Notice that Dr. Singh's avatar has replaced Timmy (and other co-hosts) in the announcements since he is no longer present as a character.
01 EI Report: Yemaya's Pearl, Kottan Bell & MasqueradeEdit
- Topic EI Report: Yemaya's Pearl, Kottan Bell & Masquerade - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Wed Jul 01, 2009 11:41 pm
Hey, it's only Thursday! We're moving this week's report up a day so we can make room for some barbecuing and tragic fireworks accidents. Three items are evolving this week: Yemaya's Pearl, Kottan Bell and the Masquerade.
You can stop by the Cash Shop to grab one of these lovely items for yourself, or just to say howdy to Flynn.
Stay tuned for the full report, in which Dr. Singh battles a strange woman for Timmy's honor!
Dr. Singh: Hi, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your trusted source for-- good gracious, Timmy, what's that thing hanging off your arm?
- Timmy: Doc, I'm a-scared!
Dr. Singh: Explain yourself, young lady.
Strange Woman: Ooh, Timmy is such a dreamy beauhunk! I love the jacket!
Dr. Singh: Ah, I see what's going on here: Timmy, you seem to have attracted some sort of an admirer. I believe the scientific term is a "floozy." Is that correct, young lady?
Strange Woman: Yes, ma'am, that's pretty accurate.
- Timmy: She attached herself to me while I was walkin' to the studio, Doc! Please, get her offa me!
Dr. Singh: Timmy, part of adult life is learning to defend yourself against the attention of floozies. Now that you're all grown up and you've got that boss leather jacket, all sorts of women will be prowling for a bite of your mustache.
- Timmy: So what do I do, Doc?
Dr. Singh: Never look her in the eye, Timmy, or she may try to hypnotize you with her tramp magic. Try to avoid being cornered, or led into unlit places. Floozies experience no shame, so don't try to appeal to her sense of decency.
- Timmy: Eew! She's pawin' at my jacket!
Dr. Singh: Unhand him, floozy! I'm not sure how exactly the guardianship laws work, but Timmy is my ward, and I think I technically own him. I won't have you damaging his resale value with your cheap perfume.
Strange Woman: You gonna make me unhand him?
Dr. Singh: I'm certainly not going to get into any floozy rumbles before we've even done our show-- I might wind up with scratches all over my face. Timmy, can you hang in there a little longer so we can get through the report?
- Timmy: Let's hurry though, Doc. She smells like burnin' hair.
Dr. Singh: Sure thing. Well, first up, we've got another beautiful evolution from Yemaya's Pearl, bursting with colorful sea creatures and accessories. Fans of marine life can't go wrong with this one!
- Timmy: This lady is kinda like a barnacle...
Dr. Singh: Next up, the delightful Kottan Bell has evolved into a fluffy little lamb, who just loves to perch atop your head or be carried under an arm. It's just unimaginably cute, not to mention the great new outfit we're seeing this week! Last up, the mysterious Masquerade has formed into a huge array of new configurations, with some intriguing new makeup styles and colorful bangs that can layer over your hairstyle.
- Timmy: Maybe we should give some of that makeup to this lady... she looks like she's been drawin' on her eyebrows with a magic marker.
Dr. Singh: Oh! That's another rule: never give a floozy a gift. Well, that's it for this week, folks! I hope you've enjoyed these new evolutions-- remember to stop by our weekly poll thread to let us know what you think. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to save Timmy from moral destruction.
Strange Woman: Yeah? I'd like to see you try.
Dr. Singh: Stand back, Timmy. This may involve fingernails.
- Timmy: Golly... I'm not sure I like bein' an adult...
Dr. Singh: Turn that camera off! This may not be suitable for television...
10 EI Report: Nightmare, Gogh Reed, Lyndexer's JournalEdit
- Topic EI Report: Nightmare, Gogh Reed, Lyndexer's Journal - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jul 10, 2009 4:59 pm
Hey, we're finally releasing the EI Report! Better late than never, right? This week, lucky EI owners are getting updates to the Gogh Reed and Lyndexer's Journal, and pepper-tea is taking the helm on the glorious Nightmare. Have a look, willya?
Stop by the Cash Shop to get yourself a piping-hot EI!
Stay tuned for the full report with Timmy and a slightly scuffed-up Dr. Singh...
Dr. Singh: Hi, folks! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your weekly guide to all the best--
- Timmy: Wait a minute, Doc! Aren't you gonna get the makeup lady to fix up those scratches?
Dr. Singh: No, Timmy. I defeated that floozie in honest fingernail combat, and I wear these scratches as badges of honor. Oh, I suppose I should explain-- last week, folks, a low-rent floozie was hanging all over poor Timmy, disturbing his innocence with her touchy-feely behavior.
- Timmy: Thanks for fightin' her off. Say, are those... bits of her hair?
Dr. Singh: You see, Timmy, when a woman defeats a floozie, it's customary to yank out her tramp-weave and take it for your own.
- Timmy: I guess you got this whole floozy thing figured out, huh?
Dr. Singh: I do, Timmy, but I can't fight your battles forever. Someday you'll have to learn how to repel tramps on your own. But there's no time for that now-- we've got a show to do!
- Timmy: And what a show it is, Doc: three items evolvin', all of 'em awesome!
Dr. Singh: That's right! First up, the classically handsome Lyndexer's Journal-- it's a tale of ascent to heroism, and we're seeing our hero in young adulthood, enjoying a summer spent the beach. Check out that antique bathing costume!
- Timmy: I tried to go to the beach the other day, but everyone was laughin' at my sunken chest. Maybe I should get one of those.
Dr. Singh: The Gogh Reed is looking especially beautiful this week, with a brilliant golden crystal motif. And this is sure to be a crowd-pleaser-- pepper-tea is handling the art for the Nightmare this week, and it's really showing that terrifying nocturnal beauty can match perfectly with elegant style.
- Timmy: Hot diggity!
Dr. Singh: You know, Timmy, you're an adult now. You can stop using adorable euphemistic curse words.
- Timmy: But it's my trademark, Doc!
Dr. Singh: Well, looks like that's about all for this week, ladies and gents! As always, you can vote in our poll to let us know which items you like most. See you next week!
- Timmy: Doc... are you gonna wear those bits of weave in your hair forever?
Dr. Singh: Of course not, Timmy. I'll ceremonially burn them tonight, thus freeing you forever from the floozie's wicked influence. Honestly, Timmy, you should really know this stuff by now.
- Timmy: Bein' an adult is pretty confusing....
Dr. Singh: You have no idea, little buddy.
17 EI Report: Classilke, Reve Rouille, Masquerade & DNAEdit
- Topic EI Report: Classilke, Reve Rouille, Masquerade & DNA - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jul 17, 2009 7:12 pm
This week, we've got brand new poses from the Masquerade, Classilke, Reve Rouille and Stolen Mesozoic DNA. Have a gander:
Stop by the Cash Shop to grab yourself an EI!
Stay tuned for the full report with Dr. Singh and Timmy...
Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your trusted source for all the latest EI news. I'm your host, Dr. Singh, and this gangly fellow is my sidekick, Timmy. How's adult life treating you, Timmy?
- Timmy: Golly, Doc, I don't know how grown-ups do it. Everything is so darn confusin'!
Dr. Singh: What's troubling you, little buddy?
- Timmy: It's just a lot different than I thought! I'm havin' all sorts of weird aches in my joints, and I make this kinda groanin' noise when I get up from a chair. Also, goin' to the toilet is a lot more diffic--
Dr. Singh: Whoa! That's enough about that. Maybe we should talk about the items first, huh?
- Timmy: Sure! It's my one true joy in life!
Dr. Singh: As it should be, Timmy. We've got an excellent lineup this week: the Masquerade is back with more fanciful facework. This time, we're seeing some attractive blush in tons of colors, plus some exotic new noses.
- Timmy: I got a new nose recently, and I gotta say it's been pretty darn sweet so far.
Dr. Singh: All four different vials of Stolen Mesozoic DNA are evolving this week, too! They're making further prehistoric progress, and they also include some nice tees to show off your dino-devotion. The Classilke has another round of beautiful, delicate and lacey poses, including a new shawl and hat and some cute ruffled wristlets.
- Timmy: And the spider's bigger, too!
Dr. Singh: Last up, we've got the extraordinary Reve Rouille: the little clockwork device is malfunctioning a bit this week, but the item is still spawning some incredible new poses, like a mechanical shark tail, an elegant Mademoiselle's wig and a beautiful shadow show item.
- Timmy: Yowza! How decorative!
Dr. Singh: Indeed. That's it for this week, folks-- drop by again next time for more EI news! In the meantime, why not go vote in our poll to tell us which items you like the best?
- Timmy: Bye bye, everybody! Oh, but... hey Doc?
Dr. Singh: Yes, little buddy?
- Timmy: You remember how you said I couldn't get a paycheck cause I'm not an adult and you're my legal guardian? I was wonderin' if maybe, since I'm grown-up and all now... y'know...
Dr. Singh: Don't be silly, Timmy. You're still just a child in an adult's body, and if I gave you money, you'd just spend it on candy and high-powered fireworks, and where would that leave us? You'd be morbidly obese and missing your thumbs.
- Timmy: Yeah, I guess you're right... I was just kinda thinking maybe I could, y'know, get a car or something...
Dr. Singh: Really? That's a very adult decision, Timmy. I'm actually a little proud of you, although I'm pretty sure you'd immediately crash into a telephone pole and break open that fool head of yours.
- Timmy: So I guess that's a "no," then...
Dr. Singh: Aww, what the heck! Telephone pole or not, how could I say no? You deserve a chance to careen around the roadways just like everyone else, you little scamp. Here, I'll grab a few grand out of your trust fund and you can head over to see Edy at the dealership.
- Timmy: Jeepers! Thanks, Doc! You won't regret this!
Dr. Singh: You bet, Timmy. I never regret anything.
22 EI Report: Gogh Reed, Kottan Bell & NightmareEdit
- Topic EI Report: Gogh Reed, Kottan Bell & Nightmare - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Wed Jul 22, 2009 8:18 pm
It's that time of week again, ladies and gents! We've got three items evolving this time around: Kottan Bell, Nightmare and Gogh Reed.
Want an EI to call your own? Stop by the Gaia Cash Shop to pick one up.
And now, stay tuned for the full report with Dr. Singh and Timmy...
Dr. Singh: Hello, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your top source for all the latest news on the greatest items. You ready to get started, Timmy?
- Timmy: I was born ready, Doc!
Dr. Singh: No you weren't-- according to your medical history, you were born kinda sideways, and I suspect that your biological parents dropped you once or twice. In fact, I seem to recall it saying something about you being kicked in the head by a horse, too, but--
- Timmy: Aww, shucks, Doc... I'm flattered that you took such an interest, but we don't wanna bore the people at home with all this, do we?
Dr. Singh: You've got a point there, Timmy.
- Timmy: Thanks!
Dr. Singh: No, really, you've got kind of a bony point protruding from the top of your skull from when the bones knit improperly after the horse kick. That's why the stylists comb your hair so stupidly.
- Timmy: Wow, I never noticed! I got a point! Anyway, let's talk items, huh?
Dr. Singh: Let's! First up, the legendary Gogh Reed is venturing into shadowy territory. This new evolution boasts a devastating blade and a strange owl companion.
- Timmy: Owls are never what they seem, Doc!
Dr. Singh: Uh, right, Timmy. Speaking of dark, shadowy things: the Nightmare is getting another terrifying update-- the creator of Inari's Bead is having a go at it this week with fantastic results. We're seeing some real primal nightmare material manifesting here.
- Timmy: I guess I'm an adult now and everything, but I'm still a little bit creeped out by that thing...
Dr. Singh: We all are, Timmy. Last of all, the Kottan Bell continues its fluffy journey with some very cool new fashions. Aside from an adorable little doll, the new update includes some lovely floral accompaniments, as well as some very slimming pants and a lovely top. That's it for this week, but make sure you stop by our poll to tell us which items you like best!
- Timmy: Goodnight, everybody!
Dr. Singh: Hey, wait a second, Timmy, didn't I give you money to buy a car last week? You didn't spend it all on fireworks and dirty magazines, did you?
- Timmy: No! Not all of it! I've been lookin' around for a car, but I just haven't found anything that suits me. Guess I gotta keep searchin'...
Dr. Singh: I'm proud of you, Timmy. Rushing into a major purchase is never a good idea. Keep at it, and I'm sure you'll find the right car.
- Timmy: Or maybe if I get enough fireworks, I can propel myself on some kind of a skateboard type thing...
Dr. Singh: Shut it!
31 EI Report: Diapered Egg, Yemaya's Pearl, Journal, MasqueradeEdit
- Topic EI Report: Diapered Egg, Yemaya's Pearl, Journal, Masquerade - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jul 31, 2009 3:52 pm
Another big week for Evolving Items! This time, we've got the fantastic, fiery finale of the Diapered Egg, plus new updates from Yemaya's Pearl, Lyndexer's Journal and the Masquerade. Lookie!
Convinced of their coolness? We thought so! To pick one up for yourself, just visit the Cash Shop.
And now, stay tuned for the full report with Dr. Singh and Timmy...
Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your trusted source for-- good grief, Timmy, what in the world are you driving?
- Timmy: Beep beep! You like it? I've been car shoppin' for a couple of weeks now, and I finally settled on this beaut'... she's a genuine Krazy Wheels Stallion GT! Got a nice little 0.02 horsepower sewing machine engine in this baby, top speed of three miles per hour on level ground.
Dr. Singh: Timmy, I gave you thousands of Gold... you could have bought a real car...
- Timmy: I appreciate it, Doc, but I really feel like this is the ride for me. I'm a Krazy Wheels man. Oh, here's most of your Gold back. I wound up not needing it.
Dr. Singh: Well, if you say so... but I really don't think that thing is street legal.
- Timmy: That's fine, I mostly plan on driving it in circles around the driveway. Hey, so should we get on with the report, or what? I got places to be and driveways to see!
Dr. Singh: I guess so, little buddy. We've got a particularly wonderful set of evolutions this week, so let's have a look! First up, we've got two new items this week: the Case of Pietro and Catastrophe! The former is a mysterious suitcase that's all wrapped up in a murder mystery, and the latter is the very first EI designed by a cat! For a little more insight on the mysterious case of Pietro, we've got a great new piece of art from the item's creator:
- Timmy: Jeepers! Flip to the last page, Doc, I wanna know how it ends!
Dr. Singh: It doesn't work like that, Timmy. In other news, the long-awaited finale to the Diapered Egg is upon us! It features some incredible poses, like a flowing pink bow-scarf, impish horns, a bow and arrow and a fiery companion. There's also a huge update to Yemaya's Pearl with a dozen fantastic new poses, including more undersea creatures and even a couple of smart sharkskin jackets!
- Timmy: Wow, I might gotta get one of those... but then again, I sure do like this crazy murderer's jacket.
Dr. Singh: We've got a big treat for Lyndexer's Journal fans-- the hero is getting married this week, and we've got some beautiful, classic wedding items to celebrate! But at the same time, we're seeing a hint that all is not as it seems-- their little blue pal A.C. seems to be looking a little worried...
- Timmy: What could it mean, Doc?
Dr. Singh: We'll just have to wait and see! Last but not least, we've got another update to the Masquerade... after a few weeks of beautifying facial reconstruction, it seems that the mask is starting to show some of its sinister side-- this week's update tends toward the grotesque, with tattered hair, bruises and a dead, pure-white eye.
- Timmy: Aww, wicked! I bet the ladies love a good scar, don't they?
Dr. Singh: What in the world do you want with ladies, Timmy? Last time one so much as talked to you I had to beat the tar out of her because you were too terrified to ask her to leave you alone!
- Timmy: Well, I still like the ladies as a concept.
Dr. Singh: That about wraps it up for this week, folks! As usual, you can head over to our poll to vote for your favorite items. So long, everyone! Oh, by the way, Timmy... do you think you could give me a lift home?
- Timmy: Sorry, Doc! I'm pretty close to the maximum weight capacity on this thing already.
07 EI Report: Nightmare, Gogh Reed & Reve RouilleEdit
- Topic EI Report: Nightmare, Gogh Reed & Reve Rouille - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Aug 07, 2009 3:15 am
Another Friday, another dazzling selection of evolutions: this week, the Gogh Reed is finishing up its evolution, and we've got cool new updates to the Nightmare and Reve Rouille, as well. Behold:
You can grab all these EIs and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop:
Stay tuned for the full report with Dr. Singh and Timmy!
Dr. Singh: Hi there, everyone! I'm Dr. Singh, and this is my little buddy, Timmy. We're here to bring you all the latest on--
- Timmy: Beep beep! Got places to be, Doc! Let's get this show on the road!
Dr. Singh: Timmy, I think that car's going to your head. And it's not even a real car. It's not like we don't notice that you're just saying the word "beep."
- Timmy: Guilty as charged, Doc. The authentic squeaky rubber horn isn't standard equipment on the Krazy Wheels Stallion GT-- woulda had to spring for the optional "Krazy Kidz XL" trim package, and that cuts in to gas money...
Dr. Singh: It doesn't even run on gas! It takes six double-A batteries!
- Timmy: And a nine-volt for the headlights. Yeah, she's a little pricey to maintain, but that's the premium you pay for a truly exceptional--
Dr. Singh: Timmy, goodness knows I don't say this nearly often enough, but shut up. Just shut up.
- Timmy: ...
Dr. Singh: Great! OK, ladies and gentlemen, let's get on with the show. We've got some fantastic evolutions this week; let's start off with a bang, shall we? We're proud to introduce the stunning final evolution of the beloved Gogh Reed! As you might expect, it's a wild culmination of months of beauty and artistry, complete with an absurd amount of poses. Impressed, Timmy?
- Timmy: I'm speechless, Doc, and it's only partially from when you told me to shut up before.
Dr. Singh: Good! Next up, we move into darker territory with another chilling evolution of The Nightmare. This week, the artist behind Yemaya's Pearl is taking a grim stab at it, and the results are every bit as macabre as you could wish for. Quite a fearsome looking Buer there, eh, Timmy?
- Timmy: Doc, I'm an adult now so I'm not scared of nothin', but I'm kinda thinking maybe I'll go take a quick hide in yonder utility closet... unless you think maybe there's monsters in there...
Dr. Singh: Don't worry, Timmy, I'm sure monsters wouldn't waste their time on so scrawny a specimen.
- Timmy: That's a relief!
Dr. Singh: Last up this week, the Reve Rouille is getting another lovingly-crafted update, with all the tragic beauty you've come to rely on! We're seeing some strange and disturbing medical procedures in action here.
- Timmy: Gross, Doc! That looks like a heart...
Dr. Singh: A mechanical heart, Timmy! That's all for this episode, guys. Enjoy the new evolutions, and be sure to visit our poll to vote for your favorites! Say goodbye to the nice people, Timmy.
- Timmy: Bye, everyone!
14 EI Report: Classilke, Masquerade, Stolen DNAEdit
- Topic EI Report: Classilke, Masquerade, Stolen DNA - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Aug 14, 2009 5:13 pm
Another great set of items evolving this week! The Masquerade is back with more odd disguises, the Classilke brings another set of adorable clothing and the Stolen Mesozoic DNA illustrates the dangers of tampering with science.
You can grab all these EIs and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop:
Stay tuned for the full report with Dr. Singh and Timmy!
Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, Gaia's top source for the EI news you love. I'm Dr. Singh, and this is my sidekick, Timmy. Still trundling around in your little fake car, huh, Timmy?
- Timmy: This baby's paying off, Doc! I just won some kinda police raffle!
Dr. Singh: A police raffle? What in the world are you talking about?
- Timmy: Well, I decided to take the highway to work this morning, and this police guy came up behind me and turned on his crazy party lights, so I stopped and he gave me this ticket! He said it was cause I was drivin' way too slow, so he must appreciate what a safe driver I am...
Dr. Singh: Timmy, a ticket usually isn't a good thing.
- Timmy: No! It says 4600 Gold! I guess I just gotta take it down to the courthouse and redeem it, then I'll get a bunch of Gold.
Dr. Singh: I'm pretty sure that means you have to pay them 4600 Gold, little buddy.
- Timmy: Don't be silly, Doc! They called it a "ticket," not a "bill." Plus, c'mon, if they were makin' me pay for something, why would they turn on the spinning party disco lights?
Dr. Singh: Well, fair enough, Timmy. Maybe we should get on with the show, huh?
- Timmy: Yeah!
Dr. Singh: Great. We've got some top-notch updates this week-- first up, the Masquerade is back with another round of... well, unpleasantry: there's some acne, drool and sweat to mess around with. On a slightly lighter note, you can also cover your face with an eerie glow in four different colors.
- Timmy: Yow, it reminds me of when I had that megapuberty thing goin' on.
Dr. Singh: Ugh, don't remind me! On the nicer side of things, the Classilke is also getting an update this week, with more lovely, lacy clothes to choose from. Last up, the Stolen Mesozoic DNA-- in all its varieties-- will be evolving again today, bringing us another round of prehistoric oddities.
- Timmy: Y'know, despite all the gosh-darned awful things science has done to me over the years, I'm still a pretty big fan of that implacable hubris that drives mankind to play god.
Dr. Singh: Where'd you learn those words, Timmy?
- Timmy: I read 'em on a bubblegum wrapper. Y'know: Mint Stripe Gum! The Implacable Hubris of Fresh Breath!
Dr. Singh: Uh. Well, OK, I guess that's it for this week, folks! As usual, you can vote in our poll to let us know which items you like the best. Oh, and Timmy, make sure you go to the courthouse and get that ticket thing straightened out, alright? You're an adult now, so you'll need to be responsible about this.
- Timmy: Sure thing, Doc! I'll try to remember...
21 EI Report: Catastrophe and NightmareEdit
- Topic EI Report: Catastrophe and Nightmare - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Sing Fri Aug 21, 2009 4:54 pm
This week, the Nightmare is reaching new depths of terror with a fantastic new evolution. Plus, there's a surprise pose from the curious Catastrophe, an item that doesn't quite follow the usual EI rules.
You can grab these EIs and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop:
Read on for the full story, featuring Timmy's second arrest!
Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your weekly source for-- uh, excuse me, officer, I didn't see you there. May we help you?
Officer Boothe: Just here to arrest this vagrant scumbag again, ma'am. Please, carry on.
Dr. Singh: Oh! Well, thank you, officer. So, first up this week... wait a minute, you're not talking about Timmy, are you?
Officer Boothe: Yes, ma'am. This man-- "Timmy," no last name on file-- is wanted for unpaid traffic tickets and jacket theft.
- Timmy: Hey! A fancy lady gave me this jacket in jail! I never stole anything in my life.
Dr. Singh: Listen, officer, would you just let Timmy and I get on with the show? We can discuss this later.
Officer Boothe: I suppose so, ma'am, but I should warn you that this "Timmy" character is a slippery one.
Dr. Singh: That's because he rarely bathes. Anyway, let's get started. First up this week, there seems to be a new pose in the Catastrophe-- this one comes as a surprise to me, Timmy! From my initial testing, I believe this is a fairly non-traditional evolving item. It gets updated little by little over time, instead of in large evolutionary leaps, and it doesn't follow the usual system of generations!
- Timmy: So no matter when I get one, I'm gonna get all the current poses?
Dr. Singh: That's right, Timmy. It's quite an odd one, but then again, we all know cats tend to follow their own rules. We're also seeing an update from another unusual item: the Nightmare has experienced one of the most astounding evolutions I've ever witnessed this week, and it's jam-packed with beautifully terrifying items.
- Timmy: Augh! Creepy ghost children!
Dr. Singh: As you know, Timmy, this item is passed between several different evolving item artists. This week, the creator of the Gogh Reed is having a go at it, and her personal fear of ghostly children seems to have heavily influenced this evolution. That's all for this week, but--
Officer Boothe: You done yet, lady? I've got weirdos to lock up.
Dr. Singh: Hold on, officer! Remember, everybody, you can go vote in our weekly EI poll to let us know which item is your favorite. And, yeah, I guess that's it-- so, what is it you wanted?
Officer Boothe: This blue-haired ne'er-do-well is a wanted man, miss. Gonna haul him down to the station for some iron-fisted urban justice.
- Timmy: C'mon, mister! What did I do this time?
Officer Boothe: I already told you: that jacket is stolen property. It belongs to a man named Crazy Murderer Keith.
- Timmy: But his ladyfriend gave it to me last time I was in jail! It was a present, mister!
Officer Boothe: Like hell it was! Do you realize how distraught Crazy Murderer Keith has been without that jacket? He's entirely ceased all his usual crazy murdering activities. Son, Crazy Murderer Keith hasn't killed one single person since his jacket went missing-- and this was a man who only had one joy in life: the joy of murder. It's the saddest thing I ever saw.
Dr. Singh: Isn't not murdering people a good thing?
Officer Boothe: Lady, you're missing my point. You can't just rob a man of his livelihood. It's unlawful, it's wrong, and it's positively un-Gaian. I'm not here to judge Crazy Murderer Keith. I'm here to judge this little scumbag, and I judge him guilty of stealing a man's jacket and not paying his traffic tickets. I'm sending you down, son. I'm sending you down for a long time.
- Timmy: Down where?
Officer Boothe: Down to the darkest realms of modern justice, you piece of trash! Now get in the car!
- Timmy: I'm already in a car, mister!
Officer Boothe: Get in a... get in a real, grown-up car! We're taking you downtown!
Dr. Singh: I'm sorry about all this fuss, ladies and gentlemen... I don't know why Timmy seems to have all these problems with the law, but we'll just have to wait and see how this turns out. See you next week, everybody!
28 EI Report: Hidden Ace, Masquerade & Lyndexer's JournalEdit
- Topic EI Report: Hidden Ace, Masquerade & Lyndexer's Journal - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Aug 28, 2009 4:45 pm
There's a brand new item this week! The Hidden Ace holds all the wonder, trickery and mystery of a magician's deck of cards. As it grows, expect to see plenty of amazing heart, club, spade and diamond poses.
We've also got updates to the Masquerade and Lyndexer's Journal, plus a surprise update to an EI that hasn't been heard from in a while...
You can the first-generation Hidden Ace and many more awesome EIs in the Cash Shop!
Read on for the full report, coming to you live from the jail where Timmy's being held!
Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report. Today, since Timmy's facing some legal issues at the moment, we'll be reporting live from "the yard" at our local jail. How you holding up in this place, Timmy?
- Timmy: Jeepers, Doc, it's so much fun! Two different guys came up today and asked me to join their gangs, and then one guy got mad at the other guy and stabbed him with a sharpened newspaper! It's like bein' in a grown-up movie.
Dr. Singh: Stay strong, Timmy. Serving jail time is just part of being an adult; we've all done it, and we'll probably all do it again. The important thing is to keep your head up, stay civilized and don't let them turn you into the very animal they think you are.
- Timmy: You mean all grown-ups have to go to jail someday?
Dr. Singh: All the important ones, yes.
- Timmy: Wow, Doc, I'm havin' a formative experience!
Dr. Singh: You sure are, Timmy. But let's stop boring everyone with your life, shall we? We've got items to talk about! I just got word from Flynn that we've got a brand new item today: the Hidden Ace is a magician's deck of cards... and you know how sneaky magicians are, right, Timmy? They've always got a card or two squirreled away somewhere.
- Timmy: In the weirdest places, too!
Dr. Singh: You can grab a first-generation Hidden Ace in the Cash Shop-- I've got a good feeling about this one, since the strange mythology of playing cards has always been interesting to me.
- Timmy: Plus, didn't you used to be addicted to gambling? Those were dark times, Doc!
Dr. Singh: And as for evolutions, the Masquerade is changing again-- what started out as such a beautiful makeover is descending yet further into its dark, cursed side, with protruding bones, hideous jowls and some creepy eyes.
- Timmy: I've always wanted jowls!
Dr. Singh: You're in luck, Timmy, because from the looks of things you'll be getting them in a few years. Also updating this week is Lyndexer's Journal-- it seems as though our young hero is going off to defend his nation; we're seeing some crisp and dignified military training uniforms this time around. And I suppose that's it for this week's evolutions, so be sure to stop by next time for--
- Timmy: Whoa! Wait a second, Doc! Looks like there's one more!
Dr. Singh: Sweet jumping Overseer, Timmy, you're right! It looks like we've got an out-of-the-blue surprise update to a mysterious aquatic EI! We'll leave it to your imaginations to figure out which item we're talking about. But, yeah, who saw that one coming?
- Timmy: Not me!
Dr. Singh: Well, with that, I think we really are done for the week. Remember to stop by and vote in our poll-- the artists love hearing what you think of the items! See you next week, everyone.
- Timmy: Bye bye!
Dr. Singh: And remember, Timmy: stay strong. If things get rough, remember that you may have to stab a guy to win the respect of your fellow convicts. And stay away from the racist gangs, because I raised you better than that-- if you must join a gang, make sure it's just an organized smuggling operation or a senseless violence type gang, OK?
- Timmy: OK! Thanks for the advice, Doc!
04 EI Report: Case of Pietro, Kottan Bell & NightmareEdit
- Topic EI Report: Case of Pietro, Kottan Bell & Nightmare - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Sep 04, 2009 1:55 pm
This week, the much-anticipated beginning of The Case of Pietro, complete with an illustration from the artist. Also, another descent into The Nightmare and a tremendous finale for the Kottan Bell!
You can grab all these lovely EIs and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop!
Read on for the full report, featuring a very special guest: the legendary Crazy Murderer Keith!
Timmy: Oh, uh. Hi, ever'body. The prison's kinda on lockdown right now-- I guess some people have been gettin' stabbed-- so the Doc can't make it in and the EI Report camera crew can't get out.
- Crazy Murderer Keith: Say, Tim, I always wanted to be on the TV. Mind if I join ya?
Timmy: Yeah, so... I guess it's just gonna be me and my friend... Keith doin' the Report today...
- Crazy Murderer Keith: Please, call me Crazy Murderer Keith.
Timmy: Sure thing, Crazy... uh, Murderer Keith... so anywho, the Doc had this letter smuggled in to tell me what's goin' on this week so I can do the show. Here goes:
- Dear Timmy,
- Hope things are going well in the hoosegow, little buddy. Keep your nose clean in there, and remember: no joining racist gangs! You're better than that!
- Crazy Murderer Keith: Aww, what a sweet lady.
Timmy: She's a real gem! OK, there's more:
- As for this week's items, we've got three beautiful evolutions, including one great finale. First up, the first evolution to one of our newer items, the mysterious Case of Pietro! This week, it seems that there's been a close encounter between a detective and a sophisticated thief. Please see the attached illustration from the item's creator:
Timmy: Yeah, Doc, it is pretty stylish! Oh, she can't hear me...
- Don't worry, Timmy; I can't hear you, but you're so predictable that I know what you're thinking anyway. Next up, some big news: it's time for the breathtaking finale of the Kottan Bell! It's going out with a bang-- a lovely burst of summery color and a visit from a gorgeous faerie. ...Oh, and stand up straight, Timmy! I know you're slouching!
- Last up, we move into some truly creepy territory with the newest update to The Nightmare-- this item is passed off between different artists for each update, and this week we're lucky enough to get a glimpse into the twisted mind of L0cke, artist of the Death Whisper-- you know he's got some creepy ideas rattling around in that brain of his!
- Crazy Murderer Keith: He sounds like my kinda guy. Maybe I'll get to meet him when I get outta here. Meet him and, I dunno, maybe murder him.
Timmy: Uhh... back to the Doc's letter...
- That's all for this week, folks! Remember to stop by our poll to vote for your favorite item, and please send your best wishes to Timmy during his difficult ordeal! Oh, and Timmy, one last message for you: remember to stay away from Crazy Murderer Keith, because he's probably going to murder you for stealing his jacket. It's not just a nickname, you know-- Keith is literally a crazy murderer. He's an active and engaged murderer who takes great delight in murdering people; there's about a ninety-five-percent chance that he's going to murder you in there.
- Bye bye!
- Dr. Singh
- Crazy Murderer Keith: I like this lady. She seems smart. I wonder if she digs crazy murderers.
Timmy: So... uh... you're not gonna murder me for accidentally stealin' your jacket, right Crazy Murderer Keith?
- Crazy Murderer Keith: Tim, I'm crazy. If I murdered you for stealin' my coat, that would be a premeditated response to some perceived crime against me, which would not be crazy at all. That would make me a sane murderer. You pickin' up what I'm layin' down, Tim?
Timmy: So you're not gonna kill me?
- Crazy Murderer Keith: I didn’t say that, friend. I'm just sayin' if I kill you, it'll be for my own crazy reasons, like I think you're gonna steal my eyeballs or something. You got that?
Timmy: I gotta say, Keith, that makes a lot of sense.
- Crazy Murderer Keith: You lookin' at my eyeballs, Tim?
Timmy: Well, folks... looks like I'd better cut this program short, so I'll see you next week. I hope.
11 EI Report: Yemaya's Pearl, Classilke & MasqueradeEdit
- Topic EI Report: Yemaya's Pearl, Classilke & Masquerade - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Sep 11, 2009 4:55 pm
This week, Yemaya's Pearl reaches its spectacular finale, and there are new evolutions from Classilke and the Masquerade. Behold!
You can grab all these lovely EIs and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop!
Read on for the full report, featuring the gruesome return of Crazy Murderer Keith!
Timmy: Hi there, everybody, and welcome to the... erm... yeah, the prison is still on lockdown due to all these fatal stabbin' incidents, and... uh.
- Crazy Murderer Keith: These indeed are strange times, Tim.
Timmy: So, yeah, I notice you've got kind of a... shank.
- Crazy Murderer Keith: You want me to show you how to make one, Tim? It's simple: you just use your teeth to chisel out a piece of your bedpost, and then--
Timmy: No! That's OK, I... say, Keith, you wouldn't be plannin' on killin' me with that thing, would you?
- Crazy Murderer Keith: I'm not much of a "planning" guy, Tim.
Timmy: Whew! That's a relief. Well, once again, we've got a letter from Dr. Singh explainin' what's up with this week's evolutions. Let's get into it, shall we?
- Dear Timmy,
- In the highly unlikely event that Crazy Murderer Keith hasn't already filleted you like a trout, I thought I'd let you know what's evolving this week. First of all, some big news: Yemaya's Pearl is reaching the fantastic pinnacle of its evolution! This week's astounding final poses must be seen to be believed-- too bad you can't see them because you're in prison, Timmy, but please take my word that they're spectacular.
- In other news, the Masquerade's chilling curse continues to grow in horrifying severity-- this time around, we're seeing some creepy veins, glowing plasma eye sockets and more. On a lighter note, the Classilke is back with a variety of cute, homespun fashions.
- Crazy Murderer Keith: Real cute. Yeah, Tim, I used to make my own clothes, too. Not outta regular fabric, though. Outta man... the most dangerous fabric.
Timmy: That's not the kinda thing I like hearin' about, Crazy Murderer Keith. Anyway, more from the Doc's letter...
- That's all the news for this week, Timmy. Remember to tell the nice people at home about our weekly EI poll, where they can vote for their favorite items of the week. Other than that, just remember to stay safe in there, assuming you're not already dead!
- I'll try to figure out some way to get you out soon-- hey, wait a minute, why are you even in there? Weren't you arrested for loitering and stealing a jacket, or something? And now you're in some kind of federal prison, without so much as a trial? Somehow, that seems wrong... maybe I should consult a lawyer, but I've actually got some shopping to do today, so it might have to wait a while.
- Don't get murdered! And if you already got murdered, sorry you got murdered!
- Dr. Singh
- Crazy Murderer Keith: Why does this lady keep talking about murder as if it's a bad thing? As a murderer, I take great umbrage to this. Murderous umbrage.
Timmy: I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it, Crazy Murderer Keith...
- Crazy Murderer Keith: Even so, Tim, I'm now entering exactly the kind of murderous dissociative fugue that usually results in a series of fatal stabbings. Say, want to see something cool I can do with this shank?
Timmy: Ehhhhh... I guess I'd better run now, ladies and gentlemen. See you next week, I hope!
17 EI Report: Hidden Ace, Nightmare, Reve RouilleEdit
- Topic EI Report: Hidden Ace, Nightmare, Reve Rouille - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Sep 17, 2009 6:43 pm
This week, the very first evolution of the Hidden Ace, an update to the Reve Rouille and an exciting evolution of The Nightmare, this time handled by the creator of Fremere's Guard. Have a look!
You can grab all these awesome EIs and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop!
Read on for the full report, featuring a hotshot lawyer attempting to secure Timmy's release from prison...
Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your weekly source for all the latest news on your favorite items. Timmy's still locked up in prison, so it looks like I'll be doing the show on my own this week-- though I've brought along a lawyer this week to offer some advice on Timmy's situation.
- Hugo Lane, Esq: Glad to be here, Doctor. Just let me know how I can help.
Dr. Singh: Well, I do have a show to host, so I'd appreciate it if you could just sit tight and not speak out of turn for a few minutes. Think you can handle that, you sleazy legal hotshot?
- Hugo Lane, Esq: I'm, uh, not sure where this hostility is coming from, Dr. Singh...
Dr. Singh: Oh! I'm terribly sorry, Hugo, I just have a difficult time suppressing my natural loathing of lawyers. I'm sure you understand, you lying son of a reptile.
- Hugo Lane, Esq: I'm just here to help, ma'am. In fact, in the interest of helping Timmy, I'd be honored to offer my services free of char--
Dr. Singh: Quiet, you cur! Anyway, folks, if I can quell the rising bile in my throat, I'd better get started. First up, I'm excited to present the very first evolution of one of our newest items: the Hidden Ace! You never know what to expect from a magician's deck of cards, so this week's update is sure to be the first of many unexpected sleight-of-hand feats.
- Hugo Lane, Esq: I'm actually an amateur magician myself, mostly doing volunteer work in children's hospitals, so I'm quite excit--
Dr. Singh: Shut it, slimeball! Next up, another delirious return from the spine-chilling Nightmare! This time, the artist of Fremere's Guard lends her considerable talent to the proceedings, leading us in an elegant, dreamlike direction...
- Hugo Lane, Esq: Funny you should mention nightmares-- I've done considerable charity work with a foundation that helps provide psychological treatment to children who suffer from night terrors, and I'd love to take this opportunity to publically pledge a personal donation of ten thous--
Dr. Singh: Don't try to impress us with your disgusting largesse, you snake. Last up, we've got another elegant update to the Reve Rouille, one of our most breathtaking EIs. That's all for this week, but don't go away just yet! We'd appreciate it if you took a moment to vote in our poll, and you'll definitely want to stick around to see if this reprehensible S.O.B. can help get Timmy out of prison.
- Hugo Lane, Esq: Yes! That's what I'm here for, Doctor. Tell me, how exactly did Timmy find himself in this situation?
Dr. Singh: What situation? Oh, the prison thing? It was a few weeks ago, so I don't remember exactly... something about a police officer accusing him of stealing a murderer's jacket, I think.
- Hugo Lane, Esq: Stealing a jacket? And now he's in maximum-security prison among Gaia's most dangerous murderers?
Dr. Singh: You're asking me? You're supposed to be the legal genius. What am I paying you for?
- Hugo Lane, Esq: Paying me? As I said before, Doctor, I'd be happy to offer my services pro bono.
Dr. Singh: Don’t get fresh with me, you pervert! Just tell me how to get Timmy out of prison.
- Hugo Lane, Esq: Well, since he didn't have a trial or anything, I'm guessing he was accidentally transferred into a maximum-security prison due to some kind of horrible clerical error. If you'd allow me to write a letter to the prison board, I'm sure they'd release him immediately...
Dr. Singh: A letter? Let me guess: I'd have to pay an arm and a leg for you to draft it, right? Sounds pretty expensive. Are you sure you're not just trying to rip me off, you bloodsucker?
- Hugo Lane, Esq: On the contrary, Dr. Singh; a mistake of this magnitude-- putting an innocent man in prison due to an error in transfer paperwork-- could entitle you and Timmy to considerable compensation from the government. We're talking millions of--
Dr. Singh: Don't try to confuse me with your legal switcheroo mumbo-jumbo, buddy. I think I've had just about enough of your sleazy little sales pitch, you shark-suited parasite. I don't think I need you wasting my time and money, so just send me a bill for this hour and get the hell out of my sight!
- Hugo Lane, Esq: But, Doctor, I--
Dr. Singh: Out!
24 EI Report: Seracila Pendant, DNA, Lyndexer's Journal & more!Edit
- Topic EI Report: Seracila Pendant, DNA, Lyndexer's Journal & more! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Sep 24, 2009 7:54 pm
Here's this week's big surprise: we've got a brand new evolving item being released right now at this instant! The dazzling Seracila Pendant has hit the ground running right away-- even at the start, it includes four gorgeous accessories to choose from, and it's just gonna get more amazing from here.
We've also got new evolutions from Lyndexer's Journal, the Masquerade and every variation of the Stolen Mesozoic DNA! Check it out:
You can the brand new Seracila Pendant and many more awesome EIs in the Gaia Cash Shop!
Read on for the full report, featuring another week in prison for poor Timmy:
Timmy: Hi, everybody! It's your ol' pal Timmy again, reporting live from the maximum security prison, where I'm--
- Crazy Murderer Keith: Gonna get stabbed! By me! Ha! Don't worry, Tim, I'm halfway joking.
Timmy: Ehhh... heh... yeah... so, anyway, I haven't heard from the Doc in about a week, but it looks like I just got a letter! Let's see what it says...
- Dear Timmy,
- Hope things are going well in there! Has Crazy Murderer Keith killed you yet? I'm sure he has, but I figured I'd send you a note anyway, in case you'd like to fill in for this week's Evolving Item Report-- I've got an appointment to get my hair done, so I'd really appreciate it if you could do the report from prison.
Timmy: Aww, that's mighty sweet of her to be so appreciative.
- We've got some fantastic news this week: there's a brand new item, the Seracila Pendant! It's a little early to determine exactly how this one will develop, but I am getting some indications that it'll have an astrological theme to it. I'm excited to see how this one begins to change...
- Crazy Murderer Keith: I'm a Scorpio, myself. It means I'm a great lover. A great lover of murdering people.
Timmy: Yeah... anyway... say, Keith, could you maybe point that shiv a little less directly at me for a minute? You're kinda making me nervous over here.
- Crazy Murderer Keith: Oh! Of course, Tim. I'll save the shivving for a more appropriate time.
Timmy: So, more of the Doc's letter...
- We've also got some wonderful evolutions; the story of Lyndexer's Journal continues this week with imagery of a cold, lonely winter on the battlefield. It's poignant stuff, folks! Items include a beautiful military overcoat and an antique rifle with a bayonet. The artist even provided a lovely illustration, which I've attached for you and Crazy Murderer Keith to enjoy.
- Next up, it appears Stolen Mesozoic DNA has reached its finale-- and a beautiful one at that! Like the dinosaurs of prehistoric times, all that's left of these once-mighty creatures is some skeletal remains.
- Crazy Murderer Keith: I've seen a lot of skeletal remains in my day. My attic's like a natural history museum.
Timmy: Uh. Yeah.
- Last up this week, we've got a new evolution from the Masquerade-- we warned you that this item was dangerous, and we're continuing to see why: it's getting a little too hot to handle this week! That's all for this time, everybody; remember to vote in our poll to let us know which items you like the best!
- Crazy Murderer Keith: Is the letter done yet, Tim? To be quite honest, I'm really getting impatient regarding the whole murder situation. I mean, this is the longest I've ever known someone without murdering them, so I'm a little antsy over here.
Timmy: I'd really prefer it a lot if you would refrain from murderin' me, Keith...
- Crazy Murderer Keith: Aww, come on! It'll be a hoot, Tim. You'll love it. I'm a pro! I've never had any complaints. Well, I mean, they complain a little bit during the actual murdering process, but once it's over they never have anything negative to say.
Timmy: That's... reassurin'...
- Crazy Murderer Keith: I know, right? It'll be great. So what I'm gonna do now is kinda stick this knife up into your craw, then make sort of a clockwise motion down toward the brisket area, and--
Timmy: Wait! Stop! Looks like there's more in the letter:
- P.S. -- One more thing, Timmy: turns out you're in prison by mistake! That cop was just trying to book you on minor loitering and jacket-stealing charges, but instead of sending you to the courthouse, they took you over to the maximum security prison on accident.
- So, basically, you could just walk out any time. I would have called up and told you sooner, but I've been pretty busy this week. Well, see you soon, if you haven't already been gruesomely murdered!
- Dr. Singh
- Crazy Murderer Keith: Aww! That's great, Tim! You're a free man! Except I guess it means I won't get to murder you, huh?
Timmy: Well, if you did wanna murder me, I s'pose you'd have to do it real quick, cause I'm pretty much gonna run away immediately.
- Crazy Murderer Keith: Oh! Well, OK, here we go with the stabbing...
Timmy: Uh... why in the world did I tell him that? Well, folks, I gotta run for my precious life, so I'll see ya next week if I haven't been stabbed! Bye!
28 Cash Shop Update: New EI - Bad MoonEdit
- Topic Cash Shop Update: New EI - Bad Moon - Posted: [NPC] Flynn Tue Sep 29, 2009 5:55 pm
Hiya, gang! Mysterious forces are at work for sure, because a brand new EI just arrived unexpectedly! Bad Moon seems to have some unusual properties: expect it to evolve at an accelerated pace throughout the month of October.
Bad Moon starts with a supernatural bite, one that's sure to result in some more beastly transformations as its power grows stronger.
You can pick up the first-generation Bad Moon and other great evolving items right now in the Cash Shop.
01 EI Report: Hidden Ace & NightmareEdit
- Topic EI Report: Hidden Ace & Nightmare - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Oct 01, 2009 8:24 pm
It's that time again, Gaians! This week, we've got new evolutions from two great items: the Hidden Ace and the Nightmare. We've also got the brand-new Bad Moon, a fiendish supernatural EI that'll evolve at a rapid pace during the month of October.
You can grab the Bad Moon and many other great EIs in the Gaia Cash Shop!
Read on for the full report... Timmy's finally managed to get out of prison, but he's not looking too well!
Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your trusted source for-- Timmy! You're back!
- Timmy: Hiya, Doc! Finally managed to get outta that prison-- I tried givin' you a call to ask for a ride, but you never answered.
Dr. Singh: Timmy, the world doesn't revolve around you. I was waiting for an important call from my manicurist, so when I saw your number on caller ID I had no choice but to ignore it.
- Timmy: So, anywho, I decided to walk home. It's about fifty miles, which is why it took me a week to get here. I got lost a few times, plus I was a little slow on account of all the blood loss.
Dr. Singh: Blood loss?
- Timmy: Well, Crazy Murderer Keith managed to give me a few goodbye stabs before I got all the way outta the prison yard, so I've been a little lightheaded.
Dr. Singh: That's what you get for fraternizing with crazy murderers, Timmy. As an adult, you really ought to have more sense than that.
- Timmy: But-- ehh, I'm sorry, Doc. I'm a little too tired to be arguin' over this.
Dr. Singh: That's good, because we've got a show to do! People don't tune in to hear you whine about getting stabbed, Timmy; they want to hear about the items, and we've certainly got some great news in that department.
- Timmy: Do tell, Doc!
Dr. Singh: Here's something you might have missed during your grueling journey home: we've got a brand new evolving item this week! The Bad Moon will be evolving at quite a snappy rate throughout the month of October, and it's sure to bring about some ghastly transformations-- it starts as a bite from a supernatural creature, and I think we all know what that leads to.
- Timmy: Hepatitis C?
Dr. Singh: Well, yes. But also ghastly transformations! In other creepy news, The Nightmare is getting another update, this time courtesy of the artist who brought us the Kottan Bell. We're also seeing the second evolution of one of our newer items, the magical Hidden Ace-- who knows what further wonders are in store from this tricky deck of cards?
- Timmy: Whew... might gotta lie down for a minute...
Dr. Singh: Buck up, Timbo, we're almost done! There's just one other thing evolving this week: a certain mysterious EI given out by the equally mysterious Overseer. Anyway, that's all the evolutions for this week, ladies and gents, but remember to stop by and vote in our poll-- it's the best way to let us know which items you like best. Goodnight, folks! ...Timmy, quit dozing off and say goodnight!
- Timmy: Oof. Goodnight, everyone.
Dr. Singh: I must say, Timmy, I've noticed a significant decrease in your job performance lately-- first you disappear for weeks, then you come back all bloody and lethargic!
- Timmy: Doc, I got hauled off to prison for no reason! And stabbed!
Dr. Singh: We all have our problems, but part of being an adult is learning to cope with life's little stresses. We can't just let our jobs fall by the wayside every time we hit a little bump in the road, can we?
- Timmy: Ya know what, Doc? I mean, forgive me for sayin' this, but, y'know, I mean, well, uhh. I'm beginnin' to think that m-m-maybe...
Dr. Singh: Out with it, Timmy!
- Timmy: Well, I mean, with all due respect, uhh, y'know. Sometimes I get the feelin' like you don't always, uhh, p-particularly have ol' Timmy's best interests at heart.
Dr. Singh: Timmy! I've never heard such absurd ingratitude! Of course I have your best interests at heart. Why else would I allow you to continue working, even after you've clearly been incapacitated by a near-fatal stab wound?
- Timmy: Well, I... I guess you've got a point there...
Dr. Singh: Ha! Did you hear what you just said? "A point there!" It's funny 'cause you got stabbed!
- Timmy: Heh... yeah... I guess that's pretty funny...
Dr. Singh: See, Timmy? Now we can look back on this whole stabbing incident and laugh. Time heals all wounds. Except that one, which may require some immediate medical attention.
- Timmy: Feelin' a little faint, Doc.
Dr. Singh: Well, I guess we'd better call it a night. See you next time, everyone!
09 EI Report: Classilke, Masquerade & Bad Moon!Edit
- Topic EI Report: Classilke, Masquerade & Bad Moon! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Oct 09, 2009 6:37 pm
As Friday creeps its sunny tendrils over the prairie and melts away the grey dew of Thursday, we pause to contemplate the natural splendor of evolving items. This week, we've got two items reaching their final stages: the Masquerade and the Classilke. We're also seeing the first update to the Bad Moon, our creepy October EI!
You can grab the Bad Moon and many other great EIs in the Gaia Cash Shop!
Read on for the full report, wherein Timmy confronts an existential crisis...
Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report. I'm Dr. Singh, and this is my gangly oddball of a sidekick, Timmy. Why so sullen today, Timmy?
- Timmy: I dunno, Doc, I guess this stab wound never really got the medical attention it required, so I've still been havin' some trouble gettin' my various vital organs to function...
Dr. Singh: Are you still complaining about that stab wound, Timmy? For those of you just joining us, Timmy just got locked up in prison for a few weeks and suffered a near-fatal stabbing at the hands of a deranged inmate and now he's being a huuuuuge baby about it.
- Timmy: Ugh... let's just do the show, Doc. Sorry for complainin'.
Dr. Singh: Yes, let's! It's a particularly big week: first up, we've got two items hitting their grand finales today! The Masquerade has transformed before our eyes from a thing of beauty to a cursed nightmare of decay-- now, in its final stage, it's transcended good and evil with a brilliant explosion of celestial light.
- Timmy: Makes sense to me.
Dr. Singh: As we know, a good curse always goes out with a blaze of glory. Next up, another great finish to a great item: the Classilke is ending with a marvelous new assortment of knit garments, plus some cute insectoid accessories. How lovely!
- Timmy: Doc, what's that ominous howlin' I hear?
Dr. Singh: That must be the Bad Moon, the creepy limited-edition EI that'll be rapidly evolving throughout the month of October. It's getting its first update today, and we're already seeing the horrifying transformation begin...
- Timmy: I see trouble on the way!
Dr. Singh: Oh! We've also got one last piece of news this week. Once in a while, evolving items suffer a minor glitch or two: layering problems, transparency errors or generally buggy poses. Luckily, we've got a new friend to help us get those fixed up! From now on, if you spot an issue with an EI, just send a message to [NPC] Stein and he'll try to get it worked out-- remember to follow his format, though; he's a bit of a stickler for rules.
- Timmy: I wonder if he can fix up this glitch I'm experiencin' with my stab wound gettin' infected and causin' the liver-destroyin' sepsis that's currently rackin' my feeble frame...
Dr. Singh: Good gravy, Timmy! Will you drop the stupid stab wound talk already? Nobody cares!
- Timmy: I... Doc, I...
Dr. Singh: We'd better bring this thing to a close, folks, before Timmy starts crying or something. Remember to vote in our weekly EI poll to let us know which items are your favorites! That's all for now, but Timmy and I will be back next week with more EI fun!
- Timmy: Y'know, Doc... maybe I won't be back next week.
Dr. Singh: Oh, drop it-- you're not going to die from one little stab wound to the organs, Timmy. You'll just be in a lot of pain for a while, and maybe lose some organs to blood poisoning.
- Timmy: That's not what I mean, Doc. Ever since I got turned into a grown-up, everything just seems to be goin' real badly for me... prison, loose women, crazy murderers, and through it all, it seems like you've been nothin' but mean to me.
Dr. Singh: We all have our little problems once in a while. As for being mean, it's just "tough love." Now that you're an adult, you can't expect me to mollycoddle you whenever you've got a tiny little stab wound-- if I yell at you once in a while, it's for your own good!
- Timmy: I dunno, Doc. This near-death experience has me questionin' the basic realities of my existence, and I'm feelin' like I just don't know what it all means.
Dr. Singh: Oh goodness, not an existential crisis... this is worse than megapuberty.
- Timmy: And more and more, Doc, this grown-up body seems like some kinda curse. I just feel... y'know, deformed, unfinished, sent before my time into this breathing world, scarce half made up, and that so lamely and unfashionable that dogs bark at me as I halt by them. Y'know?
Dr. Singh: Are you waxing poetic, Timmy? Heaven help us.
- Timmy: So what I'm sayin', Doc, is that I might need some time alone to relax my dome... I just feel like I gotta figure out what it all means, y'know?
Dr. Singh: Here's what it all means, Timmy: you've got a job to do, and I won't have you gallivanting around on some hippie vision-quest while you're supposed to be working!
- Timmy: Well, I dunno, maybe I can do reports from the road or somethin'. I just gotta get outta here for a while, Doc!
Dr. Singh: We'll discuss this later, Timmy-- the cameras are still on, and I have some choice words I'd like to share with you that are unsuitable for broadcast. Bye bye, ladies and gentlemen!
16 EI Report: Reve Rouille, Bad Moon, Hidden Ace & NightmareEdit
- Topic EI Report: Reve Rouille, Bad Moon, Hidden Ace & Nightmare - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Oct 16, 2009 2:10 pm
This week, we've got new evolutions from the Bad Moon, Reve Rouille, Hidden Ace and an especially creepy Nightmre. Plus, the start of grown-up Timmy's fateful journey...
You can grab all EIs your poor heart can stand in the Gaia Cash Shop!
Read on for the full report, in which a solitary Timmy hits the road...
Timmy: Hiya, everyone... last week, I asked the Doc if maybe I could have some time off to go on a spiritual journey and figure out the true meanin' of my life. Well, she wasn't too keen on that idea-- she said she'd much rather I just do the show from the road, so she could take some time off instead. Fair enough, I guess...
So, yeah, I got a letter from the producers tellin' me which items are evolvin' this week:
First of all, I see a Bad Moon risin'! This one's gonna be evolving real fast all month, but it looks like it's packin' tons of terror into just a few short weeks. This time, we got some wolfy hairdos sproutin' up, plus some scary wild eyes!
And speakin' of scary... the Nightmare is gettin' even weirder this week, thanks to the artist behind items like Alruna's Rose. It even includes a real lovely-lookin' female companion, and-- YEEUUUGH! Oh goodness... I'm gonna be sick...
Whew. Walk it off, Timmy. You can do this.
There's new stuff goin' on with the Hidden Ace too-- plenty of new poses based on suits from a deck of cards, including some neat lil' card-dudes to follow you around. And I'm real excited about this one: the famous Reve Rouille has another gigantic batch of neat poses this week, so all the lucky people who have one will be positively rollin' around in fabulous new stuff.
I guess that's all of it, but you should definitely stop by and vote in our poll, so's we know which items you like best.
Sure is lonely doin' this without the Doc, notwithstandin' her shabby treatment of yours truly. Hopefully I can get stuff figured out soon-- right now, I'm headin' for the home of a great spiritual leader who can give me some advice about my situation. I should be there within a week or two, so come back next time!
22 EI Report: Bad Moon, Lyndexer's Journal & Seracila PendantEdit
- Topic EI Report: Bad Moon, Lyndexer's Journal & Seracila Pendant - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Oct 22, 2009 6:19 pm
Happy Friday, everyone! Halloween craziness is brewing, but in the meantime we've still been working hard at crafting some top-notch EI updates. This week, we've got new evolutions from the Bad Moon, Lyndexer's Journal, and the Seracila Pendant.
Hit up the Cash Shop to grab a tremendous, wobbling armload of EIs!
Read on for the full report, in which Timmy meets his first spiritual guide...
Timmy: Well hello again, ever'body! I guess I'm doin' another EI Report from the road, on account of my big spiritual journey and all... I ran into some good luck, though: while I was walkin' down the road, I happened to pass under a bridge, and I found some sorta great spiritual leader! You can tell by his beard!
- Old Pete: Change, mister?
Timmy: That's exactly what I'm hopin' for! I need to find a way to sort out my life in a big way, and I'm hopin' you can impart some kinda guru wisdom on me.
- Old Pete: Found a samwich on the bus.
Timmy: We'll let this wise holy man tell us a little more about his monk-like ways in a minute, but I s'pose we better sort out this week's items first, huh?
- Old Pete: Rain's a-comin'.
Timmy: Isn't it neato how he talks in parables? Anyway, here's a pretty excitin' thing for ya: the Seracila Pendant is really gettin' off to a huge start this week with a buncha great stuff: a staff, a tunic and a headband, all in real pretty reds and golds.
- Old Pete: Hey mister. I'll swap you this bike wheel for a ferghprm... *cough*
Timmy: I guess I'm not quite wise enough to decipher this holy man's mumbling right now, but it sure sounded wise! Next up, the Bad Moon is risin' again with more scary, wolfish business! Kinda wish the Doc was here to help me from gettin' creeped out over this, but I guess I can take some comfort in knowin' that this wise old spiritual dude can protect me with his holy magic.
- Old Pete: Drank a whole paint yesserday. A whole paint.
Timmy: Some kinda... communion, I guess. Anywho, last up we got this neat new evolution from Lyndexer's Journal that continues to chronicle the horrors of war with some real movin' poses... this is such a complicated subject that maybe we should let the holy man have a word about the nature of warfarin' and man's inhumanities and whatnot.
- Old Pete: Y'see, mister, sometimes... people make a war. Business.
Timmy: That's real deeply profound, in a way. Well, folks, that's all the items we got this week-- don't forget to vote in our little poll and let us know which ones you like the best! If you care to stick around for another minute, I think I'm gonna attempt to have a little spiritual dialogue with this holy man to see what wisdom he can lay down. So, wise spiritual beard guy, what is the meaning of life?
- Old Pete: Life... yeah, buddy, life is a stone-cold, uh. Sometimes you just look up at the stars and, uh, you drank a whole buncha paint, and... then you wake up and yer foot turned black.
Timmy: Yeah! It's like some kinda riddle! What do you think is the meanin' of my life, wise holy guy?
- Old Pete: You gotta... mister, you gotta get out there and find a sandwich. On the bus. You gotta find your sandwich on the bus. I like you. You got a real... honest face. The police come by here, they're invisible, and one of 'em tells me I got a thing in my teeth so's the government hears my radio waves and they knows when I pee. You gotta find a sandwich because, uh.
Timmy: The bus! That's a real good idea, holy man. All this time I been walkin' around like a sucker, wearin' out my ol' dogs, when I coulda just hopped on a bus and found a nice sandwich and continued my spiritual quest real easily! Thanks, holy man!
- Old Pete: Got paint, mister? Mighty thirsty for a sip of the ol' paint.
30 EI Report: Dappy Dandy, Bad Moon, Hidden Ace & NightmareEdit
- Topic EI Report: Dappy Dandy, Bad Moon, Hidden Ace & Nightmare - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Oct 30, 2009 4:09 pm
We know you're probably engrossed in your various Halloweenities at the moment, but let's take a quick break for some EIs! After all, we've got some great stuff to report: the Dappy Dandy, our brand new EI, plus evolutions from the Nightmare and Hidden Ace and a timely finale for the Bad Moon. Have a look!
Head to the Cash Shop to pick up a first-generation Dappy Dandy, or one of our other awesome EIs.
Read on for the full report, in which Timmy gains a spiritual follower...
Timmy: Hullo there, everybody! This is the Evolving Item Report, I guess... I'm still off on my spiritual journey and the Doc wanted me to do the show from the road, but I'm not really sure what I'm doin' so I'm just kinda wingin' it.
- Old Pete: *Snrrrrrt*
Timmy: Oh, and uh... well, I met this "Old Pete" fella last week and asked him for some advice, 'cuz I thought he was some kinda spiritual leader on account of his beard and robes, but now I'm thinkin' maybe he's just a wandering tramp.
- Old Pete: Government took m'beans.
Timmy: And he's just been, y'know, kinda following me around, so... I guess I've got myself a fellow pilgrim! A spiritual disciple who will follow me on my journey, until he gets bored or confused and wanders off!
- Old Pete: Dogs ain't got the manners they used to... where's the dog hospitality... god-danged police dog state is what it is.
Timmy: So.... yeah. I guess we better start talkin' about the items before the audience gets confused and wanders off, huh? Get it? Little joke, there, Pete.
- Old Pete: Harf! Yeah. Watskeburt.
Timmy: That wasn't a word, Pete, but I'm glad you liked it. Anywho, we got some real nice things to report this week: first up, there's a brand new item! The Dappy Dandy is exactly the sort of fancy clothes a guy like me could enjoy... once I get all rich and successful and spiritually pure, of course. How'bout you, Pete? I think you'd look great in a fancy gentleman's outfit!
- Old Pete: Carn't take the robes off. Been sleepin' in 'em for s'long my skin grewn into 'em.
Timmy: Grody! Well, next up, we got a real nice new update to the Hidden Ace! Even though I'm not much of a "cards man," as they say, I think this item has a really neat theme, and it's carried out real splendid-like this week. How'bout you, Pete? You a gambler?
- Old Pete: Yope. Won this cat in a game of twos-and-queens.
Timmy: What cat?
- Old Pete: ...Oh.
Timmy: And since it's nearin' Halloween and all-- sorry I haven't got a costume, but I've been on the road-- we've got some great scary stuff to report: the Bad Moon is reachin' its final state this week with a buncha new wolfy madness, and The Nightmare is gettin' another creepy-crawly update courtesy of the artist behind the Enchanted Book!
- Old Pete: Mmm. Grubs.
Timmy: I guess that's about it for this week-- remember to stop in and vote in our weekly EI poll to let us know your favorites, and say hi to Dr. Singh if you see her. Sure is lonesome without her, but I guess I'm glad to have Old Pete for some companionship. Say, Pete, you don't look that old... why do they call you "Old Pete"?
- Old Pete: Welp. Used to be New Pete but then there was a newer Pete, and the old Old Pete passed away from the oral burpies. And then I was Old Pete. Plus I drank a can of spoiled brass polish and now I got holes in my brain like a ninety-year-old.
Timmy: Jeepers, Pete, that's the most lucid thing I've ever heard you say, but it was still totally insane at the same time!
- Old Pete: What? Harf.
06 EI Report: Seracila PendantEdit
- Topic EI Report: Seracila Pendant - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Nov 06, 2009 2:36 pm
Merry Fridaysmas, Gaians! This week, the Seracila Pendant is getting some fashionable new poses, and Timmy's rocky relationship with Old Pete takes a strange turn...
Head to the Cash Shop to pick up a first-generation Dappy Dandy, or one of our other awesome EIs.
Read on for the full report!
Timmy: Hey! Yeah, so the whole spiritual quest hasn't been goin' too well so far, but I'm hopin' it's gonna pick up soon... Old Pete led me to this weird church yesterday, but we got thrown out on account of his unique hygiene arrangements, and plus it turned out it wasn't actually a church.
- Old Pete: Ayup.
Timmy: More of, I don't know, kind of a club. A club where they serve lots of chicken wings and there's lotsa ladies dancing around wearin' real funny costumes. Coulda sworn it was a church, cause of all the neon lights and whatnot...
- Old Pete: Urf. Bug crawled down my ear in the night.
Timmy: So anyway, I'm startin' to think maybe Old Pete isn't the most spiritually useful guy to have hangin' around me... then again, he is real good at findin' discarded food, so I've been savin' a lot of money on meals.
- Old Pete: Trashburger's just as good as a new one.
Timmy: Anywho, we'd better get to the item news! It's kinda slim pickin's in the EI department today, but they're makin' for the small quantity with some real high quality: the Seracila Pendant is gettin' a great update, with a bunch of totally new styles like Gaia's never seen before. I love it! What do you think, Pete?
- Old Pete: That dog told me to agree with what you say or the secret dog government gonna put me in a camp, then I'm gonna pherghafrep...
Timmy: You know, Pete, sometimes I think you're crazy-- but once in a while, like right now for example, you start makin' a whole lotta sense. We gotta finish up the show now by tellin' all the folks at home to stop by and vote in our poll, but you really gotta tell me more about this secret dog government!
- Old Pete: Dog government. Yup.
Timmy: Fascinating... please go on!
- Old Pete: That's pretty much all of it. *Snrrrrk*
11 EI Report: Hidden Ace & NightmareEdit
- Topic EI Report: Hidden Ace & Nightmare - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Wed Nov 11, 2009 8:10 pm
It's EI time again, friends! This week, we've got the terrifying finale of The Nightmare, plus more high-stakes excitement from the Hidden Ace. Have a look!
Head to the Cash Shop to grab some EIs for yourself!
Read on for the full report, in which Timmy tries to rid himself of Old Pete...
Timmy: Hi, everyone! It's your old pal Timmy with another Evolving Item Report... I'm still on the road tryin' to find some kinda spiritual enlightenment, and lemme tell ya, it hasn't been goin' too well so far... I swear I passed the same bus station two days in a row, and I'm startin' to get the feeling Pete is just kinda leadin' me in circles. I'm thinkin' it might be time for us to go our separate ways-- what do you say to that, Pete?
- Old Pete: Marburf.
Timmy: You'll have to excuse Old Pete-- he just drank a bulk-sized tin of brass polish and he's been kinda stumblin' around and sayin' words that aren't really words for the past few hours.
- Old Pete: Yfgwby.
Timmy: ...Jeepers, Pete! I don't even know how you said that one, bein' as how it seems like that combination of consonants would be unpronounceable! Do another one!
- Old Pete: Gjrbxd.
Timmy: Golly, that's incredible! They should give you a TV show of your own or somethin' where you just drink toxic chemicals and say words that can't be spoken without movin' your tongue in the fourth dimension.
- Old Pete: Halvah.
Timmy: I think that one's a real word, Pete, but I appreciate the effort. Anywho, folks, we'd better get on with the show, since we've got a real special thing to report: The Nightmare is reachin' its final evolution this week! This thing has been a real thrill-ride of scares, and I gotta admit that I've often been too afraid to go to the bathroom at night since I started reportin' on this thing, which has led to some real unpleasant situations.
- Old Pete: Got bathroom problems myself, Tommy.
Timmy: Hey, looks like Pete's lucid again. Run out of brass polish, buddy? So, yeah, we've also got a new update to the Hidden Ace, which is still in its earlier stages of evolvin', so the sky's really the limit on this one-- who knows where it's gonna take us?
- Old Pete: My shoes got arrested.
Timmy: That's... terrible? I guess that's it for this week, folks, but remember to stop by and vote in our evolving item poll so you can let us know which ones you like best. And, uh, back to what I was sayin' before: Pete, I think you've been hangin' around long enough, and maybe it's time we parted ways so I can do my spiritual journey in solitude, OK?
- Old Pete: Nope.
Timmy: Y'see, Old Pete, I've appreciated all your guidance and everything, but I'm thinkin' I haven't really made any spiritual progress while you've been around, so maybe I should do this alone. That alright with you, Pete?
- Old Pete: Nuh uh. Pete's gonna keep follerin' you around forever.
Timmy: Well... hmm... this is awkward.
- Old Pete: Swig of the ol' brass polish gonna melt all that awkwardness away... yer want some? Jbprf.
Timmy: No thanks, Pete.
20 EI Report: Dappy DandyEdit
- Topic EI Report: Dappy Dandy - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Nov 20, 2009 4:44 pm
Another Friday, another EI Report! This week, there's a bunch of new poses for one of our newest items, the splendid Dappy Dandy. Fancy gentleman, take note!
Head to the Cash Shop to grab some EIs for yourself!
Stay tuned for the full report, in which Old Pete attempts to take over the program...
Timmy: Hiya, folks! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report... as you can see, Old Pete has still been refusin' to leave. That just goes to show you, ladies an' gentleman: never talk to weird ol' filthy guys on the street, cause you never know how long they're gonna follow you around. Isn't that right, you rascally ol' nuisance?
- Old Pete: Skin done grewn over my robe.
Timmy: That's great, Pete. Anywho, I think me and Pete came to some kinda agreement: he'll leave if I let him take over the show this week. I guess he's been harborin' a secret desire to be famous this whole time.
- Old Pete: Hrmph. Just wanna be adored by my public.
Timmy: Basically, I'm gonna give you the real info, then I'm gonna let Old Pete take over and say whatever the heck he wants, I guess. So, here goes: we've got one item evolvin' this week, but it's a real cool one-- the Dappy Dandy has some excellent new stuff for all you fashionable types out there! Maybe you should invest in one of these and get yerself cleaned up a little, Pete.
- Old Pete: My turn yet? Famous time.
Timmy: Wait! Not quite! First I gotta tell everyone about our weekly EI poll, where you can let us know which items you like the best. So, Pete, now's your time to step into the spotlight...
- Old Pete: Hrmph, ladies and gangle! Got 'em evolin' fellas gonna happen this week, and I'm a host. Old Pete gonna host this baby. I'm on TV. And this is my sidekick, Dr. Sink. Ain't that right, uh, Dr. Sink?
Timmy: That's right, Pete!
- Old Pete: Say it high! Say 'er high like a lady!
Timmy: Uh... that's right, Pete!
- Old Pete: Thanks, Dr. Sink. Now let's get them fellas evolved. This week, got four items got 'em new pose happenin': first, strange new tides for Gary's Island Adventure! Looks, uh, looks like Gary got hisself a new pair of coconut pants and a sea bird peckin' on his face.
Timmy: Say, Pete, that's, uh, that's not a real item...
- Old Pete: Shut yer damn face, Dr. Sink! Gary's Island Adventure. And, hrmph, looks like... got lots of new posin' and voguein' on the... Dark Chef. Chef gettin' even darker this week, got us a new bloody spatula and a cut-off hand stickin' out the... what you call it... that meat grinder.
Timmy: That, uh, yeah, that sounds great, Pete! Tell us more.
- Old Pete: Next, big new painting stuff in the Philosopher's Portrait. When you look at the painting, it stares back into your soul, Dr. Sink! This week, our philosopher is the classical orator Bophucles, who invented, uh, the concept of thinking.
Timmy: Well, looks like we're just about out of time, Pete, so maybe you should start wrappin' it--
- Old Pete: No! Gotta have more items! So, uh, last thing today got the Martyrdom of Saint Eustace-- this week got Eustace stuck in a big metal cask shaped like a bull, and they prepare to light some big fires up under him! Will his god save him in time, Dr. Sink, or he gonna get martyred to death? Find out!
Timmy: Uh, I guess the fake item is called "martyrdom," so probably he's gonna--
- Old Pete: FIND OUT!!!! OK, show's over! Goodnight Dr. Sink! Now I'm famous and you're my wife.
25 EI Report: Noel's Gift, Pietro, Hidden Ace, Seracila PendantEdit
- Topic EI Report: Noel's Gift, Pietro, Hidden Ace, Seracila Pendant - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Wed Nov 25, 2009 3:46 pm
This week, we've got a new EI to celebrate the spirit of Xmas! Like many of our holiday EI treats Noel's Gift will be evolving at a rapid pace throughout the month of December, with new poses added every week. We've also got updates to the Hidden Ace, Case of Pietro and Seracila Pendant this week. Enjoy!
You can grab all these items now in the Gaia Cash Shop-- don't miss your chance at a first-generation Noel's Gift!
Read on for a message from Timmy, now hobo-free and ready to resume his spirit quest.
Timmy: Hiya, friends! As you can plainly see, I got rid of that ol' hobo-tramp that's been hangin' around me lately-- and as if that's not great enough news, I also got a care package from the Doc! I haven't heard from her in a while, but I'm guessin' she missed me due to the holidays and whatnot... I know she hasn't always been too nice to me, but deep down I know she cares!
Whaddaya say I open this thing up and see what she sent? Oh-- there's a letter taped to the top. Maybe I should read this first..
I know you're excited about opening this box, but remember to talk about the evolving items first! After all, that's why the nice people of the world are watching you this evening-- trust me, it's not because of your leading-man looks.
Oh, you know I'm just teasing you, little buddy. Anyway, let's talk items! I'm sure you heard that there's a new one this week: Noel's Gift, a holiday-themed delight that's set to evolve every week in December. I'm sure you're reacting to this news with one of your adorable little expletives, like "Jeepers!" or "Lords-a-Leapin'!"
Furthermore, we've got two great items evolving. All the compulsive gamblers out there will be twitching from the sheer force of their addiction, because the Hidden Ace is getting some magical new poses! There's also further developments in the mysterious Case of Pietro... I can't wait to see what evidence emerges! Last of all, we've got a lovely update to the Seracila Pendant-- beautiful, isn't it?
And now, on to the contents of this package: Timmy, my annual turkey feast just wasn't the same without you here! I always get so drowsy from gorging myself on birdmeat, and I guess I took for granted what a little trooper you are about doing the dishes.
So, to give you a little taste of home during your arduous journey, I've included all the dirty dishes from my Thanksgiving feast. I hope you'll be a little darling and wash them all and send them back in a timely manner-- I need them before Xmas Eve so I can use them for my holiday feast!
I know I haven't been paying you your normal salary during your little vacation, but I trust you'll still be able to pay the postage.
Timmy: Oh... hey... it's dirty dishes. Thanks, Doc. I was kinda hopin' maybe she sent me some warm clothes or cookies or somethin' like that, but maybe I can scrape some of the pie residue off one of these plates... well, anywho, that's about it for this week! Don't forget to vote in our poll, and be sure to come back next week for more great items. Bye bye!
03 EI Report: Noel's GiftEdit
- Topic EI Report: Noel's Gift - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Dec 03, 2009 7:24 pm
Hiya, folks-- it's just yer ol' pal Timmy with a quick Evolving Item update. I figured we'd skip the usual intro part since we got a real quick update this week, so I might as well just lay it out: Noel's Gift is evolvin' for the very first time today! As we mentioned last week, this is a special EI for the holidays, so it's gonna be updated each and every week in December. Pretty swell! If I had some friends, I'd probably buy some for 'em!
You can head over to Flynn's shop to pick one up, or take a look at all the neato EIs she has in stock. And say hi for me, would ya? I tried stoppin' in there the other day, but she didn't recognize me as an adult an' she tried to call security cause I kinda look like a vagrant.
And before you go, remember to vote in our weekly EI poll! It's how we know which items you like the best every week, so it's real important to us. Be sure to stop by next week-- I know my spiritual journey hasn't been too successful lately, but I'm hoping to meet some authentic holy men soon...
11 EI Report: Shadowlegend, Hidden Ace, Noel's Gift, DandyEdit
- Topic EI Report: Shadowlegend, Hidden Ace, Noel's Gift, Dandy - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Dec 11, 2009 5:10 pm
Big news: we've got a new EI this week! Shadowlegend tells a grisly tale of ninja vengeance:
"There once was a peaceful ninja village where ninjas grazed happily, darting to and fro in the surrounding lush bamboo forests (as ninjas are prone to do when undisturbed in nature). A pair of twins named Raiden and Raika were the most prized students in the village... until a dark warrior swept through town one day and changed their lives forever."
We've also got new evolutions for Dappy Dandy, the Hidden Ace and Noel's Gift!
You can grab all these EIs-- including a first-generation Shadowlegend-- in the Gaia Cash Shop:
Stay tuned for the full report, in which Timmy's spiritual journey commences with a visit from a man of the cloth...
Timmy: Welcome to the EI Report, folks. Aside from all the great items evolvin' this week, I have some great news of my own: I finally made some progress in my spiritual journey of self-discovery-- I found a real bona-fide holy person!
- Pastor Gork: That you did, my child.
Timmy: This guy is the pastor over at the Universal Fellowship of Nonspecific Worship, and he's here to tell me how to, uh, get my soul in order and whatnot. But first, we'd better talk about the items! That's what the people really care about, as Dr. Singh always used'a say.
- Pastor Gork: I would posit, son, that spiritual fulfillment comes before material thi--
Timmy: Just one sec, pastor! First up, looks like we got a brand new item comin' out this week: the Shadowlegend tells the sort of exciting tale of ninja vengeance usually seen in movies the Doc won't let me watch on account of all the blood and beheadings! In its beginning, it's lookin' like two young ninja trainees have seen their master slain by an unknown assassin... I think we all know where this is goin'!
- Pastor Gork: Aha, yes. I confronted such concepts during my days in the theological seminary, when we studied the sacred 1986 motion picture, Ninja Revenge II: Ninja Revenge Vengeance.
Timmy: I saw that one! Don't tell the Doc! Anywho, we've also got some neat-o evolutions happenin' today, like the good ol' Dappy Dandy! All those fancy fellas out there who wanna look sophisticated and impressive oughta consider pickin' up one of these babies. The Hidden Ace is up to more tricks this week with some nice card backgrounds, plus a lil' magical bunny to assist in your act.
- Pastor Gork: While my nonspecific faith may or may not condemn sorcery in all its forms, I do like bunnies.
Timmy: And the last one this week: Noel's Gift is havin' another update! Remember, this one's gettin' new poses every week in December, then it'll leave the Cash Shop for good-- better get one while you've got a chance!
- Pastor Gork: A winter celebration! I love it! Our Fellowship hosts a nonspecific winter holiday every year, wherein we exchange gifts, sing nondenominational songs and celebrate the birth of the various and sundry messiahs we may or may not worship.
Timmy: I guess that's about it for the item stuff this week, but I gotta tell the people to stop by and vote in our weekly poll! So, now that all the business stuff is outta the way, I was wonderin' if you could give me some spiritual advice about the true meanin' of my life and whatnot.
- Pastor Gork: It's what I do, Timothy. I'd be delighted to offer you my nonspecific guidance-- what's been troubling you?
Timmy: Well, it's a kinda long story. Dr. Singh, the lady who takes care of me, kinda locked me in a barrel of toxic waste, then I started mutatin', then this science guy did this surgery to remove the evil mutation, then the evil bit of me escaped, then it crawled into my room and infected me with evil, then I turned into a mustachioed hustler and got real rich, then this fella named Edmund fixed me again by spinnin' all the evil out of me with a centrifuge, then in my weakened condition I started bein' racked by horrible puberty, then I got turned into an adult by way of some science and then... uh... that's pretty much it...
- Pastor Gork: Goodness, child, it seems that science has done you wrong on many occasions. You say they've tampered with your genes and removed your evil half?
Timmy: Yes sir, he's livin' in some kind of mansion right now, drinkin' boxed cognac.
- Pastor Gork: How troubling. Fortunately, the answer to your spiritual longing is quite a simple one!
Timmy: Jeepers! Finally, some good news!
- Pastor Gork: Indeed! Here's the answer: due to all the genetic tampering you've undergone, it's extremely unlikely-- bordering on impossible, in fact-- that you still have a soul. Therefore, you're ineligible for salvation.
Timmy: You mean... you can't help me?
- Pastor Gork: Au contraire, my little friend! Our various nonspecific holy books are quite clear in matters of helping abominations like yourself: we shalt not suffer you to live.
Timmy: Golly, mister! Does that mean you're gonna kill me?
- Pastor Gork: Oh, good heavens, no! I'm fairly certain that's just some kind of metaphor. Really, in modern interpretation, it just means I shouldn't talk to you or acknowledge you, and that you'll hopefully just crawl off somewhere and quietly perish. Good day, my child.
Timmy: Well... thanks, I guess. Looks like my spiritual quest will have to look elsewhere.
18 EI Report: Seracila Pendant, Noel's GiftEdit
- Topic EI Report: Seracila Pendant, Noel's Gift - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Dec 18, 2009 4:30 pm
Hiya, guys! Since I'm all on my ol' wild lone this week, I thought I'd keep it pretty brief and just give all you nice people a quick update on your items. This week, Noel's Gift is bringin' more holiday cheer, and the Seracila Pendant is gettin' a great new evolution-- this one has some really great easy-to-match poses that'll do wonders for any classy outfit! Feast your peepers:
You can grab all these EIs and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop:
And don't forget to stop by and vote in our poll! The creators of these items always love to know which ones you're diggin' most.
With the holidays comin' up, I'm plannin' on takin' a quick break from my journey-- the next couple of messages from me will be smaller ones, like this-- rest assured that my quest for spiritual enlightenment isn't over, no matter what that mean ol' holy guy said last week.
He tried to tell me I didn't have a soul, but I'm pretty sure there's still a big ol' soul bouncin' around in there... I still cry at sad movies, right? And I still got a lotta love for the Doc, and cats and dogs love me-- sometimes dogs love me a little too much and things get awkward. But yeah, anywho-- I've still got a soul for sure, and someday soon I'm gonna pack it full of so much enlightenment I'll be burpin' sagely wisdom all night!
Have a great Friday, everyone-- I'll just be checkin' in real quickly for the next two weeks, but let's hope absence makes your hearts grow fonder!
Forever Your Pal,
21 EI Report: Hidden Ace, Noel's GiftEdit
- Topic EI Report: Hidden Ace, Noel's Gift - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Mon Dec 21, 2009 7:48 pm
Hi, guys and ladies! Just droppin' by with an early edition of the Evolving Item Report. This time around, we got ourselves a real nice update to the Hidden Ace for all the aspirin' magicians out there, plus the downright spectacular finale of Noel's Gift, just in time for Xmas! Have a look:
Lookin' for some last-minute gifts? You can pick up all these EIs and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop:
And don't forget to vote in our poll to let us know which items you like best! I'd stop and chat with you folks a little longer, but I'm technically on vacation, and my union (Adult Television Presenters with Minds of Children Local #284) would get real mad at me if I worked too hard today. See ya next week, folks!
31 EI Report: Shadowlegend, Dappy Dandy, Titan's LegacyEdit
- Topic EI Report: Shadowlegend, Dappy Dandy, Titan's Legacy - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Tue Dec 29, 2009 1:40 pm
Hiya, girls and fellas! This is your ol' buddy Timmy with another early edition of the Evolving Item Report. This week, we've got another excitin' advancement of the Shadowlegend, complete with atrocities galore-- it's shapin' up like a bloody, sword-swingin' massacre, which is my favorite kind of grim spectacle. We've also got an elegant update to the Dappy Dandy, everyone's favorite fashionable formalwear. Meanwhile, the Titan's Legacy-- that mysterious item granted by the Overseer in your aquarium-- is reaching its finale this week!
You can pick up all these EIs and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop:
Don’t' forget to vote in our weekly poll and let us know which items you like the most. I'll be back next week with a return to my full hostin' duties! Happy new year, everybody!