Notice that Dr. Singh's avatar has replaced Timmy (and other co-hosts) in the announcements since he is no longer present as a character.
02 EI Report: Wingding Shirt, Nestegg & DanderEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Wingding Shirt, Nestegg & Dander - [NPC] Timmmy Fri Jan 02, 2009 2:44 pm
This week, a special EI for Cash Shoppers on a tight budget: the 49-Cash Wingding Shirt! Plus, the final evolution of Dander, new poses from Captain Ara's Nestegg and a visit from Timmy, still loopy and smooth-jazzed out from exposure to Gro-Gain.
Stop by the Gaia Cash Shop for all your evolving item needs!
Read on for Timmy's full report:
Timmy: Guess who's back, ladies.
- Labtech Gene: T-Booooooooooone!
Timmy: Here's the deal: the Doc is on vacation this week, so the producers asked their old friends T-Bone and Large G to step in and substitute. And tell 'em what we said, Large.
- Labtech Gene: We said "T-Bone is nobody's substitute! He's a star, baby!"
Timmy: That's correct. I'm only doing this out of the kindness of my own heart, because I know the people need me. See, I don't need this. I'm rich as heck, ladies and gentlemen. I live in a stately villa, I sleep on cashmere sheets and I drink Bognac from a platinum chalice.
- Labtech Gene: In case you're not hep, Bognac is T-Bone's personal brand of non-alcoholic boxed cognac, available only at the most elite retailers of distilled spirits. If you gotta ask how much it costs, baby, you can't afford it. You see, T-Bone is a man of fine tastes, and--
Timmy: Hold up! Don't bore the people with my excellence, Large. They just wanna know what's up with their items, so we gotta hit 'em with some science before they get impatient and start coveting my splendor. You dig?
- Labtech Gene: I'm sorry, T-Bone, I was just... I just wanted to...
Timmy: Oh, great, now Large G is blubbering with emotion again. Let's get this show on the road before the sobbing starts. First up, we got a brand new item! The Wingding Shirt is an inexpensive but versatile little item that lets you choose every letter of the alphabet-- as it evolves, it'll have tons of new signs and symbols to choose from.
- Labtech Gene: I'm gonna wear the G, because that's what I am.
Timmy: If you're still new to the evolving item concept, this is a great place to start-- check out Evolving Item Musem for more info. If you've got 49 Cash burning a hole in your pocket, might wanna visit Flynn in the Cash Shop to pick one of these babies up. Wouldn't want to miss out on the first generation, would you? Meanwhile, we've got a couple of items evolving: Dander is finishing up its dusty trail of evolution this week, and Captain Ara's Nestegg is engaging in some exciting buccaneering with a few piratey new poses.
- Labtech Gene: One more thing, too: the Death Whisper won't be around much longer!
Timmy: That's right, ladies and gentlemen. It'll be out of the shop next week, so now's your last chance to dig some high-quality terror. Looks like that's it for this week-- it's been a distinct pleasure to be back on the airwaves, so don't be too surprised if you see more of ol' T-Bone real soon. Peace!
09 EI Report: 6 exciting evolutions!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: 6 exciting evolutions! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jan 09, 2009 5:10 pm
This week, exciting updates from the Fallen Wish, Jinxi's Charm, Titan's Legacy, Infernal Spirit and Nano-C, plus the first evolution of the new Anima Adamantea!
Having recently finished their evolution, Gro-gain and Holy $#17 will be leaving the shop next week, so get them while you can!
Sheesh! What an update! If that image has you drooling copiously over this week's phenomenal evolutions, maybe you'd better head to the Gaia Cash Shop...
Read on for the full report from Dr. Singh, plus a visit by a very special guest: Edmund!
Dr. Singh: Oh! Dear me, I nearly forgot-- it's time for the Evolving Item Report!
- Edmund: I suppose I should be going, then…
Dr. Singh: Actually, it might be nice if you stuck around. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Edmund, owner of H.R. Wesley and former head of research at G-Corp. I asked him here to… well, let's get to that later. First, shall we talk about this week's evolutions?
- Edmund: I'd be delighted.
Dr. Singh: Ooh, here's an exciting one: the Anima Adamantea, one of the most intriguing items we've ever come across, is evolving for the first time this week! Tell me, Edmund, do you have any idea what this might become?
- Edmund: It's difficult to say. The technology is quite elegant, but also strangely cryptic-- it's as if the item is designed to hide its true purpose, at least at this stage. Whatever it is, it seems to interface directly with the human body. A fascinating device…
Dr. Singh: Truly! Most evolving items have been biological or mystical, but lately we're seeing a surge of technology: the Nano-C is also getting an update this week. Any thoughts on this one?
- Edmund: It's quite lovely but, I'll tell you one thing: it looks dangerous. Don't point it at your face, or you may be in for a nasty surprise… that's what she s--
Dr. Singh: Edmund! Remember, we're on national television here. Moving along: the legendary Fallen Wish is beginning to reveal a bit more of its true form! This item seems to generate more and more buzz every time it evolves, so now would be a fine time to pick one up in the Cash Shop.
- Edmund: Or save up for one in the Marketplace… my old friend Johnny Gambino certainly seems to think they're a sound investment, and I dare say he knows a thing or two about finances.
Dr. Singh: Rounding out the week's update, we're also seeing some fantastic new changes from Jinxi's Charm, the mixed-up doll made from equal parts love and scorn. The Infernal Spirit is also continuing to take shape with some powerful new poses. The mysterious deep-sea evolving item from the aquarium, Titan's Legacy is getting one of its rare updates today, so be sure to have a look! I should also warn you guys that Gro-gain and Holy $#17 will be leaving the Cash Shop very soon, so now's your last chance to pick them up! That's about it for this week, but maybe I should explain why Edmund is here...
- Edmund: Ah, yes. Shall we fill them in on the story so far?
Dr. Singh: Well, it's such a long story, I'm not quite sure where to begin. Here's the basics: a few months ago, my adorable sidekick Timmy started acting... different. He grew an oily little goatee, which shouldn't even be possible for a child his age, and he began to act like a little male chauvinist pig and listen to smooth jazz music.
- Edmund: Mm hmm.
Dr. Singh: I tried to play along with it and find out what was going on-- I even wore a fake beard for a while to humor him-- but eventually he shut me out. Since then, goodness knows what sort of mischief he's been up to in that mansion of his. I've brought Edmund in to try to find a scientific answer for all this.
- Edmund: The goatee, the sexism, the smooth jazz... I'm afraid these are all textbook symptoms of one of mankind's most feared conditions.
Dr. Singh: Oh, my! What condition is that?
- Edmund: Pure evil. The boy, along with his friend, Labtech Gene, seem to have been exposed to some concentrated, highly toxic form of evil. I only pray it's not too late to save them.
Dr. Singh: I'm convinced it has something to do with "Gro-Gain," the hair-growth medicine Labtech Gene was experimenting with in his lab.
- Edmund: Nonsense! I created Gro-Gain myself back when I worked at G-Corp... Johnny was a little concerned about thinning up top, so I did my best. Sadly, it's a little too unpredictable for mass consumption, but it most certainly does not contain pure evil. It must have been contaminated somehow...
Dr. Singh: So what can we do?
- Edmund: Well, I suppose I'll have to pay a visit to Gene's lab and see if I can find out what corrupted the Gro-Gain supply. I'll report back next week with my findings... it's a long shot, but it just may be possible to return Timmy to normal if we intervene soon.
Dr. Singh: Thanks, Edmund! I'm so tired of sidekick-swapping... much as I hate to admit it, this show is nothing without Timmy. That's it for this week, folks! Come back next week for more news from Edmund and more fantastic poses from your favorite items. And don't forget to vote in our weekly evolving item poll!
16 EI Report: Fremere's Guard and much more!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Fremere's Guard and much more! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jan 16, 2009 2:02 pm
This week, there's a brand new evolving item in the Cash Shop: Fremere's Guard! Plus, we've got new evolutions from the Wingding Shirt and Changeling Babies, and the final evolution of the Coocoon!
To pick up these awesome items for your avatar, head to the Gaia Cash Shop!
Read on for the full report from Dr. Singh, plus a special visit from Edmund!
Dr. Singh: Welcome to the Evolving Item Report! I'm your host, Dr. Singh, and this is our special guest, Edmund... in addition to being a prominent Gaian business owner, he's also a former head of research and development for G-Corp!
- Edmund: Well, that was a long time ago, Dr. Singh.
Dr. Singh: Even so, there's no denying that you're blessed with one of the sharpest scientific minds in Gaia's history, so it's a true honor to have you on the show. A little later, we'll be talking to Edmund about the latest news on Timmy, the former co-host of this show. But first, let's get to the items!
- Edmund: With pleasure! I'm quite intrigued by this new item...
Dr. Singh: Oh! You must mean Fremere's Guard, the mysterious new addition to the evolving item lineup. I generally comment on the scientific properties of items, but this one seems to be more interesting for the warrior legend surrounding it. I hear you used to be a bit of a fighter, Edmund-- do you know anything about Fremere's Guard?
- Edmund: Oh, I've heard the stories-- great warriors may die, but their spirits tend to stick around until their business is complete. They say Fremere's soul could never be satisfied. No victory was glorious enough, no Gold shone bright enough, no revenge was sweet enough... all his pride, rage and ambition were cast into this item. Notice how its red eyes seem to glow with implacable angst?
Dr. Singh: I did notice something pretty intense about it, yes.
- Edmund: When you've got the spirit of a legendary warrior guiding an item's evolution, it seems like incredible things are bound to happen.
Dr. Singh: I'd imagine so! Elsewhere this week, the Changeling Babies are continuing their worrisome growth... we warned would-be adopters that these creatures might be a bit of a handful, so I can only hope they're prepared for some big surprises.
- Edmund: And speaking of big surprises... this Wingding Shirt is really something.
Dr. Singh: Yes, they're updating for the first time this week, and I've noticed that the female shirts tend to be a bit... flattering.
- Edmund: Mind if I buy one for Vanessa? I think she'd appreciate it.
Dr. Singh: I don't think she really needs one, Edmund. During my last Salon visit, I couldn't help notice that she's got plenty going on up there already. In fact, I noticed a long line of young men outside hoping for a little trim.
- Edmund: ...
Dr. Singh: Aaaanyway, moving on: looks like the Coocoon has reached its final stage today! Quite an exciting development in the field of entomology, and quite a fantastic day for all the Coocoon owners who've been patiently waiting for something special. In other news, little Gimpi isn't quite ready to evolve this week, so we'll likely need to wait another week for the final evolution. Sorry about that, Gimpi fans! We want to make sure the little guy gets the best treatment possible.
- Edmund: We're all rooting for you, Gimpi!
Dr. Singh: I suppose that about does it for this week's evolutions, Edmund. Now, I'm sure all the Timmy fans out there are wondering if you found out anything interesting about his condition...
- Edmund: In fact, I did! I took a little trip to Labtech Gene's decrepit old laboratory, which has apparently been abandoned for quite some time. Inside, I found the vat of Gro-Gain in which Gene fabricated the original batch... I analyzed a bit of the goop left in the centrifuge system, and I found small traces of a contaminant: pure evil.
Dr. Singh: Oh no! How could it have-- wait! Wait a minute!
- Edmund: Yes?
Dr. Singh: It all makes sense! A while back, Timmy somehow managed to get himself trapped in a vat of toxic G-Corp waste, and started to become a horrible, twisted mutant... Labtech Gene performed genetic surgery on him and managed to remove the evil thing that had grown inside him, but it escaped from the lab!
- Edmund: A piece of pure evil escaped containment and you didn't do anything about it!? Good heavens, Dr. Singh, if it had crawled into a volcano or something, we'd all be slaves of some ancient fire god by now!
Dr. Singh: I guess I just kinda forgot about it... out of sight, out of mind, you know.
- Edmund: So, that makes sense... the piece of concentrated evil must have crawled into the old vat of leftover Gro-Gain, and then Gene decided to make a quick buck by selling it... he's created an epidemic of hirsute evil!
Dr. Singh: Is there anything we can do?
- Edmund: I'm afraid it may be too late to save Gene-- as you can see by his outrageous hair growth, I fear he's become too twisted by the Gro-Gain. But Timmy may still be salvageable in some form... can you think of a way to bring him here next week?
Dr. Singh: I'm sure I could think of something. Maybe if I appeal to that awful ego he's developed, he won't be able to resist.
- Edmund: Well, give it a try. I'll see what I can do.
Dr. Singh: Thanks so much, Edmund! I guess that's it for today's Evolving Item Report, ladies and gentlemen. Come back next week for more great items and, hopefully, a visit from Timmy! And don't forget to vote in our weekly evolving item poll!
22 EI Report: 6 items evolving!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: 6 items evolving! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Jan 22, 2009 6:44 pm
This week, Gimpi is finishing up its evolution! We've also got updates to the Fallen Wish, Captain Ara's Nestegg, Jinxi's Charm, Nano-C and the Infernal Spirit.
To pick up these awesome items for your avatar, head to the Gaia Cash Shop!
Stay tuned for the full report from Dr. Singh and Edmund, featuring an exciting climax to the saga of Evil Smooth Jazz Timmy!
Dr. Singh: Hello, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your trusted source for all the latest scientific news. I'm Dr. Singh, and here with me once again is Edmund, former head of research and development for G-Corp.
- Edmund: Delighted to be here.
Dr. Singh: In addition to a bunch of great evolution news, we've also got a very special surprise in store: if all goes well, we'll finally be able to cure Timmy, my former co-host, of the oily smooth-jazz evil that's consumed his mind!
- Edmund: Well, the plan isn't perfect, but with a little luck...
Dr. Singh: But let's not get ahead of ourselves. First things first: let's get down to business! The big news this week is that Gimpi, the defective little potion who taught us all the true meaning of love and courage, et cetera, is finally completing his evolution!
- Edmund: Wonderful! Even a tragic failure of science can grow into a fine young fellow. This little guy showed a lot of heart out there.
Dr. Singh: Lotta heart. He really gave it a hundred and ten percent out there. Congratulations, Gimpi! In other news, the buccaneering spirit of Captain Ara's Nestegg is shining through like a brilliant gold doubloon this week. These are some of the bushiest pirate beards I've ever seen!
- Edmund: Bushiness is highly prized in the pirate community. Out on the high seas, your beard is the only thing you can trust.
Dr. Singh: The Fallen Wish is looking quite fantastic this week, isn't it? I've always had a weakness for mythical beasts.
- Edmund: Mythical beasts are all well and good, but I'm more of a man of science. That's why the Nano-C is so intriguing to me... it looks even more complicated and dangerous this week, and I'm a big fan of complicated and dangerous things.
Dr. Singh: Like Vanessa?
- Edmund: Me-ow!
Dr. Singh: Just kidding, of course. She seems pretty uncomplicated to me.
- Edmund: And the only danger she poses is a high risk of suffocation.
Dr. Singh: Ha! Well, anyway: the Infernal Spirit is also evolving this week, bringing more brilliant red and gold poses for all the proud warriors out there, and Jinxi's Charm is continuing the cool accursed direction that it began to take with its last update. And... looks like that's it for this week! Some very interesting updates today-- I can't wait to see how these items turn out. So, Edmund, are you ready to cure Timmy of his evil? What's the plan, exactly?
- Edmund: Well, when we get Timmy in here, we're going to need to convince him to get inside this centrifuge somehow. After that, we should just be able to flip a switch and all will be sorted out.
Dr. Singh: A centrifuge? What in the world for?
- Edmund: I designed this device years ago, when I was trying to find a way to denature Grunnies so they'd maintain their cuteness and stop being so damned bloodthirsty. Basically, in layman's terms, it spins around really fast and separates the good bits from the evil bits... as we all know, evil matter is slightly heavier than good matter, so--
Dr. Singh: Slow down, Edmund, this is all way over my head. You're trying to say this will turn Timmy good again?
- Edmund: Not exactly. It'll just separate him from his evilness through the miracle of physics and spinning. We'll be left with two totally separate organisms: one good and one evil. When we've isolated the Evil Timmy, I'll just take this shovel and--
Dr. Singh: Shh! I think he's coming!
- Timmy: Anybody home in here? T-bone ain't got time for games and foolishness!
Dr. Singh: Oh! T-bone! How wonderful of you to join us.
- Timmy: Always pleased to join a fine lady. Who's this square?
Dr. Singh: This is my special guest, T-bone. He's here to let you try out his new... suit pressing machine!
- Edmund: Yes! If you'll just step into the Suitomatic VII, the gentle revolving action will steam-clean, dewrinkle and reshine your suit in a fraction of the time required by conventional ironing! Can you "dig" this, T-bone?
- Timmy: I.... can dig this. I find this entire matter to be highly suspicious, but T-bone is a trusting man, and he is willing to entertain the wishes of a fine lady and her square companion, especially when an outcome of suit-smoothing is promised. I'm a man who likes his suits as smooth as his jazz.
- Edmund: Please, just step inside the Suitomatic.
- Timmy: Well, sure... go ahead and fire it up, baby. I'm ready for a spin. Wait... what? Hey! It's going to fast, Doc! Turn this thing down! Arrrrrrrgh!
Dr. Singh: My goodness, he's splitting apart!
- Edmund: Exactly! Soon, his good form will be entirely wrenched from the evil that's consumed him... it's working! Look!
- Timmy: Jeepers! I'm dizzy, doc! What the heck is goin' on?
Dr. Singh: Timmy! Is it really you?
- Evil Timmy: Hey! What the... Doc, do my sunglasses deceive me, or is the old, square chump version of me standing here among us? I demand an explanation!
- Edmund: Now, hand me that shovel, Dr. Singh. We've got to destroy Evil Timmy before it can cause any more havoc.
- Evil Timmy: Doc, what's this cat talking about? I'm not evil! Well, OK, I'm evil, but I'm an endearing kind of evil who just wants to take over the world and shroud it in the eternal pain and darkness of smooth jazz... is that so wrong, baby?
- Timmy: Criminy crackers, Doc! He looks just like me, but he smells like stale cognac and magazine cologne samples!
Dr. Singh: Edmund, we can't just kill him... it's barbaric!
- Edmund: So is smooth jazz, Dr. Singh. But... very well. I'll escort this evil child back to his mansion, and I'll make sure he's placed under secure house arrest until we can find a humane way to deal with him.
Dr. Singh: Oh, thank you, Edmund! You're a saint!
- Edmund: But I warn you, Dr. Singh-- if this child should escape, this whole conversation will merely seem like grim foreshadowing in some poorly-constructed story. We can only hope that Evil Timmy is forgotten and never spoken of again.
- Evil Timmy: No mansion can contain me! I vow to revenge myself upon the squares of this world! By golly, you'll pay!
- Timmy: Wowzers, is that what my voice sounds like? All squeaky and stuff? I always thought I had more of a sultry baritone.
- Edmund: I'm afraid so, Timmy. T-bone! Come with me! Let's get you all shackled up.
- Evil Timmy: Whatever, jivewhiskers.
Dr. Singh: Well, Timmy, I guess this concludes this awful, drawn-out chapter of our lives... for now. And I guess that's it for this week's Evolving Item Report, ladies and gentlemen! Be sure to vote in our poll and let us know what your favorite items are! Come back next week for Good Timmy's triumphant return!
- Timmy: Bye bye, everybody!
30 EI Report: New item - Diapered Egg!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: New item - Diapered Egg! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jan 30, 2009 2:28 pm
This week, we've got a brand new item: the bizarrely loveable Diapered Egg! You'll also witness the exciting start of the Anima Adamantea's evolution, plus an update to the oddball Wingding Shirt!
Also: Dander is leaving the Cash Shop next week, so don't miss your chance to grab some fluff!
To pick up a first-generation Diapered Egg for yourself or a friend, just visit the Gaia Cash Shop!
Stick around for the full report by Dr. Singh, plus the return of her enthusiastic sidekick, Timmy!
Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your trusted source for all the latest news on your favorite items. As you can see, after a long ordeal of insanity and age-inappropriate hair growth, Timmy's back to normal and ready to do the show! How are you, Timmy?
- Timmy: Golly, Doc, I'm ready to sidekick the heck outta this thing!
Dr. Singh: Are you sure? No evil remnants? No perverse desire to listen to smooth jazz? No thirst for boxed liquor?
- Timmy: Holy smokes, definitely not! I've never felt less evil in my life, Doc, and I personally kinda think smooth jazz is an abominable corruption of art... no offense or anything, but I'm more of a washboard skiffle fan.
Dr. Singh: Oh, Timmy, it's wonderful to have your adorable old skiffle-loving self back!
- Timmy: It's great to be here, but maybe we should get down to business!
Dr. Singh: Of course! The big news this week is a brand-new evolving item: the Diapered Egg! Considering the season, I'd speculate that this cute pink shell hides something of the cherubic variety. It's a great time to get in on the ground floor: if you act now, you'll get a first-generation version, which holds more value in the Marketplace and gets all the new evolutions first!
- Timmy: Diapers! On an egg! It's unprecedented, Doc!
Dr. Singh: We've also got two excellent items evolving this week: the Anima Adamantea and the Wingding Shirt! Which one shall we talk about first, little buddy?
- Timmy: Gosh, the Anima Whatsit looks pretty neat... what the heck is it?
Dr. Singh: Good question! Based on my research, this high-tech armor shell actually forms a unique bond with body and spirit of its owner. Sounds pretty exciting, doesn't it?
- Timmy: Jinkies! It sure does! I know I tend to get excited about pretty much everything, Doc, but right now I'm gettin' that special kinda excitement I only get when an item is swell as heck!
Dr. Singh: It certainly is swell, and it'll only get sweller as time goes on. So, looks like we've also got an update to the Wingding Shirt, with more symbols, more poses and another outrageous increase in the chest area...
- Timmy: Goodness gracious, I'm certainly not old enough to be aware of the implications of this, but it sure looks bouncy.
Dr. Singh: Well said, Timmy. That's about it for this week's report, ladies and gentlemen! Don't forget to pick your favorite in our weekly evolving item poll! Say bye bye, Timmy.
- Timmy: Bye, everyone!
06 EI Report: Fallen Wish, Fremere's Guard & more!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Fallen Wish, Fremere's Guard & more! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Feb 06, 2009 4:37 pm
We've got a bunch of great updates this week: new poses from the male and female Changeling Babies, Jinxi's Charm, Fremere's Guard and the extraordinary Fallen Wish.
You can get all these items and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop!
Stick around for the full report by Dr. Singh and Timmy, please read on!
Dr. Singh: Hi, everybody! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your reliable weekly source for all the latest science news. I'm Dr. Singh, and this is my irrepressible sidekick, Timmy.
- Timmy: Well, shoot, Doc! Sorry for bein' so dang irrepressible and everything, but I'm just so gosh-darn excited about all this science!
Dr. Singh: Oh, Timmy! Your adorable euphemistic swearing always warms my heart. Let's get on with the show, you jittery little cherub. First up, the Fallen Wish, one of our most beloved and talked-about evolving items, is getting another great update!
- Timmy: Lookit the cool swordy thing! Can I have one, Doc?
Dr. Singh: No, Timmy. You'd poke your eye out. Next up, some beautiful new updates to Jinxi's Charm, including a furious new mask!
- Timmy: Yipes! Looks like it's fixin' to bite on me, Doc!
Dr. Singh: One of our newer items, Fremere's Guard, is starting to develop some interesting armor pieces. They're beautiful, but they fill me with a slight feeling of unease, as if some supernatural being is looking upon me with disapproval...
- Timmy: Golly, who could possibly disapprove of you, Doc? I mean, aside from that child welfare lady who was over here asking all those questions...
Dr. Singh: Let's not talk about that! Uh, anyway, speaking of children: the Changeling Babies, both male and female, are getting a new update this week. They seem to be growing up quite... interestingly.
- Timmy: Soundin' a little hesitant there, Doc!
Dr. Singh: Well, you know, sometimes children grow up in unexpected ways... for example, I always thought you'd be much brighter and less squirrely, having been raised since a young age by Gaia's top-rated quasi-scientific infotainment host.
- Timmy: I am what I am, Doc, and proud of it! I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else, but sometimes I put both feet through the same pant leg and it slows me down a little, but by golly, I like me just the way I am!
Dr. Singh: I was just fooling, Timmy, but thanks for the beautiful speech. On that note, I suppose we should say goodbye. Be sure to stop by again next week for more evolving item news, and don't forget to vote in our poll to let us know what you think of the items!
- Timmy: Bye bye, everyone!
13 EI Report: Nano-C, Infernal Spirit, Captain Ara's & more!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Nano-C, Infernal Spirit, Captain Ara's & more! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Feb 13, 2009 2:50 pm
We've got a new evolving item this week: Yemaya's Pearl! Also this week, new evolutions from the Infernal Spirit and Nano-C, plus the final evolutions of Captain Ara's Nestegg and the Wingding Shirt!
You can grab all these items-- including a first-generation Yemaya's Pearl-- in the Gaia Cash Shop:
Read on for the full report from Dr. Singh and Timmy!
Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! I hope you're all enjoying the festivities, but let's take a quick break from all the smooching for a little evolving item news, shall we? I'm your host, Dr. Singh, and this is my oddball sidekick, Timmy. Are you having a good Valentine's Day, Timmy?
- Timmy: And how! I've been out hunting for eggs all day-- I found a few by the duck pond, but they're pretty old!
Dr. Singh: Wrong holiday, Timmy, but at least you're keeping busy. You've been a little scrambled up ever since the whole... bad thing, huh? Well, at least you're still Timmy.
- Timmy: You betcha! I'm Timmy as all heck!
Dr. Singh: You certainly are. Well, the big news this week is a brand-new evolving item, Yemaya's Pearl! This aquatic wonder hit the Cash Shop only a few days ago, and it's still steeped in mystery... I suppose we'll have to wait for its first evolution to find out what might be within, but now's an auspicious time to invest in a first-generation version!
- Timmy: It sure is sparkly... so mesmerizing... hey, why am I suddenly so distracted by shiny stuff, Doc?
Dr. Singh: I'm guessing you lost a couple dozen IQ points in that centrifuge, but that's all in the past now. Anyway, we've also got a fantastic gaggle of evolutions this week! The technological superiority of the Nano-C is clearly evident once again with another stunning firmware revision. I'm not sure this kind of advanced weaponry should be in the hands of the general public...
- Timmy: Nifty! Can I have one, Doc?
Dr. Singh: Absolutely not! You'd accidentally blow up your head. Wait till your birthday, and we'll see. In totally different news, the Infernal Spirit is continuing its fiery growth with some new armor pieces... I'm also seeing signs that the soul contained within this object is beginning to become more... twisted. Meanwhile, Captain Ara's Nestegg is reaching its glorious, piratey, swashbuckling finale this week! There's a bunch of new poses, plus all the classic poses will be unlocked.
- Timmy: I'm gonna be a pirate when I grow up. I wanna learn how to fly! Plus, I can already talk.
Dr. Singh: You're thinking of a parrot, you adorable halfwit, but who am I to discourage you? Last up, we've got the final update to the increasingly popular Wingding Shirt, the least expensive and most... physically abundant EI in Gaia's history! This saucy shirt managed to get into quite a bit of mischief during its run, didn't it?
- Timmy: Squaawk! Timmy wanna cracker! I'm a pirate! I'm a pirate!
Dr. Singh: Oh, you. Well, that's about it for this week's report, folks! If you can pry your lips away from the Valentine's Day event, don't forget to share your thoughts in our Evolving Item poll! Goodnight!
20 EI Report: New item - Gogh Reed!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: New item - Gogh Reed! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Feb 19, 2009 6:45 pm
There's a new evolving item hitting the Cash Shop today: Gogh Reed, which starts its life as a sweet little fruit but is sure to have something quite different in store. Check Dr. Singh's full report below for more info!
We've also got updates to a bunch of items: Anima Adamantea, the Diapered Egg, Jinxi's Charm and the glorious Fallen Wish!
You can grab all these items-- including the new first-generation Gogh Reed-- in the Gaia Cash Shop!
Read on for the full report from Dr. Singh and Timmy!
Dr. Singh: Hi, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your source for the latest news on the greatest items. I'm Dr. Singh, and this is my fluffy-headed sidekick, Timmy. How ya doing, Timmy?
- Timmy: You betcha, Doc!
Dr. Singh: What? What am I betting?
- Timmy: Huh? Sorry, Doc, that was just reflexes. I usually just kinda space out during the intro part.
Dr. Singh: I can't say I blame you, buddy, but here's where stuff gets exciting: We've got a brand new item this week! With the Fallen Wish soon to be complete, Flynn has decided to start stocking the heir to the luxury EI throne a little early: The Gogh Reed seems to be some kind of delicious-looking fruit, but let's not eat it just yet... from the impish twinkle on its rind, I'm guessing it's going to get itself into quite a bit of mischief in the near future.
- Timmy: Golly, that's wonderful! I'm a big fan of mischief.
Dr. Singh: I'm detecting quite a bit of instability in its structure, as if it's just itching to change shape-- into what, I have no idea. One thing's for certain: the Gogh Reed is going to be wild and unpredictable. You can pick up a first generation Gogh Reed now in the Cash Shop... better get a first-generation version fast, before it starts evolving without you!
- Timmy: Wowee, maybe I'll get one! I'm a bit of a puckish scamp myself, so wild and unpredictable business is right up my alley.
Dr. Singh: Timmy, I'm surprised at you! You're stringing together coherent sentences again-- I was sure that centrifuge scrambled your brain up for good.
- Timmy: It comes and goes, Doc. One minute I'm sharp as a tack, and the next minute I can't even... what's the word for that thing when... say, when's lunch?
Dr. Singh: We already had lunch, you scatterbrained little lemur, but I'm glad to see your adorable neurological damage rearing its cute little head again. Anyway, let's get back to business: we've got some amazing updates today! First up, the mega-popular Fallen Wish is evolving this week, and it seems to be gearing up for an incredible finale. This week's update introduces gorgeous crystal elements to its already lovely form.
- Timmy: It's so majestic! I can't even hardly believe how majestic it is!
Dr. Singh: And it seems like it'll just get more majestic from here, too! Elsewhere, we've got an incredible update to the Anima Adamantea... it's taking the form of a sleek armored shell and a headpiece with ninjaesque undertones.
- Timmy: It looks all robotic and butt-kicking, Doc!
Dr. Singh: We're also seeing a refreshing new update from Jinxi's Charm: after all the bitterness and turmoil, it seems that this cursed item is finally letting go of the heartbreak of the past... could it be that we're seeing a more cheerful side beginning to blossom? I wouldn't be surprised if we saw this item reach a state of contentment and finality soon.
- Timmy: Aww, that's real nice. It just goes to show ya that time is a great healer, right Doc?
Dr. Singh: That's quite philosophical, Timmy. Let's just hope time heals your frazzled neurons, too. Last but not least, we've got the very first evolution of the Diapered Egg, one of our newer items! If you're wondering what sort of thing might hatch from a thing like this, it looks like you'll be finding out very soon... it's starting to crack!
- Timmy: Gosh, there's all kinds'a hearts and stuff coming out! Whatever's in there seems like it's in a real good mood, Doc.
Dr. Singh: Well, who wouldn't be, with a fantastic set of evolutions like this week's?
- Timmy: Ha! I see what you did there, Doc. Real clever. Nice way to tie everything up at the end.
Dr. Singh: I'll tie YOU up at the end, you sarcastic little-- whoops, looks like we're just about out of time! Be sure to come back next week for more great evolving item news, and don't forget to vote for your favorites in our EI poll!
25 EI Report: Nano-C, Infernal Spirit, Changelings, Fremere'sEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Nano-C, Infernal Spirit, Changelings, Fremere's - [NPC] Dr. Singh Wed Feb 25, 2009 11:25 pm
A bunch of our excellent evolving items are getting new poses this week! We've got some cool updates to Nano-C, Fremere's Guard, the Infernal Spirit, and the final evolution of the Changeling Babies. Have a look!
Want to hop aboard the evolving item fun train? You can grab all these items now in the Gaia Cash Shop!
Read on for the full report from Dr. Singh and her oddball sidekick Timmy!
Dr. Singh: Hey, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your weekly source for the latest EI news, gossip and scientific analysis. I'm Dr. Singh, and this is my distinctly unprecocious child sidekick, Timmy.
- Timmy: Hey! I'm almost not a child!
Dr. Singh: Sure you are, you little scamp. What are you now, ten? Eleven?
- Timmy: I lost track, Doc, but I feel like it's maybe twelve. I think I'd know if I was thirteen, though. Isn't that when I get my mustache and learn to talk to cars?
Dr. Singh: I think you're a little confused about the basic processes of biology, but I find your childlike misconceptions so delightful that I think I'd rather let you keep them.
- Timmy: Wow! Thanks, Doc.
Dr. Singh: But enough of our amusing banter-- let's get down to business! As usual, we've got a whole mess of great items getting updated this week. Tech fans will be pleased to note that the Nano-C is getting another firmware update this week. This thing is looking a little dangerous, isn't it, Timmy?
- Timmy: I'll say! Being a child, I can't help wanting to recklessly point it at myself and others! And maybe press some buttons!
Dr. Singh: Please don't, little buddy. I'm aware that the phrase "not a toy" is just about the most enticing thing in the universe to a person your age, but take my word for it that having a not-blown-up head is way more fun than playing with high-tech weaponry.
- Timmy: If you say so, Doc.
Dr. Singh: And speaking of children, these Changeling Babies have certainly been a handful... both the boy and girl are finishing their evolutions this week, and are all grown up! It seems like only yesterday these adorable bundles of mischief came into our lives.
- Timmy: Don't babies usually take longer than that to grow up? I kinda remember bein' a baby, and it seems like it was a while ago--maybe years ago.
Dr. Singh: Well, these babies are very special, and I don't mean that in the "Timmy is a very special boy" sense. While they looked fairly normal as infants, it became clear sometime during their growth that they're actually baby trolls, which is why they grew up so fast and wound up with such brutish features.
- Timmy: I think they're neat! I wanna be a troll when I grow up. It's my childhood dream!
Dr. Singh: I'm sorry, but your childhood dream is impossible and you should give up.
- Timmy: Aww, nuts. That's what you always say about my childhood dreams.
Dr. Singh: Just trying to keep your fluffy little head out of the clouds, buddy. In other news, the implacable soul of Fremere's Guard is continuing its restless journey this week with some excellent new poses, including a very colorful addition. Elsewhere in the burning fury department, the Infernal Spirit is getting another ominously soul-singeing update this week-- this thing is really starting to heat up, and I'm both curious and frightened to see what it has in store.
- Timmy: Oh! Hey! I think I must be twelve, because I remember it was about this time two years ago when you told me that ten years old was too old to get things stuck in my nose.
Dr. Singh: Excellent use of your deductive powers, Timmy. Well, that's it for this week, folks. Remember to stop by next week for more great evolving item news, and don't forget to vote in our weekly poll!
06 EI Report: Fallen Wish, Gogh Reed & Yemaya's PearlEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Fallen Wish, Gogh Reed & Yemaya's Pearl - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Mar 06, 2009 3:41 pm
It's a wild week for Evolving Items: two newer items (Gogh Reed and Yemaya's Pearl) are getting their first updates, and the glorious Fallen Wish is finishing its evolution!
You can pick up these items now in the Gaia Cash Shop!
Check out the full report below, including a dazzling Gogh Reed painting!
Dr. Singh: Hey, guys! This is your pals Dr. Singh and Timmy, back with another exciting edition of the Evolving Item Report. We've got some big news today: two items getting their very first evolutions, and our biggest item is reaching its monumental conclusion!
- Timmy: Golly, Doc! Which one? Which one!? Tell me! I can't hardly stand it!
Dr. Singh: Patience, my young friend. All in good time. Actually, what the heck, let's just get to it: the Fallen Wish is finishing its evolution this week! This silvery-blue wonder started as a fragment of the shining firmament, but it's gradually taken the form of a beautiful dragon-- and become our most popular Evolving Item along the way! This week, its stunning lifecycle is finishing up with a tremendous bang: lots of amazing new poses, plus plenty of previous poses unlocked.
- Timmy: Pardon my language, Doc, but it's.... breeping incredible!
Dr. Singh: Aww, that's precious... you don’t even know any fake swears. But, come to think of it, you're absolutely right: it's breeping incredible indeed. Now that its evolution has finished, it's only a matter of time before it leaves the shelves of the Cash Shop... so, if you haven't picked up a Falling Wish already, time may be running out!
- Timmy: Gee, guess I'd better break open my piggy bank...
Dr. Singh: You have a piggy bank!? Timmy, our contract specifically stipulates that all your earnings be put into a trust fund that only I have access to until you're 65 years old. If you're not comfortable with this arrangement, maybe I could call up Purvis and see if he's still available for that co-host slot...
- Timmy: No! No! I'll be good! So, uh, what's our next item?
Dr. Singh: More exciting news, everyone: the fabulous Gogh Reed is getting its first update this week, with a dazzling array of cute colors! This ambitious item is set to pick up the premium EI crown now that the Fallen Wish is finishing up, and it's getting started in grand style: to give you a little hint about what the Gogh Reed is all about, its creator provided us this beautifully-painted clue!
- Timmy: It's beautiful, Doc! Look at all those little guys!
Dr. Singh: As you can see, the living spirit of this item seems to be strong, and it's positively bursting with color and vitality. Next up in this particularly exciting installment, we've got the very first evolution of another new item! Yemaya's Pearl, introduced just a few weeks ago, is beginning its evolution with some gorgeous deep-sea poses.
- Timmy: Gosh, I'm getting' seasick just lookin' at it-- seasick in a good way!
Dr. Singh: You're a baffling little instrument, Timmy. I suppose that's just about it for this week--but I should announce one more thing: the trollish Changeling Babies will be leaving the Cash Shop on March 13th, so don't miss your chance to adopt one! Be sure to stop by our weekly EI poll to vote for your favorite, too. Ciao, everyone!
13 EI Report: Nartian Rock, Jinxi, Nano-C & more!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: Nartian Rock, Jinxi, Nano-C & more! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Mar 13, 2009 7:18 pm
This week, check out the Nartian Rock, an otherworldly new addition to the EI lineup! Jinxi's Charm is reaching its final stage today, plus new evolutions from the Diapered Egg, Nano-C, Infernal Spirit and Anima Adamantea.
You can pick up these items now--including a first-generation Nartian Rock-- in the Gaia Cash Shop!
For all the info, check out the full report from Dr. Singh and Timmy:
Dr. Singh: Hi, guys! We're back with another exciting episode of the Evolving Item Report, Gaia's premier source for the latest news on the greatest items. I'm your host, Dr. Singh, and this is my little sidekick, Timmy. How ya doing, Timmy?
- Timmy: Whoof. I'm a little tired, Doc. I had trouble sleeping, cuz my legs were so sore!
Dr. Singh: Don't worry, Timmy-- at your age, those are probably just growing pains.
- Timmy: Really? Jeepers! That's fantastic! Y'mean I'm gonna grow up and be an hombre? When do I get my mustache?
Dr. Singh: It takes a while to become a grown-up, little buddy. You'll still be a kid, but before you know it you'll be turning into a lanky, awkward, greasy kid.
- Timmy: Wow! I can't wait, Doc!
Dr. Singh: It's going to be grim, Timmy. It's a terrible, terrible time in a young man's life. I truly pity you for what you're about to endure.
- Timmy: Wow... I get to drive a red car and wink at ladies!
Dr. Singh: Uh. Sure you will, Timmy. Anyway, enough childhood awkwardness: let's get on with the program, shall we? We've got a fantastic new EI this week, an item reaching its final stage, and a few great evolutions. First up, let's take a look at the Nartian Rock, the otherworldly wonder hitting the Cash Shop this week! On the surface, it appears to be a lumpy little asteroid, but it looks as if there may be something hiding inside...
- Timmy: Aliens!? I hope they don't cause a big ruckus, like last time...
Dr. Singh: I'm not getting any take-over-the-world vibes from this thing whatsoever... maybe a hint of self-obsession, but we've all got that. You can get a first-generation Nartian Rock right now in the Cash Shop... don't miss out on your chance to get in on the ground floor!
- Timmy: You bet! Those first-gen items are the bee's knees, people.
Dr. Singh: And some more big news: Jinxi's Charm is finishing up its bittersweet tale of lost love and redemption. Jinxi is finally being released from his curse, and the results are spectacular-- it seems as though Jinxi was actually a prince whose soul had been trapped within a doll!
- Timmy: Golly, that's awful!
Dr. Singh: It sure is, but it seems that the tale has come to a happy end. In other news, we're seeing an update to the mysterious little Diapered Egg today! As usual, it's looking super cute with some cherubic love and swirling hearts. On the high-tech front, we're seeing fantastic new upgrades to both the Nano-C and the Anima Adamantea this week, so you'll be perfectly equipped for all your top-secret space espionage laser missions and whatnot.
- Timmy: Ooh! Ooh! I want to go on a space mission!
Dr. Singh: Sorry, Timmy, but astronauts are generally required to be pretty smart. Last up this week, the Infernal Spirit is blazing in again with more perfect gear for all the restless warrior spirits out there. It's truly the stuff of legend, isn't it, Timmy?
- Timmy: It sure is! When I grow up, I'm gonna be a mighty warrior with a burning fire in my soul for-- ow, Doc, what the heck is this red spot on my face?
Dr. Singh: Uh oh. So it begins. Well, folks, I guess we'd better call it quits for this week, before Timmy starts turning into an awful teenager right before our very eyes. As usual, be sure to check out our weekly evolving item poll and let us know which items you like the best! Goodnight, everyone!
20 EI Report: Reve Rouille, Gogh Reed, Fremere's GuardEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Reve Rouille, Gogh Reed, Fremere's Guard - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Mar 20, 2009 4:39 pm
This week, we're proud to introduce the Reve Rouille, a lovely new EI with a tragic past. We've also got great updates to Fremere's Guard and the Gogh Reed! We've also got some incredible new illustrations from the EI artists, so do yourself a favor and scoll down to see them!
You can pick up these items now--including a first-generation Reve Rouille-- in the Gaia Cash Shop!
For more informative fun and some amazing artwork, scroll down to see the full report from Dr. Singh and Timmy!
Dr. Singh: It's that time again, folks! We're back with another update on your favorite evolving items, courtesy of me, Dr. Singh, and my little pal Timmy. How are you, today, Timmy?
- Timmy: Feelin' pretty good, Doc, except for this weird spot on my face.
Dr. Singh: You do seem a little greasier today. And is it my imagination, or are you taller?
- Timmy: Golly, Doc, I might be. I was just about to ask if they'd lowered the floor in this place, cause it seems further away.
Dr. Singh: Well, that seems pretty unlikely, but who knows? But nobody wants to hear about you, Timmy-- let's give them what they came for: this week's evolving item news! First up, we've got a fantastic new item. The Reve Rouille has the feel of antique machinery, but it also has an air of sadness, as if it has a tragic tale to tell. What do you think, Timmy?
- Timmy: Yeah, I think they definitely made the floor lower.
Dr. Singh: About the item, you fluffy-headed dunce. Anyway, it's a gorgeous new creation from the artist of such legendary items as Biancamella and Picolitrosso's Urn. With that kind of pedigree, I'd say the Reve Rouille is a sure thing, so don't miss out on the first generation!
- Timmy: So whadda we got evolving this week, Doc?
Dr. Singh: I'm glad you asked, Timmy, because two of my very favorites are getting updated today. The Gogh Reed has already made a big splash with the dazzling burst of life and color it brought to the Evolving Item scene, and it's taking a hot new turn this week! I won't spoil the surprise, but I'm sure we'll have some very excited Gogh Reeders out there.
- Timmy: I already know this, cuz I read the cue cards: the second item is Fremere's Guard!
Dr. Singh: I admire your initiative, Timmy, and for once you're actually right: the restless beating of the warrior's heart still echoes through this cursed item... in addition to some tough new armor, it also seems that we're getting a rather imposing new sword and the potassium-rich power of a fateful banana.
- Timmy: I want one, Doc! It's perfect for my plan!
Dr. Singh: What's your plan, Timmy?
- Timmy: When I grow up, I'm gonna be the cursed spirit of a wandering warrior with a big sword, and my sidekick is going to be a special turtle that can get real hot, and it burns bad guys' hands when they try to catch it, plus it can mosey into buildings and burn them down. Also, my new name is gonna be Timicula: the Dracula of Timmies. Bananas are also involved.
Dr. Singh: Does any of this have to do with evolving items, Timmy, or are you just running your mouth again?
- Timmy: I'm just telling it like it is. Better be nice to me now, or I'll tell the turtle about it.
Dr. Singh: I'll take that under advisement. Well, folks, that's it for this week. Remember to vote for your favorite item in our poll. Come back next week for more great EI news!
27 EI Report: Nartian Rock, Nano-C, Infernal Spirit & YemayaEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Nartian Rock, Nano-C, Infernal Spirit & Yemaya - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Mar 27, 2009 3:54 pm
This week, we've got an adorable update to Yemaya's Pearl, sinister new poses from the Infernal Spirit, a cutting-edge firmware revision for the Nano-C and the very first evolution of the Nartian Rock-- complete with a special mini-comic from the item's creator! Check out the full report below to take a gander.
You can pick up these items now in the Gaia Cash Shop!
For more informative fun and a Nartian Rock mini-comic, scroll down to see the full report from Dr. Singh and Timmy!
Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, Gaia's top-rated source for the most trustworthy EI news. I'm your host, Dr. Singh, and this is my little friend... Timmy? Goodness, where is that tardy little rascal?
- Timmy: *Pant* Wait! Don't start the show, Doc! Here I am!
Dr. Singh: Good grief, Timmy, you look absolutely terrible. And you're late! What in the world is the matter?
- Timmy: I don't know, Doc... it's like I can't get to sleep till three AM, then I sleep all afternoon and wake up surly and confrontational! Plus, I got all these awful spots on my face, and boy howdy, I'm greasy as a two-dollar pizza. What's wrong with me?
Dr. Singh: Oh dear... it's progressing much more rapidly than I anticipated.
- Timmy: What's progressin'? Am I gonna mutate again?
Dr. Singh: Yes, Timmy. But this time it's not an evil mutation brought on by toxic waste or tainted Gro-Gain: this time, it's an evil mutation caused by your pituitary gland, a mutation we must all face sooner or later. Heaven help you, Timmy, you're in for a terrible couple of years.
- Timmy: Say it ain't so, Doc! You mean the spots and the tallness and the disturbing dreams are gonna get even worse?
Dr. Singh: I'm afraid so, Timmy. But the good news is this: nobody cares! It's time to talk about this week's items, so let's quit dwelling on you and your rioting hormones, shall we?
- Timmy: Good point, Doc! Let's get this show on the road! I don't wanna speak outta turn, but is it time for the Nartian Rock to evolve yet!? I'm super excited about that one!
Dr. Singh: It is, you observant little scamp! This week marks the first evolution of this dandy meteorite, and I think we're beginning to see what it's all about-- there seems to be a strange little visitor inside! In fact, the Evolving Item Report's researchers managed to get this exclusive glimpse of the modish invader:
- Timmy: His name is Kink? That's gonna get pretty interesting!
Dr. Singh: Right you are, Timmy-- we're sure to see some unusual things from this one! I'm also getting word this week that the creators of the high-tech Nano-C have released another firmware update to this nanotech wonder-- this time, we're seeing some mega-cool cybernetic enhancements, plus a mean energy rifle to really show 'em who's boss.
- Timmy: An energy rifle! Wow! It looks like it's got a multi-mode core that can operate in electrostatic, endothermic or exothermic modes for maximum lethal versatility! Gee whiz, Doc, you could probably blow a four-foot hole in a steel wall with this thing! Can I fire it? Huh? Please? Just this once?
Dr. Singh: No! For the last time, you'd incinerate that fluffy head of yours. Since when do you know so much about high-tech weaponry, Timmy?
- Timmy: I play a lot of video games.
Dr. Singh: Fair enough. Next on this week's roster is an awe-inspiring update to the Infernal Spirit... as this item moves ever closer to its fiery conclusion, it seems to have taken a disturbing turn: the warrior's soul seems to have fallen from grace and is now on the path of darkness...
- Timmy: You mean it's turnin' evil? Jeepers!
Dr. Singh: Precisely, Timmy. Only time will tell if it can be redeemed, or if it will be totally consumed by wickedness in the end. Finally, we end on a lighter note with Yemaya's Pearl, which brings us some cute aquatic accessories formed of that most mysterious of sea creatures: the noble jellyfish. What a delightful surprise!
- Timmy: Yay! I love jellyfish, Doc! As long as they're not stingin' meEEee... wh--what the heck was that!?
Dr. Singh: Well, Timmy, it sounds like your voice just dropped an octave for a moment, then excruciatingly squeaked back up into its usual grating register like a fingernail on a chalkboard. It was a godawful sound, Timmy, but I'm afraid you'll just have to get used to it, because that's only the beginning of the pubescent misery you're about to endure.
- Timmy: No! It can't be true!
Dr. Singh: Yep! It's gonna be bad, little buddy! That's just about it for this week's show, ladies and gentlemen, but before we go, we should remind you to vote in our EI poll and let us know which items are your favorites for the week. See you next Friday, folks!
03 EI Report: Gogh Reed & Anima AdamanteaEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Gogh Reed & Anima Adamantea - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Apr 03, 2009 2:54 pm
We've got some great new EI updates: some new gear from the Anima Admanatea, plus a huge aquatic update to the Gogh Reed, including a cute new painting from the item's artist!
You can pick up these items now in the Gaia Cash Shop!
For more informative fun some cool art, scroll down to see the full report from Dr. Singh and Timmy!
Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your weekly source for all the latest EI news. I'm your host, Dr. Singh, and this is my unfortunate sidekick, Timmy. How ya doing this week, Timmy?
- Timmy: Sullen, Doc. Sullen and angry. And greasy. And getting more an' more spotty and gangly all the time.
Dr. Singh: Dear me, it seems to be progressing more quickly than I thought... I knew puberty would be rough for you, on account of your extreme awkwardness, but I had no idea it would be so sudden.
- Timmy: Well, I don't like it. I don't like anything. Leave me alone. I no longer respect authority figures.
Dr. Singh: Snap out of it, Timmy! What you're experiencing is called a "mood," and it's brought on by the surge of angry hormones currently racking your unsteady little frame.
- Timmy: You mean I don't really feel this way? Whew. Jeepers, Doc, I was gettin' worried for a minute.
Dr. Singh: Let's just focus on the task at hand, shall we? We've got business to attend to, and we can't let ourselves be distracted by your disturbing adolescent metamorphosis.
- Timmy: Understood!
Dr. Singh: First up, we've got a cool new upgrade to the cutting-edge Anima Adamantea-- in addition to some sleek new armor pieces, it looks like the small robotic companion is continuing to grow and become more technologically sophisticated.
- Timmy: Can I teach it to do tricks, Doc?
Dr. Singh: Well, I don't think that's really the point, Timmy. But maybe. Finally, there's a fantastic new set of elemental items from the Gogh Reed, this time focusing on water. The cute little lizard seems to have transformed into a sparkling blue fish-- and it's brought along a gorgeous water cape, a mermaid tail, a new eye style and more. We've also got a lovely new painting by the item's creator:
- Timmy: That's a lotta stuff! It could practically be a whole item by itself, but that's just one evolution!
Dr. Singh: Such is the beauty of evolving items, squire! They're so jam-packed with value that it's practically unbelievable. Well, that's all for this week-- don't forget to stop by our poll and let us know what your favorite items are! Adios, folks, and have a great weekend.
- Timmy: Bye bye!
10 EI Report: Kottan Bell, Infernal Spirit & many moreEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Kottan Bell, Infernal Spirit & many more - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Apr 10, 2009 6:31 pm
Big news in the EI world: the Infernal Spirit is reaching its blazing finale this week, and we're debuting the cute new Kottan Bell! We've also got the highly anticipated first evolution of the Reve Rouille, another super-hip update to the Nartian Rock (complete with a new mini comic by the artist) and fantastic new poses for Fremere's Guard, the Diapered Egg and the Nano-C!
We've also updated the Evolving Item Museum, which shows all the wonderful EIs of the past and present-- it's now up-to-date as of last week's evolutions. You can check it out here.
To grab these items for yourself-- including a first-generation Kottan Bell-- visit the Gaia Cash Shop!
For the whole story plus some great artwork by the creators of the Nartian Rock and Fremere's Guard, read on for Dr. Singh and Timmy's report!
Dr. Singh: Hi, ladies and gentlemen! Time for another Evolving Item Report, your source for up-to-the-minute news on Gaia's coolest items. I'm your host, Dr. Singh, and this is my little sidekick-- oh my goodness, Timmy, what's happened to you?
- Timmy: Urrrrgh. Leave me alone, Doc. It's too early.
Dr. Singh: It's the middle of the afternoon! Timmy, you look like hell. You can't go on television looking like this.
- Timmy: Stick it in your ear, lady. You're not my mom. I'm going out.
Dr. Singh: Where in the world would you go? It's not like you have any friends.
- Timmy: Just "OUT" OK? Sheesh! You're such a drag. I never wanna-- jeepers, Doc, what in the high holy goodnight am I talkin' about? It's like I'm possessed or something...
Dr. Singh: I don't know, Timmy, but I'm guessing these insane mood swings have something to do with the horrible puberty that's been racking your young body and mind. I'm getting a little worried-- it seems to be happening way too fast, and way too severely.
- Timmy: But why? I just wanna grow up and drive around in cars and stuff... why is puberty so unusually cruel to me, Doc?
Dr. Singh: I don't know-- maybe we'll have to call in an expert to get to the bottom of this. But we can do that later. For now, let's get to what's really important: the items! There's a new one in the Cash Shop this week: the Kottan Bell! It's a little early for me to give any hints on where it might be headed, but there's an air of magical glamour about it...
- Timmy: Now's your chance to pick up a first-generation one, too! They get all the newest poses first, y'know!
Dr. Singh: And we've got some major evolutions this week: first up, the Reve Rouille is getting its very first evolution! This little item is already a smash-hit, and I'm sure there are thousands of fans out there waiting on the edge of their seats to see where it's headed. Well, now we've got our first hint!
- Timmy: What's it doin', Doc? What's happening? What is it?
Dr. Singh: We're getting some beautifully detailed new clothing in the item's distinctive color scheme, all in lovely red, black, white and gold. Keep a close eye on this one-- it's shaping up to be one of the best items of the year!
- Timmy: Oh! Oh! And speakin' of crazy fashion events...
Dr. Singh: You're a perceptive little dweeb, Timmy! I'm guessing you're referring to the new evolution of the Nartian Rock... all the dedicated followers of fashion out there will be excited to learn that it's going ultra-mod this week, with some fiendishly tight silver trousers and a Union JACKet. Kink, the little Nartian visitor, seems to be going ga-ga over human fashion... we've even got a new mini-comic that tells the whole story:
- Timmy: Looks like that little dude is suffering from a serious case of Quadrophenia!
Dr. Singh: Timmy, you're too young to be making cultural references like that-- have you been getting into my record collection again?
- Timmy: Heck yeah! I'm gonna join a hip 'beat group' and buy a scooter!
Dr. Singh: Sorry, "Ace Face," you're just not cool enough. Let's move on before you delude yourself any further, shall we? More big news: the furious Infernal Spirit is reaching its final stage this week! Last time, it was descending into the depths of darkness, giving in to the evil side of its troubled soul... has it managed to redeem itself in the end?
- Timmy: I don't know, Doc!
Dr. Singh: Well, I won't spoil the surprise. Try on the fantastic finale items and see for yourself! In other news, Fremere's Guard is also getting a great update this week, complete with an intense new crown and sash, plus some more action from that imposingly huge sword.
- Timmy: And what's that... thing?
Dr. Singh: That's the Air Shark, Timmy. Don't ask too many questions about it! Please divert your attention toward this beautiful new painting by the creator of Fremere's Guard:
- Timmy: Well, that's just glorious, Doc, and-- oh, hey-- what's that thing you're hiding behind your back?
Dr. Singh: This? Oh... well, this is just the new firmware revision of the Nano-C. I was hoping you wouldn't notice, because I'm not sure I want you near all this high-tech armor and weaponry, considering your recent hormonal mood swings and your unhealthy interest in dangerous technology.
- Timmy: Yeah, Doc, it does kinda seem like I might wind up blowing everyone up! Ha!
Dr. Singh: But anyway, there's been some brilliant new work on the Nano-C this week-- as we suspected, it's one of the most advanced marvels of engineering we've ever seen on Gaia, so all the tech-junkies out there are probably bulging their eyes at its futuristic splendor right now. Especially at that amazing helmet...
- Timmy: I know I am! I'm bulging like a madman, Doc!
Dr. Singh: Last up, we've got a new evolution for everyone's favorite cherub, the Diapered Egg! Plenty more hearts and cherubs to sweeten up your avatar. Whew! Big update, but that's all for this week. Stop by next time for more of what you love, and don't forget to vote in our weekly EI poll.
17 EI Report: Lyndexer's Journal, Gogh Reed & Yemaya's PearlEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Lyndexer's Journal, Gogh Reed & Yemaya's Pearl - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Apr 17, 2009 4:51 pm
We've got a brand new evolving item hitting the Cash Shop today: Lyndexer's Journal, bringing a spirit of classic heroism and adventure. Learn more in the full report below! We've also got new evolutions for Yemaya's Pearl and the Gogh Reed-- plus a brand new painting from the Reed's artist.
You can get all these items-- including a first-generation version of Lyndexer's Journal-- in the Gaia Cash Shop!
Get Gaia Cash cards at Target, 7-11, Rite Aid and Wal-Mart stores nationwide, or order Cash online. Learn more.
Read on for Dr. Singh's full report!
Dr. Singh: Hi, ladies and gentlemen! We've got some exciting EI news for you this week, including a brand new item and some great evolutions. In case you're new to the program, I'm Dr. Singh, and this is my surly little helper, Timmy--
- Timmy: I'm not surly. Leave me alone.
Dr. Singh: Don't mind Timmy; he's going through an extremely rapid and disfiguring puberty at the moment, so his hormones have been causing a bit of angst and greasiness. It seems to have leveled off a little this week, but--
- Timmy: You're not my mom! Don't boss me, lady. I'm outta here.
Dr. Singh: Well, I guess not. Anyway, we should get on with the show: first up, we've got a brand new item today! Lyndexer's Journal is a dusty antique book found on the site of an old war battle. At first, it looked like an ordinary journal-- but the excavators who found it noticed that the pages were glowing with a strange blue light, so they brought it to me for a closer look!
Their suspicions were correct: it's definitely an evolving item! I'll be taking it to the lab for a closer look, but in the meantime, you can grab a first-generation Lyndexer's Journal now in the Gaia Cash Shop! Timmy, why don't you tell them about first-generation items?
- Timmy: No way, lady. I'm outta here.
Dr. Singh: Whatever, Timmy. Anyway, first-generation items are only available for a limited time, until the item starts evolving. They'll always get the newest poses first, and they also tend to be more valuable on the Marketplace-- they pack the most bang for your EI buck! Isn't that right, Timmy?
- Timmy: Yeah.
Dr. Singh: We've also got two great items evolving today: Yemaya's Pearl is back with some fabulous new undersea treasures-- seashell wings, a gorgeous cape and even some creepy scallop eyes. The Gogh Reed is also getting an electrifying update-- plenty of high-voltage poses, plus the astounding lightning otter! And here's the cherry on top: we've got another beautiful illustration from the item's artist!
Dr. Singh: Well, that's it for this week, folks-- say, Timmy, you've hardly uttered a word all day! Don't you have anything to say for yourself?
- Timmy: I already told you: I'm outta here.
Dr. Singh: Do you even know what that means? That means you're leaving.
- Timmy: Oh, really? I thought it was just... dang it, Doc! How am I supposed to keep up with all these new feelings? It's all so confusing!
Dr. Singh: Well, as I mentioned last week, maybe it's getting to be time to find some professional help for all this-- your puberty seems to be progressing in an unusually fast and severe manner.
- Timmy: Well, in the meantime, I've made up my mind. I'm gonna become an emu.
Dr. Singh: An emu?
- Timmy: Yeah, Doc. It's the only way to make sense of all these feelings. I'm gonna be an emu from now on. I'm gonna dye my hair funny and start listenin' to some kinda godawful music.
Dr. Singh: Timmy, an emu is a large, flightless bird.
- Timmy: I didn't say it was gonna be easy, Doc.
Dr. Singh: Well, folks, I guess I'd better try to talk Timmy out of whatever ridiculous thing he's babbling about now. Maybe next week I'll try to find someone who can figure out why Timmy's hormones have gone so screwy-- until then, have a great weekend, and don't forget to vote in our evolving item poll!
24 EI Report: Nartian Rock, Nano-C & Anima AdamanteaEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Nartian Rock, Nano-C & Anima Adamantea - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Apr 24, 2009 5:35 pm
Another lovely assortment of evolutions this week, including new poses for the Anima Adamantea and Nano-C, plus another evolution and mini-comic from the Nartian Rock. Behold:
You can grab yerself an Evolving Item now in the Gaia Cash Shop!
Read on for Dr. Singh's full report, plus some fantastic new evolving item artwork from the Nartian Rock and Anima Adamantea artists:
Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, home of all the most exciting EI news! I'm your host, Dr. Singh, and this is my little pal Timmy-- say, Timmy, I thought you were going to become an "emu." What happened with that?
- Timmy: Don't try to label me, Doc.
Dr. Singh: But that's what you called yourself!
- Timmy: Pfft.
Dr. Singh: Well, have it your way, Timmy. I'll just be over here doing my job while you sulk in adolescent misery. It's a shame, because we've got some exciting evolutions to talk about this week...
- Timmy: Whatever, Doc. Go ahead an' keep playing with your little science toys. I'll be over here being super cool and not giving a-- aww, dang it! Every muscle in my rickety little body is tellin' me to be too cool for school, but I just can't help carin' about evolving items. Let's get on with the show.
Dr. Singh: Puberty is a terrible thing, Timmy. Alright, folks, here we go: first up, the Anima Adamantea is getting a fantastically huge update with tons of new poses and plenty of mechanized wonders. It looks like it's building up to a finale pretty soon, wouldn't you say? The artist has even treated us to some cool artwork this week:
- Timmy: Sure looks like it's buildin' to a spectacular finale, Doc!
Dr. Singh: Elsewhere, little Kink, the alien mascot of the Nartian Rock, is continuing his dazzling journey into swingin' fashion with some ultra-hip accessories. We've also got a new minicomic from the item's artist to illustrate Kink's depraved descent into modness:
- Timmy: Maybe I should be a mod instead of an emu. They seem to have more fun...
Dr. Singh: Ah, I warmly recall my youth as a mod: listening to soul music until 4AM, endlessly tuning my scooter, emblazoning every outfit with RAF target logos, swarming upon small resort cities with a few thousand of my best friends and beating gangs of rockers with a bicycle chain...
- Timmy: Sheesh, Doc, you're puttin' everyone to sleep.
Dr. Singh: Sorry! I won't bore you with those old stories this week, ladies and gentlemen. Last but not least, we've got another cutting-edge firmware update for the Nano-C, featuring a new android facemask, a sleek bodysuit and some dangerous accessories.
- Timmy: Say, now that I'm growin' up so fast, maybe I could play with that laser assault drone a little bit, huh?
Dr. Singh: Absolutely not, young man. Just because you've grown a few inches doesn't mean you won't blow your fool head up the very instant you're allowed to touch anything more dangerous than a strike-anywhere match.
- Timmy: Fair enough!
Dr. Singh: That's all for this week! We'll be back next time with more great stuff to show you. Until then, why not stop by our weekly EI poll and let us know which item you like the best!
01 EI Report: Gogh Reed, Fremere's, Kottan Bell, Reve RouilleEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Gogh Reed, Fremere's, Kottan Bell, Reve Rouille - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri May 01, 2009 4:58 pm
We've got the highly-anticipated updates to the Gogh Reed and Fremere's Guard this week, both with new paintings from the items' creators! The Reve Rouille is also back with another delightful evolution, and we're seeing the first update to the new Kottan Bell.
We've also got a brand new evolving item this week: the ill-gotten ice chest of Stolen Mesozoic DNA, which could contain one of four different vials of genetic material...
Heads up to last-minute buyers: the Infernal Spirit will be leaving the Cash Shop next week, so don't miss your chance to grab one!
All these evolving items, including the first-generation Stolen Mesozoic DNA, are available in the Gaia Cash Shop!
Dr. Singh and Timmy have a special guest this week: Edmund's here to diagnose Timmy's unusually severe puberty. For the full report and some beautiful illustrations, read on!
Dr. Singh: Oh! Hi there, ladies and gentlemen-- as you can see, our friend Edmund has dropped by to figure out why Timmy seems to be experiencing such a sudden, horrifying onslaught of puberty. But first, we should get down to business!
Edmund: Please do, Dr. Singh. I'll wait.
Dr. Singh: Thanks, Edmund. Timmy and I have some amazing updates to report-- some of our most popular big-ticket EIs are evolving this week! Let's start with the gorgeous and enigmatic Reve Rouille, which is getting another set of finely-crafted poses today.
- Timmy: That Mademoiselle sure is somethin', Doc!
Dr. Singh: Indeed. From all early indications, this item is shaping up to be a classic: richly colored, intricately detailed, and very unusual. The Gogh Reed is also getting a lot of attention-- it's been burning up our weekly EI polls! It's reached another elemental evolution this week with some fabulous cyclone poses. See for yourself in this gorgeous painting from the item's artist:
- Timmy: Holy goodnight! Now that's some art!
Dr. Singh: And that's not all-- we've also got a beautiful new image from the creator of Fremere's Guard, which is getting another dazzling update this week with over a dozen new poses! Let's have a look:
Edmund: Lovely! Very impressive.
- Timmy: I wanna go live inside that painting!
Dr. Singh: No, Timmy, you'd get everything all greasy.
- Timmy: Aww, heck.
Dr. Singh: Last but not least, we've got the very first update to one of our newest evolving items! The Kottan Bell is introducing some lovely garments this week, plus a cute ball of cottony fluff! That's all the evolutions for this week... don't forget to tell us what you think in our weekly EI poll! But the show's not over yet-- we still need to figure out what's up with Timmy...
Edmund: Indeed. Tell me, Timmy, what seems to be the problem?
- Timmy: Can't you see? I'm gettin' all tall and greasy! I've got these terrible mood swings all the time, and I'm always sassin' the Doc and actin' all creepy.
Edmund: Ordinarily, I'd say you were just going through a particularly difficult puberty. I myself was a lanky youth, prone to outbursts of surliness and sass, obsessed with girls, greasy as the day was long... but it certainly came on more gradually in my case. When did this all start?
Dr. Singh: Only a few months ago.
Edmund: Good heavens... such rapid and uncontrolled puberty can mean only one thing. Timmy, I have terrible news.
- Timmy: Oh no! What is it? What's wrong with me?
Edmund: I fear that your constitution has been so weakened by years of mutation, Gro-Gain poisoning, and general shoddy treatment from your caretaker--
Dr. Singh: Hey!
Edmund: --that your body has developed a terrible mutation: your pituitary gland has swollen severely, and you are now experiencing a condition known as... Megapuberty.
- Timmy: Megapuberty?
Dr. Singh: Megapuberty!?
Edmund: Yes. Megapuberty. A rare condition that causes puberty so severe and disfiguring that it eventually consumes the entire body-- in a month's time, Timmy, you'll be nothing but a semi-living mass of sebaceous glands, acne and gangly limbs. If we're to effectively treat this condition, we'll need to take drastic medical measures.
- Timmy: Oh, man! What kinda measures, Edmund?
Edmund: This will involve some very personal decisions, young man. I'd prefer to discuss this with you and Dr. Singh in private. Perhaps after our discussion we can give the viewers an update next week.
Dr. Singh: I guess that works for me-- looks like the show's over for now, ladies and gents! We'll be back next week with more EI news and an update on Timmy's health. Goodnight!
08 EI Report: Classilke, Nano-C, Lyndexer's Journal & MoreEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Classilke, Nano-C, Lyndexer's Journal & More - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri May 08, 2009 3:44 pm
It's a big week for evolving items! We've got a new one out this week, the Classilke, plus the first evolution of Lyndexer's Journal. Nano-C is reaching its finale this week, and we've got updates to the Nartian Rock, Yemaya's Pearl and Diapered Egg.
You can grab a first-generation Classilke now in the Cash Shop, or any of these other fantastic items!
Read on for the full report, in which the long-suffering Timmy faces a shocking decision that could change his life forever...
Dr. Singh: Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, ladies and gents! I'm your host, Dr. Singh, and this is my sidekick Timmy. As you can see, he's been grotesquely disfigured by a rare glandular condition called megapuberty, and he's a little lost in his thoughts this week... Edmund gave us some shocking news about the condition, but maybe we'd better save that for the end of the show.
- Timmy: Take me out... to a place... where there is light...
Dr. Singh: Timmy! Turn those headphones down.
- Timmy: Oh, sorry, Doc! I was just stewin' in my own misery, but I guess I can save that for later.
Dr. Singh: We've got a lot of ground to cover today, including a brand-new item! Have you guys had a look at the intriguing new Classilke yet? Only time will tell what will come of this ultra-fine silk bundle, but I'm guessing it'll be elegant as heck. You can grab a first-generation Classilke now in the Cash Shop!
- Timmy: Maybe once this megapuberty business is over, I can be elegant too. I'm gonna start wearing sixteen-hole boots and a big huge pompadour, like my idol...
Dr. Singh: What? What sort of an idol has a pompadour? Anyway, in other new item news, one of our latest releases is seeing its first changes this week: Lyndexer's Journal is revealing the classy costumes of its heroic origins with this evolution, and we can be certain that many more great things are still to come.
- Timmy: Hold on a second, Doc, I just wanna finish listening to this song...
Dr. Singh: Oh, goodness, he's probably listening to that awful "My Switchblade Bride" CD again, or something... I guess we'll just have to go on without him. So, yes: little Kink, the style-conscious alien inside the Nartian Rock, has transcended mere style and is now going galactic! Please note that the next Nartian Rock evolution will be three weeks from today-- Kink's gotta wind down a little after all this madness. As usual, we've got a lovely new mini-comic from the item's artist:
- Timmy: I knew last night... that nobody loved me... no hope for happiness...
Dr. Singh: Timmy, stop that terrible singing! Oh, but speaking of love: the Diapered Egg has a delightful update this week, with more passionate poses to enjoy. See, Timmy? Life isn't all gloom!
- Timmy: In a lonely underpass... oh, will love find me at last?
Dr. Singh: Well, he seems to be lost in some kind of reverie of angst, so I'll leave him alone. We've also got a lovely update to Yemaya's Pearl, once again chock-full of aquatic wonders and deep-sea treats. We've saved some big news for last: the fantastic Nano-C is reaching its finale! it's got some wickedly destructive new technologies available, plus the unlocking of all its previous firmware. We'd better keep it away from Timmy-- he just loves pressing buttons on dangerous equipment.
- Timmy: Huh? What's that about the Nano-C? Can I mess with it?
Dr. Singh: How nice of you to join us, Timmy. The show's over. You were too busy listening to that... "emu" whatever.
- Timmy: Oh, no, Doc. This isn't emu music. I found something even more potent in its distilled misery.
Dr. Singh: Oh no, Timmy... don't tell me it's...
- Timmy: That's right. It's Borrissey.
Dr. Singh: Timmy, no! Not Borrissey! I understand that your megapuberty to difficult to cope with, but this is not the answer. I experimented with Borrissey in my own youth, and let me tell you, his music is too powerfully bleak for your tiny mind to handle.
- Timmy: You don't understand, Doc. Borrissey speaks to me. He knows what it's like to be horrible.
Dr. Singh: Well, Timmy, have you given any consideration to what Edmund told you about your megapuberty? You'll have to make a life-changing decision soon, and-- oh, wait, I suppose the people at home don't know about Timmy's tragic choice... should we tell them, Timmy?
- Timmy: Sure, I guess I don't care...
Dr. Singh: Ladies and gentlemen, Edmund has informed us that the megapuberty is racking Timmy's weakened system so severely that he'll somehow have to arrest the puberty process entirely... which means that he faces a difficult decision.
- Timmy: I'm gonna either have to revert back to childhood or skip puberty entirely and become a grown-up!
Dr. Singh: Either way, Timmy will surely suffer from terrible psychological consequences... either he'll be a child in an adult's body, or he'll grow old in the stunted body of a child! It's not a decision to be taken lightly... but we don't have all day, Timmy, so please decide now.
- Timmy: But... Doc! I'm not ready! I need to think on it for a while! Oh, if only Borrissey were here to guide me.
Dr. Singh: Come on. Everyone's waiting.
- Timmy: I can't decide this alone... only Borrissey truly understands me. I wonder what Borrissey would do? Borrissey would probably write a brooding opus about the pain of youth...
Dr. Singh: Well, I can see we're not going to get anywhere with this at the moment, folks, so we'd better call it a night. Feel free to lend Timmy your advice about his difficult life decision in the forums, and remember to vote in our weekly evolving item poll. Goodnight!
- Timmy: You go and you dance all alone... and you cry all alone...
Dr. Singh: Shut up!
14 EI Report: Gogh Reed & Reve RouilleEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Gogh Reed & Reve Rouille - [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu May 14, 2009 3:55 pm
Things are evolving a little early this week! We've got a colorful new look for the Gogh Reed, plus an early evolution from the Reve Rouille. We'll also be moving next week's EI report up to Thursday the 21st, so keep an eye out for it a day early!
You can pick up these EIs and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop!
And now, with the help of a very special guest, Timmy prepares to confront the shocking decision that will change his life forever... read on for the full Evolving Item Report!
Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your up-to-the-minute source of EI news. We're doing the show a little early this week-- as you can see, we've got a very special guest joining us. Please give a big round of applause for Timmy's idol, the maudlin pop hero from across the pond...
- Timmy: Holy goodnight! It's BORRISSEY!
Borrissey: Oh, Timmy, you poor, twisted child. You dreadful little thing. The doctor explained your monstrous existence, and I knew I simply must pay a visit.
- Timmy: Doc! You... this is the nicest thing you've ever done for me!
Dr. Singh: We can chat more with our friend later, but first we'd better get on with the show. First up, we've got a surprise update to the Reve Rouille, which seems to be having some mechanical problems this week, causing an unexpected evolution! The Anima Adamantea, however, has been delayed another week in preparation for its glorious finale-- I can't wait!
Borrissey: Ah, the "Anima." The soul; the essential bit of man, so they say-- but why has nature thrust it into so wretched a body? Have I no choice in the matter? Tell, me, Dr. Singh, must we--
Dr. Singh: Please save your bizarre interludes for the end of the show, Borrissey. We've still got another lovely evolution to show off: the ever-popular Gogh Reed is back with a burst of rainbow color, plus the most fantastical little animal companion yet! We should note that the Gogh Reed's creator will be away for a while, and the next couple of evolutions will be in the hands of some excellent guest artists-- but after that, the original artist will return to finish things up!
- Timmy: I can't wait to see what they come up with, Doc! So, uh, can I talk to Borrissey now?
Dr. Singh: Be patient! Those may be all the evolutions for this week, but we still have to tell everyone to stop by and vote in our poll to let us know which item is their favorite. And now, we turn our attention to...
- Timmy: Hey Borrissey! Hey Borrissey!
Borrissey: Err...yes, Timmy?
- Timmy: Do you like my shirt, Borrissey? It has your face on it! I have all your records, Borrissey! Hey! Did the Doc tell you about my weird medical stuff?
Borrissey: She did, you poor, wretched creature. But the rest of us should be quite envious of you, Timmy. You see, life is frightfully boring; it's a gauntlet of loneliness and indignity, and perhaps, err, there's even some advantage in escaping it with your youth intact, as you soon shall do...
- Timmy: So you're saying I should stay a child forever? Golly, Borrissey, thanks for the advice!
Borrissey: That's quite a lovely way to put it, I suppose. Staying a child forever. Yes, you pitiful thing-- you shall set this miserable life aside at its highest point, when the weight of the dreadful world hasn't yet robbed you of the joy of innocence. Your poetry has touched me deeply, Timmy, and the world will be poorer for having lost you.
- Timmy: Aww, don't worry, Borrissey! The world's not gonna lose me! I mean, it's not as if I'm dyin' or anything...
Borrissey: Wh...huh? Pardon me, but I was led to believe that your situation was... err... terminal, and I was to be given the honor of comforting you in your final hours.
Dr. Singh: This is... uh... obviously some kind of misunderstanding. Timmy's not dying, exactly, he's just... well, there's this puberty thing, and...
Borrissey: If he's not dying, Dr. Singh, what possessed you to call the Final Wish Foundation and tell them that it was this child's dying wish to meet Borrissey?
Dr. Singh: Well, I tried calling your booking agent, but he said you were busy with another thing, so... uh...
Borrissey: I should perhaps inform you, Doctor, that the Final Wish Foundation is not a toy, and the time I'm spending here comes at the expense of an actual dying child, who even as we speak is dwindling into lonely oblivion while crying out my name: "Borrissey, oh, Borrissey, why did you not come for me in my dying hour, like I so dearly wished?" But no, little dying boy, I won't be there to comfort you whist your final sputtering breath is expelled, because I've been conned by a soulless harridan and her... blue-haired manlet.
- Timmy: I love how you talk, Borrissey! Will you sign my shirt?
Dr. Singh: Well, he's not dying, exactly, but he does have a serious medical condition! He has to choose between becoming an adult and staying a child forever.
Borrissey: Alas, it is a choice we must all face sooner or later-- but not a matter that requires the attention of a lugubrious pop singer, I'm afraid. Growing up is a dreadful thing, Timmy; a fleeting period of teenage clumsiness, then a long, dolorous walk through the cemetery of dead dreams. Oh, Timmy, perhaps death would have been a blessing--
- Timmy: Nah, the Doc means it literally! I have this medical thing called "megapuberty," and to fix it I either have to skip straight to adulthood or stay a kid for the rest of my life, but I don't know which to choose! Help, me Borrissey! You're my only hope!
Borrissey: In the end, Timmy, you alone must make the choice. I myself may have chosen to skip those teenage years, when the weight of my loneliness threatened to crush me-- but if not for my crippling shyness and confusion during those crucial years, I may never have developed into the grand specimen you see before you. If you skipped your most formative stages, you'd be an adult in body only, unprepared for the grown-up world of failure and despair, and you'd undoubtedly descend into mental illness. But staying forever trapped in the body of a child? For the sake of brevity I'll skip the specifics, but it would also result in inevitable mental illness.
- Timmy: So you're sayin' I get the fuzzy side of the lollipop either way?
Borrissey: I'm afraid that this lollipop has two fuzzy sides, my dear boy.
Dr. Singh: Well, you're absolutely no help at all, are you?
Borrissey: I'm surprised it took you this long to notice, Dr. Singh.
- Timmy: Don't be so hard on Borrissey, Doc. He may be depressing, but he's got the tortured soul of a poet, just like me! I guess I'll just have to think on this decision a little more...
21 EI Report: Anima Adamantea, Kottan Bell & Mesozoic DNAEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Anima Adamantea, Kottan Bell & Mesozoic DNA - [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu May 21, 2009 7:44 pm
Another excellent set of updates to some of our favorites this week: the staggeringly huge finale of Anima Adamantea, lovely new clothing from the Kottan Bell and some interesting activity from all four vials of Stolen Mesozoic DNA. Meanwhile, Timmy must finally confront his terrible choice: to skip to adulthood or stay a child forever!
You can pick up all these amazing items and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop!
For the full report and another visit from Edmund, read on-- and don't miss your chance to vote on Timmy's terrible fate!
Dr. Singh: Hi, everybody, and welcome to the Evolving Item Report! I'm Dr. Singh, and this is my horrifying sidekick, Timmy, who is currently being torn apart by the ravages of megapuberty. With us this week is Edmund, Gaia's most trusted scientist, who's advising us on Timmy's awful condition. Thanks again for helping me, Edmund.
Edmund: Hmph. I'm here to help Timmy, Dr. Singh.
- Timmy: Aww, don't be a sourpuss! You know the Doc means well!
Dr. Singh: We could argue all day about whether or not I'm a reprehensible human being, but first let's get to the items! This week, we've got the breathtaking final pose of the Anima Adamantea, an item that merges cutting-edge armor with the spirit of its wearer to create an entirely new fusion of soul and technology. If you're lucky enough to have a first-generation version, you'll be seeing a tremendous selection of new stuff: armor, mechanical augmentations and even some friends to fight beside you.
Edmund: Even as a researcher at G-Corp, I rarely saw technology so advanced. Do you happen to have a spare lying around...?
Dr. Singh: No way, Edmund. You'll just have to buy one like everyone else! In slightly more dainty news, the Kottan Bell has some lovely, lacy new garments this week with an elegant, almost gothic feel.
- Timmy: I'm elegant and almost gothic, Doc!
Dr. Singh: You wish, buddy! Last of all, we're seeing some disturbing activity coming from these vials of Stolen Mesozoic DNA. No matter which DNA strain you happened to get, it seems that they're all beginning to grow this week. Be careful with this stuff, ladies and gentlemen--
Edmund: Good grief, Dr. Singh! Are you actually selling stolen DNA from prehistoric creatures? That's such a heinous breach of ethics that I ought to report you to the authorities right this very moment!
Dr. Singh: Oh, come on! It's not hurting anyone yet, right? So lighten up and keep your nose out of our racket.
Edmund: Well, as someone who's personally witnessed dozens of experiments go horribly wrong, with disastrous and often deadly consequences, it's hard to let something like this slide. You yourself, thanks to all your meddling and negligence, have seen your own ward, Timmy, mutate into this grotesque parody of a human being right before your eyes!
- Timmy: Hey! I'm not a grotesque-- oh, wait. Fair enough.
Dr. Singh: Oooh. Timmy got snapped. Last up, we should let you guys know that Fremere's Guard, which seems to be hurtling ever closer to its magnificent conclusion, will be taking an extra week to evolve this time around-- look for an update to Fremere's in the next Report. I suppose that's just about it for this week, folks. As always, be sure to vote in our weekly EI poll and tell us your favorite items! Now, I suppose we'd better turn our attention to Timmy.
Edmund: Yes, I'm afraid time is running out on his megapuberty situation. Timmy, your body will soon be so racked with greasy adolescence that the very sight of you will be enough to induce labor in pregnant women! You'll become so gangly that your bones will buckle under the strain! We've got to act fast, or you may never recover.
Dr. Singh: So, Timmy, what's your choice? Do you want to stay a child forever, or grow into instant adulthood?
- Timmy: Well, I've thought about it a lot, and...
- Timmy: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnndddd...
Dr. Singh: And?
- Timmy: And, pardon my language, Doc, but I have no fleepin' idea! How can I make this kinda decision on my own? It's just too much...
Edmund: I understand that it's difficult, but I'm afraid you'll either have to decide soon or suffer a disgusting pubescent fate.
- Timmy: I guess I could flip a coin or somethin'... but... nah, that just seems too random. Well, I... I guess I could leave it to the people to decide! After all, they're the ones who have to look at my stinkin' face every week.
Dr. Singh: Let the viewers decide? Why, Timmy, that's a wonderful idea!
Edmund: I don't know, Dr. Singh-- it seems like a decision too weighty to be undertaken by a motley group of strangers who may be more interested in their own bizarre fixations and curiosities than in Timmy's well-being.
Dr. Singh: Yeah, but wouldn't it be fun?
- Timmy: Well, since time is runnin' out anyway, I guess I'd better do it... say, everyone, perhaps you'd be so kind as to [visit this thread and vote for whether or not you wanna see me grow up or stay a kid. I'm puttin' my faith in your hands, so please think hard about it, OK?
Dr. Singh: Oh, this is going to be just great. Thanks, everyone! We'll see you next week!
21 Timmy's Choice: will he grow up, or stay a child forever?Edit
- Announcement Timmy's Choice: will he grow up, or stay a child forever? - [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu May 21, 2009 3:17 pm
Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone, and welcome to a very special supplement to the Evolving Item Report.
Edmund: I suppose we should recap the situation. Timmy, the assistant host of the Evolving Item Report, has been through a disproportionate share of trials and tragedies: in the last couple of years, he's been turned into a horrible mutant by toxic waste and turned into an evil, smooth-jazz-loving lothario by a contaminated hair-growth product. Now, in his weakened condition after all this genetic meddling, he's going through a deadly process called megapuberty that will kill him if we don't act fast.
- Timmy: Yeah, look at me! I'm all awful-lookin'!
Edmund: There are only two possible treatments for megapuberty: we have to either arrest the process by either reverting him to permanent childhood, or skip through the puberty process and turn him into an adult.
- Timmy: So, basically, I gotta either grow up instantly or stay a kid forever! But I don't know what to do!
Dr. Singh: That's why we're leaving it up to you, the viewing public, to decide! Oh, man, this is going to be great for the ratings...
- Timmy: So... what am I gonna do? I'm tired of all this acne and growing pains and weird dreams about crawlin' around on giant ladies. I gotta stop this puberty somehow!
Dr. Singh: Please take great care in casting your vote, everyone: once this decision is made, we can't undo it! Unless, of course, some kind of bizarre scientific plot-twist puts everything back to normal somehow-- but what are the odds of that happening?
- Poll Results
As of Dec 31, 2009. Since the poll was/is still open for voting
Should Timmy be skipped straight to adulthood, or should he be returned to childhood and remain a child forever?
- Timmy should skip straight to adulthood. 81.1% [ 32079 ]
- Timmy should remain a child forever. 18.9% [ 7480 ]
29 EI Report: Fremere's Guard, Gogh Reed, Nartian Rock & moreEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Fremere's Guard, Gogh Reed, Nartian Rock & more - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri May 29, 2009 4:14 pm
A bountiful EI update this week, featuring new evolutions from fan favorites Fremere's Guard, the Gogh Reed and Nartian Rock, plus some intriguing updates to Lyndexer's Journal and Classilke, two of our hottest new items!
You can pick up all these great evolving items and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop!
Read on for the full report, featuring the start of Timmy's transformation into an adult-- and don't miss the excellent new artwork from the creators of the Nartian Rock and Fremere's Guard!
Dr. Singh: Welcome to the Evolving Item Report! As you can see, our friend Edmund is joining us once again to help with Timmy's pubescent predicament. We'll get to that soon-- but first, let's take a look at the items!
- Edmund: Since Timmy's a bit indisposed right now, perhaps I'd better assist.
Dr. Singh: Well, thank you, Edmund! That's mighty gentlemanly.
- Edmund: Consider it a favor to Timmy. Not to you.
Dr. Singh: Oh, you old grump! Anyway, let's start off in grand style: Fremere's Guard is getting another fantastic update, featuring a bunch of glorious garments and interesting accessories: a flowing skirt, a belted corset, an imposing shield and a rather crowded party. Once again, we've got some lovely artwork from the item's creator:
Dr. Singh: Meanwhile, the Nartian Rock is back with another update this week, though goodness knows what's happened to that inscrutable little Kink! Here's a comic to shed some light on the situation:
- Edmund: Ah, these new poses remind me of my youth, when my leather-jacketed rocker gang would descend by the thousands upon some little seaside resort town and get in a riotous brawl with local mods... you wouldn't know it to look at me now, but I could swing a mean bicycle chain back then.
Dr. Singh: That sounds almost exactly like my wild youth... I never knew we had so much in common, Edmund!
- Edmund: Don't let it go to your head.
Dr. Singh: In the realm of newer items, Lyndexer's Journal's second update is coming around today-- this time, our classic hero has begun his formative scouting years. The lovely Classilke is seeing its very first evolution, featuring beautiful crochet work that's sure to be a great inspiration for all the crafty types out there. It'll be lovely to see what this little creature spins in the future...
- Edmund: Quite lovely indeed. As a purveyor of fine tailored goods, I can authoritatively state that these are garments of unsurpassed quality.
Dr. Singh: Last up, the Gogh Reed! A while back, we mentioned that the Reed will be in the capable hands of some guest artists for the next few evolutions-- this time around, the Nartian Rock's artist will be pulling double-duty with a cute new Gogh Reed update. That's it for this week, folks-- as always, you can head over to our poll to vote for your favorite item of the week! Goodnight, everyone!
- Edmund: Aren't you forgetting something?
Dr. Singh: Oh! Timmy. Yeah, whenever the little fellow wanders out of my view for a few minutes, I completely forget he exists. Guess I'm not much for this whole legal guardianship thing, huh?
- Edmund: That's the understatement of the century, Dr. Singh. Tell me, what sort of a negligent monster placed Timmy under your care, anyway?
Dr. Singh: Oh, that's a long story. But anyway, here's what's up, ladies and gents: last week, Timmy reached out to the Gaian public to help him decide whether to skip to adulthood or stay a child forever. The people have spoken, and the result is clear: you want to see Timmy as an adult. So, true to our word, we're going to make it happen. You might notice this big, weird machine behind us. Care to tell us a little about it, Edmund?
- Edmund: This is just a little prototype I threw together back in my G-Corp days; it accelerates the process of puberty to a matter of hours. As we speak, Timmy is inside that machine having his entire bodily structure advanced into adulthood.
Dr. Singh: That's amazing! What's the machine called?
- Edmund: It's called... err... the PubeCellerator.
Dr. Singh: PubeCellerator!? What an extremely unfortunate name!
- Edmund: Yes, G-Corp's copywriters came up with that one... they always were rather terrible at naming things, to be honest. But anyway, the thing never made it to market due to its exceedingly limited usefulness, but I'm certainly glad we have one today.
Dr. Singh: So, by next week's show, Timmy will be an adult? That's incredible.
- Edmund: Yes, I'm sure we're all quite curious to see what he'll look like as a grown man-- keep in mind, though, that his mind will still be that of a child.
Dr. Singh: Well, let's face it, Edmund: he's never been a particularly attractive child, so my hopes aren't too high in the looks department.
- Edmund: Well, you never know! I was voted "ugliest boy in town" three years running when I was a child, and I grew up just fine. You never can tell what a person will look like... I guess we'll have to wait and see!
05 EI Report: Yemaya's Pearl and Reve RouilleEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Yemaya's Pearl and Reve Rouille - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jun 05, 2009 5:39 pm
We've got two items evolving today, each achieving the very peak of EI spectacularity: Yemaya's Pearl brings another set of aquatic delights, and the Reve Rouille returns with more clockwork wonders. We should also mention that the incredible Anima Adamantea is leaving the shop next week, so get one while you can!
You can grab all these EIs and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop:
Stay tuned for the full report, featuring Dr. Singh and Timmy, who, after a long bout with a crippling condition known as megapuberty, has now been transformed into an adult by popular demand!
Dr. Singh: Uh, hmm. Timmy, you want to go ahead and start?
- Timmy: Uh, hi, everybody. You might not recognize me on account of my new grown-up body and this mustache an' everything, but this is your old pal Timmy! Same 'ol Timmy, just all grown up. I'm still a little uncomfortable in this new body, but the Doc is letting me do the intro thing this week, since now I'm a grown-up and everything...
Dr. Singh: It's more because I'm... I'm just speechless...
- Timmy: I was a little worried, what with growing up so fast in that PubeCellerator machine and everything, but Edmund sure did do a great job, huh? Look how long my arms are, Doc! Jeepers, and I even have hair on my legs. A little bit.
Dr. Singh: Yes, it's, uh. Uh.
- Timmy: Golly, Doc, I just feel so different in this new body. Do I seem different? What do you think, Doc? Am I handsome?
Dr. Singh: Uh. Yes, Timmy, certain cultures, uh, might perceive you as... acceptable?
- Timmy: That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me, Doc! So I look good? Do you think I'm gonna be a babe magnet, Doc? I'm gonna buy a red car and go cruisin'! Cruisin' for babes to smooch!
Dr. Singh: I'm sure they'll find you quite... extraordinary.
- Timmy: Say, let's get down to business! I'm the same old Timmy as ever, so I still gotta pull my weight! Want me to take the lead on the report, Doc?
Dr. Singh: Be my guest. I'm still trying to take this all in...
- Timmy: Must be hard to work with such a handsome co-host, huh?
Dr. Singh: Eh, heh heh. Heh.
- Timmy: So, let's take a look... we got two items updatin' this week! First of all, there's the Reve Rouille-- it sure is awfully swell this time around, with a beautifully-detailed clockwork shark, a corset an' some kinda mechanical heart emote. I love it, Doc!
Dr. Singh: It certainly is an unpredictable little device, but the results are always spectacular.
- Timmy: Yemaya's Pearl is also evolvin'! Looks like we got a nice mollusky theme goin' on with a nice purple mantle, some creepy cuttlefish eyes, a suckling squidhat and even a little cuttlefish pal to follow you around. Neato!
Dr. Singh: As a scientist, I'm quite interested to see the many exotic species of the deep brought to life on the surface like this. Quite fascinating.
- Timmy: And last of all, one of our coolest items is gonna be leavin' the shop soon! Better hurry up if you wanna get your hands on an Anima Adamantea... after next week, it'll be gone!
Dr. Singh: And I think that just about wraps it up for this week... thanks for tuning in, everyone! Come back next week for-- oof, Timmy, I just can't get used to looking at that face of yours.
- Timmy: Pretty great, isn't it? I sure am glad everyone voted for me turnin' into an adult, cause I gotta say, I think I'm gonna enjoy the heck out of this. Oh! And don't forget to stop by and vote in our weekly EI poll, everyone!
Dr. Singh: Goodnight, ladies and gentlemen.
12 EI Report: Nartian Rock, Kottan Bell, Gogh Reed, Diapered EggEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Nartian Rock, Kottan Bell, Gogh Reed, Diapered Egg - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jun 12, 2009 8:41 pm
We released a new EI this week, the Masquerade, plus updates to some of your favorites: the Nartian Rock is finishing up, and there are new evolutions for the Gogh Reed, Kottan Bell and Diapered Egg. Have a look!
You can grab all these EIs and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop:
Stay tuned for the full report, featuring Dr. Singh and Timmy. This week, Timmy has run afoul of the law due to his unfortunate new appearance...
Dr. Singh: Hello, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report. I'm-- oh, my goodness, it looks like we've got an unexpected visitor tonight. May I help you, officer?
Officer Boothe: I'm just here to talk to this creep, ma'am. You go on about your business.
Dr. Singh: Huh? What creep? Let's get on with the show, Timmy, and we'll talk to this policeman when we're done.
- Timmy: Sounds good, Doc! I've been lookin' forward to the show all week! I'm rarin' to go!
Dr. Singh: That's good, because it's a big week for updates! We've got a new evolving item, an item reaching its grand finale, and evolutions from three others. Where should we start?
- Timmy: The new one is pretty neato, Doc! It's this thing called the Masquerade that changes your face in all sorts of crazy ways... I sure do know what that's like, boy howdy!
Dr. Singh: I've been hearing some dire warnings that using the tremendous power of this mask will lead down a terrifying path of madness, but we've heard THAT one before! Every other week, doctors are on television saying "coffee will lead you down a terrifying path of madness," then they're back the next week saying it's good for you! Am I right, people, or am I right?
Officer Boothe: You said it, lady!
Dr. Singh: The first-generation Masquerade is available now in the Cash Shop! Remember: first-gen items get all the newest poses first, and they tend to hold a higher value in the Marketplace, so don't miss out!
- Timmy: And we got an item finishin' up this week, too!
Dr. Singh: That's right, Timmy. The Nartian Rock is reaching its cosmic finale! It's been a most curious journey for little Kink, and now it's coming to an end in a tremendous explosion of new poses and fantastical fashions-- you'll even get to ride away on a classic mod scooter! To finish up Kink's tale, here's a comic from the item's creator:
- Timmy: *Sniffle* I'll miss that little fella and his strange love of classic fashion.
Officer Boothe: I heard that sniffling! You on nose drugs, son?
Dr. Singh: Timmy is NOT on nose drugs! Anyway, the Diapered Egg gets another adorable evolution today, featuring lots of flowing pink accessories and a cute pair of winking eyes. The Kottan Bell is back with more dainty apparel, plus some evolution from the cute little plant at the center of it all.
Timmy: Doc, what are nose drugs?
Dr. Singh: None of your beeswax, Timmy. Last up, we've got an unusually delicious evolution from the Gogh Reed! Another guest artist is filling in this time, and they've taken the item to new extremes of tastiness with the legendary cakemeleon!
- Timmy: Jeepers, Doc, I've never seen a more delicious-lookin' lizard in all my days!
Dr. Singh: I should note that the Gogh Reed's original creator will be back for the next evolution. So, that's all we've got lined up this week, folks! Tune in next time for more great items, and remember to vote in our weekly EI poll to let us know what you think of them. See you next week, everyb--
Officer Boothe: Alright, lady, I've put up with this chatter long enough. I think we all know why I'm here.
Dr. Singh: Actually, I have no idea...
Officer Boothe: I think you do. We've had reports of a suspicious-looking miscreant with an unsightly mustache hanging around the premises.
- Timmy: Gee, that's terrifyin'! If I see anyone like that hangin' around I'll definitely let you guys know.
Officer Boothe: Don't get smart with me!
- Timmy: Golly, officer, I wasn’t tryin' to get smart. I guess I should probably shut my trap now.
Officer Boothe: Don't play dumb with me!
Dr. Singh: Officer, if you're accusing Timmy of being some kind of miscreant, I can assure you that he's not. He may look a little ridiculous, but keep in mind that he's just a child in a man's body, and he's still getting used to it.
Officer Boothe: A child in a man's body!? Son, are you hiding a child somewhere on your person? I've heard reports of a little blue-haired child disappearing from these premises recently-- you wouldn't be concealing that child, would you?
- Timmy: No, officer! I am that child! I just grew up real fast, is all.
Officer Boothe: Son, I've been working these mean streets for sixteen years, and if there's one thing I know it's people. And I can tell just by looking at that godawful mustache of yours that you're a ne'er-do-well. You're a bad apple.
- Timmy: No! I'm not an apple!
Officer Boothe: I think I'd better take you down to the station, son. You're under arrest for vagrancy and child concealment.
Dr. Singh: Vagrancy? But he works here! This is his job!
Officer Boothe: Doesn't look like he's working right now, does it? Just standing around looking suspicious. Loitering! Vagrancy, child concealment and loitering. You're going down this time, buddy. You're going to a dark place for a long time.
Dr. Singh: I'm afraid I must object, officer. This manchild is under my protection, and I'd prefer to discipline him for his awful mustache on my own terms. Please, could you let his ridiculous appearance slide just this once?
Officer Boothe: Lady, are you looking to buy yourself six months in the clink for harboring a creepy miscreant? I'd shut my trap if I were you!
Dr. Singh: Well, Timmy, I guess you'd better go with the nice man and we'll get this straightened out just as quickly as we're able.
- Timmy: Sure thing, Doc! I've never seen the inside of a jail before! Wow, every day of being an adult is just a crazy new adventure, isn't it?
Officer Boothe: Let's take a ride, son!
19 EI Report: Lyndexer's Journal, Masquerade & Mesozoic DNAEdit
- Announcement EI Report: Lyndexer's Journal, Masquerade & Mesozoic DNA - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jun 19, 2009 7:03 pm
Masquerade enjoys its first evolution, bringing with it plenty of new makeup options. We've also got updates to Lyndexer's Journal and the Mesozoic powerhouse of Ma.Ov.ph, Pt.An.sa, Ty.Go.li and Ce.Ch.be Embryonic Vials. Fans of Nano-C take note: it'll be leaving the Cash Shop next week!
You can grab all these EIs and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop:
Stay tuned for the full report, featuring Dr. Singh and Timmy. This week, Timmy discusses his recent run-in with the law and his time in the slammer...
Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your trusted source for all the latest EI news. I'm Dr. Singh, and this is my recently-grown-up pal, Timmy. How are you, Timmy?
- Timmy: Just great, Doc! I kinda got arrested for vagrancy last week, on account of my awful-lookin' mustache, but other than that, I'm OK. Thanks for bailin' me out!
Dr. Singh: Not a problem, Timmy, I just took it out of your sizeable trust fund, which you can't access for a few more decades anyway. Say, what's with the jacket?
- Timmy: Oh! A nice lady with lotsa makeup gave me this in the "big house." That's what we call jail. She felt bad for me cause all the fellas in jail were pickin' on me cause I'm so darn scrawny. She says it belongs to her boyfriend, Crazy Murderer Keith!
Dr. Singh: Well, it suits you very nicely! Anyway, let's get on with the show, shall we?
- Timmy: Yeah! Let's!
Dr. Singh: First up, we have a new evolution from Lyndexer's Journal, which continues its travels through the past with some new outfits. It looks like the hero of the story is growing up a little, and that mysterious egg is starting to hatch. Kinda reminds me of a certain sidekick of mine, except for the egg part.
- Timmy: Shucks, Doc! That Lyndexer's Journal lookin' awfully swell!
Dr. Singh: Perhaps it might inspire you to change your look? You know, maybe try some clothes that are more... fitting? That outfit of yours isn't really up to the task of housing your... um... expanded figure.
- Timmy: If I took these off I'd never get 'em back on, Doc! I better not take the risk.
Dr. Singh: Fair enough. Masquerade seems to have gone through its first evolution, offering a big batch of new makeup options like lipstick and eye shadow. If my estimates are correct, its madness-inducing power is growing in strength. Use at your own risk!
- Timmy: Jeepers! I bet Keith's girlfriend would love that. Think he'd get sore if I bought her one?
Dr. Singh: It's probably best not to agitate someone like Keith. Ahum... moving on, we have an explosion of activity on the prehistoric front. All the Mesozoic DNA Vials are evolving, meaning new poses from Ma.Ov.ph, Pt.An.sa, Ty.Go.li and Ce.Ch.be!
- Timmy: You just said a mouthful, Doc!
Dr. Singh: All part of the science racket, Timmy. Well, I'd say that about does it for this week, folks! Remember to vote in our weekly poll to let us know which items you like best. So, Timmy, aren't you worried at all about wearing a crazy murderer's jacket?
- Timmy: Not at all, Doc! The nice lady says Crazy Murderer Keith is in jail for a long, long time, and he'll only see the light of day if he escapes again.
Dr. Singh: Again?
- Timmy: Yeah, Doc, I guess Crazy Murderer Keith has a tendency to sneak outta the jail once in a while to settle old scores. Sure wouldn't wanna be one of the guys on his crazy murderer list!
Dr. Singh: Yeah...
26 EI Report: 4 Items updating, plus a new item: The Nightmare!Edit
- Announcement EI Report: 4 Items updating, plus a new item: The Nightmare! - [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Jun 26, 2009 4:42 pm
It's a big week for EIs! As Flynn just mentioned, we've got the brand new Nightmare, plus the finale of Fremere's Guard and new evolutions from Classilke, Reve Rouille and the Gogh Reed. Behold:
You can pick up all these awesome items in the Cash Shop! Read on for the full report with Dr. Singh and Timmy...
Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone, and welcome to the Evolving Item Report! We've got a lot of great updates to talk about, plus a brand new item. I'm sure you already know my gangly sidekick, Timmy, who assists me in all things scientific. You ready, Timmy?
- Timmy: Fit as a fiddle, Doc!
Dr. Singh: I'll say! You're certainly looking slightly more presentable these days, what with that boss jacket and all.
- Timmy: Isn't it boss? Somehow, wearin' a murderer's jacket really puts a spring in your step. It's kinda weird, actually-- whenever I go outside, all these ladies are always pawin' at me and sayin' "hey, you're that evolving item kid, can I touch your murder jacket!" Gross! Lemme alone, ladies!
Dr. Singh: What? Really?
- Timmy: It's awful distractin' when I'm out ridin' my bike and whatnot, all those ladies chasin' me around.
Dr. Singh: It's a lot more than distracting, Timmy. It's just... baffling. Anyway, we should get on with the show, since we've got so many great items to talk about! First up, there's the brand new item! Flynn already told you about the mysterious Nightmare, an item that leaps between the dark subconscious reaches of many different psyches... it seems to be well on its way to legendary creepiness already, with a ton of wild starting poses!
- Timmy: Hey Doc, remember when I fell into a dissociative fugue after bein' exposed to a thing of pure evil? This is kinda like that!
Dr. Singh: It is indeed, Timmy! On a lighter note, the lovely Classilke is evolving once again... those silky little bugs have been busy! And speaking of bugs, the Gogh Reed has a cute little cactus theme this week, plus some other desert-inspired goodies!
- Timmy: Doc, a cactus isn't a bug.
Dr. Singh: Timmy, I'm a qualified scientist. I think I know very well that a cactus is a bug. Anyway, moving on: Reve Rouille owners are getting another lovingly-crafted variety of poses with this week's evolution... watch out for that shark, Timmy, it looks like he means business!
- Timmy: I met a shark like that when I was in jail! He was in there for stealin' hearts. And tax evasion.
Dr. Singh: I think maybe that was a dream you had, Timmy, because that just doesn't sound plausible. Last but not least, we've got a huge finale for one of the most popular EIs out there: the troubled soul of Fremere's Guard is finally reaching its explosive end, with a bunch of fantastic new poses and some... interesting surprises! I won't spoil them, but I heartily encourage first-gen Fremere's owners to take a peek and revel in all the splendor. And on that note, the artist has provided this... uhh... interesting illustration:
- Timmy: Wow, Doc, I see my drawin' style has been pretty influential around here.. have they been lookin' at our fridge?
Dr. Singh: I guess so, although the artist has noted that a slightly more serious final illustration will be popping up in the next few weeks. Speaking of which, we've got two new illustrations for some items that have already finished up! The Anima Adamantea and Nartian Rock will both be leaving the Cash Shop next week, so don't miss your chance to pick them up-- in case you've forgotten how awesome they are, here are some brand new illustrations from the items' artists:
Dr. Singh: That's about it for this week, ladies and gentlemen! Be sure to stop by and let us know what you think in our weekly poll, and come back next week for more news! Anything else to add, Timmy?
- Timmy: Yeah, I just wanna tell all the ladies out there to please leave me alone and stop grabbin' at my leather jacket when I'm trying to ride my bike. Bye bye, everyone!