2008/Jul-Dec/Announcements/Evolving Item Report

NPC:Dr. Singh

The Evolving Item Report for 2008.

Notice that Dr. Singh's avatar has replaced Timmy (and other co-hosts) in the announcements since he is no longer present as a character.

July

02 Evolving Item Report: Yama no Tamago, Death Whisper & More

[NPC] Dr. Singh, Timmy, and Dr. Schadenkind doc2

• Topic Evolving Item Report: Yama no Tamago, Death Whisper & More - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Wed Jul 02, 2008 8:15 pm

Dr. Singh: Good morning, evolving item fans! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, Gaia's premiere educational program. I'm Dr. Singh, your resident evolving item expert, and this jittery little fellow is Timmy, my faithful sidekick. We've also got a special guest: once again, noted psychologist Dr. Schadenkind is helping us diagnose Timmy's... problems. You're looking a little.... restrained today, Timmy.

Timmy: We shall all be restrained beneath the jagged remnants of a crumbling world...

Dr. Singh: As you can see, Timmy's a bit out of sorts these days. We'll get to your crumbling world a little later, friend. First, let's get down to some business! As the lovely Flynn announced earlier this week, there's a brand new evolving item in the Cash Shop! Our researchers recently ran across a bunch of these Yama no Tamago during an expedition to a giant, creepy mountain. It appears to be some kind of egg, and you know how I love a good egg. You never know what might hatch!

Timmy: THE BLOOD-RED YOLKS OF DESPAIR!

-

Dr. Singh: Yeah.... anyway... three other items are also evolving this week: the Death Whisper continues to slither toward its sinister purpose, whatever that may be. Steer clear of this item, Timbo, it'll probably mess up your brain even worse than before.

Timmy: Arrruuughhhhh!

Dr. Singh: Another newer item, Inari's Beads continues its journey today. This one seems slightly less scary, doesn't it? It seems to have more a mischievous air about it. Last but not least, the Enchanted Book has reached another chapter in its bizarre tale. Quite an impressive suite of new evolutions this week, don't you think?

Timmy: I think only of the blood of the innocent!

Dr. Singh: Well, putting that aside for the moment: if you'd like to get the Yama No Tamago or any other evolving items for yourself, you can pick them up now in the Gaia Cash Shop.

In addition, some older items will be finishing up: the third generation of the White Drome Egg, the third generation Orindae and the 6th generation Hermes' Moon are all completing their evolutions today. So, now that we've got the business part out of the way, let's turn to Dr. Schadenkind for the latest news on Timmy's condition. How are you this morning, doctor?

Dr. Schadenkind: Oh, cut the crap. You don't care how I am. You just care about this goofy little mutant and his busted brain.

Dr. Singh: Hey! He's not a mutant anymore! Unless you were speaking figuratively, because I guess he is pretty silly-looking.

Dr. Schadenkind: So, yeah. This kid has problems, lady. He's hallucinating all kinds of terrible things. He's babbling about grisly stuff, y'know, rivers of congealing spinal fluid and ravens feasting on your eyeballs and whatnot. I don't know what you've been feeding this little freak, but he's a genuine class-A double-revolving nickel-plated lunatic.

Dr. Singh: I haven't been feeding him anything!

Dr. Schadenkind: That's sick, lady. You're sick.

Dr. Singh: No, I mean I haven't been feeding him anything that would make him crazy.

Dr. Schadenkind: Yo, whatever you did to mess him up is between you and the kid. I don't want any part of it. I just want to make sure he doesn't pose a danger to himself or anyone else, especially me. As you can see, I've fitted him with this nice little straitjacket. You still might wanna watch out for the teeth, though. I have a feeling he's gonna snap soon.

Dr. Singh: What can we do?

Dr. Schadenkind: Well, if we don't do something soon, I give this kid about... hmm... two weeks. When someone's this crazy, their brain just kinda buckles in on itself and implodes. He'll just be sitting there talking about towers of bone, and POOF! His head's the size of a fist and he's dead as a crazy little doornail. I've seen it happen a thousand times.

Dr. Singh: Oh dear... who would co-host the show? We'd better think of something. What are our options?

Dr. Schadenkind: Well, option number one, and this one is my specialty: we go in there with little mister rotary brainsaw, right up through the nose hole, and we take out the bits of his brain that are making him crazy. Which is pretty much all of them. He won't be too talkative after that, but hey, at least you don't have to hear all this whining about the ultimate evil.

Dr. Singh: That sounds a little severe...

Dr. Schadenkind: There's always, y'know, Plan B. There's where I slap him around a little. You know, just rough the kid up, show him who's boss. It doesn't work too often, but lemme tell ya, it'll give him something to think about.

Dr. Singh: He's a delicate child, Dr. Schadenkind. I don't think he'd like that very much.

Dr. Schadenkind: Of course he wouldn't! That's the whole point! But we could also go with the medication route. I've got this pill here. Don't tell anyone I've got this, but this little S.O.B. will cure what ails him, hope to tell ya. Basically, it turns him into sand. Just pop it in his mouth, hold his nose till he swallows it, and bam! Pile of sand. Sweep him up, you're done.

Dr. Singh: Wouldn't that kill him?

Dr. Schadenkind: Don't get all high and mighty with me, lady, you said you wanted options.

Dr. Singh: I'm afraid we're out of time. I guess we'll have to pick this conversation up next week, doctor. In the mean time, please don't do anything to Timmy, OK?

Dr. Schadenkind: Suit yourself, lady.

Dr. Singh: As usual, we've set up a little poll where you can tell us your favorite evolving items of the week. See you next time, folks!

10 Evolving Item Report: Padmavati's Lotus, Furugasa & more

[NPC] Dr. Singh and Dr. Schadenkind doc3

• Topic Evolving Item Report: Padmavati's Lotus, Furugasa & more - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Jul 10, 2008 5:47 pm

Dr. Schadenkind: ...Hell if I know, lady. I'm a doctor, not a babysitter.

Dr. Singh: Oh! Hello, everyone... sorry, you caught me in the middle of something. I guess it's time for the Evolving Item Report, huh? Unfortunately, it looks as if Timmy won't be joining us this week. I don't want to worry you or anything, but we're not quite sure where he is...

Dr. Schadenkind: I wouldn't be surprised if you ate him, you crazy nutball.

Dr. Singh: I'm just going to ignore that. Anyway, I suppose we'd better get this week's evolving stuff out of the way before we start searching for Timmy. The biggest news this week, of course, is the arrival of Padmavati's Lotus, a brand new, premium-quality evolving item in the Cash Shop. I hope I didn't scare Flynn when I suggested that she keep these under lock and key; I still don't know whether they're dangerous or not, but they exude so much sacred energy that they should be handled with extreme care. If you're up for a little mystery, you might consider picking one up.

-

Dr. Singh: In other news, three of our finest items are evolving this week! Alruna's Rose is still going strong this week-- this little firecracker of an item has spawned dozens of enticing mutations already, and this week's evolution carries on the tradition in fine style.

Dr. Schadenkind: I might have to invoke my authority to seize one of those items, lady. Y'know, for personal use.

Dr. Singh: You have authority?

Dr. Schadenkind: Well, technically, no. Shut up. Who asked you?

Dr. Singh: The ghostly Furugasa is also continuing its journey into the dark recesses of creepiness this week, and Picolitrosso's Urn is moving in some very unexpected directions. I can't wait to see how this one turns out. Isn't that right, Timmy?

Dr. Schadenkind: He's gone, remember?

Dr. Singh: Sorry; force of habit. Finally, one of our older items is completing its evolution this week: the second generation of The Experiment has reached the furthest depths of scientific wrongness. If you'd like to pick up one of these items for yourself or for a friend, you can always visit Flynn at the Gaia Cash Shop.

Well, I suppose we'd better start looking for Timmy. I sure hope he's OK, all alone out there with all of his mental problems and social awkwardness. Where do you think we should start looking, Dr. Schadenkind?

Dr. Schadenkind: What's this "we" crap? He's your sidekick, you go look for him. I'll just hang out here for a while. You might want to go shopping, too, because I ate all your chips and I'm gonna need more. Say, does your couch fold out into a bed?

Dr. Singh: If you're not going to help me find him, I'm not sure why I'd want you hanging around my house. I just thought your unique insights into his mind might lend you some clues about where he might have gone.

Dr. Schadenkind: Oh, I see how it is. You just want me around if I can be of some "use" to you. You're a straight-up %&@!ing sociopath, lady. You just use people to get what you want, and you don't give half a crap if they have feelings or if they're lonesome or if they stay up all night crying because you ran out of chips. It doesn't even occur to you, does it? You make me sick. Fine. Let's go look for the wacky little S.O.B. before his head caves in from all the craziness.

Dr. Singh: I suppose that's it for this week's Evolving Item Report, ladies and gentlemen. Please join us next week, when Timmy will hopefully be back with more of inimitable Timmyness. As usual, we've got a little poll going to see what your favorite item of the week is. If you'd like to let us know, just go cast your vote!

17 Evolving Item Report: Kelp, Death Whisper, Inari's Beads

[NPC] Dr. Singh doc beard1, Timmy/T-Bone, and Labtech Gene

• Topic Evolving Item Report: Kelp, Death Whisper, Inari's Beads - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Jul 17, 2008 7:13 pm

Dr. Singh: Hello, everybody! I'm Dr. Singh, and this is my little pal Timmy. Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your weekly update on the world of evolving item science. We have a special guest here with us today: Labtech Gene, who recently found little lost Timmy wandering around in his lab! Let's all give Gene a great big "thanks" for returning everyone's second-favorite host.

Labtech Gene: It's no trouble at all, Dr. Singh.

Dr. Singh: We'll be checking in with Gene a little later in the program, so please stick around. First, we'd better get down to business. Timmy, welcome back! Would you like to kick things off this week?

Timmy: Tell ya what, Doc. I'd like to "kick off" my shoes and get a little more comfortable. After all, hey, I'm a dude, you're a lady, what are we afraid of? You dig?

Dr. Singh: Something about you seems... different, Timmy.

Timmy: It's all in your pretty little mind, babe. Now let's get to work. You're a real firecracker when you talk science, you know that?

-

Dr. Singh: Four items are evolving this time around, so we've got a pretty hefty update. One of our newest evolving items, the Kelp o'th' Loch, is starting to take some sort of shape this week... do I detect some sort of amphibious form emerging?

Timmy: I'm detecting your form, Doc, and I likes what I sees.

Dr. Singh: Timmy, are you sure you're feeling well? On a grimmer note, the Death Whisper's curse is dragging its terrified owners further into oblivion. This is perhaps the most dangerous and morbid item we've ever reported on, so I'd urge all of you to exercise extreme caution when dealing with it. Luckily, we've got some loveliness to go with all this gloom: the Inari's Beads continue to express their playful animal spirit. Oh, my! Isn't it just the most darling little thing?

Timmy: That's what she said.

Dr. Singh: Finally, the Dionaesil is getting ever more ravenous every time I study it. I don't think it's going to be satisfied with plant food much longer... it might start moving on to bigger prey soon. Also in a unexpected turn of events Picolitrosso's Urn seems to have undergone some slight changes, so be sure to keep an eye on your Urns!

Timmy: I might start chasing some big game myself. Mrrow. They say the female of the species is more dangerous than the male, right Doc? Oh, but you wouldn't know anything about that, right? You don't fool me with your schoolgirl act, I know what revs your engine: the bad-boy type, am I right?

Dr. Singh: What? Are we still talking about the plant?

Timmy: You know what I'm talking about.

Dr. Singh: I wish I did, Timmy, but you've totally lost me. Oh well, at least you're not ranting about forests of bones and rivers of blood anymore. So, back on topic: if you'd like to pick up one of these exciting items for yourself, just go visit Flynn:

A few older items are also finishing up their evolution this week: the sixth-generation Biancamella and the seventh-generation Hermes' Moon are all fully evolved, meaning that all their forms are available. So, now that that's finished up, let's have a quick chat with our old buddy, Labtech Gene. How in the world did you find Timmy, Gene? We've been looking all over for him.

Labtech Gene: We?

Dr. Singh: Well, me and that psychiatrist, Dr. Schadenkind, but I haven't heard too much from him... he was supposed to be looking for Timmy, but the only times I heard from him were in the form of an illegible postcard written on the back of a beer-bottle label, and then a telegram asking me to bail him out of jail.

Labtech Gene: I see. Well, I wasn't really looking for him, I just happened to stumble upon him in my lab. He was rooting through the containment area where I used to keep the evil portion of him that I surgically removed, but when I tried to talk to him, he couldn't remember why he was there.

Timmy: I was probably just out bird-doggin'. You know me. Dog's gotta hunt.

Labtech Gene: I don't know what that means.

Dr. Singh: Does something seem a little different about him? I can't quite put my finger on it, but he seems to be a little more... I don't know. I'm probably just not used to him, because he's been crazy for a few weeks. No offense, Timmy.

Timmy: None taken, dollface. Say, I dig the khaki, but maybe you should dress a little friendlier next week, you dig? I'm sure all the cats at home would love to get a peep at those stems. Yowza.

Dr. Singh: Huh? Gene, do you know what he's trying to say?

Labtech Gene: I'm not sure; it may be some sort of code. I'd recommend that you keep him under strict observation for a while. He's been through a lot in the past few weeks, and we need to make sure he's not a danger to himself or others.

Timmy: Say, pal: how about you make yourself scarce for a while. I'm tryna talk a little game on the lady, and you're cramping my style, you dig?

Dr. Singh: Maybe he just needs some rest. We'll pick this up again next week, shall we?

Oh, and don't forget: each week, Gaia's artists run a little poll to see what your current favorite evolving item is. If you'd like to vote, just visit this thread.

24 Evolving Item Report: Coocoon, Gro-Gain & More

[NPC] Dr. Singh doc beard2, Timmy/T-Bone, and Labtech Gene

• Topic Evolving Item Report: Coocoon, Gro-Gain & More - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Jul 24, 2008 8:04 pm

Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, Gaia's most trusted news source for the wonderful world of evolving items. We've got a fairly huge update this week, so we should probably jump right in. As you can see, I've got my little sidekick Timmy with me, and... Gene, what are you still doing here?

Labtech Gene: What'sa matter, doll? Don't want me around? Can handle the manliness? Don't be scared, babe, I won't bite. Unless you like it like that.

Dr. Singh: Something seems a little strange about you, Gene. Please, I appreciate you bringing Timmy back, but we've got a job to do. We can continue this conversation after the report is done.

Labtech Gene: Suit yourself, babe. Maybe we can continue it over a nice box of wine in my hot tub, or as I like to call it, the Pond of Passion.

Dr. Singh: Sorry, I'm busy tonight. Forever. Anyway, we've got an extra-special report this week, featuring five evolutions and two brand-new items! Timmy, you look pretty excited, would you care to get the ball rolling?

Timmy: Maybe the two of us should get rolling, you dig? You catch my drift? You pickin' up what I'm layin' down, babe?

Dr. Singh: I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about, so I'll just get this started by myself. First, some big news: two brand new items are arriving in the Cash Shop today! First of all, there's the Coocoon, a strange little insectoid pupal sac clinging to a leaf. We all know what happens to these things-- they eventually hatch into some kind of creature. The fact that this one is being marketed as an evolving item, however, leads me to believe there's a little more to it.

Timmy: Love the science talk, babe. Gotta love a woman with brains, as long as she knows her place. Am I right, Gene?

Labtech Gene: High five.

Dr. Singh: Second, we've got these bottles of Gro-gain, a discontinued medical tonic that promises to restore thinning hair with a volatile combination of herbal extracts, dangerous chemicals and a potent distillation of ape humors. It's also got some sort of secret ingredient that's been classified by G-Corp. Gene, you wouldn't know anything about this, would you?

Labtech Gene: I could tell you, babe, but then I'd have to take you out...for a classy fondue dinner! You see what I did there?

-

Dr. Singh: No, I don't. Anyway, you can pick up these intriguing new items-- both priced a bit lower than most due to their suspicious nature-- at the Gaia Cash Shop.

Get Gaia Cash cards at select retailers across the country or directly from Gaia Online. Click here to learn more.

Timmy: Say, sweetheart, does the Cash Shop sell cologne? I'm running low on Musc de Buffle.

Dr. Singh: Is that what that smell is? I thought somebody had pickled crab for lunch.

Labtech Gene: Don't listen to her, Timmy. Betties love the musk.

Dr. Singh: Anyway, those new items are just the beginning. We've also got a giant evolution this week, with five items transforming! Three of our newest items, Yama No Tamago, Picolitrosso's Urn and Padmavati's Lotus have continued their steady march of change. Yama No Tamago seems to be hatching into some manner of small creature, although it may be a little too early to tell what it'll grow in to. The Lotus seems to be taking on a more serpentine form, and the urn seems to hint at intriguing new possibilities.

Timmy: I'm seeing an intriguing possibility here, sweetheart: You. Me. Box of wine. Fun times. You dig, babe?

Dr. Singh: Wine is for grown-ups, Timmy, but if you're good, we can go to the store and get those juice boxes you like. The ones with dinosaurs on them, remember? But back to business: Alruna's Rose has evolved again this week. I've got a suspicion that it's approaching its final stage, but you never know! The Enchanted Book also continues to transform-- as usual, it's positively bursting with magical energy. Anyway, folks, that's it for this week's--

Labtech Gene: Sorry to interrupt, babe, but I just have a quick suggestion: maybe try wearing something a little friendlier next week, yeah?

Dr. Singh: You know, Timmy said the same thing to me last week, and I still don't understand what it means. What's going on here? What's wrong with you two?

Timmy: Mellow out, sweetheart. Don't get all uptight.

Labtech Gene: Yeah, babe, it's bad for you. You'll get wrinkles. Listen, here's what we're gonna do: you and I are gonna go grab a quick bite to eat. Anywhere you want, babe, this is all about you. I'll pick up the check, of course. I'm in real estate, and I'm not ashamed to say I do very well for myself.

Dr. Singh: You're not in real estate! You're a scientist!

Labtech Gene: And after that, I'm going to take that pretty little hand of yours and lead it down to the waterbed dealership, and we'll pick up a nice little--

Dr. Singh: No! I don't want a waterbed! I don't want fondue, I don't like wine from boxes and I don't want to dress "friendlier"! What in the world has gotten into you two? It's like you've suddenly become...

Timmy: Sorry doll, that's my pager. Gotta get that. You hold that thought, OK? Gotta close this deal.

31 Evolving Item Report: Death Whisper, Inari's Beads, Furugasa

[NPC] Dr. Singh doc beard3, Timmy/T-Bone, and Labtech Gene

• Topic Evolving Item Report: Death Whisper, Inari's Beads, Furugasa - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Jul 31, 2008 10:30 pm

Timmy: So I was like, "Rico, I'm going to close my eyes and count to five. If the twenty grand isn't on my desk when I open them again, we're gonna take a little trip to the crocodile farm."

Labtech Gene: It's the life he chose, T-Bone.

Timmy: Exactly. Just business. So anyway, Rico's looking at me like he's gonna wet his... Oh! Hey there, cats and kittens. Thanks for dropping by. My name is Timmy, and this is my business associate, Large G. Show the people some love, LG.

Labtech Gene: I'd like to say a special hello to all the pretty ladies out there.

Timmy: Ha! You're a real bird-doggin' tomcat of an S.O.B., you know that, LG? Anyway, welcome to your favorite show, Dr. Timmy's Evolving Item Report and Smooth Jazz Countdown. We've got a real hot show for you tonight, so let's rip into it. First, the science stuff: we've got three items doin' their thing this week.

Labtech Gene: Hit 'em with some facts, brother!

Timmy: First on the list, the lovely Inari's Beads. These things are real classy and elegant, huh? They'd make a perfect gift for a certain caliber of lady, like perhaps a fancy hairstylist or a waitress at a fine chicken wing establishment. We've also heard some crazy rumors that the Furugasa is getting even creepier.

Labtech Gene: Kick its ass, T-Bone!

Timmy: No, Gene. You see, I'm a businessman. It would be untoward of me to perform violence against an umbrella without reasonable cause. But believe me, if that thing gets out of line, I will put in a call to my best people, and they will handle the situation with swiftness and discretion, and-- don't cry, LG!

Labtech Gene: I'm sorry... I just... I just respect you so much, man...

Timmy: Finally, check this out. I've got two words for you, ladies and gentlemen: Death Whisper. Just sit back and let those words marinate for a minute. This thing is the real deal, you dig?

-

Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, you can pick up these fine items and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop. If you stop by, be sure to tell Flynn I said hello. Tell her that anything she needs, I'm her man. Money is not an issue, you dig?

Get Gaia Cash cards at select retailers across the country or directly from Gaia Online. Click here to learn more.

Dr. Singh: I'm here! Here I am! Don't start the show without me!

Timmy: You're late, baby. That's unacceptable.

Labtech Gene: T-Bone demands excellence from his people.

Dr. Singh: Sorry, everyone. It was the weirdest thing... I was all ready to do the show, and then I just had overpowering feeling like I needed to change my clothes. I can't explain it...

Timmy: I forgive you, baby. Can't stay mad at a pair of stems like that.

Dr. Singh: Well, shall we get started? Hi, everyone! I'm Dr. Singh, and this is my little pal Timmy.

Labtech Gene: Whoa! Whoa whoa whoa. Stop right there, sweetheart. Did I just hear you call T-Bone your "little pal"? Maybe you don't know who you're talking to, lady, but T-Bone commands and appreciates your respect.

Timmy: Cool down, Large. The lady doesn't know what she's saying. She, like many broads, tends to get a little emotional and speak out of turn once in a while. Isn't that right, baby?

Dr. Singh: Hey, what is this!? Why are you acting like such a little creep?

Timmy: Mellow out, baby. We can get you something to improve your mood, if you know what I mean. Love the new look, by the way.

Dr. Singh: Oh, shut up! Let's just do the report.

Timmy: Report's done, baby. LG and I took care of it. But don't worry, you still get to be a star. We're about to do the best part of the show: the smooth jazz countdown. You ready for this, doll?

Dr. Singh: This is a science program! There's no smooth jazz countdown!

Labtech Gene: Smooth Jazz is a science, baby. The science of listening to saxophones and then getting busy down by the fire.

Timmy: Don't worry, you'll like it. This is all you have to do: I call out the name of the tune, then you say "ooh, I can dig it" or something, or just moan appreciatively. You ready for this?

Dr. Singh: No!

Timmy: OK, here we go. Number five this week: Chocolate Cake Supreme with the laid-back chillness of "Whale Memories, Pt. II."

Dr. Singh: ...

Labtech Gene: Do it, lady.

Timmy: Give her time, LG. Let her get used to the idea. Number four: The Hugo Rodney Combo with their smash-hit sax track, "Teatime For Ya Butt."

Dr. Singh: I won't do it!

Timmy: You will, baby. Just feel that smooth jazz. It'll happen. Number three: Raoul Champagne makes his top-five debut with "Allow Me to Touch That."

Dr. Singh: Mff... urhg...

Timmy: Don't fight it, baby. Number two: The Titi Muscatachiollaire Orchestra lays it on heavy with the clarinets in "I Fell Asleep in the Pool."

Dr. Singh: Fffffff...

Timmy: Let it happen, babe. You know you can dig it. You ready for number one? Here it is, ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Timmy's Smooth Jazz Pick of the Week: Cassius LaFontaine with his ultra-mellow instrumental, "Take My Hand, Baby, and I Will Lead You to a Place."

Dr. Singh: Oooooooh. I can dig it!

Timmy: I knew you could, baby.

Dr. Singh: What...? What did I just say? Nooooooo!

Timmy: That's all for this week, ladies and gentlemen. If you want to drop us a line about which items you dig the most this week, just visit this thread. Stay mellow!

August

07 Evolving Item Report delayed until Tuesday

[NPC] Dr. Singh doc beard4

• Topic Evolving Item Report delayed until Tuesday - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Aug 07, 2008 7:29 pm

Psst-- hey, everybody... I should make this quick, because I don't know when Timmy's coming back. I just wanted to fill you in on some news.

First, I'm sorry to inform you that the Evolving Item Report (and... ugh... Smooth Jazz Countdown) will be a little bit delayed this week. It will probably come out sometime around Tuesday, August 12th.

But while I have this short reprieve, I need to talk to you. I don't know if you've noticed, but Timmy and Gene have been acting really, really strange lately. I don't know what it is... they used to be such sweet guys, but they've been acting like total male-chauvinist creeps.

Since he grew that little beard and all, at first I was thinking that Timmy hit puberty or something, but it's gone way beyond that-- now he's listening to smooth jazz and wearing a red blazer and quite possibly doing illegal things in his spare time. But now Gene's got a beard as well, and I've got a hunch that something very fishy is going on. I think their beards may be some kind of disease, or maybe even a curse.

Until I can figure out what's going on, I think I'll just play along and study their habits. I picked up this fake beard at a costume shop. I'm hoping it will fool them, or fool their beards... if not, I might be in big trouble.

See you Tuesday!

11 Evolving Item Report: Dionaesil, Alruna's Rose, Urn & More

[NPC] Dr. Singh doc beard5, Timmy/T-Bone, and Labtech Gene

• Topic Evolving Item Report: Dionaesil, Alruna's Rose, Urn & More - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Mon Aug 11, 2008 10:41 pm

Dr. Singh: Aww yeah, you... cats... welcome to Dr. Timmy's Evolving Item Report and Smooth Jazz Countdown. I'm Dr. Singh, and I'm, uh, highly excited to present your host, the coolest... dude...

Timmy: You're botching the intro, babe. I love the new look and all, but you gotta work on that banter if you wanna roll with the T-Bone. Show the lady how it's done, LG.

Labtech Gene: Light up the candles and drape yourselves in velvet, ladies and gentlemen, because the smoooooth jaaaaazz is about to commence! I know all the sexy ladies are ready to roll out the red carpet for the fantastic man of their fanciest fantasies, your solid-gold host... Timmy!

Timmy: See? That's how it's done, baby. You could take a lesson or two from LG. He's a natural broadcaster.

Dr. Singh: Yeah, that was really, really... great. Can we just get to the evolving items, please?

Labtech Gene: Hey! T-Bone will request your suggestions when he starts running out of ideas, which is never, you got it?

Timmy: No, LG, the lady is right: we should get the evolving item part over with, so we can give the people what they really came to see: smooth jazz!

Labtech Gene: You were right about me being wrong, T-Bone. Good call. You're the greatest, man.

-

Dr. Singh: Let's start with some very exciting news: the Dionaesil has reached its final form this week! That means that owners of first-generation Dionaesils can now see the item's incredible final pose, and all the previous forms have been unlocked! Elsewhere, Padmavati's Lotus is revealing some interesting clues about its future, and the Kelp o'th Loch is starting to show some clear indications of its true nature. The popular Picolitrosso's Urn is starting to become extremely cute--

Timmy: Just like you, babe. Love the beard, by the way.

Dr. Singh: Thank you, Timmy. Also this week, Alruna's Rose, one of the craziest evolving items ever, is moving yet another step closer to completion. I can't wait to see what this item still has in store! And, in other news, the 3rd generation of The Experiment is fully unlocking this week. That's about it for this time...

You can find these great evolving items and tons of other cool stuff over at the Gaia Cash Shop!

Get Gaia Cash cards at select retailers across the country or directly from Gaia Online. Click here to learn more.

Timmy: So, now that the Doc is finished with all her science mumbo-jumbo, whaddaya say we get started on the real show? That's right, everyone: it's time for the Smooth Jazz Countdown. Let's go, LG!

Labtech Gene: I don't think they're hearing you yet, T-Bone, you'd better hit 'em again!

Timmy: One more time, all you sexy ladies out there: get ready for some Smooth Jazz! Think you can handle it this time, Doc?

Dr. Singh: You know it, little bud-- er, "T-bone."

Timmy: Dig this: hitting number five this week like a pink ostrich feather sensually striking the posterior of a fine lady, we've got smooth jazz superstar Kenny F with his hot new soprano sax track, "Blowin' in a Thing."

Dr. Singh: Awwww yeah! *shudder*

Timmy: Number four, with a bullet: the Wes Butan Trio performing "Sensual Botox." Oh Wes, you're a true guru of smooth jazz!

Dr. Singh: Oooh... so adult contemporary!

Timmy: Rising to number three this week, we've got the slow, smooth, chilled-out groove of Luther Ramses with "Naugahyde Nights."

Dr. Singh: Smooooth! I feel like I'm in a... sexy elevator?

Labtech Gene: Whoa! Cool it with the "e-word," babe. Smooth jazz is to be enjoyed in many locations-- yes, including vertical conveyance systems-- but is definitely not just (pardon my use of the term here, I say this only to illustrate your offensive conduct) "elevator music."

Timmy: Go easy on her, LG, she's new at this. Okay, moving on. Try to contain your outrage, Cassius LaFontaine fans: "Take My Hand, Baby, and I Will Lead You to a Place" has dropped to the number two spot! Pretty stunning upset, isn't it, baby?

Dr. Singh: Oooh, catch me if I faint!

Timmy: And now, the moment you've all waited your whole lives for: this week's number-one smooth jazz track! You ready for this? Well, ladies and gentlemen, here it is. Coming in at number one in an amazing debut, it's-- oh, hold on, that's my cell phone. Gotta take this call, ladies and gentlemen. Doc, you handle number one. Hello? Rico? I told you a million times, Rico, you don't get me that money by tomorrow and I'll...

Dr. Singh: But... I don't know what number one is! Do you have it written down, or something?

Labtech Gene: Let me get this straight: you show up to Gaia's top-rated smooth jazz program not knowing what the number one smooth jazz track of the week is? This is inexcusable work, baby. This is just sloppy. I don't care how long you've known T-Bone, babe, this ain't the minor leagues and we have no room for this kind of unprofessionalism.

Timmy: Quiet down, you two! I'm trying to tell Rico what I'm going to do with him if he doesn't have my money, and it's a complicated, ten-step process. You're making me lose my train of... are you crying again, LG?

Labtech Gene: I'm... I'm sorry, T-Bone, I just try so hard... it hurts me so bad when I let you down, boss... so bad...

Timmy: Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, looks like we've gotta finish this up next week. Goodnight! Anyway, Rico, you come up short on me again and I'm going to mail your most highly-prized appendages to your grandmother's nursing home!

Dr. Singh: Uhh.... okay... as usual, we've got a thread set up here where you let us know what your favorite items of the week are. And a final message to the fans: stay strong out there, and remember that I'm working as hard as I can to get to the bottom of this! wink

Labtech Gene: Your words are perplexing to me, baby, but I dig the wink. You keep that up.

15 Evolving Item Report: New item: Gimpi!

[NPC] Dr. Singh doc beard5, Timmy/T-Bone, and Labtech Gene

• Topic Evolving Item Report: New item: Gimpi! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:30 pm

This week's big news:

• Brand new evolving item: Gimpi!
• Death Whisper, Inari's Beads, Enchanted Book and Yama No Tamago evolve.
• Dionaesil will leave the Cash Shop on August 19th.
• The terrible saga of Timmy continues with more smooth jazz!

Read on, dear friends, for our full Evolving Item Report!

Timmy: I'm rushing, LG. Gotta cool down a little. Doc's gonna be here soon, and she can't know about my business. We gotta be careful, you dig? When the Doc's here, when those cameras roll, we're all about smooth jazz. No business. We're just a couple of hep dudes who happen to be living well. The Doc doesn't need to know where the money comes from, you feel me?

Labtech Gene: I got it, T-Bone. I won't mention what we did with Ri--

Timmy: Cool it, the Doc's coming. Beards up, Large, time to be a star. You ready to be somebody?

Dr. Singh: Timmy? Gene? Are you guys in there?

Timmy: Right in here, babe. You ready to roll? Let's get your science jive out of the way tout de suite, sugar. We'll let you indulge your little nature trip as long as it doesn't cramp our smooth. Isn't that right, LG?

Labtech Gene: *grrk* *sniff*

Timmy: Look, baby, you're making Gene get all emotional at how right I am. Now get your business taken care of before those tears start rolling.

Dr. Singh: Gladly. First of all, we've got some incredible news this week: the Cash Shop just got a shipment of what appears to be a brand new evolving item! A while back, the Skin Tyte shop in Durem started offering some special potions that could change the very nature of the body. However, it appears that some of the potions didn't turn out quite right…

-

The Gimpi potion is quite strange: you can't actually drink it, but it seems to be growing on its own! Who knows what might become of this odd concoction? You can swing by the Gaia Cash Shop to see for yourself!

Timmy: As a businessman, I recommend first generation items. Gotta get in on the ground floor to make the big bucks. That's economics, baby.

Dr. Singh: In other news, a bumper crop of our finest items are evolving this week! The Death Whisper is just getting more and more disturbing… I can't wait to see what depths it's sunk to this time. If you prefer things a little softer and cuter, you'll be happy to hear that Inari's Beads have evolved again, too.

Timmy: Ain't nothing in the world softer and cuter than that beard of yours, baby.

Dr. Singh: You flatter me, T-Bone. *shudder* …anyway, the Enchanted Book is still weaving its unbelievable tale, and the strange spirit of the Yama no Tamago is stirring with inscrutable power. And as a final note to all the aspiring botanists out there: this is your last chance to pick up the extraordinary Dionaesil! It'll be leaving the Cash Shop very soon, so don't dawdle.

You can pick up all of these awesome evolving items, including the brand-new Gimpi, at the Gaia Cash Shop!

Get Gaia Cash cards at select retailers across the country or directly from Gaia Online. Click here to learn more.

Timmy: Bravo, baby. Captivating stuff, as always, but now it's time to move on to bigger and better things: who's ready for some smooooooooooooth jaaaaaaazz!?

Labtech Gene: Me! I'm ready for jazz! Pick me!

Timmy: Cool your jets, big guy. There's plenty of smooth jazz for everyone… but a little extra for the fine ladies out there. You ready, Doc? Check your mood ring, we gotta make sure you're mellow enough.

Dr. Singh: What? I don't have a mood ring.

Labtech Gene: I'm freaking out, T-Bone. Freaking out a little over here.

Timmy: Be cool. The lady doesn't have a mood ring. That's unusual and maybe illegal, but we have to work through this for the sake of the smooth jazz. Let's just start the countdown, dig? Awright, number five: Galileo Braingrass hits a new entry to the chart with his ultrasmooth new-age relaxation cut, "Dolphin Healing Crystal Jam."

Dr. Singh: Oooh… I can feel it working… *yawn*

Timmy: Number four this week comes courtesy of the legendary Barry Duke-Wayne, who puts us in an amorous mood with his sultry new single, "Pants Alarm Deployed."

Dr. Singh: Aww, yeah… very… mellow…

Timmy: And coming in at number three, Raoul Champagne returns triumphantly to the charts with his sassy oboe blockbuster, "Felt a Thing Happen (Ooh Yeah Baby Ouch)." Play this one reeeeaal quiet, ladies and gentlemen, so you can detect all the smooth jazz nuance.

Dr. Singh: Smooth jazz… making me so tired…

Timmy: That's right, baby. Tired of not listening to smooth jazz. Number two: let's give it up for the tireless musical efforts of Cassius LaFontaine, who's back this week with "Feather Earhole Touch." Doesn't get much mellower than that, baby.

Dr. Singh: Zzzz… *snork*

Timmy: Nothing is quite so seductive as a fine lady's gentle snore of smooth jazz appreciation. You ready for number one this week, LG?

Labtech Gene: I feel like I'm gonna die if you don't hit me with it right now, T-Bone!

Timmy: Here it is, babies: returning to the number one spot this week, it's the fabulous Royce Breeze with his seductive new slow-jam, "The Hillbilly Handshake!"

Labtech Gene: How'd he make a 1980s-era electric piano sound so much like a banjo, T-Bone? Is he some kind of a god?

Timmy: You said a mouthful, Large. It's best not to contemplate his ways, because even the mind of a jazz genius like me can't begin to understand such things. Say, why isn't the Doc joining in with our discussion of how good smooth jazz is?

Labtech Gene: She's out cold, T-Bone. I think the smooth jazz mellowed her out too much, and she just couldn't take it.

Timmy: You know, Large, at first I was feeling like her squareness and general chumpism was stepping on our toes, but ever since she grew that beard it's become clear that she's actually quite hep.

Labtech Gene: So do we get to tell her about the business? Do we tell her about... The Sacred Tenets of Smooth Jazz!?

Timmy: Soon, LG. We gotta take this slow, so we don't blow her mind. In time, she will know the horrible truth. Dig.

Dr. Singh: Bzzt... *snort*... huh? I'm awake! What about smooth jazz? Oh, drat! Looks like we're all out of time. See you next week, ladies and gentlemen-- if you want to tell us what you think of the items, remember to visit our weekly evolving item poll. Thanks!

22 Evolving Item Report: Furugasa & Alruna's Rose... Complete!

[NPC] Dr. Singh doc beard6, Timmy/T-Bone, and Labtech Gene

• Topic Evolving Item Report: Furugasa & Alruna's Rose... Complete! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Aug 22, 2008 2:48 pm

This week's big news:

• New evolving item: Dander!}}
• The scandalous final evolution of Alruna's Rose!
• The insane completion of the ghastly Furugasa!
• Alruna and Furugasa are leaving the Cash Shop on September 2nd.
• Padmavati's Lotus, Picolitrosso's Urn and Gro-Gain are evolving!
• Dr. Singh continues her secret undercover effort to infiltrate the strange world of smooth jazz!

Read on, dear friends, for our full Evolving Item Report!

Dr. Singh: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to another exciting edition of the Evolving Item Report (...and Smooth Jazz Countdown). I'm Dr. Singh, and this is my co-host, Timmy. Also with us-- again-- is Timmy's faithful hanger-on, Labtech Gene. Well, Timmy, you're looking spiffy today! Is that a new haircut?

Timmy: Spiffy? Please, babe. I paid more for this haircut than you make in a year. T-Bone treats himself right.

Dr. Singh: How... impressive. Anyway, we've got some big, big news: Alruna's Rose, one of Gaia's most incredible premium items, is finishing its evolution this week! It's always been quite a daring little number, but the extraordinary, seductive final poses must be seen to be believed. Yowza!

-

Timmy: Pass one down here, Doc. Gotta get a look at this.

Dr. Singh: Timmy, you may be some kind of a rich "businessman" now, but you're still a child, and I don't think you should be around this sort of item.

Labtech Gene: Nobody talks to T-Bone like that! He runs this town!

Dr. Singh: Nevertheless, he'll just have to wait a few years. Those of you who are slightly more mature can still pick up later generations of Alruna's Rose in the Gaia Cash Shop for a limited time, but they'll be leaving the shop on September 2nd!

And it gets even crazier, too: Furugasa, the ghostly umbrella that nearly scared Timmy to death during his brush with insanity, is also reaching its final stage this week! It contains a huge number of bizarre and frightening poses... lucky owners of first-generation Furugasas will just have to see for themselves. If you want in on the creepiness, you'd better act quick: the Furugasa is also leaving the Cash Shop on September 2nd.

Timmy: You're mistaken, babe. Nothing scares T-Bone.

Dr. Singh: More big news this week: as Flynn announced on Tuesday, we've got a brand-new, first-generation evolving item available now in the Cash Shop! Dander may look like a little ball of dust, but my projections indicate that it'll keep picking up stray lint until it grows into something quite special.

And as if that weren't enough excitement for one week, we've also got four more items evolving! Padmavati's Lotus is taking a rather alarming reptilian form, and Picolitrosso's Urn, one of our more mysterious evolving items, is continuing its strange journey.

Timmy: Is that it, sugarhorse? Smooth jazz awaits.

Dr. Singh: Actually, not quite... one of the strangest evolving items out there is undergoing its first evolution this week, and I have to say I'm a bit baffled as to what it might become. Gro-Gain seems to be a hair-growth chemical that never hit the mass market, but all my attempts to find information on it have turned up dead ends. There seems to be a G-Corp logo etched into the bottle under the label, but I can't find any history of--

Labtech Gene: Well, better give up, babe. If there's nothing to find, there's nothing to find. Might as well stop looking, right, T-Bone?

Timmy: Yeah, LG is right, Doc. Might as well not snoop into things that don't concern you, dig?

Dr. Singh: If you say so... anyway, you can get all these incredible items now, including Alruna's Rose and the brand-new Dander, in the Gaia Cash Shop!

Get Gaia Cash cards at select retailers across the country or directly from Gaia Online. Click here to learn more.

Timmy: Bravo, doll. Forget all that stuff people say about how it's "boring" and "worthless," I personally think your science junk is one of the minor highlights of this program. Sure, it's not quite as exciting and dynamic as the Smooth Jazz Countdown, but it does have a certain je ne sais quoi...

Dr. Singh: Well... thanks, Timmy.

Timmy: In fact, you do such sharp work around here that I want to give you a shot at the major leagues. Think you're ready to step up to the plate, babe?

Dr. Singh: How do you mean?

Timmy: Since you've been adapting so well to the Smooth Jazz game-- love the beard, by the way-- I thought you might like to lead the countdown this week.

Labtech Gene: But... but, boss!

Timmy: Mellow out, LG. You'll get your shot someday. Today, I thought we'd celebrate the oft-forgotten abilities of the world of ladies. What do you say, Doc? Think you've got it in you?

Dr. Singh: I'd be honored... do you happen to have the list?

Labtech Gene: See, T-Bone? She doesn't even know the top five!

Timmy: Got it right here, doll. Work the magic. I'll handle the appreciative comments.

Dr. Singh: OK, at number five this week, we've got the drowsy piano magic of Ken Bland's "Plains of Euphoria," featuring a sizzling slap-bass interlude by Omar Sexton!

Timmy: Awwwww yeah!

Dr. Singh: Rocketing up the charts to number four: beloved new-age songstress Enga dabbles in the tepid smooth jazz bathtub with her crossover hit, "Dreamchant Elfcrap."

Timmy: I can-- and shall-- dig it.

Dr. Singh: Falling to number three this week, Royce Breeze's "Hillbilly Handshake." Could this piano hoedown be a mere flash in the pan for the legendary artiste?

Timmy: Never, baby. Royce Breeze is a certified genius.

Dr. Singh: Raoul Champagne moves up from the number three spot to claim this week's silver medal with the seductive oboe interplay of "Felt a Thing Happen (Ooh Yeah Baby Ouch)."

Timmy: Glad to see this one return. I am a man who digs an oboe. How about you, LG?

Labtech Gene: Yeaaaaaah. The oboe gets me in the mood to recline and be fed grapes by a fine lady in a toga.

Dr. Singh: *Shudder*... An amazing coup for number one this week: smooth jazz superstar Cassius LaFontaine is back with yet another single! How does he keep coming up with this stuff? This week, he gets the airwaves boiling with "Sensual Experimentation in Love Jail."

Timmy: Diiiiiiiiig. Excellent job, babe. That beard is really coming in nicely. I think you're almost ready to experience... the Smooth Jazz Lifestyle.

Dr. Singh: Wow, Timmy, I can't wait. What exactly is the "Smooth Jazz Lifestyle," anyway?

Timmy: All in good time, angelface. You did good this week, so you'll find out soon enough. For now, you'd better run along-- Gene and I have some stuff to talk about. Business stuff. Ladies wouldn't be interested.

Dr. Singh: Whatever you say, Timmy. Looks like that's all the time we have this week, folks! I've got to get going now, but you can always leave us your feedback on this batch of evolutions in our weekly poll thread. Ciao!

Timmy: LG, we need to talk.

Labtech Gene: What is it, T-Bone? Are you mad at me or something? Please, boss, I can't take it! You know I'd do anything for you!

Timmy: I'm just gonna come out and say it, man: you gotta ease up. You're using too much.

Labtech Gene: It's cool, T-Bone, I got it under control. Plus, the Tenets of the Smooth Jazz Lifestyle say--

Timmy: Don't you tell me about the Tenets of the Smooth Jazz Lifestyle! Just look at yourself, Large, you're twitching and sprouting like a fiend. Just be cool. Lay off the 'Gain for a few days, huh?

Labtech Gene: You got it, boss. I can stop whenever I want. I'll start slowing it down tomorrow. Just gotta get one more hit first, just to keep me going.

Timmy: Get yourself together, LG. We've got important work to do.

28 Evolving Item Report: Death Whisper, Inari's Beads & More

[NPC] Dr. Singh doc beard7, Timmy/T-Bone, and Labtech Gene

• Topic Evolving Item Report: Death Whisper, Inari's Beads & More - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Aug 28, 2008 5:24 pm

In the news this week:

• New evolutions for Death Whisper, Inari's Beads, and Kelp o'th Loch
• Alruna's Rose and Furugasa leave the shop on September 2nd
• In the face of tragedy, Dr. Singh struggles to remain undercover in the Smooth Jazz Lifestyle!

Timmy: OK, babe, let's get this moving. Do your science thing.

Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your source for the latest news on Gaia's hottest items. Looks like "T-Bone" is trying to move this along as quickly as possible, so let's get right to the updates! Four items are evolving this week: first, Inari's Beads are really coming along; this item is shaping up to be one of my personal favorites, and judging by last week's evolving item poll, a lot of you agree! The Death Whisper is growing more and more gruesome all the time... I don't know if I can stand to look at it this week, but all the black-clad fans of the morbid and macabre are going to love this evolution.

Lastly, the Kelp O'th Loch is escalating its rise from the treacherous deep! Any ideas what this will turn into, Timmy?

Timmy: What? Hush, babe, I'm on a call with my supplier while simultaneously pondering the work of smooth jazz luminary Cassius LaFontaine, and I can only do two things at once.

-

Dr. Singh: rolleyes Anyway, you can pick up these excellent evolving items (and many more!) in the Gaia Cash Shop! Don't forget that we're still offering the first generations of two new items: Gimpi and Dander. First-gen items seem to do very nicely in the Marketplace, so invest while you can!

Timmy: "Buy low, sell high." That's a little phrase I invented to describe my method of business, ladies and gents, and you'd do well to remember it.

Dr. Singh: Go visit Flynn to check out the selection! Beware, though: you'll probably have to fight your way through mobs of customers trying to snap up the limited stock of zOMG Rumble Boxes. And don't forget: there's only a few days left to pick up Alruna's Rose and Furugasa, two of our finest items!

Dr. Singh: So, now that we've done the "science junk," are we ready for this week's Smooth Jazz Countdown, T-Bone? I've been brushing up on the charts, and I think I'm ready to really blow it out of the water this week!

Timmy: I thought you were cool, babe.

Labtech Gene: How could you be so insensitive at a time like this?

Timmy: You just stepped way over the line. I feel like I don't even know you.

Dr. Singh: What? What did I do? I just want to celebrate the Smooth Jazz Lifestyle!

Labtech Gene: Celebrate!? Hold me, T-Bone, I think I'm going to get emotional-- *gulk*

Timmy: Look what you did! You made Large G emotional!

Dr. Singh: I don't understand...

Timmy: Listen, sugar: if you knew anything about the Smooth Jazz Lifestyle, you'd know that today is not a week for celebration. I'm embarrassed that I even have to tell you this, but Smooth Jazz pioneer Cassius LaFontaine... he... sorry, gettin' choked up here... *gulk*

Labtech Gene: You insensitive devil-woman! You made T-Bone emotional! T-Bone has no emotions!

Dr. Singh: I'm sorry, guys, I didn't know... can someone just tell me what's going on?

Timmy: He... he fell down... an elevator shaft! Lo, it is too much to bear...

Labtech Gene: Cassius LaFontaine, our hero, the man who did so much to dispel the hurtful "elevator music" stereotype, was killed by... killed by the very thing that... *gulk*

Dr. Singh: Oh, dear, that's terrible... and maybe very ironic, but I could never quite get a grasp on how irony works. Er... somehow, despite my, great love for smooth jazz, I hadn't heard about that.

Timmy: Maybe you heard, but you were so emotional over it that your brain simply couldn't process the information. We all mourn in different ways, babe. If you need somebody to comfort you with a box of wine and a relaxing candlelit shoulder massage, you just let me know.

Dr. Singh: Maybe next week, T-Bone. I'm afraid my female emotions have made me too distraught for that kind of thing. I'm sure you understand. I guess we're not doing the countdown this week due to the terrible Cassius LaFontaine tragedy. If you can still type through all your grief, please swing by the weekly weekly poll thread. and vote for your favorite. Goodnight, everyone!

September

05 Evolving Item Report: Gimpi, Coocoon, Urn, Book, Yama

[NPC] Dr. Singh doc beard8, Timmy/T-Bone, and Labtech Gene

• Topic Evolving Item Report: Gimpi, Coocoon, Urn, Book, Yama - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Sep 05, 2008 12:51 pm

This week...

• Gimpi and Coocoon get their first evolutions
• Picolitrosso's Urn, Enchanted Book & Yama No Tamago evolve
• Labtech Gene continues his spiral into depravity...

Read on for the full report!

Dr. Singh: Good afternoon, everybody! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your weekly source for all the latest news on Gaia's greatest items. I'm here with my good friend and Smooth Jazz mentor, T-Bone, and his right hand man, Gene... good heavens, Gene, what in the world is going on with your hair?

Labtech Gene: Smoooooooooooogghh... lifestyle.

Dr. Singh: I see...

Timmy: Don't mind my boy Large G, babe. He's just consumed with the smoothness, you dig? His mind is just down by the fire, y'know, on the bearskin rug. The Lifestyle.

-

Dr. Singh: I understand completely, T-Bone. Let's just get on with the science: this week, we've got some great new evolutions from a few of your favorite items. Little Gimpi is starting to grow! It started out looking like nothing more than a malfunctioning potion, but it's clearly got a few surprises in store. Another new item, the Coocoon, is finally showing some signs of growth after a couple of false starts. But you know what they say, folks: good things come to those who wait.

Timmy: They also say good things come in small packages. Remember that, ladies.

Dr. Singh: And speaking of good things, some of our most incredible premium items are also getting updates today: the Enchanted Book is positively bursting with magic, and Picolitrosso's Urn remains as lovely as it is hard to spell, with some incredibly elegant new poses. Last but not least, Yama No Tamago seems to be brimming with life this week. As an animal lover, I can't wait to see how it turns out!

You can find all these evolving items and more at the Gaia Cash Shop! Be sure to stop by and check out Flynn's amazing selection.

Timmy: Yeah, I'll check out her amazing selection, all right... but for now, let's move on to the Smooth Jazz Countdown! You ready, Large?

Labtech Gene: Jaaaaaazz. Awwdiiiig...

Timmy: Snap out of it, LG! Time for the countdown!

Labtech Gene: *Snrrk* Huh? Wha? Sorry, T-Bone, just kinda drifted into a little reverie for a minute there. You know how it is with smooth jazz. Just havin' a little sax interlude, boss.

Timmy: You gotta ease up on that... jazz. Let's get it going. Time to be somebody. Let's knock this one out of the park for Cassius.

Dr. Singh: Yes, let's! I'll just get it started with our number five pick this week--

Timmy: Whoa, babe. I gave you a chance, and you blew it. Anyone who doesn't properly mourn the death of Cassius LaFontaine, our greatest visionary, just isn't ready for the Smooth Jazz Lifestyle. I'm letting Large handle it this week.

Dr. Singh: What? He's barely coherent!

Timmy: You know what else is barely coherent, babe? The human heart. Why don't you just ruminate on that for a few minutes while Large gives us the countdown. Hit it, LG.

Labtech Gene: I've been waiting for this for so long, boss. I won't let you down. This one's for Cassius--rest in peace, baby. Okay, number five: Kenny F with another hot new instrumental, "Federal Sax Return."

Timmy: I am very much inclined to dig that, LG.

Labtech Gene: Shooting to number four like a lightning bolt, it's Toots Calypso with "The Sax of Life." Sweet sounds, baby.

Timmy: I was digging it before it even started, and even still I continue to do so.

Labtech Gene: And at number three: Oswald Whitebread melts the lady part of your heart with his brand-new single, "Anglo-Saxin'."

Timmy: I do believe I'm detecting some sort of a theme tonight, Large, but I can't quite put my finger on it.

Labtech Gene: You just save those fingers for counting money and gingerly brushing ladies' bangs out of their eyes, T-Bone. We'll figure it out eventually. Okay, at number two: the Wes Butan Trio returns with an instant classic, "Saxidermy (Wanna Stuff That)."

Timmy: Awwwwww yeah.

Labtech Gene: And, finally, this week's number one smooth jazz single: the mighty Titi Muscataciollaire Orchestra reaches the highest stratospheres of smoothness with their down-by-the-fire masterpiece, "I Wanna Sax U Up."

Timmy: I'm digging it deep, LG. So deep I don't know if I can climb out of it. It's a deep, deep kinda dig, my friend. Doc, you're on Smooth Jazz Probation, but please restore my faith by telling me that you're digging this.

Dr. Singh: Oh yeah, T-Bone, I'm absolutely digging this. A lot of great songs this week. They're all so... what's the word... similar!

Labtech Gene: That's what's so good about them, baby. There are no surprises in smooth jazz. Just smoothness.

Dr. Singh: That's it for this week, smooth jazz and evolving item fans! Be sure to stop by our poll and tell us what you think of this week's batch of items. Thanks!

12 Evolving Item Report: New item: Holy $#17!

[NPC] Dr. Singh doc beard9, Timmy/T-Bone, and Labtech Gene

• Topic Evolving Item Report: New item: Holy $#17! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Sep 12, 2008 1:46 pm

Dr. Singh: Good afternoon, everyone! Welcome to another edition of the Evolving Item Report, Gaia's most trusted source for the latest on all your favorite items. I’m Dr. Singh, and here with me are Gaia’s most beloved smooth jazz masterminds, T-Bone and Labtech Gene.

Timmy: Move it along, babe. Just get the science bit out of the way and give us a tap on the shoulder when the real show starts.

Dr. Singh: Well, OK... that’s good, actually, because we have some fantastic news! Today, a brand new evolving item is hitting the Gaia Cash Shop: Holy $#17!

Timmy: Let’s watch the language, babe, there may be ladies listening. Sensitive ladies.

Dr. Singh: No, that’s the name of the item: Holy $#17. I don’t think it signifies anything in particular, it’s just some sort of indecipherable code... I don’t know what this thing is, and its origins are totally mysterious to me. I suppose we’ll just have to wait and see, right?

-

And speaking of new stuff: our dusty little pal Dander is moving along this week, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it caused a few allergy flare-ups. Make sure to bring a dust mask and plenty of eye drops if you plan to study this item! In scarier news, the Death Whisper is growing ever more horrifying by the minute, and I shudder to think what may become of it.

Labtech Gene: Now what’s a fine lady like you doing with an object of such unspeakable evil?

Dr. Singh: It seems like only yesterday that Inari’s Beads and Padmavati’s Lotus were brand new, but these two exquisite premium items are now well into their evolutionary paths, and they’re really coming into their own. It seems like these two are right on track to go down as two of the coolest items we’ve ever documented! The Lotus is now most definitely taking on aspects of the legendary Naga, and the Beads are continuing along the Kitsune theme to wonderful effect.

You can buy all these great items—including the brand-new Holy $#17—right now in the Gaia Cash Shop!

Timmy: Is that it, ladies? We need to talk...

Dr. Singh: Not quite! We just wanted to let everyone know that a couple of generations of older items are finishing up this week: the 2nd generation of the Furugasa and the 11th generation of Hermes' Moon are now fully unlocked. OK. Now we’re done with the “science bit.” What do you need to talk about?

Timmy: Babe, I think we need to have a little face-to-face about the future of this operation. Might want to sit down for this, because I'm about to lay down some ice-cold truth on you.

Dr. Singh: Uhh... sure, T-Bone, whatever you say.

Timmy: Babe, the Smooth Jazz Countdown is very dear to our hearts, but the reality is that the hosting situation just isn't really working out. We feel like certain members of the Smooth Jazz Countdown staff are maybe not quite total in their commitment to the Smooth Jazz Lifestyle, and maybe some personnel changes may be in order. Are you digging me thus far?

Dr. Singh: I'm not sure what you're saying...

Labtech Gene: He means you're a square, honey. You've been dragging this operation down with your unprofessionalism from day one, and it's time to do the right thing for the program: you're gone.

Dr. Singh: I'm sure you're mistaken, Gene, since Timmy actually doesn't have the authority to fire me...

Labtech Gene: T-BONE'S AUTHORITY IS ABSOLUTE!

Dr. Singh: Not according to his contract. You see, Timmy is technically an unpaid intern, so the idea that he can fire the host of the show is patently ridiculous. Isn't that right, Timmy?

Timmy: Err...

Dr. Singh: So what exactly are you trying to say, Timmy?

Timmy: Yeah, uh. What I'm trying to say is that maybe it's time for Large G and I to move on to bigger and better things... and speaking of bigger things, I'm pleased to announce that we've begun construction on the T-Bone Mansion, which is destined to become the nexus of a Smooth Jazz revolution that will sweep across Gaia like mellow, lukewarm wildfire.

Dr. Singh: Timmy, does that mean you're moving out of the evolving item lab?

Timmy: It does, babe. I'll be in my own digs soon. We've had some good times, but business is business. I may not be appearing on this program for a while, but rest assured that the Smooth Jazz Lifestyle will live on. Dig.

Dr. Singh: Whatever you say, Timmy... well, folks, I guess that's it for the Smooth Jazz Countdown. Come back next week for... well, I guess I'll think of something! As usual, you can tell us what you think of this week's crop of items in our poll. Goodnight!

Timmy: Remember, ladies and gentlemen: you haven't seen the last of T-Bone.

18 Evolving Item Report: Fallen Wish, Lotus, Urn & More

[NPC] Dr. Singh alone

• Topic Evolving Item Report: Fallen Wish, Lotus, Urn & More - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Sep 18, 2008 5:56 pm

Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone, and welcome to the Evolving Item Report! I'm Dr. Singh, and this is my little friend Ti-- oh, right. Timmy quit last week to focus on his "business" endeavors, so I guess it's just me for now. But we'll try not to let that get us down, because we've got tons of cool stuff evolving this week.

Our top story today: on Tuesday, Flynn announced a brand-new premium evolving item, the Fallen Wish! Unlike most items that cross my path, I actually have a pretty darn good idea what this one might turn into, and I've got a feeling it'll be a BIG hit. For one thing, it's a creature that Gaians have been clamoring for forever; also, it's made by the creator of Hermes' Moon, one of the most dazzling items in Gaia's history.

If you've got some Cash burning a hole in your pocket, I'd highly recommend picking up the first generation of this item. Aside from getting all the new poses first, shrewd investors know that first-gen items always maintain higher value on the Marketplace.

-

Aside from that, we've got a fantastic lineup of items evolving this week, isn't that right, Timmy?

...

Oh, yeah. Sorry, force of habit. Anyway: Padmavati's Lotus continues its serpentine evolution this week with some great new elements. Picolitrosso's Urn is also getting a suite of elegant new additions-- I'm generally a khaki shorts kind of girl, but the beautiful masks and classic garments we've been seeing from this item make me a little tempted to dress up a little.

The Kelp o' th' Loch has definitely been losing that seaweedy smell lately with some totally unexpected equine looks, and this week's evolution brings even more surprises. Last, but not least: Gro-Gain, the mysterious hair-growth chemical that seems to be at the center of Timmy's recent... changes... is evolving again. Since my undercover efforts were fruitless, I'm still trying to figure out what's going on with this stuff; maybe once Gene vacates his laboratory and moves into Timmy's new mansion, I'll be able to get in and poke around. Until then, this item (and Timmy's fascination with Smooth Jazz) remains a mystery.

You can get all these great items and many more at the Gaia Cash Shop! Flynn always enjoys meeting new customers, so if you've never stopped by, be sure to go have a look.

Finally, we've got a few generations of classic evolving items completing their evolutions this week. If you're an owner of a 5th generation White Drome Egg, a 3rd generation Dionaesil or a 3rd generation Alruna's Rose, be sure to open them up and check out all the final poses.

That's all for this week, ladies and gents! I'll be back next week with more of the great evolving item news you've come to rely on. Maybe I'll even find a new sidekick by then, at least until this Timmy situation gets sorted out. Believe it or not, I miss that goofy little critter.

Oh! And don't forget to cast your vote in our poll thread to let us know which items you like most this week. Thanks!

25 Evolving Item Report: New Item - Captain Ara's Nestegg

[NPC] Dr. Singh and Jeff sloth

• Topic Evolving Item Report: New Item - Captain Ara's Nestegg - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Sep 25, 2008 7:35 pm

This week's top news...

• New evolving item: Captain Ara's Nestegg!}}
• Inari's Bead has reached its final stage of evolution!
• New evolutions from Death Whisper, Enchanted Book, Gimpi and Yama no Tamago.
• With Timmy out of the picture, Dr. Singh seeks a new sidekick...

Read on for all the exciting info!

Dr. Singh: Welcome to the Evolving Item Report! I'm Dr. Singh, and I'm here with some pretty exciting news. As you can see, I'm trying out a new co-host this week: Jeff, the Friendly Mammal! You may recognize Jeff from his old TV show, Jeff & Pals. Welcome to the show, Jeff!

...Jeff? Hello?

Jeff: Yeah? So do I get the job?

Dr. Singh: You're on the show right now, Jeff. We're on the air.

Jeff: Far out. Just tell me when we're gonna get started. I'm gonna be sleeping one off real quick.

Dr. Singh: I think we're pretty much starting right now, Jeff.

Jeff: Great, yeah. Just wake me up whenever.

-

Dr. Singh: Um, sure. Anyway, we've got some fantastic news this week: all you high-seas adventurers will be thrilled to learn that we have a brand-new evolving item: Captain Ara's Nestegg! Since this was recovered from a ruined pirate ship found on a far-off island, I'm guessing it's going to hatch into a loyal companion for all those long sea voyages.

Jeff: Ugh... feelin' a little seasick myself. Gotta lie down for a sec.

Dr. Singh: Stay with us, Jeff, we've got more big, big news: [Inari's Bead]] is reaching its final stage of evolution! Owners of first-generation Beads will now be able to access each and every glorious form of one of our most popular items. Wait till you get a load of the amazing new final poses, and-- Jeff! Put that flask away! You're on national television!

Jeff: Just need a little sip of the ol' medicine. Hair of the dog that bit me, right? Want a taste?

Dr. Singh: No! We're trying to do a show here. In other news, four items are evolving this week: the ever-creepy Death Whisper is yet more terrifying, and I think it's starting to smell. The Enchanted Book is truly a fairytale come to life, and it just seems to get more beautiful every week. The powerful mountain spirits of the Yama no Tamago are stirring again, bringing out some very interesting developments, and poor little Gimpi is starting to show signs of growing up.

Jeff: Can I get paid in Cash? I've got this tax thing going on, and--

Dr. Singh: For heaven's sake, Jeff, we're still doing the show! Anyway, speaking of Cash, I was just going to tell everyone that Flynn has all these items in stock at the Gaia Cash Shop, including the brand-new Captain Ara's Nestegg!

Dr. Singh: Well, that's it for this week, everybody... thanks for the help, Jeff... I'm not sure you're quite right for the program, but we'll be in touch.

Jeff: Yeah, awesome. Say, I'm havin' some problems with the ol'... license situation. You know how it is. Do you think I could get a lift home, Dr. Sting?

Dr. Singh: Singh.

Jeff: My voice is a little rusty, but I could try to belt one out... * Dance and sing / Smile and wink / Get your old friend Jeff a drink... *

Dr. Singh: I think it's time to wrap this up. Don't forget to vote in our poll and let us know which items you liked!

October

01 Cash Shop Update: Halloween Horror!

[NPC] Flynn

• Topic Cash Shop Update: Halloween Horror! - Posted: [NPC] Flynn Wed Oct 01, 2008 4:02 pm

Boo! Gotcha!

Ha, sorry about that, you guys... I'm the least scary person in the whole world. But I do have some thrilling Halloween news: To kick off October with a bang, we've got a few creepy new items in the Gaia Cash shop!

-

New Items

Trick or Treat Tote: Here's a first: a Halloween evolving item! This mischievous little bag of tricks will be available through the month of October only, and it'll be evolving at a pretty rapid pace, with new poses every single week. Do you dare find out what's inside?

Mighty Gargoyle: This massively cool stone protector will keep the evil spirits away with his imposing glare and his fearsome claws.

Deluxe Witch's Cauldron: Got a few leftover eyes of newt a-moldering in the fridge? Throw 'em in the pot and whip up a steaming batch of toil and trouble.

Items Leaving the Cash Shop

It's been a great run, but the Chess Piece set will be leaving the Cash Shop on October 8th. Time is running out to pick up the Devoted Pawn, Valiant Knight, Exalted Rook, Immaculate Bishop, Majestic King and Imperial Queen. Better seize them before they're gone!

Keep an eye out for more spooky items coming very soon... I heard the rest of Gaia's shopkeepers have been working round the clock to get all stocked up for their big Halloween updates, and they've got some great stuff coming your way.

02 Evolving Item Report: Trick or Treat, Fallen Wish & more!

[NPC] Dr. Singh and Jeff sloth

• Topic Evolving Item Report: Trick or Treat, Fallen Wish & more! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Oct 02, 2008 8:07 pm

This week's top news...

• New evolving item: Trick or Treat Tote!}}
• The Fallen Wish is evolving for the first time!
• New evolutions for Dander, Picolitrosso's Urn and Padmavati's Lotus!
• Another visit from failed children's host, Jeff the Friendly Mammal

Read on for all the exciting info!

Dr. Singh: Welcome to the Evolving Item Report! I'm Dr. Singh, and-- uh, for some reason, our friend Jeff the Friendly Mammal just wandered onto the set. Jeff? Uh... you are aware that you did not get the sidekick job, right?

Jeff: Hey hey, sorry I'm late. I spilled some brass polish in my suit while I was mixing a little pregame courage cocktail. Hey, alright, yeah. Let's do a killer broadcast over here. I'm ready when youughh...

Dr. Singh: Jeff? ...Hello? Uh, our friend Jeff has apparently passed out in his suit, so let's just get on with the program.

-

Out biggest news this week is the Trick or Treat Tote a super limited-edition Halloween evolving item! This thing will be evolving on a very rapid schedule, with new poses every single week this month-- oh, what's this? It's already evolved for the first time! Remember, it's available for October only, so don't miss your chance!

And speaking of new stuff: the Fallen Wish, the new premium evolving item crafted by the creator of the legendary Hermes' Moon, is evolving for the first time this week! Ooh, the excitement is downright palpable around here...

Jeff: *SNRK* no officer, not a single drop...

Dr. Singh: How does he not fall over in there? Weighted shoes? As a scientist, I'm honestly pretty curious about this... anyway, the slithery Padmavati's Lotus is continuing its descent into creepiness, and Picolitrosso's Urn is back with some beautiful new poses. Dander, everyone's favorite little dust globule, is also taking a more distinct shape today. Wow, quite a week!

You can grab all these fantastic items-- including the new Trick or Treat Tote and the first-generation Captain Ara's Nestegg (sure to be a big sleeper hit!) in the Gaia Cash Shop:

And don't forget to vote for your favorite items in our weekly poll!

Jeff: Huh? Whatsat? Uh, listen, Brenda... I really appreciate you letting me crash here, but uh, you know how it is. Gotta hit that old dusty trail, you know? It's been real, but I'm not the kind of guy who likes to get tied down with all this, y'know, dating stuff, so... hey, do you mind if I use your toothbrush?

Dr. Singh: What are you talking about? My name's not Brenda, and you most certainly can't "crash" in the studio!

Jeff: Whoa! Just had a little bit of lost time there. You know how it is when you wake up and think it's 1988, right? Good times. Yeah, but seriously, I'm going to need to borrow your toothbrush-- got a little case of the mouthie-barfies goin' on. *URP*

Dr. Singh: Life has been unkind to you, Jeff the Friendly Mammal.

09 Evolving Item Report: Trick or Treat, Death Whisper, Coocoon

[NPC] Dr. Singh and Rina

• Topic Evolving Item Report: Trick or Treat, Death Whisper, Coocoon - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Oct 09, 2008 8:49 pm

This week's top news...

• Get it while you still can: The Trick or Treat Tote!}}
• Holy S#17 is evolving for the first time!
• Kelp o'th' Loch has reached its final stage}}!
• New evolutions for Coocoon and Death Whisper!
• Dr. Singh welcomes a new sidekick hopeful, our old friend Rina!

Read on for all the exciting happenings...

Dr. Singh: Hi there, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, Gaia's highest-rated educational program-- that's right, after all these years we finally beat "Dr. Fantod's Macabre Anatomy" in the sweeps. Let's give ourselves a round of applause, Rina, even though this is your first week as a temporary sidekick and you deserve no credit for our success!

Rina: Yaaaaay!

Dr. Singh: As you've no doubt noticed, Rina is currently auditioning for Timmy's former job as excitable child co-host. Our first sidekick pick, Jeff the Friendly Mammal, didn't quite work out, so he probably won't be joining us again...

Rina: I love Jeff, he's famous! I saw him out the hall and he was napping and he smells like the gas station

-

Dr. Singh: We'll have someone go out there and poke him with a stick. Anyway, Rina, it's nice to have you here. Let's get started right away: this week's big news is once again the Trick or Treat Tote, which adds some awesome new poses today. This little Halloween baggie is evolving at an incredible rate, with new updates every single week this month. To get your Trick or Tr--

Rina: I like flowers!

Dr. Singh: Thank you, Rina. To get your Trick or Treat Tote, just visit Flynn at the Gaia Cash Shop. She's got enough in stock to last her through October, but after that, you'll be plumb outta luck!

Rina: Sometimes I eat the flowers.

Dr. Singh: Yes, Rina, I'm sure you do. In other news, we have some fantastic new evolutions this week: the Death Whisper is more dangerous and sinister than ever, thanks to a delightfully nasty new evolution. Looks like we're getting some fearsome new weaponry this time!

Rina: Does it have any fl--

Dr. Singh: NO! No flowers. But I guess the Kelp o'th' Loch is slightly more planty, if that's what you're into. This week, the Kelp is reaching its final evolution, which lets you transform yourself into a benevolent lake-beastie and unlock all the awesome poses from the item's past. One of our newer items, the-- cover your ears, Rina-- Holy S#17 is beginning to show some big changes this week. Goodness knows where it might wind up.

Rina: It's cute! Give me one. I want one. Now I'm on the show and I get to have a free one for free. It's mine. Give me one.

Dr. Singh: I'm afraid that's not really how it works, Rina, or I'd be a very rich woman. Well, I am a very rich woman, but it's because I command a respectable salary due to my show's great ratings, which you are now putting in jeopardy with your stupid comments. Shall we continue?

Rina: ...you're less mean on TV.

Dr. Singh: We are on TV! OK, anyway: the long-awaited evolution of the Coocoon is finally here, and it's just as lovely as we'd hoped! I'm quite excited to see where it goes in the future. Isn't that right, Timmy-- oh, I'm sorry! You're not Timmy... poor little Timmy, he used to be such a sweet boy...

Rina: Ha ha! Timmy is ugly. Boys are ugly.

Dr. Singh: Of course they are, but that's not the point. The point is that something twisted his poor little mind into something dark and weird and obsessed with smooth jazz... But that's all in the past now. Remember, folks, you can pick up all these wonderful items and more at the Gaia Cash Shop, your fine local evolving item boutique. Remember: fan favorite Inari's Beads will be leaving the shop very soon, so make sure to snag one while you still can!

Dr. Singh: I guess that's just about it for this week, ladies and gents. Say bye bye to Rina, because I have a feeling you won't be seeing her around here again. Bye bye, Rina!

Rina: Bye bye! Come see me at my flower shop! Bye bye, Dr. Singh, you're funny!

Dr. Singh: Is that so?

Rina: Hehe! Yes! You don't like when a girl is on your show because you feel professionally threatened so you get catty biggrin

Dr. Singh: Er... uh... what? No! Uhh... well, that's it for this week, folks. Be sure to stop by our weekly evolving item poll to let us know what you think!

17 Evolving Item Report: Fallen Wish, Tote, Titan's Gift + More

[NPC] Dr. Singh and Peyo

• Topic Evolving Item Report: Fallen Wish, Tote, Titan's Gift + More - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Oct 16, 2008 8:38 pm

This week's top news...

• Get it while you still can: The Trick or Treat Tote!}}
• The mysterious Titan's Gift is evolving for the first time!
• New evolutions for the Fallen Wish, Gimpi, Picolitrosso's Urn, Padmavati's Lotus, Trick or Treat Tote, and Gro-Gain!
• Dr. Singh welcomes the laconic youngster Peyo to the program in her never-ending sidekick search...

Dr. Singh: Hello, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, Gaia's top-rated source for all the latest news on your favorite items. I'm delighted to introduce a brand-new sidekick this week: darling little Peyo! Say "hi," Peyo!

Peyo: ...

Dr. Singh: Aww, looks like the little fella is a tiny bit bashful on camera, so we won't push him too hard this time around. You just go at your own pace, OK, sweetie?

Peyo: ...

Dr. Singh: So cute! Well, we'd better get right into the action, because we've got a HUGE update today with seven items evolving-- can you believe it? Seven! Isn't that something, Peyo?

Peyo: ...

-

Dr. Singh: He was talking during rehearsals, I swear. Let's get to it: first up, the Trick or Treat Tote is evolving yet again! Remember, these delicious little tricksters are available in October only, so don't miss your chance to pick one up... the month is halfway over already! Don't these devilish little candies look tasty, Peyo?

Peyo: ...

Dr. Singh: Oh, come on. It's candy! You're a child!

Peyo: Halloweeb.

Dr. Singh: Hey! You said something! But it's "Halloween," sweetie. In further news, something very strange is going on this week: Titan's Legacy, the rare evolving item given out by the all-knowing Overseer in the Aquarium, is evolving this week! However, it works a little differently than other evolving items. Instead of having separate "generations," every Titan's Legacy item will gradually evolve at the same rate. Wild, huh?

Peyo: ...

Dr. Singh: Nothing? No opinion? Come on, kid, you're bombing out here. Let's move on: the Fallen Wish, the grandest of our premium evolving items, has changed for the second time! I'm still getting strong indications that this will become some manner of mythological beast, so handle this one with extra care, people. Elsewhere in the world of premium items, we're seeing some big updates to Padmavati's Lotus and Picolitrosso's Urn. Lovely, aren't they?

Peyo: ...

Dr. Singh: I'll take your silence as an agreement. Last but not least, our little pal Gimpi is shaping up into something pretty special! I always knew the little guy had some big potential. He started out as a failed, rejected potion, but now he's a formidable little dude in his own right. It's an inspirational story, isn't it, Timmy? I mean... Peyo?

Peyo: ...

Dr. Singh: Look, I know you can talk. You said "Halloweeb," so just say something. Anything. No? OK, well... now we come to the disturbing part: Gro-gain, the strange hair-growth formula that turned my former sidekick Timmy into a smooth jazz scoundrel, seems to be growing in its corruptive influence. I urge extreme caution when handling this dangerous substance, everyone!

Remember, folks, you can get all these great evolving items and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop! Be sure to visit soon, because Inari's Beads and the Trick or Treat Tote won't be around much longer. And tell Flynn I said "hi," would ya?

That's it for this week, folks! Remember to stop by our poll and vote for your favorite item of the week. We'd also love to hear what your favorite evolving item of all time is, and we've got a poll for that, too! It's been a pleasure having you on the show, Peyo... why don't you say "bye-bye" to all the nice people out there. Can you do that for me, Peyo? Please?

Peyo: ...

Dr. Singh: Look, this isn't funny. You're ruining the show, Peyo. Talk. Please. I don't care what you say. Just say something. Speak. Speak now. I demand that you speak now.

Peyo: Scary lady.

Dr. Singh: Yay! Good job, sweetie. You did great! Now please just say "bye-bye," because obviously you're never going to be on the show again!

Peyo: ...

Dr. Singh: Argh!

24 Evolving Item Report: Jinxi's Charm, Enchanted Book & more

[NPC] Dr. Singh and Jack

• Topic Evolving Item Report: Jinxi's Charm, Enchanted Book & more - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Oct 24, 2008 6:35 pm

This week's top news...

• New item: Jinxi's Charm}}
• Only a little while left to pick up a Trick or Treat Tote
• Yama no Tamago and Enchanted Book have reached their final stages!
• New evolutions from Dander, Captain Ara's Nestegg and the Death Whisper
• Dr. Singh welcomes a very special Halloween guest to the program...

Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Hope you're not too busy with all this Halloween madness to make a little time for the Evolving Item Report, Gaia's top-rated scientific documentary program! I'm putting my search for a new sidekick on pause this week to welcome a very special guest: Jack, the King of Halloween! How's it going, Jack?

Jack: Lovely! I'm pleased to see so many Gaians wearing my new Jackster costumes... it truly warmssss my dripping black heart.

Dr. Singh: We'll chat a little more in a few minutes, Jack, but first we'd better get down to business. We've got a pretty incredible update, with anew item and TWO items reaching their final stages. First, let's have a look at Jinxi's Charm, the cool new effort from the creators of Inari's Beads and Pora Ice! I found this cute little thing mutating in my attic and thought it would make a fantastic evolving item. What do you think, Jack?

-

Jack: I admire the inscrutable malignance of it.

Dr. Singh: Me too! Flynn's got a bunch of them in stock in the Gaia Cash Shop, but you'd better pick one up fast: after they evolve for the first time, you won't be able to get the valuable first-generation version!

Jack: Oh, I always try to buy first-gen. I remember back in '73 when I wound up with a fifty-third-generation Beresford's Tadpole... mine was still wiggling around in a washtub while ssssSanta's had grown into a mighty eagle. He laughed at me, Dr. Singh.

Dr. Singh: Let's leave all that in the past, Jack, and move on to more of today's exciting developments: Yama no Tamago and the Enchanted Book have reached their final stages! They'll both be getting a bunch of amazing final poses today, and all of their previous poses will be fully unlocked. Chances are you'll only have a little while more to snag these classics before they leave the Cash Shop.

Jack: Yessss... I might have to look into that...

Dr. Singh: And plenty of other items are evolving, too: Captain Ara's Nestegg is making its first evolution this week, and the Trick or Treat Tote is still moving along quickly. Dusty little Dander is growing up, and the ominous Death Whisper seems to be edging very close to its final stage. What do you think of the Death Whisper, Jack?

Jack: It's... it's like sssstaring into a beautiful painting of my ssssoul...

Dr. Singh: I thought you'd like it. Anyway, that's about it for the science side of things. Remember, you can pick up all these items and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop!

Dr. Singh: Now, I'm no journalist, but I've always wanted to ask: how do you afford to make so many costumes every Halloween and give them out for free to trick-or-treaters?

Jack: It's ssssimple, Dr. Singh. Every time someone utters the word "Halloween," I receive a modest royalty payment. You've already said it a few times, so you owe me eighty Gold.

Dr. Singh: Goodness, Jack, you must be an extremely rich... thing.

Jack: It's a living. I spend most of it on new pumpkinsss. My head gets mushy a lot.

Dr. Singh: Oh! And you mentioned Santa earlier... is he... you know...

Jack: Ssstill a cow? Yesss. It's done wonders for our friendship... I used to bring him a bottle of 50-year-old Ssscotch for X-mas, but now he's content with a handful of grass and a pat on the nose.

Dr. Singh: Dear me. Maybe if Labtech Gene weren't so far gone with his smooth jazz nonsense, we'd be able to do something about that. Well, Jack, it's been a genuine pleasure to meet you. Have a wonderful Halloween!

Jack: You know I will! I feel like it's the one day when I can really be mysssself. The rest of the year can get a little awkward, what with the pumpkin-head and everything.

Dr. Singh: Bye, everyone! Remember to vote for your favorite items in our evolving item poll!

31 Evolving Item Report: Trick or Treat, Fallen Wish & more!

[NPC] Dr. Singh and Jack

• Topic Evolving Item Report: Trick or Treat, Fallen Wish & more! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Oct 31, 2008 3:36 pm

This week's top news...

• The Trick or Treat Tote has reached its final evolution and will be leaving soon!
• Picolitrosso's Urn has finished evolving!
• New evolutions from Padmavati's Lotus and the Fallen Wish!
• Jack returns for a bit more Halloween fun...

Dr. Singh: Hey, everybody, welcome to the Evolving Item Report-- and Happy Halloween! As you can see, my buddy Jack is filling in the co-host slot again this week. We've got a pretty brief update today, so let's get through it quick so you can get back to all your trick-or-treating. What do you say, Jack?

Jack: Yessss. Keep bringing me that delicioussss candy, my friendssss.

-

Dr. Singh: Well, what a coincidence: candy is the first order of business this week! The Trick or Treat Tote is reaching its final evolution today! I can't wait to see what those mischievous little candy corn critters are up to. Maybe Jack can tell us! Do you know these little guys, Jack?

Jack: What, just because I'm a giant sssscary pumpkin-man, I'm supposed to be friendssss with all the candy corn? That's racissssst, Dr. Singh.

Dr. Singh: I, uh... no! That's not what...

Jack: Aww, you know I'm just messssssing with you. I do know this, though: the Trick or Treat Tote is leaving the Cash Shop very ssssoooon! If you don't pick one up before next Friday}}, you shall be forever out of luck.

Dr. Singh: Another big story this week: Picolitrosso's Urn has reached its final evolution as well! This has been one of our biggest and most elegant evolving items ever-- so big, in fact, that we couldn't quite fit all the poses in! A few had to be trimmed out for now, but the creator went about it in a very scientific way: she ran a user poll to decide which poses would be temporarily cut.

Jack: What an exquissssite item it turned out to be...

Dr. Singh: In other news, some of our finest premium items are evolving this week, as well: Padmavati's Lotus and the fabulous Fallen Wish are all getting some incredible new poses! Pay close attention to the Wish this week, everyone... this is destined to be one of the finest items ever, and it's already picking up some serious steam.

Jack: Remember to visit the delicioussss Flynn in the Gaia Cash Shop to pick up any of these exccccellent items.

Dr. Singh: Bye bye, Gaians! Remember to go say howdy to our friend Jack when you're out trick-or-treating in Towns. Oh, and don't forget to vote in our evolving item poll!

Jack: Pleasssant dreamssss! Stick around for a quick word from Flynn... she has some urrrrgent Cash Shop info...

November

07 Evolving Item Report: New! Changeling Baby& Infernal Spirit

[NPC] Dr. Singh and Prakash Singh

• Topic Evolving Item Report: New! Changeling Baby& Infernal Spirit - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Nov 07, 2008 3:33 pm

This week's top news...

• New evolving item: Changeling Baby!
• Another new evolving item: Infernal Spirit!
• Jinxi's Charm is evolving for the first time
• New evolutions from Gimpi and Holy S#17
• A visit from Dr. Singh's eccentric brother...

Dr. Singh: Hi, everybody! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your trusted source for all the latest-- Prakash! It's... uh... good to... what the hell are you doing here?

Prakash Singh: What? Who?

Dr. Singh: Who let you in here? You'll have to excuse me for a moment, ladies and gentlemen; my... eccentric brother somehow managed to sneak in here...

Prakash Singh: I did not sneak! I explained to the studio security man that I am your brother, and he was quite happy to let me in after I managed to wrestle free of his grasp and run through that door over there. So, hello! Big hugs for big sisters!

-

Dr. Singh: No! I've got a show to do, Prakash, so please don't get in the way. We've got a new evolving item today-- the Changeling Baby! This mysterious foundling is available as either a boy or a girl... they look similar now, but they'll begin to be quite different as the evolve.

And don't forget about the Infernal Spirit, a dazzling ball of flame with hints of brilliant red and gold...I hear tales that it represents the soul of an ancient hero. Though its beginnings are rather humble, I have a feeling it's going to get quite extravagant-- ancient heroes are like that.

You can pick up a first-generation Changeling Baby or Infernal Spirit now in the Gaia Cash shop-- don't miss your chance to get all the newest poses before anyone else!

Prakash Singh: Oh, look at you! I'm so proud of my big sister... so big and smart! Smart and bulky. Have you gained weight? You look wonderful.

Dr. Singh: Er, thank you, Prakash, but please shut up. I've got to finish the show. More big news this week: Jinxi's Charm is evolving for the first time! This cute but creepy little doll has a lot of strange things in store, so we'll want to watch it closely over the coming months.

Prakash Singh: It's so, so good to see you again. Just like old times! Hey! Remember when we were small? We had such weak bladders then. Oh, so precious. They couldn't take us anywhere!

Dr. Singh: I'm sure the audience doesn't need to hear about all that, Prakash. We're here to talk about science, remember? In other scientific news, the adorable bit of cosmic detritus known as Holy S#17 has evolved again, and sweet little Gimpi is really starting to grow up. I can't wait to see what--

Prakash Singh: Prakash and Drippy! Remember? They called you "Drippy" due to the incontinence!

Dr. Singh: You still have... quite an imagination... don't listen to him, ladies and gentlemen, he's a very strange and disturbed individual. Isn't that right, Prakash?

Prakash Singh: So they say, big sister! But I feel wonderful. Let's go have milkshakes! Why won't you return my calls, Drippy? Oh, it's so good to be on your lovely television show. You must be so successful! Surely you must have a beautiful house with plenty of spare rooms, I'd imagine!

Dr. Singh: Ugh. That's all the time we have for this week, ladies and gentlemen. On a disturbing final note: the Death Whisper was due for an update this week, but the artist working on it has fallen ill... it seems the very curse that gives the item its dark power has begun to infect its creator, as well! Look for a Death Whisper update sometime soon.

Prakash Singh: Goodbye! My sister has to go buy me a milkshake now! The show is over!

Dr. Singh: No! Wait! Don't forget to vote in our weekly poll! Have a good night, ladies and gentlemen.

13 Evolving Item Report: Lotus, Fallen Wish, Nestegg & More

[NPC] Dr. Singh and Purvis

• Topic Evolving Item Report: Lotus, Fallen Wish, Nestegg & More - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Nov 13, 2008 8:52 pm

The latest news:

• Padmavati's Lotus is reaching its final stage!
• Captain Ara's Nestegg, Fallen Wish, Coocoon and Dander are evolving.
• A temporary solution to the "too many poses" issue?
• A visit from one of zOMG's most beloved characters...

-

To check out all the evolving items and plenty of other cool stuff, head over to the Cash Shop!

For the full report from Dr. Singh and her very special guest, please read on...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dr. Singh: Hi, guys! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, where you can learn all the latest news about Gaia's coolest items. I've got a very special guest with me this week: Purvis, the son of legendary cattleman Rancher Bill! How are you, Purvis?

Purvis: Wulp, got problems.

Dr. Singh: So I've heard! Rancher Bill was scheduled to be today's guest host, but he's been having so much trouble with the animated garlic in his fields that he had to cancel and send Purvis instead. How's the situation over there, Purvis?

Purvis: Pa says I got a soft head on account of I fall down a lot.

Dr. Singh: That's... very nice. Well, we've got a very important update today: one of our most magnificent items is reaching its final stage, we've got a ton of great evolutions, and we've finally worked out a compromise for finished items with too many poses. Shall we get started?

Purvis: A-hyup.

Dr. Singh: Great! Well, here's the big, big news: Padmavati's Lotus is concluding its incredible journey! It started as a beautiful flower and became more and more strange and serpentine... just as I suspected, it took the form of a beautiful naga, an ancient cobra deity. Truly extraordinary!

Purvis: I got my own wheelbarruh. Shoulda brung 'er.

Dr. Singh: Yes... well, maybe next time. While the Lotus is finishing up, some of our coolest items are just getting started: Captain Ara's Nestegg is evolving this week, giving some hints of what might be in store for this pirate treasure. The Fallen Wish is coming along beautifully, as well!

Purvis: I got a wish. I wish I was a cowboy and I got a skeleton mask, and the mask lets me wrassle real good. Wrassle bad guys. I saw it on a movie show. Hey. Hey, lady. Hey. Y'wanna wrassle?

Dr. Singh: No thank you, Purvis. Let's just talk about these items, OK? The mysterious Coocoon is slowly showing signs of change, and our cute little cobweb pal Dander is dustier than ever. You're not allergic, are you, Purvis?

Purvis: Naw, but I do gotta use the turlet. Y'all got a water-turlet?

Dr. Singh: Just one more thing! Lately, we've had a glitch that prevented completed evolving items from showing all their poses; we've come up with a temporary solution to help people get the full benefit of their completed items. Sometime soon, Flynn will open up an exchange program which will let you split a completed evolving item into two items, each with its own set of poses. You won't be able to sell or trade your split items; if you want to sell or trade them, you can visit Flynn's exchange again and combine them back into one. It's kind of weird, but it's the best we can do for the moment! We'll let you know when we've got it working.

Purvis: Nevermind 'bout that turlet anymore. I done took care of it.

Dr. Singh: I... uh... can we maybe get a janitor in here? That's all for this week! I'd like to thank Purvis for his... contribution. Remember, you can share your opinions about this week's items in our evolving item poll. Goodnight!

Purvis: Wait! Pa told me I gotta tell people to help him with them awful garlics. If y'wanna help beat on 'em, gotta visit our Ranch! It's out west, past Barton Town. zOMG|Hope I sees ya there...

21 Evolving Item Report: Death Whisper, Infernal Spirit & More!

[NPC] Dr. Singh and Purvis2

• Topic Evolving Item Report: Death Whisper, Infernal Spirit & More! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Nov 21, 2008 5:47 pm

The big news this week:

• Brand new item: the Nano-C}}!
• Death Whisper has reached its final stage
• The Infernal Spirit, Jinxi's Charm and Gro-Gain are evolving
• Another visit from beloved zOMG! lunkhead Purvis...

-

You can get the awesome new sci-fi evolving item, the Nano-C, at the Gaia Cash Shop! Don't miss your chance to pick up the Death Whisper, Padmavati's Lotus and Picolitrosso's Urn... they won't be around much longer!

For the full report from Dr. Singh and her very special guest, please read on...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dr. Singh: Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, everyone! I'm Dr. Singh, and as you can see, our friend Purvis is back for another guest appearance... I'm not quite sure he's permanent sidekick material, but he did a great job last time. Welcome back, Purvis!

Purvis: Got mah wheelbarruh.

Dr. Singh: Yes, Purvis, that might come in handy for some reason. Thank you. Well, we've got some big news today: a brand new item! The Nano-C was recently recovered from an abandoned high-tech installation... goodness knows who built it or what happened to them, but I'd be awfully careful with their technology. It may be dangerous! Right now, it appears to be some kind of a wristband... I'm more of a natural scientist than a technology expert, but I'd advise you not to go around pointing it at people.

Purvis: Haw! Pointin' stuff at folks.

Dr. Singh: That wasn't really a joke, but yeah. If you like living dangerously, you can pick up a first-generation Nano-C now in the Gaia Cash Shop. Remember, guys: first-generation items get all the newest evolutions first, and they're a great marketplace investment. Now's the time to get in on the ground floor!

Purvis: I gotta have my boudoir on the ground floor on account of I cloomb out'n the winduh in my sleep one time and bust my head open like a canterlope, and Pa had to stitch 'er back together with bailin' wire.

Dr. Singh: Wow, that's... uh. In similarly graphic news, the long-awaited final evolution of the Death Whisper has finally arrived! The long and horrifying journey of the creepiest item in Gaia's history has finally reached its grisly climax with a truly fiendish new set of poses. Isn't this thing scary, Purvis?

Purvis: I ain't afear'd of nothin'. 'Cept giant skellertons.

Dr. Singh: Don't forget: this means you only have a limited amount of time left to buy the Death Whisper before it leaves the Cash Shop! A couple of other recently-completed items will be leaving very soon, too: Padmavati's Lotus and Picolitrosso's Urn are on the way out!

Purvis: A-hyup.

Dr. Singh: We've also got some excellent evolutions this week: the Infernal Spirit is changing for the first time today, blazing a brilliant new trail through the evolving item landscape. Another newish one, Jinxi's Charm, is also changing-- it's still the cutest little curse I've ever seen.

Purvis: That's what Ma calls me. She says I done came out sideways.

Dr. Singh: In slightly more chilling news, Gro-Gain, the discontinued hair-growth product that turned my little friend Timmy into a sleazy little smooth-jazz scoundrel, is causing its users to become dangerously hairy this week... use this stuff at your own risk, people!

Purvis: Might gotta drink that so's I can grow out a nice facebeard like Pa someday.

Dr. Singh: No! I shudder to think what it might do to such an innocent soul. Keep away from it, Purvis! Plus, I don't think you're supposed to drink it. It's topical.

Purvis: Wulp, just gotter make mah own beard outta crabgrass and cow glue.

Dr. Singh: Cow glue? Do I want to know?

Purvis: Naw, city folk ain't got no cause to hear 'bout cow glue on account of it offends the delicate sensibilities.

Dr. Singh: Well, on that note, I suppose we'd better call it a night. I'd like to thank Purvis for graciously volunteering to take a few moments out of his ranch duties to help us out again, and for bringing his lovely wheelbarrow. Goodnight, everyone! Don't forget to vote in our evolving item poll. Until next week, this is Dr. Singh singing off!

December

01 Cash Shop Update: Copper Twopence & a Note on Evolutions

[NPC] Flynn

• Topic Evolving Item Report: Twopence, Wish, Changelings, Gimpi - Posted: [NPC] Flynn Mon Dec 01, 2008 4:56 pm

Hiya folks! I just receieved a shipment of a super special Holiday-themed evolving item called Copper Twopence.

-

It starts off as a simple coin, but when you give your Copper Twopence to a mysterious bard in exchange for a song, it becomes something much more. The song you ask the bard to sing will determine just how the item evolves.

Copper Twopence is now available in the Gaia Cash Shop, and will evolve every week in December. Remember, first-generation items get the newest evolutions first, and fetch a higher price in the Marketplace.

In other news, the beautiful Padmavati's Lotus is leaving the Cash Shop this Friday. If you'd like to pick one up for yourself or a friend, you better act fast!

And finally, Dr. Singh is busy helping Purvis with a wheelbarrow-related mishap, so she asked me to let you know that item evolutions will resume later this week. Dr. Singh will tell you all about it when she files her next Evolving Item Report, due Friday.

05 Evolving Item Report: Twopence, Wish, Changelings, Gimpi

[NPC] Dr. Singh and Purvis3

• Topic Evolving Item Report: Twopence, Wish, Changelings, Gimpi - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Tue Nov 25, 2008 6:33 pm

This week's news:

• New item! The Copper Twopence}}!
• The Changeling Babies are evolving for the first time!
• Gimpi and the Fallen Wish have evolved again.
• Rancher Bill's idiot son Purvis hangs around for another inexplicable appearance...

-

You can get all the amazing Evolving Items talked about in this report, including the incredible Copper Twopence, from the Gaia Cash Shop!

Read on for Dr. Singh's full update...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dr. Singh: Hello there, everybody! I'm Dr. Singh, and this is the Evolving Item Report, your weekly source for up-to-the-minute biological reportage on Gaia's strangest items. And speaking of strange biology, it looks like Purvis has decided to join us again... it's just as well, since he's been a lovely co-host.

Purvis: Sat in muh wheelbarrah and now I cain't figure how to get nowhere.

Dr. Singh: Well, you just have to push on the... but if you're sitting in the... hmm. I'll be honest, Purvis, I'm stumped.

Purvis: Go on ahead with yer biology, Mrs. Lady, I'ma just set a spell in here.

Dr. Singh: You do that. I suppose we should go ahead with the show, since we've got some beautiful things happening this week: first up, Flynn's got a brand new evolving item in stock at the Cash Shop! The Copper Twopence is a whole new kind of evolving item-- when you first run across it, you'll be given an important choice that will guide how the item evolves... I can't reveal too much more about it now, but Twopence owners won't have to wait too long to find out all the details, since this holiday-themed item will evolve every week in December!

Purvis: Saw a squirrel th'other day what looked like you, ma'am. I tried callin' 'um by yer name but it wouldn't answer, and I was mighty sore 'bout that.

Dr. Singh: I'm... sorry? Anyway, also on the roster today: the Changeling Babies are--just like their names would suggest--changing! I guarantee that owners of these little scamps will get much more than they bargained for...

Purvis: Mind yah don't drop 'em on them big round heads they got.

Dr. Singh: I see by your dented fontanel that you know this from experience. In other news, little Gimpi is evolving again! We've all been pulling for this unlikely little guy to succeed, and it looks like he's flourishing. Last but not least, the Fallen Wish is evolving today! This is sure to cause some big excitement, since this is one of the coolest and most ambitious items we've ever seen on Gaia, and Gaians have been loving it-- just check out those Marketplace prices!

Purvis: Gawrsh!

Dr. Singh: You said a mouthful, buddy. Well, that's about it for this week's report, ladies and gentlemen! Thanks again to my pal Purvis for filling in the temporary sidekick slot. Remember to stop by our poll and let us know what you think of the items!

P.S. - Our awesome developers have fixed the problem which limited the number of poses on some evolving items. As of today, all finished items (the Urn, Alruna's Rose) should have ALL their poses, with no awkward "item splitting" workaround or anything. Enjoy!}}

11 Evolving Item Report: 6 amazing items evolving!

[NPC] Dr. Singh and Cow/Santa Claus

• Topic Evolving Item Report: 6 amazing items evolving! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Thu Dec 11, 2008 7:18 pm

This week: a visit from the cow-brained Santa Claus, plus new evolutions for the Copper Twopence, Jinxi's Charm, Captain Ara's Nestegg, Dander and Nano-C.

-

You can get these incredible items now in the Gaia Cash Shop!

Read on for Dr. Singh's full update...

----

Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to a very special edition of the Evolving Item Report: not only do we have a ton of great news about a bunch of cool items, but we have an extra-special holiday guest joining us. Please welcome the master of X-mas himself... Santa Claus!

Santa: Uhhhhhhhhh.

Dr. Singh: Yes... we're on the air now, Santa. Maybe you should... uhh... are you eating grass?

Santa: Huhhhhhhhrg.

Dr. Singh: Oh... this is... unexpected. I've just been handed a note from my producers telling me that Santa got mind-swapped with a cow in a freakish alien abduction accident a couple of years ago, so apparently I'm talking to a man with the brain of a cow. No wonder he was so easy to book...

Santa: Uhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Dr. Singh: I suppose the "uhhhh" noise is just his attempt to moo, but his human larynx doesn't quite produce the same noise. Well, this is certainly a downer. Why hasn't anyone done something about this?

Santa: Uhrrrrggh.

Dr. Singh: So this means there's a cow somewhere out there with your mind? He must be getting pretty peeved by now. Well, anyway, I suppose we should get down to business, because we've got a huge update today! First up, the exciting new limited-edition holiday item is evolving: the Copper Twopence will be growing quickly all month long, so don't miss your chance to pick one up!

Captain Ara's Nestegg is getting a fantastic update today, with some beautiful new piratey items, including a sash and a classic flintlock pistol. Wow! The fiery power of the Infernal Spirit seems to be getting more intense this week, as well-- there's no telling what lurks within this flaming apparition. It's quite dazzling, isn't it, Santa? Moo once for yes.

Santa: Buuuhhhhh.

Dr. Singh: The advanced, self-improving technology of the Nano-C has gone into overdrive this week... even with all my fancy science equipment, like those coils that shoot electricity at each other for some reason and test tubes and whatnot, I've never seen anything quite so mystifying. On the opposite end of the tech spectrum, Jinxi's Charm represents the ultimate in low-tech power: the ancient cursed doll fuses with the emotions of a scorned lover to create something very intense indeed.

Santa: *Snort*

Dr. Singh: Oh, I see you're getting a little sneezy. It must be because of little Dander! This sweet little dust-bunny is continuing its nose-tickling evolution today.

Santa: Fffffffpt.

Dr. Singh: Well, I suppose that's all for this week. Please remember to vote in our weekly poll to let us know what you think of the items. I'd like to thank my unexpectedly grotesque and depressing guest, Santa Claus, for all his lovely insights. I really hope they can fix you up soon, Santa! The world needs you more than ever!

Santa: Uhhh.

19 Evolving Item Report: New item - Anima Adamantea!

[NPC] Dr. Singh and Mrs. Claus

• Topic Evolving Item Report: New item - Anima Adamantea! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Fri Dec 19, 2008 5:08 pm

This week: a special visit from Mrs. Claus, a brand new item (Anima Adamantea), final evolutions for Holy $#17 and Gro-Gain, and new poses for the Copper Twopence and Coocoon.

-

You can grab some evolving items for yourself or a friend at the Gaia Cash Shop. Don't miss your shot at a first-generation Anima Adamantea!

Read on for Dr. Singh's full update...

----

Dr. Singh: Hi, everyone! Welcome to a special holiday edition of the Evolving Item Report, with a very special guest: Mrs. Claus, wife of Santa! We had a little mix-up last week... we invited Santa to co-host the program, but he turned out to have the mind of a cow, so it didn't go so smoothly.

Mrs. Claus: I'm sorry about that! I suppose I should have told you about that when you booked him...

Dr. Singh: Oh, don't be sorry-- he was much more polite than most of my co-hosts. So, Mrs. Claus, how goes the effort to get his mind back?

Mrs. Claus: Well, last I checked, the Cheer Coil is still nowhere near powered up, so we need all the help we can get. Big thanks to all the Gaians who have participated so far! With any luck, we'll have Santa back to his old self within a few days.

Dr. Singh: That's great to hear, Mrs. Claus. Now, if you don't mind, we'd better get down to some science: I'm excited to report that we've got a brand new item this week! The creator of the legendary Alruna's Rose is back in the lab with another dazzling invention: the Anima Adamantea, a piece of high-tech equipment whose true purpose we can only guess.

Mrs. Claus: Oh, my! It looks like it would make a lovely X-mas tree topper.

Dr. Singh: No offense, but something tells me it's destined for bigger things than that. If you'd like to get in on the ground floor of this exciting technological development, you can get a first-generation Anima Adamantea now in the Gaia Cash Shop! Remember: first-gen items hold higher value in the Marketplace, and get all their newest poses weeks before the other generations.

Mrs. Claus: Not to be impatient, dear, but I must ask: is my Holy $#17 finally evolving?

Dr. Singh: It is! In fact, the Holy $#17 has reached its exciting final form this week, complete with some fantastic new poses. This strange little item has truly pulled through with outstanding results! In other news, the Copper Twopence is evolving again this week. Be sure to get this one while you can, folks-- it will be in the Cash Shop through December, but after that, it's gone!

Mrs. Claus: Dear me! That's not even two weeks from now.

Dr. Singh: The Coocoon is also seeing a long-awaited update this week with some great cool new entomological action!

Mrs. Claus: Such wonderful news this week! Oh, what a fine season...

Dr. Singh: Not so fast, Mrs. Claus. There's some bad news, as well: this week, one of the most dangerous scourges ever to hit Gaia is reaching its final stage of evolution. Gro-Gain, this discontinued hair-growth tonic that turned my former sidekick Timmy into a cognac-swilling smooth jazz scoundrel, has now completed its terrible journey. My deep concern goes out to all those unfortunate souls who fell under its evil, hairy power! Goodness knows what dangers still lurk within its terrible bottle...

Mrs. Claus: Timmy! I've heard of that child... he tried to eat Santa!

Dr. Singh: Tried to eat Santa? Good heavens. There's no telling how low he'll sink, now that he's under the sway of that awful substance. I suppose that's enough negative thinking for now, though. After all, it's almost X-mas!

Mrs. Claus: Yes! And with any luck, Santa will be back to his old self very soon. Keep on making those toys, Gaians! We need all the cheer we can get!

Dr. Singh: That concludes our report for the week, ladies and gentlemen. Please remember to vote in our weekly poll and let us know which items you like best. Thanks!

Please note: unfortunately, the evolution of the Fallen Wish has been delayed until next week. As you may know, most evolving items are created and maintained by a specific artist; the creator of the Fallen Wish is out of the country this week on personal matters. She'll be back soon. Thanks very much for your patience and understanding-- we know the item will be worth the wait!}}

22 Evolving Item Report: tons of items evolving!

[NPC] Dr. Singh

• Topic Evolving Item Report: tons of items evolving! - Posted: [NPC] Dr. Singh Mon Dec 22, 2008 8:09 pm

This week, a sidekick-free Dr. Singh brings you updates on the Fallen Wish, Gimpi, Copper Twopence, Jinxi's Charm, the Infernal Spirit, Changeling Babies and Nano-C.

-

You can grab some evolving items for yourself or a friend at the Gaia Cash Shop!

Read on for Dr. Singh's full update...

----

Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Evolving Item Report, your trusted source for all the latest scientific news. I'm afraid we've got a bit of a sidekick shortage this week-- I asked Santa to join me on the program now that he's finally got his mind back, but he declined... now that he's got his human body back, I'm guessing he just wants to stay at home with Mrs. Claus for a little rest and recuperation.

But even without a sidekick, we've got a huge show: there's an absolutely massive update this week! Let's see what's on the list...

• After a brief delay, the Fallen Wish is back in full swing with some lavish new poses. I'm sure all the lucky owners of this item are starting to realize that they've got something very, very special on their hands!

• December's limited-edition Copper Twopence is finishing up this week! It's been a whirlwind tour of fantastic poses, and now it's time to bring this item to a fittingly grand close.

• Our underdog pal Gimpi, the messed-up little imp potion who beat the odds to become a truly special item, is continuing to flourish this week. Way to go, Gimpi!

• Despite being the wicked curse of a lover scorned, Jinxi's Charm is just undeniably cute. Isn't that weird? Then again, anyone who's ever been hit on by a really awkward dude knows that there's a razor-thin line between cute and creepy...

• I'm pretty excited to see where the Infernal Spirit is headed, and it looks like we're getting more clues this week. There's something so... triumphant about it!

• Adoptees of Changeling Babies are certainly getting more than they bargained for. While these are bound to be some of the more interesting items we've currently got going, I can't help but be a little disturbed by them... as you may have noticed, I'm not too good with kids!

• I'm more of a biological scientist than a technology person, so I honestly have no idea what's in store for the Nano-C. If I had to speculate, though, I'd say that you should definitely not point it at your face.

Whew! Quite a list, huh? Stop by next week for a bunch more updates to your evolving items, and remember to vote for your favorites in our poll. Happy new year, everyone!