Detective gets a new assignment, a new partner (cleared of all charges!), and he must finally put the years he spent working on Pietro's case behind him.
But once in awhile, he still can't help but wonder... What the heck was in that case?
Wow! And to top it all off, the artist included a lovely illustration to go along with it-- click the small version below to see the big one! Be sure to also take a moment and go hog wild at our state-of-the-art weekly EI poll. Lots of modern research suggests that clicking poll buttons and sharing your opinion can be very satisfying!
23 EI Report: Timmy and Owlpocalypse!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Timmy and Owlpocalypse! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Mar 23, 2012 6:25 pm
Hey, science freaks! Wait, that sounds mean, I'll try again-- Hey there, huge freaks of the science world! Ah... hmm. I'll come back to that. We're so loaded with new data this week that I haven't had time to formulate a non-disrespectful greeting! Oh well, I don't mean anything by it, but let's get right to it, shall we?
Oh no, Crazy Murderer Keith's girlfriend has tracked Timmy down and wants the jacket back! In your intrepid host's opinion, that girl is a real piece of work in the worst way. I'm not saying there'll be a rumble going down, but if she starts trouble with Timmy she'd better watch her back!
Spring is here, and the Owlpocalypse continues with even more feathery furor! The owls are out and about, getting a little sun, and looking absolutely adorable next to the rest of your springtime wardrobe!
What an update! Those of you who have an eye for both science and fashion will have your hands full, I'm sure! Oh, and I think I got that greeting thing fixed, let's try this: "Hi, everyone!" There we go, it feels so much more natural and polite that way! How do you feel about this week's evolutions? Grease up your voting finger and visit our weekly EI poll!
30 EI Report: S-Pop Club and Modus Operandi!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: S-Pop Club and Modus Operandi! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Mar 30, 2012 3:59 pm
Happy Friday, EI moguls! This week, we're going to recap the new EI that was just discovered, as well as reveal a brand new band-themed REI called S-Pop Club! First up, Modus Operandi, a brand new collaboration EI that'll be completed by multiple artists. It's based on a series of strange, dark tales involving a number of murdered princesses in a quiet kingdom, and the curmudgeonly detective working to find a motive:
Modus Operandi takes place in a faraway kingdom where a third princess has just been murdered. The local police working the case-- Officers Straw, Sticks, and Bricks-- are baffled. Serial homicide, in their little kingdom? They decide to call in help in the form of Detective Wolfe, an expert criminal profiler with an enormous file of known felons, and as the cops soon discover, an abnormally bad attitude.
Upon examining the scene and photos of the previous murders, Wolfe quickly discovers the connecting link: a scrawled "happily ever after" in the princess' blood. A clue to the motive, or the signature of a dangerous serial killer? Peculiar, the officers think, that no one saw these notes until Wolfe arrived on the scene. Meanwhile, Wolfe's presence in the kingdom attracts attention. Some local reporters take interest in documenting Wolfe's progress on the murders, promising to make the investigation even more difficult for the officers.
As Wolfe continues his investigation on the field, the police return to their station and begin to sort through Wolfe's index of killers, finding each one more horrifying than the last...
S-Pop Club, a cute and spunky Skull Pop trio, just signed a major record deal and are hitting the music scene in a big way! They're gearing up to release songs and merchandise that all culminate into a huge live concert. First, their label will turn some of their greatest hits into music videos to help them gain popularity, and fashions from their first hit, the high school-inspired "Txt Me U Luv Me," have just dropped! Choose between jamming as a vocalist, guitarist, or drummer, and be a part of the most exciting pop phenomenon in ages! There hasn't been this much interest in a band since the time The Cranky Grandpas made music history by having two band members struck by lightning during the same show!
That covers the two huge EI developments from this week, what'd you think? Crack those big ol' strong knuckles of yours and let us know over at the weekly EI poll! See you next time, folks!
06 EI Report: Timmy and S-Pop Club!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Timmy and S-Pop Club! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Apr 06, 2012 5:44 pm
Good day, EI mavens! This week's update is loaded with two big developments, thanks in part to a new piece of machinery we have in the lab, the EVOLIAC-700! It's a state of the art EI computing device that can analyze Evolving Item data faster than anyone on my research team ever could. It reads a series of several hundred punch cards and can perform in 30 minutes a barrage of calculations that would take an average researcher nearly 40 minutes! Anyhow, let's have a look at what's new this week:
S-Pop Club continues this week, bolstered by the critical success of their previous school-inspired hit. The gang is now gearing up to shoot a video for their next hit, the much edgier "Hit Them Over Hard."
Timmy has saved up and bought himself a ride, the Krazy Wheels Stallion GT. It seems a tad tiny in this reporter's opinion, and the electric motor inside it only tops out at about walking speed, anyway. I know he's thinking his friends will be impressed, but I just hope they don't ask him for rides farther out than the end of the block or he might not have enough juice to get back!
That's it for now! The EVOLIAC-700 continues to hum along dutifully, only mangling a handful of punch cards and billowing smoke a single time. According to the manual, that means a job well done! What'd you think about these two new developments? Head over to the weekly EI poll and vote for your favorite!
13 EI Report: Modus Operandi and S-Pop Club!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Modus Operandi and S-Pop Club! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Apr 13, 2012 4:43 pm
Happy Friday the 13th, friends! This week, we've successfully avoided bad luck and several curses to bring you two new evolutions, and both are awesome! S-Pop Club's momentum continues to build as the band gains popularity, and our new collaboration EI, Modus Operandi, has a new development courtesy of milkbun:
It's not easy to dance in 8" heels, but S-Pop Club makes it look easy in their rock video. Momentum is building for the band, and it's starting to feel like a huge, sold-out show is right around the corner.
New developments in Modus Operandi have Officers Straw, Sticks, and Bricks opening up Wolfe's case file of serial killers and coming face to face with the first suspect, Rapunzel. Not much is known about her except hints of a troubled childhood and an overbearing mother who never let her out of the house. Her murder weapon appears to be her own long hair which she uses to strangle her victims to death. There have been samples of hair left on at least 22 victims in only a 3-year period. Aside from Rapunzel's distinctive long hair she is known to scale very tall towers and structures and has destroyed much of the skin from her hands and legs. It is not known at this time the motivation behind the killings but she seems to prefer young, handsome, well-to-do men.
Wow, exciting stuff and fantastic-looking to boot! Don't forget to check out an exclusive Modus Operandi illustration at the bottom of this post! What'd you think of this week's EI developments? Head on over to the weekly EI poll and let us know. It's not bad luck, promise! In fact, it's probably bad luck to not vote! See you next time!
20 EI Report: Timmy and S-Pop Club!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Timmy and S-Pop Club! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Apr 20, 2012 5:08 pm
Hey there, EI friends! Lots of news today-- Timmy's had a big development, and it's the last stage of evolution for S-Pop Club. Someone came up to me at a monster truck show last weekend to ask if I get sad when an item evolves for the last time, and I paused a moment and answered her question with a few questions of my own: Does a painter get sad when their painting is finished? Does a dog get sad when the car it's chasing finally speeds away? Does a monster truck get sad when the car it's crushing cannot be crushed any further?
No. It is always a joyous occasion because the dog and the monster truck will come to respect each other's distaste for cars and become friends, and the painter will paint the dog happily riding inside of the monster truck. Just like with Evolving Items, watching something come to its conclusion is always a happy time! Let's have a look:
Timmy finds himself arrested for a second time! The law in this town sure seems to hate cool people with mustaches and cars. With the way the world's been treating him lately, Timmy is rethinking his life and considering taking a spiritual journey when he gets out.
S-Pop Club's concert had a hot new number with their male counterparts added to the program, and the fans went wild for it! Tickets sold out in record time, and everyone seemed to be having a blast. Rayna was a little miffed that Odele tried to steal the limelight and Taja claimed the hottest guy, but fame has its drawbacks. There aren't currently any plans for a solo career, but who knows what the future holds?
Good stuff! These evolutions absolutely crushed it this week, much like when MurderTruck IX plowed through a pile of broken cars and started spinning in a circle on top of some station wagons. And then one of them caught fire and a bunch of guys ran up to put it out! Oh goodness, I think I've got monster truck fever! Quick, go vote in the weekly EI poll before I start making engine revving sounds!
27 EI Report: Modus Operandi and Petit Cherie!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Modus Operandi and Petit Chérie! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Apr 27, 2012 2:59 pm
Good day, EI fans! Today, let me start by saying I do not believe I have the ability to predict things. That's not science! But it sure is funny how I was in my car earlier this week thinking that we're about overdue to discover a new Rapid Evolving Item, and then I got to the lab and someone ran up to my car to tell me all about new developments in Modus Operandi by artist shavostars and an entirely new REI-- Petit Chérie!
Petit Chérie is an ongoing series of spring-themed items that will blossom and grow along with the season! Time to pat yourself up and enjoy the day!
Modus Operandi profiles another killer, this one known to most as The Piper. His methods are unusual to say the least. Reports say he'd show up in a new town with a new name and begin to fit in, learning about the people and what motivates them. Once comfortable, he will find his way underground and lure rats to the surface with his strange pipe, effectively holding the town hostage in exchange for demands that are logically insane and can't be fulfilled even if the town wanted to pay-- things such as 50-foot-high solid gold statues of his childhood dog, to be finished by sunrise.
If the town can't pay up-- and it's believed that no town ever could-- he takes from them what is most precious: A promising young member of the town. The only victims recovered were found years after he'd departed-- far too long to tell exactly what had happened to them or to guess where the Piper would go next. His assembled profile suggests he's probably motivated equally by greed and the feeling of complete control over a society that he feels has cast him out. Officers Straw, Sticks, and Bricks would be asking Detective Wolfe what he thought about the Piper's involvement, but he's nowhere to be found. Officer Straw's been sent to investigate...
Wow, they look great! An illustration of the Piper's case file is at the bottom of the announcement. Make sure to go vote in the weekly EI poll! Now, in an effort to prove or disprove my uncanny knack for correct predictions of the future, here are some other things that I think might really happen:
- Something called the Forklift Olympics takes the sports world by storm.
- Horses learn how to use computers and amaze us with their stories.
- Governmental gridlock is solved by a series of brutal rap battles.
- A pot-bellied pig named Greg learns how to drive a truck.
Help keep an eye out and see if any of those things come true! See you next time!
04 EI Report: Timmy and Petit Cherie!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Timmy and Petit Cherie! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri May 04, 2012 5:08 pm
Happy Friday, EI enthusiasts! We've got some exciting new developments on two favorites that I can't wait to share with you! A spiritual journey and more evolving spring fashions have arrived:
Timmy heads off on a spiritual journey to escape the harshness of the world, but mostly the cruelty of Dr. Singh's upbringing. He's surprised when just a few weeks later he receives a care package from her. Upon opening it, he finds it's just dirty dishes that she's asked him to wash and send back... nevermind.
Petit Cherie dives deeper into spring! The days are getting longer and warmer, so grab that bag and fix up your hair, it's time to enjoy that spring cheer!
So beautiful! And so much data to analyze! We'll be pulling long nights for a while, definitely. Why don't you head over to the weekly EI poll and vote for your favorite? See you next time!
11 EI Report: Modus Operandi, Petit Cherie, and OwlpocalypseEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Modus Operandi, Petit Cherie, and Owlpocalypse - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri May 11, 2012 2:46 pm
Good afternoon, EI fans. Big day around here-- we've got three new developments to share! Petit Cherie gets a little chilly, Modus Operandi follows a trail of breadcrumbs thanks to artist Mishiri, and Owlpocalypse evolves for the last time. I've got that feeling in my toes that it's gonna be a spectacular update. Check it out:
Owlpocalypse - It's the end of an owl era. The owls are now flying off to wherever owls go, but our feathery friends have left us with many gifts. It's been a real hoot, friends.
Petit Cherie - Spring can get a little chilly, but that doesn't mean you can't cover up in style! Put on some earmuffs, wrap yourself in that shawl and go enjoy some cake!
Modus Operandi - Hansel and Gretel were brought up in a small town's dessert shop by their father and stepmother. Their stepmother was a possessive, fraudulent woman always looking for the father's attention, and any notice he gave the children would drive her mad with jealousy. She regularly abused the children and would blame their bruises on the children fighting with each other. With the children disciplined and sent to their rooms, the stepmother would have more time to spend with their father.
One night, the pair slaughtered the abusive stepmother, baked her into a pie, and fed her to the family. When their father realized what had occurred, he took them deep into the woods and attempted to abandon them there. The children were able to find their way back, and when they did, they took their revenge by killing their father and disappearing into the night.
Not much is known for certain about the whereabouts of Hansel and Gretel after the incident, but with similarly-maimed victims found later, it's assumed that their acquired taste led them to a life of serial murder.
Wow! Wonderfully grisly stuff, right? Be sure to check out this week's Modus Operandi illustration at the bottom of this post, too. What'd you think about this week's developments? Head over to the weekly EI poll and exercise your voting finger. See you next time!
18 EI Report: Petit Cherie and Bunnihilation!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Petit Cherie and Bunnihilation! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri May 18, 2012 7:18 pm
Good afternoon, my EI-minded friends! Springtime is underway, and the miracle of new life is in full effect. This week, one of our favorites has developed, and another item is entirely new! Bunnihilation is a celebration of nature's unstoppable copy machine-- the adorable bunny. Have a look:
Petit Cherie continues to grow and bloom in the warm spring sun. Several new spring poses have blossomed this week, so put on your best springtime outfit and get out of the house and enjoy the breeze!
Bunnihilation strikes under the cover of spring! Gaia's bunny population is out and about, doing what they do best-- making more bunnies! They're looking cute, feeling cute, eating their vegetables, and multiplying like crazy. Bunnihilation will evolve on a random schedule whenever the mood is just right-- lowered lights and a saxophone solo won't be necessary.
Wow, so much stuff to look at, and it's all spring-themed! I'm so glad I got my allergy shots. You know, it was a painful series of shots to the abdomen, but it was so very worth it! One moment, I'm being handed a bulletin...!
It seems those may have been rabies shots I received and not allergy shots, and I should visit my doctor before the office closes for the weekend. I see. Nonetheless, please go vote in the weekly EI poll and I'll see you next time!
25 EI Report: Timmy, Modus Operandi, and Petit Cherie!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Timmy, Modus Operandi, and Petit Cherie! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri May 25, 2012 3:57 pm
Good afternoon! We're examining three new developments this week. Timmy climbs a mountain, Modus Operandi examines a new twist on a classic story courtesy of the artist Buki, and it's the end of the road for Petit Cherie-- but don't worry, springtime isn't nearly over! There are still plenty of ants and flies and weird bugs to climb all over your body when you fall asleep in your neighbor's backyard after a barbecue. Believe me, I know! Let's have a look:
Timmy has sure met a lot of strange folks on his spiritual journey. Of course, none of them were really helpful... mainly just traumatizing. However, timmy received some clues that answers to life's questions may be at the top of a certain huge mountain. Properly attired, he slowly begins his ascent.
Modus Operandi looks at the secret life of Goldilocks. After having found the perfect porridge, it's said that she savagely murdered the kind Bear family using shards of their own porridge bowls, then skinning them and wearing their fur. She figures the fur coats would look "Uguu kawaii" alongside the rest of her cute lolita style.
Back at the precinct, Officers Sticks and Bricks are poring over the files when they realize it's getting late, and Officer Straw still hasn't returned from his search for Detective Wolfe. Sticks volunteers to go out on patrol and look for them, leaving Bricks alone. Goldilocks' case file is enclosed at the bottom of this announcement.
Petit Cherie reaches its final stage of evolution, and all that spring excitement can be very tiring! Let down your hair and relax a bit, and-- Oh! Looks like someone wants to keep you company!
Wow, Lots of amazing-looking poses this week! Come share your opinion in the weekly EI poll, and then take a break because it's been a long week and you've earned it. Just don't fall asleep in your backyard. See you next time!
29 New REI: Keiko's CakeEdit
- Announcement New REI: Keiko's Cake! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Tue May 29, 2012 7:11 pm
Hey EI fans, something's going on-- new Rapid Evolving Item has been discovered, and it looks so tasty that I couldn't wait to bring it to you! Have a look:
Keiko's Cake - Keiko was a sweet young lady, but her cooking skills left something to be desired. One day, she discovered a mysterious and adorable cookbook on her kitchen counter. Where could it have come from? Whatever! With instructions as cute as these, she would be baking the most beautiful, most delicious, most French-sounding cakes in no time...
How fantastic! I've got to admit that this is the first time I've considered seriously wearing a food-themed article of clothing since the time I won Burly Brian's Burger Bash many years ago. I was the fastest contestant to eat six enormous Burly Burgers and won a free shirt with an enormous photo of a burger on it. This stuff looks way more fashionable than that, though! See you soon, everyone!
01 EI Report: Keiko's Cake!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Keiko's Cake! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jun 01, 2012 5:28 pm
Hey, EI fans! You might remember a sweet new REI appearing earlier in the week, and if you've been enjoying Keiko's Cake so far, I've got great news: It's evolved already! Have a look...
Keiko's Cake - Keiko couldn't wait to start on a recipe from her cute new cookbook. She tied her chocolate locks into a messy but sanitary topknot and pinned on her lucky headband with literally every single one of her lucky barrettes. How could she possibly fail?
It looks like it's going to be so sugary-sweet! I'm having a huge sweets craving just from looking at what's developed today. The last time this happened, I woke up the next morning covered in half-eaten danishes, and... Oh goodness, I feel it happening again. Wish me luck! Don't forget to vote in the weekly EI poll, and I'll see you next time!
08 EI Report: Keiko's Cake and Modus Operandi!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Keiko's Cake and Modus Operandi! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jun 08, 2012 5:11 pm
Happy Friday, EI friends! It's been a couple sleepless nights here at the lab, but we're ready to announce two big new developments, including a Modus Operandi update by artist gem2niki! Come take a look!
Keiko's Cake - Keiko began assembling the ingredients for her cake: flour, sugar, cream, eggs, fresh strawberries... and figured it wouldn't hurt if she just ate a few, right? Ah, what a mess! Keiko's always been a little bit of a messy eater, but you know what they say: Never cry over a few broken eggs, and you've got to spill a little milk to make an omelet! Overwhelmed with deciding whether to use baking powder or baking soda, two exasperated fairies appear to help Keiko out.
"Oh, she'll cover the book in a sugary mess!" Usapi cried.
"How this nitwit summoned us, I'll never guess," Nekopi sighed. It's beginning to look like Keiko would need some magical assistance...
Modus Operandi - In a close-knit country community, a small, horrible man has a history of preying on those in dire need. In his most famous act, he came upon a young woman who needed to spin a great amount of straw into gold. In exchange for her necklace and ring, he spun gold for her for two nights. On the third night, with nothing left to give the man in return, she pledged to give him her firstborn child.
He returned a year later to collect the newborn. When the young woman-- now a queen-- wouldn't give the child away, he offered a new deal. "I'll give you three days. If by that time you can guess my name, you shall keep your child."
She had never asked his name before, so she began guessing every name she'd ever heard of. The most common names came first, but each one was wrong. His name was not Michael, George, Joshua, or the countless others she'd asked. On the second day, she tried more uncommon names, but the man was not named Franz, Pietro, or Cubert. On day three, with her time running short, she shouted every name-sounding word she could think of. "Bibbo? Joery? Davearoni? Boogaloo?"
Growing impatient, the man growled and lunged at her. In one quick motion, he fatally sliced the woman's abdomen with a hidden blade. He spent the next several nights weaving her entrails into beautiful red spindles. With the popularity of red clothing in that distant town, there's a very real possibility that the killer has had many victims, and has sold the product of his victims as clothing to unknowing members of the community.
As Officer Sticks departs to find Officer Straws, a forensics technician comes in with new evidence from the crime scene that he presents to Officer Bricks-- strange fibers found near the victim's bed. They can't be sure what it is until it's been tested, but it seems to be a sort of fur-like substance. An illustration of the killer's case file is available for your review at the bottom of this announcement.
Everything looks amazing! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to memorize every possible name I can find. Don't forget to vote in the weekly EI poll! See you next time!
15 EI Report: Keiko's Cake and Timmy!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Keiko's Cake and Timmy! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jun 15, 2012 6:09 pm
Good day, EI enthusiasts! This week, some amazing things have occurred! A magical recipe begins coming to fruition, and that little scamp Timmy finally evolves for the last time! I'm so proud of him, and I think you will be, too. Let's have a look:
Keiko's Cake - This week, the fairies revealed themselves to a befuddled Keiko. A berry red chef's scarf appeared around her neck, fixed with a ruby strawberry that shimmered with hidden power. "Put down that batter and listen to me!" Nekopi commanded. "It's Magical Keiko you're destined to be!"
"We're afraid your skills are not quite up to par," Usapi added gently. "But your new cooking powers will make you a star!" With that, a warm light surrounded Keiko, sprinkling sugary sparkles in her hair and on her cute outfit-- the transformation had begun!
Timmy - Our hero reaches the top of the mountain to find... THE GIANT HOLY HEAD! The Giant Holy Head acknowledges Timmy's very harsh life and offers him three solutions: Become a child again, become an EI, or punish Dr. Singh for his sins. Timmy can't decide, so now it's up to you Gaians to... NO wait, wait... we already did this. Let's not have it turn into EInception. Timmy is really over, folks.
All the friends he made during his long journey from boy to awkward teenager to incredibly awkward adult have come to see him off and wish him well. So long, Timmy. You'll be with us forever as an Evolving Item.
Oh, that magical cake recipe is coming along so well! And Timmy, you've grown so much, and now your travels are immortalized for all time! I'm proud, and am so delighted. The only way I could be more pleased is if you'd return to wash my car one day, and without missing any spots like last time. Please swing by the weekly EI poll, and take care until next week, friends!
22 EI Report: Modus Operandi and Keiko's Cake!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Modus Operandi and Keiko's Cake! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jun 22, 2012 6:47 pm
Good day, EI fans! There's been so much happening at the lab that I've taken to sleeping in the upstairs storage area. Not only does it completely erase my morning commute, but the gentle hum of the data processing equipment carries me away to a night of restful sleep, where I can let my imagination take over and wonder about future item evolutions. Except for last night, where I dreamed I was trapped in a supermarket with a dog that could talk. But usually it works!
This week, Keiko's Cake reaches its final stage of evolution, and Modus Operandi combs through an old giant case with help from artist pyawakit. Let's take a look:
Modus Operandi - Jack was a child slave, a member of a subjugated village lorded over by an evil giant. Driven to his breaking point by witnessing firsthand the cruelties committed by the giant, Jack snuck out from the village and managed to slay the beast most gruesomely while it slept. Excited by the thrill of killing the one that had hurt him, Jack ran from home and set out on a twisted quest of justice to butcher all remaining giants.
Back at the precinct, Officer Bricks looks up from the case file when the door creaks open, and it's Detective Wolfe... but he's alone. Bricks tries to ask Wolfe about Officers Straw and Sticks, but Wolfe avoids giving direct answers before finally saying he hasn't seen them. Bricks glares and directly asks where Detective Wolfe has been this whole time with such an important case going on, but again Wolfe looks around, darts his eyes a bit, and mumbles something unintelligible before going off into a corner with the case files.
Keiko's Cake - Wow, Keiko had transformed into a magical girl! In her sugar lace shoes and magical chef's uniform, she sure looked the part-- but what would she do with her new powers? The fairies waited with baited breath as Keiko opened the mysterious cookbook and chanted an incantation. The kitchen filled with impossibly pink light, magical wind sent eggs and bottles of milk crashing to the floor, and the sweet aroma of delicious confections filled the air. What would Keiko's cake look like?
"Oh dear, oh my..." Usapi sighed. "The cake is a... guy?!" Nekopi cried.
Keiko squealed and threw her arms around her creation-- a very cute pastry chef to be sure, but decidedly not a cake. Nekopi had had enough. With a terrifying mew, the little fairy summoned her great power and transformed Keiko once more... into a beautiful, brainless cake.
"That will teach her a lesson or two, it's the only way..."
"But Nekopi", Usapi fretted, "How long will she stay that way...?"
Aw, they're both so neat, and they came out even better than the dreams I'd had! I suppose I should start sleeping back home again in a real bed, and not curled up on top of a pile of ceiling insulation. Check out the case file from Modus Operandi below, and visit the weekly EI poll! I'll see you next time!
26 New REI: Lady Jayne and the Mummy!Edit
- Announcement New REI: Lady Jayne and the Mummy! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Tue Jun 26, 2012 5:49 pm
Hey EI fans, we've got big news here! We've discovered a completely new Rapid Evolving Item and have GOT to show it to you! Pack your canteen and plenty of sunscreen, because we're soon to embark on an adventure deep into the desert:
Lady Jayne and the Mummy - Lady Jayne was spending her afternoon in very uncomfortable clothing entertaining ladies for a charitable luncheon. Being so proper and mixing with high society was one of her least favorite things. She'd rather be at the university teaching seminars, studying ancient artifacts, or traveling to far off places in search of relics. No, this luncheon was definitely not her idea of fun, but as the last heir to her house, she felt it was her duty to continue in the tradition of her parents by hosting these charitable endeavors.
Her reprieve came in the form of Professor Oliver bursting through the doors. "I'm sorry to interrupt, Lady Jayne, but this is of utmost importance! After weeks of silence, I finally received word from one of Professor Jasper Smyth's assistants. He's gone missing in the Caldus Desert and they fear the worst."
Jayne needed very little in terms of an excuse to leave the stuffy luncheon, but Jasper Smyth was her colleague and a dear friend. She ran upstairs unlacing her dress, and calling out to her butler to ready her plane. She was off to the Caldus Desert!
You can grab Lady Jayne and the Mummy from the Cash Shop right now! I'll keep you updated as we learn more. See you soon!
29 EI Report: Lady Jayne and the Mummy!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Lady Jayne and the Mummy! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jun 29, 2012 6:34 pm
Hey, EI mavens! As you might remember, a new REI was discovered earlier this week, and it's already evolving. This one's got the promise of adventure deep in the desert, and the fashions that would come along with it. Let's see how it just evolved!
Lady Jayne and the Mummy - After hearing the devastating news of Jasper Smyth's disappearance in the Caldus Desert, Lady Jayne grabs a few adventuring essentials and changes out of her uncomfortable dress. It's a good thing Jayne has been flying planes for years as she's able to head out right away. Her heart beats wildly in anticipation of what's to come...
Things are just heating up in the search for Professor Smyth! I'm glad it's not me going, I'm not great with deserts. My uncle, though-- now he was a real desert-dweller! I once watched him catch a rattlesnake with his bare hands and use it as a belt! The two became the best of friends after that.
Check out Lady Jayne and the Mummy in the cash shop, and go vote in the weekly EI poll! See you next time!
06 EI Report: Modus Operandi and Lady Jayne and the Mummy!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Modus Operandi and Lady Jayne and the Mummy! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jul 06, 2012 4:04 pm
Good afternoon, friends! It's been a busy week around the lab and we're pleased to announce our findings! I watched some other lab announce some particle-something-or-other findings the other day and they had the tackiest presentation slides, and the text was all in that awful Comic Sans font. It was just sad and weird! In our internal presentations around the lab, we typically only use Papyrus.
This week, two big updates, and one of them is a Modus Operandi evolution by artist PRlSM! Let's have a look:
In Lady Jayne and the Mummy, Jayne lands her plane at a small village on the outskirts of the Caldus desert. It is hot, dry and the scorching sand is blowing everywhere. Her plane is immediately approached by one of Professor Smyth's assistants carrying a small object. The man explains that Professor Smyth had been doing research in one of the pyramids nearby, and one night he returned home with this canopic jar, which was sealed. The next morning, the assistant came around looking for Smyth, but he was nowhere to be found, and the canopic jar lay open on the floor.
Modus Operandi examines he tabloid terror of international sensation Cutie and the Beast. Reports describe the band's charismatic lead singer, Mignonette, as a dark, troubled beauty with a romantic and professional preference for burly, tattooed guitarists. Indeed, it seemed The Beast featured an endless series of new guitarists, who, when inevitably they split from the band-- and from Mignonette-- would immediately disappear from the public eye, never to be heard from again...
The horrifying truth behind The Beast's ever-changing line-up came to light when one nosy paparazzo snuck into a recording session at the secluded Château Pastorale. After a violent break-up with her newest guitarist, Mignonette convinced him to give her one last kiss before he left the band for good. She applied her trademark violet lipstick, and after a deep, scandalizing kiss, watched as the poisoned purple gloss caused the poor man to asphyxiate at her feet.
Police later discovered the skulls of countless missing bandmates-turned-boyfriends in a secret display case behind Mignonette's many industry awards. Remorseless and smiling seductively, she is reported to have said, "If only it had been true love, we could have lived happily ever after. Maybe you'll be my Prince Charming... Got any tattoos?"
Such great stuff this week! I need to wrap this thing up, we've got our end-of-week meeting in just a bit. I've prepared slides with a cool new font where everything looks like symbols and stuff. Oh! Check out the case file from Modus Operandi below, and go vote in the weekly EI poll! See you soon!
13 EI Report: Lady Jayne and the Mummy!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Lady Jayne and the Mummy! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Jul 12, 2012 8:45 pm
Hey, EI fans! What a week it's been! We're all sweating around here. Not only is it incredibly hot outside, but we've been working really hard on lots of EI data that's come in. Also, some of us in the lab are pretty out of shape. And some of us seem to have woken up late with no time to apply antiperspirants. It's kind of a sweaty place right now, but luckily the cleaning crew will be here over the weekend to wipe down all of our desks and equipment. I feel as if I'm cocooned in a thin layer of greasy slime.
Thankfully, the weekly EI report takes my mind off all of it! Check this out:
In Lady Jayne and the Mummy, Lady Jayne crosses a vast desert to reach the Caldus Pyramids. After hours of searching, she finds what she came for: a doorway leading into the depths of the largest pyramid. As she quietly descends, Jayne hears sinister noises coming from deep in the tomb-- slow shuffling steps and strange guttural voices. She readies her trusty sidearm... this will be messy.
I love them! I'd try on some of the new poses myself, but I'd probably sweat all over them, and there's probably a "you sweat in it, you buy it" rule somewhere. Anyhow, shower time! Vote in the weekly EI poll, and I'll see you next time!
20 EI Report: Lady Jayne and the Mummy, and Modus Operandi!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Lady Jayne and the Mummy, and Modus Operandi! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jul 20, 2012 8:00 pm
Friends, there's a bunch of news this week in the field of EI studies! Ever since we realized that Lady Jayne and the Mummy is evolving for the last time this week, I've been telling my new joke around the lab ("Looks like this mummy business is WRAPPING UP!") to ever-decreasing fanfare. There's also an exciting Modus Operandi update by artist pepper-tea that has to be seen to believed. Come look!
Modus Operandi - Detective Wolfe's research led him to a very unusual, very old case spanning nearly a hundred years. The files describe a gorgeous mermaid-- perhaps the most beautiful of her particular clan-- with only one envy in her heart: Her particular branch of merpeople are without souls. Seeing as how she could usually get whatever she wanted, this is the first thing that had ever caused her to feel truly empty. She consulted some of her elders, and it was explained that merpeople without souls can gain one if a human shares theirs with them. With the intense need for a soul fueling her decision-making process, she made the deal to become human and find a soul to be shared.
It wasn't long before she met a prince, and the two shared a polite but ultimately tepid date together. The prince's attention couldn't be held for long, and he looked elsewhere.
This drove the mermaid to near-madness. She had seen enough of the prince's soul that she knew it was destined to be hers. It became clear that she'd need to make another, less noble deal. This time, she was given a special dagger that she could use to steal souls directly. She used it without much delay to slay the prince and his lover, and took possession of their souls.
The mermaid remains human, is thought to be still active stealing souls, and is nearly immortal because of it. She stores them in precious stones on her necklace that resemble diamonds, and by the count of them, she's been quite busy over the last 100 years.
Detective Wolfe is still brooding in a corner looking over notes and case files. Any attempt by Officer Bricks to question him about the missing officers or the case result in ominous glares and vague, half-hearted answers. Bricks is becoming suspicious of this Detective Wolfe and it's only a matter of time till he discovers what's going on.
Lady Jayne and the Mummy - Down in the pyramid, Lady Jayne is firing off shots at the mummies slowly lumbering toward her. Before long, they have her surrounded and it's horrifyingly obvious that there are far more mummies than she has remaining bullets. She didn't want it to end this way, especially before finding out what happened to Jasper...
As the mummies close in, a forceful "STOP!" echoes from around a corner. An unusual-looking mummy approaches from around the corner. This one isn't wrapped in linen like the others, but it is decomposing slightly and wearing some sort of crown. The other mummies shuffle away in obedience to the order, and the new mummy steps into the light just a bit-- it's Jasper!
Jayne and Jasper embrace, and he begins to explain what had happened with the cursed canopic jar he'd found in a tomb, which contained the remains of an ancient king. "It had an unnatural hold on me, and one evening I couldn't resist opening it up. I was transported back here to the pyramid, and trapped alone as king over the undead. Now that you've brought the jar back, I can free myself of the curse and finally leave this place."
Tossing his crown back into the darkness, the two begin to walk out of the chamber unopposed. "Jayne, there's something I must confess. I've been in love with you since the day we met, and I think you may feel the same..." Lady Jayne looks up into Jasper Smyth's eyes and is about to answer when his assistant comes running down towards them. "Lady Jayne and... Professor Smyth?! I have urgent news. Professor Oliver has been kidnapped, and is being held for ransom in a jungle far south of here. The captors are asking you to personally hand over a relic in your possession, or he'll be surely dead."
Jayne looks back up at Jasper and with a mischievous wink replies, "Looks like our adventure has just begun..."
Wow, that's a ton of stuff going on! And now you can see why my mummy wrap joke was good, right? I've got the wrap game on lock down here. Oh hey, don't forget to vote in the weekly EI poll and cast your vote! See you next time!
27 EI Report: All-Star Cheer!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: All-Star Cheer! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jul 27, 2012 6:24 pm
Good afternoon, friends! Something amazing has happened-- a completely new REI has been discovered and the lab technicians and I have been standing up and cheering! Check it out:
All-Star Cheer - Girls from three rival teams unite to solve problems via the power of cheering! When they notice someone needing a bit of assistance, they band together to help. They first realized the power of cheering one evening at the store-- a cute guy was struggling to reach a box of caramel candy on the top shelf.
"Look at that guy! He needs help!" the Lovely Devil excitedly shouted. The Uni-Hornet and Sapphire stood at attention. "It's nothing the All-Star Cheer Squad can't handle!" The girls ran up behind him and began cheering him on as he repeatedly jumped for the box.
"Hey you, you're our man! If you can't do it, no one can!"
As he made his final desperate jump, a slight gust lifted him just a few centimeters higher and he reached the candy! He landed, looking at the candy in his hand in disbelief, then up at the girls who have struck a pose. "Crisis averted!"
Yeah! You can check All-Star Cheer out in the Cash Shop! I'm getting overwhelmed from all the cheering so I'll be taking a nap in my car, but you should also go vote in the weekly EI poll! See you next time!
03 EI Report: Modus Operandi and All-Star Cheer!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Modus Operandi and All-Star Cheer! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Aug 03, 2012 2:26 pm
Good day, EI fans! We're really excited around here today for three reasons-- first, it's Corn Dog Day in the cafeteria and yours truly is stuffed full of anywhere from 8 to 12 tasty, golden-brown corn dogs. I actually lost count around my fifth one! The other two reasons have do do with an awesome new development in All-Star Cheer, and a brilliant evolution of Modus Operandi by artist reapersun along with an illustration of this week's case file at the bottom of this announcement. Have a look!
All-Star Cheer - The gang is looking fantastic and hitting the mall together for a day of people-watching, food-courting, and a little light shopping. They pass a trendy clothing store when Sapphire notices something: "OMG! That dude is totally not matching his shirt with his eyes!" The three look at each other... "Looks like a job for the All-Star Cheer Squad!"
The man, examining a strange striped shirt, places it back on the rack and turns around, only to be startled by the three girls standing directly behind him. "Hey you, that's not rad! That choice of clothes is just all bad!"
Momentarily confused and somewhat disgusted, he walks through the group of girls and toward the exit, purchasing nothing. The girls cheer, "Another crisis averted!"
Modus Operandi - Looking for a good time? If you happen down the right street at the right time of night, maybe you'll meet The Hood, a young gentleman with a reputation for getting what you need. What you won't know is that it's not just good times he carries in the bag on his hip... You won't have heard, but you might pretend that you have, of the "newest thing" he has to offer you-- the vial of Red Riding. "A free sample," he'll tell you, but you won't know to refuse. He'll murder you, with a roguish smile, and you will let him. When he compliments your eyes, you'll know you're his type. When he compliments your hands, you'll try to run for your life. When he compliments your mouth... he'll miss you for a moment. But he quickly forgets.
Back in the precinct, Officer Bricks has become fed up and impatient with a brooding Detective Wolfe. "Shouldn't we go out there and keep investigating? Or maybe looking for Officer Straws and Sticks? They may have found something?" he called in Wolfe's general direction.
Finally frustrated, Detective Wolfe jumped up and exclaimed, "That's it! Officer Bricks, come with me. I want to show you something," and bolts out of the precinct. Bricks snatches his coat and rushes after Wolfe, trying to keep up on his shorter legs. "Where are we going?" Detective Wolfe stops and lets Officer Bricks catch up, "I don't want to spoil the surprise. Follow me to the woods. There is a secluded spot up ahead where no one will bother us."
Ah, whew! I'm totally winded from the excitement, and not to mention the enormous amount of hot dogs and fried corn batter. I think I need to go lay down, but first it would be a good idea to remind you that there's a weekly EI poll where you can vote on your favorites! Until next time, friends!
10 EI Report: All-Star Cheer and Bunnihilation!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: All-Star Cheer and Bunnihilation! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Aug 10, 2012 6:19 pm
Hey there, EI fans! Have you ever "shotgunned" a can before? Supposedly it's a maneuver typically done with cold drinks, but I've been shotgunning cans of fruit cocktail all morning. It's a more efficient way to take in some essential vitamins! On top of that, we've got a couple new EI developments this week to share. Have a look!
All-Star Cheer - This hyper-energetic cheer squad loves sleepovers-- it's the 39th one this month! The girls never tire from all the makeovers, pillow fights, truth-or-dares, gossiping about cute guys at school and those fluffy bunnies.
While doing each other's hair, Hornet's brother walks into the room asking where the remote went. Seeing the girls in makeover mode and realizing his mistake, he tried to leave, but was already too late. "Hello brother, better not fuss! Let's play with your hair and dress you up!" The girls sit him down and perform their brand of torture. Unfortunately for him, "Crisis is not averted..."
Bunnihilation - You've started loving bunnies so much that you're even wearing them all day long. This conversation is becoming too intimate. You need help. I'm worried about you.
They look fantastic! Head on over to the weekly EI poll and express what you're feeling inside. Speaking of that, I think I feel a tiny cube of peach bouncing around in my sinus cavity. It stings and I can smell it! Oh, I need to go! Until next time, everyone!
17 EI Report: Modus Operandi and All-Star CheerEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Modus Operandi and All-Star Cheer - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Aug 17, 2012 4:52 pm
Calling all science fans! We've been having our semi-annual ScienceJam over here at the EIHQ-- that's when we all spend two weeks bunking up nice and cozy in the lab, working day and night on new scientific insights without the usual constraints of showers or food! Check out our exciting findings:
With school starting soon, it's time for the All-Star Cheer girls to head to the beach for some last-minute sun. There's just one problem: their favorite beach spot is infested with hermit crabs! Luckily Sapphire has a plan: by waving their "magical" batons and squawking wildly, they summon a flock of hungry seagulls! The surly birds make an afternoon snack of the crabs, and Hornet can finally get that tan she's been after.
This week, another grisly tale from Modus Operandi, courtesy of artist bluefeathers_onDA: Snow White was a beautiful young woman, but vain to the point of obsession. She spent hours in front of her mirror, rouging her cheeks and braiding her silky hair, determined to be the fairest in all the land. But there was another woman, more beautiful and more beloved - the lovely young queen, who enchanted not only her new royal husband, but every heart in the country, with her long golden hair and kind smile. Snow White never ceased comparing herself to the queen, criticizing her every imperfection, indulging in the latest skin rejuvenation techniques, and cinching her waist tight to achieve that perfect hourglass figure. Inevitably, she would find some fault in her appearance - a pimple or a chipped nail - and turn desperately to her current beau for validation.
"Aren't I the fairest in the land?! Aren't I more beautiful than that simpering little queen?!" she would cry. The poor man would try to calm her hysteria, but every compliment rang hollow in Snow White's ears - they were all lies! Enraged, she would break her mirror and slash the man's throat with the cold edge of a shard of glass.
Still at large, Snow White has at least seven known victims, and authorities are concerned for the queen's safety...
Yeesh! That gruesome Snow White tale is giving me the fantods something fierce. How am I going to sleep tonight? Better tell my lab assistants to bunk down in the soundproof test chamber, because my chronic night terrors are gonna have me full-throat screaming till the sun comes up. Anyway, be sure to visit our weekly EI poll to let us know what you like best this week. Until next time, friends!
24 EI Report: All-Star Cheer!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: All-Star Cheer! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Aug 23, 2012 5:49 pm
Good afternoon, EI fans! It's a big week around here as we wave goodbye to an REI that's become a huge favorite around the lab-- All-Star Cheer! Sure, it's the last stage of evolution, but we definitely won't be forgetting about this cheer squad anytime soon.
All-Star Cheer - A cloud of darkness loomed in the sky, growing larger and blacker with each passing moment. Only when it hovered directly above the town did it show its true nature: a wave of hungry vampires heading directly towards the city center. The citizens ran in panic as the scowling immortals swooped down for their meal.
Thankfully, this was nothing the All-star Cheer Squad couldn't handle! The girls ran to the nearest graveyard, stood atop the highest hill, and began what would be perhaps their greatest performance of the century.
"Hey hey, we know you're dead, but these vampires want our heads!
So we command you to do a task, come on up and kick some ass!"
The ground rumbled and cracked below their feet, and the rolling tremors spread outward in every direction. Up from the widening cracks rose a legion of zombies-- an all-out war between the vampires and zombies had begun! "Another crisis averted!" the girls cheered, but, uh... don't they both eat people?
Ah, what hath science wrought?
28 EI Report: Band of Bremen!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Band of Bremen! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Tue Aug 28, 2012 5:50 pm
Hey, EI fans! Nope, it's not Friday, but we couldn't wait-- there's a new REI! It looks like it'll be something to watch, especially for the music lovers among us. Take a gander!
Finally, your brand new limited edition copy of Band of Bremen's debut album has arrived! Their music is so cute and catchy, but this exclusive pre-release offer cost a pretty penny. While you highlight your hair for Bremen's upcoming concert and listen to your new record with sleek special edition headphones, what other surprises do you imagine are in store...?
Wow! I haven't been this excited for an album release since Baby Boruff remastered his classic record, Car Drivin' Dogs! I bought three copies of that one, including the Boruff Connoisseur's Edition that came with a clipping of his beard. If only Timmy hadn't eaten the beard clipping and rendered the whole thing worthless... ah, well, I won't mess up this time! See you on Friday, everyone!
31 EI Report: Modus Operandi and Band of Bremen!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Modus Operandi and Band of Bremen! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Aug 31, 2012 5:33 pm
Happy Friday, EI fans! I'm glad I took vitamins this morning, because this EI report is big, big, huge! Not only are we meeting the first member of Bremen, but Modus Operandi is evolving for the last time, and it's enormous! Take a look:
Band of Bremen - What's this hidden in the album sleeve? A ticket to a five-day exclusive meet-and-greet with Bremen! Your first day of fanclub fun is with Fawn, Bremen's graceful and gentle guitarist. What's first, an autumn stroll through the forest, or a relaxing cup of tea?
As the Modus Operandi comes to a perplexing end, a newspaper article and a case file (attached to the end of this announcement) are all that's left to finish the tale:
"By J. Grimm
Eeeeep! I'm kind of bouncing up the walls because not only is Band of Bremen looking really cool this week, but Modus Operandi comes with SO MUCH GREAT STUFF! Also, these vitamins are really, really good. Good stuff, I feel really, really good. Real good. I special ordered them from a place online. I feel really, really nice and good. I feel great, actually! I feel so good! Ah! I think I need to go run a mile! Hey, let's go vote in the weekly EI poll and then run a lot, and maybe do some jumping jacks. I feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest, but in a good way! Is that weird? I feel great! Hey, see you next time!
07 EI Report: Band of Bremen!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Band of Bremen! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Sep 07, 2012 5:05 pm
Happy Friday, EI fans! Bremen fever has swept the lab-- we've got posters up and everything! No worries, it doesn't keep us from doing our research. The only time it didn't really help was when a labtech sitting in the corner got his music player's cord caught on a centrifuge and it kept spinning and whipped his arms repeatedly with his own earbuds. He was trapped behind his desk being snapped over and over by the wildly vibrating instrument until we found the building's breaker box and cut the power. Other than that, we're having a great time!
Band of Bremen - Your next celebrity date is with Sadie, Bremen's stylish bassist! Those fanclub memberships must really be raking in the dough, because you and Sadie are heading to the ritziest district in the city. Dolci, D'Oro, Huey Bretton-- Sadie has expensive taste. In fact, she's dressed head to toe in HB, sipping her double cappuccino as she drags you from store to store. You're pretty sure the designer goods to which she's treating you could pay your rent for a few years...
Eeeee! I just love Sadie, I think she's one of my favorites. Although Fawn from last week is really cool, too... Hmm. Oh, we're about to have a group listen to the album in the conference room before we head out for the weekend, so I'll see you next week! But first, go vote in the weekly EI poll. Take care, friends!
14 EI Report: Band of Bremen!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Band of Bremen! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Sep 14, 2012 3:56 pm
Good afternoon, EI fans! Bremen fever isn't letting up around the lab. We've converted part of the annexed area in back into a rudimentary dancefloor, and every Friday (including today) we turn the lights way down and let our senses of sound take over. Of course, every time we do that we have to be careful because raccoons tend to start climbing into the building through the air vents as soon as we turn the lights out. Hey-- that makes me wonder something. What if every night after we shut the lights off and leave, raccoons come in to scavenge and eat and do their raccoon things? That's not possible, right? Oh right, the items:
Band of Bremen - This week, you have a sweet date with Bunnie, Bremen's adorable drummer! She's pretty energetic, so you're not sure a trip to a fancy bakery for copious sugary treats is necessarily a good idea, but she's just so earnest... You can't resist. Besides, it's getting chilly, and Bunnie's warm, fuzzy frock reminds you that a heavier jacket might have been a wiser choice. Some hot cocoa and a croissant would do the trick...
How sweet! But you know, now that I think about it, sweet treats are probably exactly what a family of raccoons would break in here to eat. Another thing-- all these years I figured it was some anonymous lab technician who was eating my lunch leftovers and tearing the bag to shreds. Hey, if you'll take just a second and vote in the weekly EI poll, I'm gonna go make a few calls. Until next time, friends!
21 EI Report: Band of Bremen!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Band of Bremen! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Sep 21, 2012 4:18 pm
Happy Friday, EI fans! This week wraps up the whirlwind series of dates with members of music sensation Bremen. On one hand, I'm sad that we're all the way through meeting the band, but on the other hand, I hope my love letter gets a reply, because hot diggity. Have a look!
Band of Bremen - Your final date is a hot one! Red is Bremen's dashing lead singer, here to take you out for a spicy dinner at one of the city's most exclusive restaurants. While the chilis in your curry leave you speechless and in desperate need of water, you're forced to listen to Red go on and on about his career, his many industry awards, his collection of commissioned self-portraits... Actually, even if you could talk, you might have trouble getting a word in; Red's sort of a... well, let's just say he's a bit of a blowhard. Maybe he should stick to singing.
Oh gosh, I just took my earbuds out for the first time in weeks. What's that high-pitched ringing? It sounds like it's coming from all around us. Ah, I need to go find it! Why not go vote in the weekly EI poll, and I'll see you next week!
28 EI Report: Band of Bremen and Antipathy!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Band of Bremen and Antipathy! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Sep 28, 2012 7:31 pm
Happy Friday, EI fans! This week brings us a whole new REI and the finale of an old favorite. Believe me, when I found out it was Bremen's finale this week, I spent the afternoon spinning in my office chair for hours, just listening to the classics. The profound and oddly-enjoyable dizziness afterward gave me time to reflect on the good times as I laid myself out on the lab floor for several minutes. What a fantastic example of EI science! There's no reason to be sad, though-- we've got something new emerging today:
Band of Bremen - With some parting Bremen merchandise, the band bids you adieu-- but what's this? Looks like someone accidentally left their smartphone with you. It displays an appointment at a very exclusive hair salon, just hours before the concert. Maybe if you return the phone, you can get one last picture with Bremen and gain extra bragging rights with your friends... and who knows, maybe they'll spot you a cool new trim for the big evening!
Antipathy - In a high stone tower in the heart of a dark city, a pale prisoner lies, chained and dying. The man can no longer remember his name, his loved ones or his far away homeland; he's been driven mad by his hatred for the evil king who imprisoned him. In his last moments, he clutches a burnt wooden charm that hangs around his neck, and mutters words in a strange language. The charm begins to glow...
Wow, what a week this has turned out to be! Now if you'll excuse me, this office chair and I have an appointment. Oh! Before I forget, go vote in the weekly EI poll! See you next time!
05 EI Report: Antipathy!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Antipathy! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Oct 05, 2012 6:30 pm
Good afternoon, EI fans! First, let me start by saying I'm not much for scary movies or people and objects that are haunted or whatnot. That kind of thing isn't usually my cup of tea, and I think it's because I sometimes get spooked easily. At a hairstylist once, a few cut strands of hair landed on my face and it felt like I was walking through a cobweb. I immediately threw up out of horror! Sure, they gave me the haircut for free, but my clothes were a mess and I was suddenly out two whole shrimp cocktails! My fear of being horrified aside, this week has a fantastic-looking new demonic development. Have a look!
Antipathy - At the prisoner's incantation, a twisted shade slithers from the charm. "My name is Wraak, and I revenge," it whispers. "Like I, you are begot of hatred and suffering. Your body and soul are mine." The monster, with a kind of evil grace, slits the man's throat and seeps into the bleeding wound. The prisoner's screams rattle the stones in the tower down to the ground, then abruptly quell. The jailer climbs the steps to investigate, and finds a man that is not a man. The demon stretches the prisoner's lips over his teeth. "I revenge."
Ah, wow! I think I could get into this! You know, my hair is getting a bit long, though. I might stop by for a small trim this evening after I finish this half-gallon of milk and quart of hollandaise sauce. Oh, go vote in the weekly EI poll, too! See you next time!
12 EI Report: Bunnihilation and Antipathy!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Bunnihilation and Antipathy! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Oct 12, 2012 4:15 pm
It's that time again, EI fanatics! An old favorite evolves again this week, and a new favorite continues to bring the good stuff. It's a lot like a children's book I once wrote where a wise old iguana returns after a long absence to give encouragement and advice to a teenager down on his luck. The iguana later gets stuck behind the teenager's stereo and that's where the story's similarities end, I suppose. Nevermind. Hey, let's look at the items instead!
Bunnihilation - The bunnies have discovered the magic of clothing, and they love dressing up as much as their owners do! Or at least, that's what the owners like to believe...
Antipathy - In the castle's main hall, an unsuspecting royal court has gathered for a ball. The night is still young and the royal family has yet to make their appearance. A terrible rumbling in the walls rattles the stones it's made of, but neither that nor the distant screams of the castle's jailer are heard behind the music and lively chatter.
Just as the music hits a crescendo, the doors shriek open wide, startling the lords and ladies in their finest garb. Guards standing before the royal chambers ready their swords. Wraak, wearing the prisoner's body, lurks in the shadow just beyond the opened door. Its low and dark voice pervades throughout the hushed room, "I took his hands which locked the chains..."
"I will have the eyes of those who watched me bound and did nothing. I will take the innards of those who defend a cowardly man," growled Wraak as it took a few steps into the ballroom and into the light.
Ah, such good stuff! I missed those cuddly bunnies a lot. I missed Wraak too, but not in quite the same way. Not terribly cuddly, that one. Anyhow, vote in the weekly EI poll, and I'll see you next time!
19 EI Report: Antipathy!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Antipathy! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Oct 19, 2012 3:38 pm
Happy Friday, EI fans! Big developments this week from a very popular vengeance-related item! Personally, I've never really enacted any type of vengeance against another person. Wait, that's not entirely true, one time my landlord raised my rent by about 10%, so just once I backed my car into his garbage cans. Every morning. For about 9 weeks. Well, it'll be 9 weeks in a couple days. Anyway, let's look at the new stuff!
Antipathy - The guards fall easily, the servants flee. The crash of metal and the desperate bark of combat carry along the curving halls to the royal chambers. Back there, out of sight of the battle, two people have halted, breaths hitching. The nineteen year old crown prince, the only child of the king, moves ahead of his mother, the queen. The sword he had donned for the ball is decorative, hardly effective against any enemy that could defeat the guards, but he readies it anyway. Far ahead, the strangled battle cries quiet, and the mother and son are shrouded in silence.
A rattling, then wet sounds, and then the heavy pitch of bone scraping on the smooth marble floors. It echos and the prince can feel the tiles tremble below his boots.
"Ah," the voice, quiet and clear, carries down the corridor. "The brave prince and noble queen. His bloodline, and his heart."
The mother and son quake as the shadow oozes into sight, dribbling syrupy blood and bits of meat from its teeth. The prince's sword clatters to the floor.
"I will devour them both."
Such good stuff! If you'll excuse me, I need to head out and pick up my car from the body shop. Had a few dents and dings on the bumper, nothing major. Go vote in the weekly EI poll, and take care until next week!
26 EI Report: Antipathy's finale!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Antipathy's finale! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Oct 26, 2012 6:32 pm
Good afternoon, EI fans! Glad you're here, it's a "big'un" today! How do you like that slang? I picked it up at a truck stop. I was just getting some snacks, minding my own business, when a rude trucker told me that my head was too big for my body and that I had a "big'un dome." I didn't pay him any mind, though, because his head was extremely small, so it's no wonder why he thought my normal-sized head was huge.
Anyway, yes, it really is a big week around here-- Antipathy just reached its last stage of evolution, and there's so much to see (including an illustration at the bottom, scroll all the way down)!
Antipathy - At last, the sound carries to the deepest chambers. The King, grandly dressed in silks and furs, leaps to his feet at the shrill scream, a chill crawling up his spine. He shouts for guards and dives for his sword just as the door to his room bows inward and shatters to pieces with a horrifying crack. His heart freezes in his chest, his limbs like stone.
"My dear hunted," Wraak slips past the splintered wood as the scent of blood taints the air. The demon mockingly holds a hand to its chest. "This heart skips a beat at the sight of you."
"You..." the King sputters, eyes wide in recognition. "You, I thought you were dead. I locked you in the tower--"
"Twenty years ago. Yes. And as revenge, I have now killed much of your court, your men, your wife and your son." Wraak advances slowly. "And there is not one remaining to come to your aid." The King watches as the monster's face changes. He can see the prisoner-- the dead man-- peering out at him from someplace dark within his own body. "I came to this city to offer aid. Charms and potions and harmless spells. But you were afraid of my foreign magic." The dead man falters his steps, as if trying to pull his own body back, and failing. "You had only to ask, and I would have gone."
"It was witchcraft," the King replies, his face white. "You tell me you meant no harm, but now, look what you have done."
The dead man snarls. "I had only wanted to be a friend. Now all I can think of is my revenge. This is what you have done to me, King. This evil thing consumed me... as it has consumed this castle... and as it shall consume you."
"No--" The King collapses, bowing his head. "God, what are you? Forgive me. Oh please forgive me!" Wraak touches the King's head, almost kindly. Behind its eyes, the prisoner is gone. Only the monster remains. Smiling.
"I am Wraak," it whispers.
"I do not forgive."
Ah, what a finish! I'd like to remind you to go vote in the weekly EI poll as well, because it too is a "big'un" not unlike the item itself! See you next time!
30 New REI: Wisteria!Edit
- Announcement New REI: Wisteria! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Tue Oct 30, 2012 6:51 pm
Hey, EI fans! Usually, my favorite thing to happen on Tuesday is Free Golf Cart Rental Day down at the municipal golf course. I don't even play golf, but those things are loads of fun to drive until the batteries run out, and then scamper off into the woods without a trace. This Tuesday is even better, though-- we've got a big announcement! A new REI has been discovered and it's poised to become a favorite.
Wisteria - Victoria and Tyrian are siblings and have been the best of friends as long as either of them could remember. Their incredible bond gets put to the test, however, when word is received from their parents: The pair has been invited to stay the winter at their relatives' distant, creepy, mansion!
Ah, this is definitely going to be one to keep an eye on! Take care, and I'll see you on Friday for your usual EI report!
02 EI Report: Wisteria!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Wisteria! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Nov 02, 2012 5:18 pm
Hey there, EI fans! This week's evolution is a good one! Exploring houses is something I don't really get to do very often. It's not that I don't get invited to-- I do. It's more because I have a crippling fear of getting lost in someone else's house. I think it goes back to the time I was invited to a sleepover and I got lost in the middle of the night looking for the bathroom, and then got lost again after finding it. I ended up having to spend the entire night sleeping under a pile of clothes in a hamper because I couldn't find my way back to the party. Now that I think about it, I suppose I could bring a compass or a GPS next time. Oh yeah, hey, items!
Wisteria - Victoria and Tyrian have arrived at their relatives' distant mansion. They're overwhelmed by the size of the house, and like any curious children, they begin to explore and play about the mansion.
Ah, I love the colors in Wisteria so much! I'm off to go pry the compass off of my car's dashboard, so I'll see you next week! Oh, and the weekly EI poll! Go vote in it, it's important! Take care!
09 EI Report: Wisteria!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Wisteria! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Nov 09, 2012 5:53 pm
Hey there, EI fans! One of my favorite Evolving Items ever has taken a turn for the creepy this week. Its story reminds me of the crawlspace I found back at our old lab. While sitting at my desk one night, I noticed an opening in the wall. Before I knew it, I'd torn the wallpaper, broken it open, and got my head stuck in there for a good 12 hours or so until the lab techs came in the next morning. On the plus side, while I was in there I thought up a new way to organize our data AND figured out a solution to our parking problem. Oh, I'm getting distracted. Items!
Wisteria - As Tyrian and Victoria playfully explore the mansion, they accidentally trip over a hanging wall drape, revealing a boarded-over opening only wide enough to fit a small child. A draft can be felt through the cracks in the walls and Tyrian's curiosity gets the best of him. Victoria watches nervously as he pries the rusted nails out of the old boards keeping whatever it is behind the entrance hidden.
So cool! It's totally jogging memories for me. Not just about the crawlspace thing, but there was the time I got my head stuck in an antique vase. And another time where I got my head stuck in a bucket. Hey, go vote in the weekly EI poll, and take care! See you next week!
16 EI Report: Wisteria!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Wisteria! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Nov 16, 2012 4:16 pm
Hey there, EI fans! It's Friday already, and what a fast week it's been! Maybe it hasn't seemed as fast for you, but every night after work I'll go home and eat about 3 pounds of chicken nuggets and pass out. I usually sleep for about 15 hours. Say what you will, but it makes new evolutions seem like they're coming faster! Speaking of that:
Wisteria - Too scared to follow, Victoria waited outside while Tyrian found himself deep in a small room filled with old trinkets and books.
"Did you find anything?" Victoria wailed into the passage.
Tyrian was immediately disappointed with his discovery, but just before he could answer back to Victoria, he heard a chime in the corner of his ear. The sound seemed to be originating from a chest buried among the books. He approached the chest with some apprehension and wiped a thick layer of dust from the lid. It was unlocked, and despite the chest looking so old and important, he found only a small bunny doll inside. Disappointed again, he took the doll and brought it back to his sister .
"It was nothing but junk! How boring! But I found this and thought you might like it." Tyrian grumbled. Victoria's squealed with excitement and snatched the doll away from Tyrian, falling in love with it instantly.
Ah, that cute bunny reminds me a lot of the one I sleep with sometimes. This reminds me-- I've got a date tonight with two plates of nuggets, a pillow, and DVDs of the third season of Ultimate Doggie Dressup! Go vote in the weekly EI poll, and I'll see you next week!
21 EI Report: Wisteria!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Wisteria! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Wed Nov 21, 2012 2:15 pm
Hey EI fans! I know, I know, it's not Friday, but the lab techs all have Thursday and Friday off, and I don't want to be here alone doing the EI report. It's too creepy, and what if the raccoons come back? I don't want to spend the long weekend barricaded in a broom closet. Anyhow, there's some amazing new data to look at, and it's gorgeous!
Wisteria - Victoria becomes overly obsessed with her new toy and ignores her brother for days. In a fit of jealousy, Tyrian grabs the bunny plush away from Victoria and amid the struggle, the toy is torn apart. Victoria is devastated!
Tyrian, feeling guilty, leaves Victoria alone in tears. As she kneels down to pick up her severed gift, she discovers a mysterious ring. Her eyes become captivated from the find... and her body possessed.
Ah, it's so good! There's some kind of rustling outside... sounds like it's coming from the dumpsters. We need to get out of here before the raccoons come and try to break into the fridge. I think going up through the roof and climbing down a tree would be our best bet. Go vote in the EI poll and we'll see you again next week!
30 EI Report: The Finale of Wisteria!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: The Finale of Wisteria! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Nov 30, 2012 5:01 pm
Hey, EI fans! This week we're observing the finale of a new favorite, but it's not really "Goodbye," it's more like "You're still here, just not evolving anymore, and we can keep wearing you for as long as we'd like. We can still be friends. But you have to stop texting me in the middle of the night, it's not healthy. No, I won't be your date to your cousin's wedding. No, we can't meet for coffee. Stop emailing me, Chad. It's over. We're through." Whoa, wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, items! Wisteria ends today, and it's been a wild ride. We've been through so much together, and... Wait, I'm doing it again. We were a great item! I mean, *it* was a great item. Oh, boy.
Wisteria was so good! And this week's new evolutions put a memorable ending on a fantastic journey:
Wisteria - Victoria aimlessly skipped and pranced the halls while chanting to herself, stopping every now and then to gaze into the cursed ring. Tyrian, concerned by his sister's uncharacteristic obsession, attempted to subdue her and force the ring off of her hand. When he held her hand still and tried to pull the ring off, she became aggressive and violent, pushing back with a fury and strength his sister had never before displayed. In her rage, she unclenched her fist to push Tyrian down a staircase. As Tyrian fell away from his sister, the ring slipped off into his hand, and he fell violently down the stairs, clutching it.
With the ring off, Victoria managed to snap out of the spell, and ran down the stairs to save her brother... just as he took his last breath.
Distraught over what she'd done, she knelt by his side wondering how it could've happened like this. This wasn't like her, this was something different. "How could I? What am I going to tell everyone? How am I going to live with myself?" She felt something tug at the back of her dress. It was the doll.
"You won't need to worry about that. It's too late, both of you belong to me now, a-ha!" The rabbit's maniacal giggle echoed through the house as both Victoria and Tyrian both vanished into a dark smoke, and the ring fell to the floor with a clink. The doll picked it up, placed it on its own wrist as if it were a bracelet, and pranced and skipped down the hallway, chanting the same tune Victoria had a few moments before.
Ahh! Wow, that's creepy, but at least the items are gorgeous! Go vote in the weekly EI poll, and I'll see you next week! Everyone but you, Chad!
07 New REI: Polar Tear!Edit
- Announcement New REI: Polar Tear! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Dec 07, 2012 2:01 pm
Happy Friday, friends of science! Sorry if I sound a little stuffed up-- this week I traveled to the far North to investigate our newest REI, Polar Tear. But don't worry about me! I've been chugging medicinal syrups like they were whiskey. Well, I've been drinking a lot of whiskey too, but you know, medicinally. Like grandma would have told me to. That lady loved giving folksy medical advice.
But this cold's got nothing on me! The thought of a new REI is enough to stoke the fires of my soul, so sit down and let me describe the items before I fall asleep standing up!
Polar Tear - Far in the frosty North, at that time of year when the sun never quite lifts the morning over the horizon and the long months are covered in perpetual twilight, an ice sculptor named Pétur waited out the winter. For many years, Pétur and his wife, Ísa, had spent the dark months in each other's loving company, but the previous winter, a sudden, jealous illness stole Ísa from Pétur forever. His tools sat in their case, unused for several months before, in the pale light of what-- at any other time of year-- might have been morning, the ice sculptor felt a strange longing to walk out to the glacier, where the ancient ice slept...
Will Pétur reach a powerful emotional climax before he loses his nose to frostbite? Only time will tell, so check back next week! For now, swing by our weekly EI poll to tell us which items are your favorite. Have a great weekend, Gaians!
14 EI Report: Polar Tear and Bunnihilation!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Polar Tear and Bunnihilation! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Dec 14, 2012 3:29 pm
Happy Friday, EI fans! It's mighty cold outside, but there's some great new EI data to report on that we've been tirelessly analyzing all week long. You know, I feel a like I've earned an opportunity to pamper myself a little bit... Hmm, yeah, I think I deserve that! After this, I'm going to head straight home, put on some nice music, light a couple candles, and warm my feet up under a couple cats. It's gonna be so good. Hey, items!
Polar Tear followed Pétur as he discovered a strange secret in the northern wilderness. Urged on by a mysterious call and shivering in his lamb's wool sweater, the sculptor trudged through the snow to the foot of an ancient glacier. There, in the dim blue of perpetual dusk, he saw a bright, crystalline light shimmering in the ice. Pétur had heard of glacial ice as clear as crystal and hard as diamond, impervious to heat and forever frozen. His Ísa had given him a locket containing her portrait and claimed, winking, that the star-colored stone on its face was immortal glacial crystal... As he watched the light in the ice pulsing like a heartbeat, a shape took form in his mind...
Bunnihilation continues! This week, a very cozy bunny selection to keep you warm during the long winter. They're so warm... and soft... and bunny-like.
Bunnies, eh? Maybe instead of cats, I can warm my feet under a couple of those bad boys. Or maybe one cat, one bunny. Oh hey, go vote in the weekly EI poll! See you next week!
21 EI Report: Polar TearEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Polar Tear - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Dec 21, 2012 5:05 pm
Hello, sciencey types! We interrupt your end-of-the-world festivities for this important Evolving Item bulletin, wherein we check out the newest update from one of my favorite items. I took all the trouble to set up a satellite uplink from down here in my Apocalypse Bunker just for this, so I hope you'll do me the courtesy of paying close attention-- otherwise, I won't let you stay down here and share my thirty-year stockpile of canned peas, which I intend to eat whether or not the world ends.
In this week's Polar Tear evolution, Pétur has carved from the glacial ice the likeness of a beautiful woman: his beloved wife, Ísa. He named the statue Ísthur - a goddess made of ice - and gazed at her strange, glittering heart until sleep overtook him. As he dreamt of lost summers, of soft breezes and soft smiles, Ísthur's heart watched over the sleeping sculptor. Her frozen eyes, as deep and blue as the heart of a glacier, slowly opened, and a shimmering tear fell down her cheek. Her limbs began to move, and her crystalline hair softened, spilling over her shoulders like water. Ísthur awoke.
You can grab this lovely, wintry item in the Cash Shop. As usual, you can stop by our weekly EI poll to let us know which current items you like best. See you next week, friends!
28 EI Report: Stinger and Polar Tear!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Stinger and Polar Tear! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Dec 28, 2012 1:32 pm
Hey EI fans! This week, a whole new REI takes flight in the form of Stinger, and it's the finale of Polar Tear. The bee-related adventures of Stinger remind me of home-- well, not so much my home, but the town I grew up in. There were two movie theaters in town and they were both about the same distance from my house, but one of them was much cheaper. The cheaper one also had a beehive somewhere in the ceiling, which is probably why they lowered the prices. If I played it smart and wore protective gear I could easily see three movies for the price of one at the non-bee theater! The only real downside was that someone would get stung and scream every so often, but after a while you tune it out. Oh yeah, items!
Stinger - For years, the savage Horned Beetle Clan has been running around aimlessly after the death of their leader, who was lost in their last battle with the Honey Bee Clan. Clearly a new leader is needed, but the strongest warriors are each too proud to concede leadership of the clan. Tired of the constant infighting and watching the once-powerful Horned Beetle Clan dwindle, one lowly soldier decides to take control and consolidate power-- but to do this, he must enter the Bee Clan's home and steal their legendary weapon, Stinger. After spying the entrance for days, he sees his opportunity to sneak inside as all the male Bee Clan members depart on a hunting trip...
Polar Tear - The goddess Ísthur ha revealed her true nature. As Pétur slept, Ísthur gazed at her creator, something like tenderness in her cold eyes as she searched his dreams and saw her shape. It was not Ísthur-- those long-ago summers belonged to someone else-- but she smiled sadly as the ghost of a memory passed through her ancient heart. She placed a gentle kiss on Pétur's smiling lips.
But morning-- finally, after many months, true morning-- drew near. Ísthur slipped out of her earthly garments and out of the front door, slipping barefoot into the pale dawn. Her silvery hair unfurled behind her, shimmering and long as the tail of a comet. It was time she returned home. She would forever be grateful to the sculptor for freeing her from the glacier. Nearly forever, she thought, as she melted into light and rose into the velvet sky... for a star is very long-lived, and looks down on the earth always.
When Pétur awoke, he found his sculpture was gone, her crustal gown (so like Ísa's wedding dress) a glittering puddle on the floor. Throwing on his boots and scarf, he ran out into the pale light, where a woman's graceful footprints suddenly disappeared as if she'd been lifted into the sk. He gazed at the morning star, shining brighter than ever before, and touched his lips. That's right... He had dreamt, and Isa, and the memory of her kiss had begun to thaw the cold ache in his heart.
Ah, it's all so beautiful. I got so wrapped up Polar Tear's story that I forgot I was going to make a joke about Stinger "looking sharp." Oh wait, there it is.
Hey, go vote in the weekly EI poll, and I'll see you next week!